Buzzcocks to play Bangkok on Nov 28 and Malaysia on Nov 8: There's a good porn joke in here somewhere

Look at that picture above.

That's the future face of punk rock for you. Yes, no one stays cigarette-skinny. Cause after awhile, pork lard is just too good to resist and you happen to marry a girl that, above worshiping the holy ground you walk on, also specializes in, yep, you guessed it - a pork lard dish. Then you shower one day and those lovely locks you used to be able to spike up with rebellious abandonment starts shedding. And next thing you know, you wake up one day looking like someone's Uncle Sunny.

Just want to remind everyone that I am damn punk man. Like seriously.

Details:

Malaysia

Date: 8 Nov
Venue: 1Cafe KL, 4pm.
Prices: RM50 (door sale only)

Thailand

Date: 28th November 2009 (Saturday)
Venue: Club Culture, Bangkok, Thailand
Doors: 9pm, show starts at 10pm
Prices: 650 Baht (advance/pre-sale), 800 Baht (at the door) – inclusive of 1 drink
Tickets: Available at Club Culture on Sri Ayudhaya Road, DJ Siam at Siam Square Soi 4 and The Tube on Coco Walk Ratchetewi BTS

The Buzzcocks - Soul On a Rock (from Modern)

Update: Look out people, Envy could be heading over here on August 9th

Update: Yes the date and venue is confirmed. Venue will be the Esplanade Concert Hall. For more ticketing info, head on here. And RM50 to the first person that pees on the spotless wooden walls in a fit of emotional rage.
Update: Yes, apparently a date has already been set for the band's appearance in this region. Singapore is touted as the most likely destination, with a Malaysian show highly possible as well. We've been trying to strangle more information out of our informer. He keeps saying he doesn't know anymore. I think he is lying. Oh wait, it's a she apparently. Hey wait a minute, isn't that the old lady from downstairs?

Our dependable paparazzi of the high seas has caught a buzz that a certain fairly known collective in Thailand are looking to bring Japanese hardcore band Envy for a show and are looking for people to hook them up here for a date or two as well.

They prefer slender and colorful 'kawai' girls but will be willing to make an exception for extremely good looking local women as well. The girls have to own at least one studded belt or an Embrace record. If you own both, the option for marriage is immediately activated. I myself have donated my sexy cashier girl for the cause. And yes, she owns an Embrace record. Damn stupid disposable Brit-pop band.

Although it goes without saying but I feel the need to point it out anyway - guys are strictly prohibited from applying.

Unless you smell like Ian MacKaye

Envy - A Far Off Reason (from Compiled Fragments 1997-2003) [BUY]

Gig-gles: Crossborders featuring Tabasco

Tabasco couldn't be more appropriate for this month's edition of Crossborders.

That's it.

What, do I have to qualify everything I say? You know, that's what I hate about this world. I'm just so sick and tired of this whole expectation to have a reason for what I say, or otherwise not say it at all. So what if I like saying things off the top of my head, huh? Who are you to demand for an explanation anyways? Who, the Pope? The Prime Minister of Madagascar? The Prince of Slovakia? Huh? Huh?

Tabasco couldn't be more appropriate for this month's edition of Crossborders because these Thai whoop-punk lads seem fully capable of instigating scenes of rambunctious hysteria, and prove that their country's love for yellow isn't also meant to describe their crimson red attitude towards rock.

Happy? Oh, shut up.

Details:

Opening Acts: The Times, Matematik
Date: Thurs, 24 April 2008
Venue: Laundry Bar, The Curve, Petaling Jaya
Time: 9.30pm
Admission: Free

Tabasco - I Luv Vodka (from Newbie Party Compilation)

Bear Garden gives away a song a month

June Somsiri Sangkaew, aka Bear Garden, must have ended 2007 with an epiphany. How else to explain her decision to give away 11 songs in 11 months in 2008? Yeah, this electropop bassorita and co-founder of Thailand's Panda Records is letting us netty peeps download one track a month (this month's lolly ain't out, but u can get the March song below).

On second thoughts, maybe she wasn't struck by an epiphany. Maybe she's just wired like that. Why, anything cute and chirpy is bound to be generous. For instance, have you met Ricardo, my salamander? Dude never fails to share his flies with his brothers and sisters. Even lets me have a nibble or two to go with my fried rice. Now, you can dispute the "cute" side of Ricardo, and argue that having 18 operations on his voice box to give him that requisite chirp isn't exactly natural, and say that blablablablablblabla... oh shush. Stop peeing on someone's charity, people. God bless his heart.

To find out more, click here.

Bear Garden - เรือลำน้อย (Full Ahead A Little Ship) (Internet single)

New Release: Mind The Gap Volume 1

Kudos to Mind the Gap. This six-month old gig organising collective have made it their mission to evangelise this region with the gospel of Thai indie, beginning with a bunch of weekly gigs featuring the ocean of unspotted acts around Bangkok, and coupling that with regular nationwide gallivants to the nether regions of their great Siamese kindgom.

And in true adherence to the holy tome of how to promote your ditties, they've come out with a compilation. Judging from some MySpace listens, this bundle has got that 1970s CBGB punk feel to it (right down to that grimy ode-to-London-tube cover). Its fi is lower than a joke about amputees, but barks like the cedars of Lebanon. No, make that the oaks of Kathmandu. Actually, more like the firs of Bratislava. Oh wait, it's closer to a tiger's testicles. Yeah, that's about right. You ain't ever gonna find something as solid.

Track list:

1. Cuckoo! - As What You Want
2. Tabasco - Stop It
3. Tender Preys - Steak Man
4. Mhee Noi - Wat Panthip
5. Zero Hero - Rich
6. Revenge Of The Cybermen - The Beast
7. Naked - Turn On The Radio
8. The Standards - Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?
9. Samurai Loud - This Nite
10. Happy Buddha - Mun Ma Noi Jai Jing Jing
11. Caramel Camel - Money Takes Control
12. Super Dr K - Love This For The Money

Word for the week: Mango

Because...

My folks came back from Bangkok last weekend. And way beyond the peace-sign photos and slash-priced sneakers they brought back, I had to give maximum props to the mango sticky rice (khao niaow ma muang) they smuggled past customs. Trust me, it's worth the possible detention.

M.I.A. - Mango Pickle Down River (from Kala)
Don't let those playground chirps fool you; Maya Arulpragasam is anything but naive, as you'd probably be too if you grew up with a militant dad and grenades that took the place of Lego.

Rabbit - Mango Overheat (from Mango Overheat)
Malaysian electropopper lets octave riffs and synth doots duke it out while he slaps a fro on the DJ.

Maps and Diagrams - Mango Glaze (from Intelligent Toys 3)
A rustle, a creak and puff of vapourised oak result in one of the many nuggets found in the third instalment of Lithuania net label Sutemos's cult classic compilations.

Danko Jones - The Mango Kid (from My Love Is Bold EP)
Canadian mod-rockers see no harm in sharing Iggy Pop's needle.

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Velvet Underground and Nico
The Velvet Underground and Nico
(Verve)

Price: 390 Baht

This one's not so much as cheap, as it being available for any affordable price whatsoever in this region.

390 Baht works out to about RM39.00. While there are certainly many things you can do with RM39.00 that doesn't involve buying an album with a Warholian banana on the cover, this also happens to be one of those albums that if you don't own, you get docked IQ points for.

So I feel heck of a smart now. In fact, I feel so smart now, I could go into a mathematics competition and delude myself into thinking that just because I know the answer to 2+2, it qualifies me to kick everybody's ass there.

Take that ye calculator munchers.

The Velvet Underground and Nico - Femme Fatale (from The Velvet Underground and Nico)

Bangkok calling

So one of our pirates (The Geek) is in Thailand, no doubt plundering the bargain bins there. On his last trip, he was gushing about how he found a cheap copy of the Radio Dept., and how CDs there go for like RM30 or US$8 on average. He was bragging about finding bitchin' deals this time.

Oh wait, no actually on his last trip he was talking about the abundance of pork. That dirty pig. Oh well.

Speaking of pork, here's Brand New Sunset, Thailand's oink rock ambassadors*.

Brand New Sunset - Jeremy Hartly (from Realistic)

*Confused reader asks, What's "oink rock"? Pirate answers, Y'know, the grunty kinda rock.