Showing posts with label fad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fad. Show all posts

Friday, March 20, 2009

Fad of the Land: Muziic Player

Those computer software inventing dudes are so smart. Man, they're just so smart. I think every dude who events something computery is just so smart. So hmmm... let's find out about the dude who invented Muziic, a downloadable computer application which allows users to stream songs straight from YouTube (minus the video) and where organise those songs into an iTunes-like interface. Oh look, it was invented by best frieds Mark Nelson and David Nelson! Smart friends! Even smarter. Oh look again, they're actually father and son! Smart and sweet! More charming than farming. Oh would you look at that! The son is just 15 years old. Aww shucks, that's just so...

15 YEARS OLD???

You know, one of these days, I'm going to scold my grandma for buying me Thomas the Tank Engine instead of that "How to be a freakin' child prodigy and make yuppies feel like drinking their own pee" book. Seriously, I coulda finished it in 14 seconds. Maybe 16 if you count the booger breaks.

Link: www.muziic.com

Meursault - Lament For A Teenage Millionaire (from Pissing On Bonfires/Kissing With Tongues)

Friday, January 30, 2009

Fad of the Land: The League Of Rock

The League of Rock. Has there been a badder, asser name for a new music initiative than this? Apparently it's like some community for people who were never in bands to spend 10 weeks of their life pretending their in a band, and they get to tour and record and...Oh, who gives a monkey's tail about what it does! It's the frakking League of Rock! Like, fugghetabout wussy names like LaLa or Pandora. It's the MF League Of MF Rock, y'all.

Huh? Whaddaya mean there's a badder assser name for another initiative! You tool! There's nothing badder or asser than a league! Oh...Yeah you got a point. A Platoon is pretty up there too. Ok, then how 'bout a... huh? Oh, a Troupe. Yeah that could work too. A Gaggle? Hmmm. The Gaggle of Rock. Dude, that's got a pretty good ring right there. You're a smart, tough cupcake, ain't ya? Come sit on my lap and read me some Beatrix Potter, why don't you.

Link: www.leagueofrock.com

El-P - The League Of Extraordinary Nobodies (from I'll Sleep When You're Dead)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Fad of the Land: Musebin

With Musebin, you can review albums in 140 letters. Hey look, I still got 66 letters! Hey, they count punctuation too! Thatsbloodyunfairman.

Link: musebin.com

BMX Bandits - Elegant Lines (from Bee Stings) [BUY]

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Fad of the Land: Twones and Tony Player

Twones and Tony Player are specifically engineered to give you the complete music experience. The former tracks every song you play (as long as you're online), and then creates a timeline of your play history which can then be shared with the Twones community. The latter then builds playlists from different timelines, and when you visit a club that uses this system, you just send a text to register yourself, and your playlists are sent to the DJ who then picks his set based on your listening preferences.

It's quite a killer combo, I must say. Almost as killer as the combo I ordered that day. Man, that one was nasty. Came with a hand grenade, eight king cobras and two Swedish assassins. thankfully mum always taught me never to judge a Swede. Turns out she was right. Swedes are fantastic at teaching cobras algebra. Too bad mum didn't give me lessons on grenades though. Bloody tricky stuff trying to blog with one hand and hold my colon with the other.

Link: www.twones.com, www.tonyplayer.com

Squarepusher - Duotone Moonbeam (from Just a Souvenir) [BUY]

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Fad of the Land: Ten Tracks

Since the world is going to the pits, I've decided to perform social duty #3,247,289 and share with everyone six things you can do with one pound. All with one pound.

1. With one pound, you can download 10 legal, DRM-free songs a month from Ten Tracks, drawn from the best independent music from Scotland and abroad. Bands get a cut of every purchase, and the inaugural compilation includes Scot gems Broken Records and post-Beta Band act The Aliens. All with one pound.

2. With one pound, you can buy 1.2 trillion Zimbabwe dollars. All with one pound.

3. With one pound, you can recreate the Hulk Smash on your breakfast table, sending cereal bowls, cinnamon toast and your flatmate topsy-turvy. All with one pound.

4. With one pound, you can tell Jenny Craig to take her crash diet program and stuff it down her carrot milkshake-toned rump, because you never wanted to lose forty in two months anyways. All with one pound.

5. With one pound, you can house 500 stray dogs. All with one pound.

6. With one pound, you can move one squoure, eat one rouk, suckerpunch one bishoup, reach the end of the bourd and exchaouge it for one quoeeoun, and then checkmoute one koung. All with one pound.

Link: www.tentracks.co.uk

The Jayhawks - Ten Little Kids (from Tomorrow The Green Grass) [BUY]

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Fad of the Land: slotMusic

You know, it like totally befuddles me why until now, music has never come with slots. I just don't get why some Macau tycoon never conceived of slotMusic, and had to leave it to some nerdy data storage company to do it. It's such a novel concept. You put in some coins, pull a lever, and watch the fruits whiz by. Get three pomelos, and you get access to Arcade Fire rarities; three pineapples, and it's your meat and potatoes Neon Bible; and three watermelons gets you Kellie Pickler covering 'No Cars Go'.

So I'm like totally looking forward to slotMusic. Say bye to CDs and hello to coins. Say bye to...

Huh? Why you poking me for. Stop it. What? You mean the "slot" here is one of those tekky jargons? Oh bollocks. Who the heck wants music in some USB drives? Where's the play button on that? What, you telling me you need ANOTHER tekky device to play it? Double bollocks! Hey, I said stop poking me! Oh wait. You're not poking me. Sorry. Yeah, that's an umbrella. Had it implanted on my thigh last week. Keep forgetting it's there. Wanna have a look? Here, let me take off my pants so you can get a better view. So well basically, you push this knob here and then it sorta shif... hey, that's not the knob! And stop poking me! FOR REAL, PERV!!!!

Link: www.slotmusic.org

Jebediah - Slot Car Racing (from Of Someday Shambles) [BUY]

Monday, September 15, 2008

Fad of the Land: Musinaut

The suffix "naut" is used to describe someone who explores. Following such logic, I'd like to give this most essential English lesson to explain how such a linguistic tool is used. After going through this, you will have no choice but to agree with me that English is thoroughly fascinating, and that I am W.H. Auden reincarnated. Call me the Audster. I drive an Audi. Hyuk hyuk.

Musinaut - An explorer of music. Although apparently, it's also a site that allows users to pretty much "DJ" a song by dragging and dropping various beats, harmonies or artistes into the same song, thus instantly allowing the listener to hear different versions of the same song. That's kinda like exploring music I guess. But no rubber suits, sadly.

Astronaut - An explorer of Astro. And I'm not talking about that Malaysian satellite company; I'm talking about that little decoder device they give everyone. It's a freakin' other world, dude. The other day on a voyage I discovered Pluto's little brother, Puffer. Shy little bugger.

Juggernaut - An explorer of juggers. Y'know, those 54-year-old grannies who run every evening dressed in tops specially stitched to maximise the exposure of all their saggy bits? Yeah, jugging causes at least three accidents a day round my 'hood. Scray sport. Totally needs exploring. And totally needs rubber suits.

Argonaut - An explorer of Aragon. His pals call him Argon for short (some sissy term-of-endearment crap). Anyways, the king of Gondor has accumulated 50 kilos and 20,000 maids ever since peace came upon the land. He's a fat lazy fart now. And Arwen has got it on with an Ent. Heaps to explore there.

Cannot - An explorer of cans. Ignore the spelling discrepency. Just letters, mate. Just letters.

Link: www.musinaut.com

The Explorer's Club - Safe Distance (from Freedom Wind) [BUY]

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fad of the Land: Nick and Norah's Infinite Widget Builder

So you got a film about a band guy who dates a gal and they go hunting for a band in a secret gig. And your film has got the word "playlist" in it. And your film stars the skinny dude from Juno. And your film has appearances by Davendra Banhart and Brooklyn band Bishop Allen.

So of course, the logical marketing tie is to do something mondo hip, right? Something like allowing users to create their own playlists and link them to their sites as widgets, right? And then something like allowing users to share their mondo hip playlist widget with their mondo hip buddies right?

Wrong. So totally wrong. Haven't you read page 340 of the Dummies Guide to Marketing Hipster Films? Cos if you have read it, you'd totally know that the key to marketing a hipster film is to buy a pamelo orchard, feel it to a farm full of alpacas, and then sell top-of-the-range alpaca meat to me. It's quite shocking that you don't know stuff like that, you know. Our education system needs major work.

Link: sproutbuilder.com/sony

Queens of the Stone Age - Infinity (from The Secret History of Q.O.T.S.A.)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fad of the Land: Shazam

You know, I can never quite figure out why people are so preoccupied with figuring out the name of songs. Take Shazam, for example. It's probably the most buzzed iPhone application around right now, because it allows people to hold up their iPhone to any song being played anywhere, and in a few seconds it will be instantly identified, with bonus links to purchase it in iTunes or share it to buddies via email.

Yes, that's so mondo gizmo and blah, but what's the fun in finding out the actual name of the song? It just reeks of unoriginality, I tell you. Everyone should follow my example. Like, when I was eight, I heard this song about running across streets with no names, sung by this Irish-sounding bunch that seemed to have a fetish for delayed guitars. Remembering the timeless advice my kindy teacher gave about never listening to what anyone said about you, I gave the band a name, and have stuck with it ever since, ignoring the repeated urges by my family members that the band go by a different name. What do they know? So anyways, when you got the time, go check out Pussy on the Wussy Wearing Stussy. They got another song where the guy can't decide whether to live with or without some chick. I called it "Go Buy a Tamagotchi, You Twit". It's so good.

Beastie Boys - Shazam! (from To The 5 Boroughs) [BUY]

Friday, July 25, 2008

Fad of the Land: Mucony

In case you never knew, most musicians reside in camps. No, not those "leeches sucking on your peaches" kinda camps. I'm talking about genre camps. There's the squeal metal camp, for example, whose residents boil eggs in 20 seconds. Then there's the pulpy pop camp, whose eggs are only fried wobbly 365 days a year, 1,456,893 years a lifetime. There's also the indie rock camp, who never eat their eggs but instead use them to fry their neighbours' sleeping bags, before blending that with caterpillars and sucking the resulting mix through their armpits.

And then there's the jazz and classical music camp. These chaps don't just have eggs; they have 18th century pans and 12th century stoves to cook them with. And that's where Mucony comes in. Because, oh uncultured one, Mucony is a site that offers video lessons on how to play jazz and classical music. In other words, it's only for real musicians. Only. You know how to play the choruses of Counting Crows songs? Scurry off, you farcical impostor of a musician. Jazz and classical music was birthed from the DNA of Geppetto's pee. So think of Mucony as salvation for all you unwieldy Pinocchios.

So, you ready to shift to that camp, then? Good for you. Me? Nah. I'm just dandy residing with in the sitar players camp. Yeah, the sitarguys, them champs; they eat eggs in 1,234,893 different ways. Ho yeah, long live the sitarist. Is that what they call them? Or was it the sitarer. That sounds like Cheetara. Did Cheetara play the sitar? She does sorta look like a 20-year-old Asha Bhosle. Yeah, I reckon she was totally Indian. And Mumm-Ra was Thai.

Link: www.mucony.com

Evangelista - Smooth Jazz (from Hello Voyager) [BUY]

Monday, July 7, 2008

Fad of the Land: The Wknd Sessions

The Wknd Sessions establishes three unalienable truths about life:

1. "E" is the most un-indie letter ever. UN-INDI. LTTR. VR.

2. The Malaysian indie scene is worth documenting, which is why this site probably endeavours to be the Pitchfork.tv of the region. It uploads one exclusively filmed session of a specially selected artiste every Friday, complete with brief interviews. Troubadour vet Azmyl Yunor kicked things off, and future clips will feature Estrella and Paolo Delfino, among others.

3. Friday is part of the weekend. No, you putz, it is. How can you not know that? Dude! That's like soooo important. Almost as important as knowing that Bert and Ernie were gay. Or that every US Commando was named Sergeant Slaughter. Or that my biceps are bigger than Rafael Nadal's. Some things you just gotta make the effort to find out, mate.

Link: the-wknd.com

See a clip below:


Azmyl Yunor - Ballad Of Mat Som

Estrella - Take It Slow (from Voices from Next Door)

Friday, June 27, 2008

Fad of the Land: Mobile Phone Recharge Pod

Even though we Pirates won't be present at this year's Glastonbury (or the next, or the one after that and the 38 after that, any trannies sponsoring, we make good pavlovas), our inner altruists just can't help but ensure that all you festival-going, Pyramid Stage-fronting, mushroom-popping, Jay-Z dissing — WHO AM I KIDDING??? Bloody spoilt punks who live in that part of the world!!! Eavis, you dweeb! Why can't you ferry over a tenth of them acts this way, huh??!? — people receive premium info, straight from the bellies of us, the always forgiving, never envying, fully understanding pirates.

As such. we would like to let you know about the Recharge Pod, which might just end up being the most popular venue at this year's Glasto. Conceived by Orange mobile, the seven-metre high tent utilises wind and solar energy to generate enough power for charging around 100 mobile phones an hour. It serves as a trial for eventual large-scale usage, whereby future festival tents could be entirely powered by renewable sources.

You got that? Alright then. Go have fun, okay? Take lots of photos, okay? Meet new friends, find new bands, call mum, save the earth, okay? Okay? OKAYYYYY????

Dweeb.

Link: www.rechargepod.com

Sigur Rós - Festival (from Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust) [BUY]

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Euro 2008/Fad of the Land: Castrol Performance Index

So the first round of games are officially over. And as is standard practice for football nerds globally, the debate begins as to who has been the star performers of the championships so far.

I would like to nominate Tranquillo Barnetta.

Yes, him. It's not because I'm a obsessive Swiss fan who watched every minute of their snipped campaign. Nor is it because I have a closet fetish for footballers with exotic names (though Jerko Leko also got me going for a couple'a moments).

It's because Castrol Performance Index says so. Yep, some even-more-nerdy football dudes have been compiling all the most inane stats known to man, gecko and alfalfa alike, and translating all them digits into an overall score that bellows, "You can't argue with the numbers, bitch!" Thanks to these nerdier-than-Pedros, we now know that Cesc Fabregas ran 12.44km last night,and that Andreas Isaksson has made more saves than anyone except Petr Cech, and that Ivica Olic ran a top speed of 31.76km/h. They must also count trips to the ladies.

And so, we come back to the base question: Who's been the man? Based on the numbers, David Villa. The undisputed, indefatiguable man. Edwin Van de Sar comes at a distant second, and in third place is... Tranquillo Barnetta.

Ummhmm. It's official. So, need a playmaker? Tranquillo Barnetta. Holding midfielder? Tranquillo Barnetta. Leaky faucet? Tranquillo Barnetta. Someone to assasinate your uncle? Tranquillo Barnetta. Dude's gonna have a bronze statue soon. Maybe even next to mine.

Link: euro2008.castrolindex.com

The Dismemberment Plan - Superpowers (from Change) [BUY]

Monday, June 9, 2008

Fad of the Land: The Green Man Festival Poll

England's Green Man Festival has invited all bands to join a comp that entitles the winning band to be the opening act of the fest, which will take place in mid-August and features Super Furry Animals, Spiritualized, Iron and Wine and The National, among others. The contest's mechanics are truly 2.0: bands get votes, the most voted band gets the slot and six free tickets, and one voter wins two tix.

Forward-thinking, aye? Erm, yeah, 'cept that it's not exactly the sunset-ushering slot de grace that they're offering here. Opening a festival like this is a bit like being a serving of beetroot salad that begins a 300 course buffet where Wagyu beef, Osetra caviar and Podolico cheese populate the spread. So how would that beetroot salad feel, you ask? A bit beet, I reckon.

Link: www.thegreenmanfestival.co.uk/features

The Decemberists - I Was Meant For The Stage (from Her Majesty) [BUY]

Monday, May 26, 2008

Fad of the Land: The 100K Battle

To you, the card-carrying member of that corner of the hip-hop digging populace that daily bemoans the murder of your genre by pussy-faced practitioners and their faux-thuggin' swipes, bemoan no longer. Premiere hip-hop program the Wake Up Show has teamed up with social networking/music discovering site urSESSION — the self-proclaimed "Sundance of the music industry" — to give unsigned rappers America-wide the chance to flaunt their flow on top of some body-rocking beats. Called the 100K Battle, it features 28 beats produced by DJ giants like Pete Rock, Alchemist and the late J Dilla, all of which are freely available for MCs to download and spit their Spartacus over. The winner — determined by online voting — gets $5,000, a round trip to LA, an appearance on the Wake Up Show and a chance to bump 'n grind with some MC-hunting agent.

Neato. So how did this killer idea come about anyways? Well, Legend has it that one day, Wake Up Show co-host King Tech was cruising through San Francisco Bay Area, and he was listening to the radio, and a dude called into the station pining for the hip-hop legends of yore, and Tech started mulling over the whack-ass beats on radio today and was suddenly struck with an epiphany, which lead to a flurry of phone calls and...

Woh, woh. You askin' me to back up a jiffy? Oh, you're wondering why "Legend" is being spelt with a capital "L". Well, you clearly have not met Mr Legend. No, not John Legend, ya ol' dunce. I'm talkin' 'bout Legend. He always has it. Always had, always will have. He can be a bloody selfish prick sometimes, I must admit. But since he has it, you can't really do much. Unless you too have a homie named Story, who always goes. In which case, good for you. Your Story goes and my Legend has it. They should get married.

Link: ursession.com/wakeupshow/100kbattleshowcase

Auburn Lull - The Last Beat (from Alone I Admire) [BUY]

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Fad of the Land: Mixwit

I know why mixtapes are back in fashion. Because they go well with jockstraps, which are also back in fashion.

Huh? What do you mean, mixtapes aren't supposed to be worn? You mean dangling a cassette from the corner of my underwear isn't the way? Then why the heck does anyone say "back in fashion"? Figure of speech, you say? How the heck am I supposed to know that? What, you mean "figure of speech" isn't really a figure? Then how do you explain the 12 inch plastic model I just ordered yesterday from ToysforTwits.com, which promised that if I bought five models, I'd get the queen of the land of Speech?

My gosh, I'm stumped. Such a complicated world.

Link: www.mixwit.com

Spoon - Advance Cassette (from A Series Of Sneaks) [BUY]

Friday, May 9, 2008

Fad of the land: myhab

So apparently it's music festival season. If you're the fanatic who considers a gap in the daily schedule as sacreligious as Obama becoming Republican, then you can stop reading (but if you do, I'll chop your balls). But if you're the type that was forced to accompany your ball-less fanatic to the fest but you had no idea why 65DaysofStatic were such a big deal (and why their keyboard was missing a space bar), well lad(d)y, we've got your salvation.

You see, all is hardly lost. For one, you can definitely enjoy the nap time, and the promise of napping with a random drugged-out festivalian. Which is where myhab comes in. This tent gets two thumbs up from Gaia, Mommy Nature and the rest of 'em earth-doting divines. It's fully recycable, has a double mattress, and a spot for muddy boots. Myhabbers rent a tent, then pick it up at the myvillage that has been set up at the fest of their choice. Once the music fades, and the condoms run out, myhab staffers recycle the tent, and set up for the next shindig.

So yup, you're covered. Now, back to you, oh ball-less fanatic who is not going to be doing any sleeping at that outback blast you've planned 19 millenniums for. Please accept my invitation to the first annual Bottomless Eunuch and Uncle Snip Fest. Ignore the name, and the promo flyer that shows a pair of scissors cutting a guitar neck in half. Seriously, the line up is a slice... I mean, slam dunk. It'll totally chop into your extens... sorry, expectations of fests. My neighbours can fully testicl—heck, there I go again. Testify. Testify. Testi.

Link: www.myhab.com

The Hold Steady - Chillout Tent (from Boys and Girls In America) [BUY]

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Fad of the land: Tennent's Mutual

There are three reasons why Scottish beer is unlike any other beer in the world.

First, look at the never ending stream of musical geniuses birthed from the throes of those smoky bars. The Braithwaites and Murdochs and Kapranos of the land seem to find little trouble in spewing forth those mighty fine tunes, no doubt birthed in between hearty helpings of that most potent spirit of theirs.

Secondly, you've got Lager 2.0. Scot brand Tennent's Lager has invited fans to participate in the organisation of a music festival through its new venture, Tennent's Mutual. A £150,000 fund has been set up, and those who sign up before 30th June get to decide on all aspects of the event's logistics, including who should be in the line up, where it should be and how much tickets should be. The advisory board includes the Rolling Stones' Andrew Loog Oldham and Babyshambles' Drew McConnell, and the festival is scheduled to take place in October or November of this year.

Thirdly, people who drink it become maths whizzes. They are instantly able to work out Pi to the 12 trillionth 345 billionth 981 millionth decimal point. They can solve problems normally reserved for Yale's Algorithms 901 class with the speed and efficiency of a German police car.

Fourthly, I drink it.

Link: www.tennentsmutual.com

Albert Hammond Jr - Everyone Gets A Star (from Yours To Keep) [BUY]

Friday, April 25, 2008

Fad of the Land: Beemp3

I seriously like consuming things in small portions.

Which is why I like Beemp3. It's a site that aggregates from other sources, just like Hype Machine to give you a searchable database of mp3s. The beauty is that it actually provides you with the direct link so you can actually download the tracks off the site. Yeah, no more having to stride through a weepy post about a weepy blog just to get to that cool Dogs Die in Hot Cars track.

Sorry what was I saying before? That's right, yeah I do like things in small portions. Take coffee for example, while others do the conventional thing and drink it off a mug, I prefer to split them into 125 small little drop-tubes. That way, I can have 125 drops instead of one giant slosh. And some pork noodle seller once told me when I was 10 that 125 is always better than one, always. Is 125 Olivia Wildes better than one? I rest my case. The man was a genius.

Link: beemp3.com

Minipop - My Little Bee (from A New Hope) [BUY]

Monday, April 14, 2008

Fad of the Land: Muxtape

I've made some killer mixtapes in my time. When I was 12, I combined avocado, carrot and apricot with a copy of Vitalogy, and blended it to throat-soothing perfection. Then when I turned 21, I took my cousin's Abbey Road reissue and added cranberry juice, turkey breast and my uncle's nine iron. I'm telling you, it was fully swingin', mate.

Huh? Whaddaya mean I got the concept wrong all this while? What, you mean I was actually suppsoed to listen to those mixes instead of drink them with rib eye steak? Well how the heck would I know that! Sheesh. Fine. Go make your own mixtape at Muxtape. Supposedly, they're all about making and sharing digital mixtapes. The 'right' kind, so they say. Oooooo.

Link: muxtape.com

mixtapes and cellmates - Distance Blinding Lights (from If There Is Silence Fill It With Longing) [BUY]
 
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