Monday, December 31, 2007

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Smashing Pumpkins
Machina the Machines of God

Price: RM10.00

Even geniuses have off days, where they become imbeciles.

But yet, even on days where I become an imbecile, I am still usually rather charming with the ladies and can aim a rocket launcher straight. And seriously, in this life, there is nothing more essential than these two things.

Who taught me that? My grandma. She gave me my first rocket launcher when I was ten and taught me how to shoot pigeons with it. Nice sweet ol lady that one.

The Smashing Pumpkins - This Time (from Machina the Machines of God)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Carol for the Week: O Come All Ye Faithful

Ahhh... Christmas. The season for giving. A time for family to reminisce the year gone by. A day of peace, joy and thanksgiving, where...

What, it's over??? What, three days ago??? What, we're three days away from 2008??? What, you mean Easter's over as well??? What, World Rattlesnake Day too??? What, you mean this year was 2007??? What, you mean I won't get to build my mansion on Mars??? What, you mean they're also scrapping my plans for the Tower of Babel???

Sheesh, the year flies by so fast.

Belle and Sebastian - O Come All Ye Faithful (from Radio 1 Peel Session Christmas Special)
Organs, cymbal swells, glocks, horns, a backing choir—about as Sufjan as B&S get. And that ain't too shabby, mate.

Starfield - O Come All Ye Faithful (Internet-only single)
A minor-themed, axe-centric tint by these Canadian CCMers makes room in the inn for the Coldplay faithful.

Faith Evans - O Come All Ye Faithful (from A Faithful Christmas)
Faith's slow jam snaps might just send 'em angels down to earth on a pole.

Third Day - O Come All Ye Faithful (from Christmas Offerings)
Mac Powell's Stappsonian grunt makes angelic adoration a little tasking, especially if they come a-fluttering with hairy chests.

Johnny Cash - Oh Come All Ye Faithful (from Christmas with Johnny Cash)
Ok, I'm done. More carols next year.

2007 List Wrap Up: 8 Top, Truly Free Albums

Dear Thom,

I tried. I really did. I mean, I typed in 0.00 like 345,378 other people, but I was at least willing to pay the 90p credit card fee. But for some reason known only to Thor, your system just wouldn’t take my details. Of course, I later found out that the name on my card read “Kim Jong Il”, and it had been somehow blacklisted as a weapon of mass destruction by 128 countries worldwide (including yours), but that’s way besides the point. Which is, that I tried.

Anyways, it’s a good thing you’re not the only generous guy in the world. Keep it up, matey.

Yours cheaply,

Scott Orr – Miles From Today

Bob would be proud (but not as poor).
Scott Orr – Take Them Home
[ download ]

Various Artistes – OKX

What more can a man ask for than two free Radiohead albums in one year? (Pause. Long, deep and hard thoughts. Momentary images of a gyrating Zhang Ziyi.) Ok, nevermind.
John Vanderslice – Karma Police
[ download ]

Lil Wayne – Da Drought 3

So what’s so prolific about releasing a bunch of 30-track mixtapes every few months? Yes, Napalm Death, I can hear you snore.
Lil Wayne – Ride 4 My Niggas
[ download ]

Great Lake Swimmers – Live From the Church of the Redeemer EP

Anyone ever tried recording in a Buddhist temple? Like yeah, there are no pipe organs, but those chanting monks have serious indie acumen. Serious.
Great Lake Swimmers – Moving Pictures Silent Films
[ download ]

Tim Fite – Over The Counter Culture

The next time someone tells you that white men can’t rap, you just think of this Brooklyn poet, and then prepare a snappy comeback, and then think of Fred Durst, and then forget about the comeback and concede defeat and offer silent prayers that Fred continues to believe he can sing.
Tim Fite - Over The Counter Culture
[ download ]

Various Artistes – The Limitless Potential

Nine Inch Nails fans are nuts. It’s not because they spend their spare time remixing Year Zero. No, the other day one dude walked up to me with a face like Trent and a couple of nails poking out of his ribs. I think they were 14 inches though. He sorta failed maths.
Dirty Scarab – My Violent Heart (Prevention; Rejection)
[ download ]

Chris Singleton – Twisted City

I’ve started my six-month-old on a bottle of Irish beer a day. The vision is that he too will be a killer singer-songwriter by the time he’s 4. I think it’s working; his first words are “Damien”. Makes daddy all warm and snug inside.
Chris Singleton - Twisted City
[ download ]

Various Artistes – Seriously Westcoast Vol. 1

You know, sometimes giving some away for free only for 24 hours isn’t a bad thing. Speaking of which, you can pick up Chip the dolphin from my backyard starting now, and ending tomorrow at 1.51am. After that, he’s only available as a torrent, or soup.
Leigh Nash – Ocean Size Love
[ download ]

Friday, December 28, 2007

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Smashing Pumpkins
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Price: RM 19.90

I used to be seriously fat.

Until I realized that being fat ensured that hot models wouldn't be so interested in me, so I bench-pressed a two ton truck, lifted my whole family on my shoulders when I jogged and ate only carbohydrates. And before I even bothered to check, I was rippling.

Yes I know carbohydrates are fattening, but what is life without some challenges? It gets seriously boring when you're the best. Not that I am saying I am but, yeah, I am.

The Smashing Pumpkins - Galapagos (from Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness)

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

2007 List Wrap Up: 8 Top Albums Heard in 2007 That Were Released in 2006

So since there are precisely 850,958,234 albums released every year, and because no one not named Yearsoll O. Vermaiass can possibly listen to them all, I have two solutions. One, buy my newly released 96-disc changer, which comes with ultra fast play mode that allows playback for up to 18 albums an hour. Two, just listen to them the following year. And the one after that. And the one after that. And the one…

I make so much sense, sometimes I think I should start my own bank.

Augie March – Moo, You Bloody Choir

In a just world, I'd have 19 hands, Zhang Ziyi would massage my 20th, and 'Bottle Baby' would be this generation’s 'The Drugs Don't Work', The world sucks balls.
Augie March – Bottle Baby

Trespassers William – Having

There's no autumn in my country. The day after hearing Having, I blasted my kitchen and installed a leaf blower. Entrance is six bucks, or a moulting swan.
Trespassers William – And We Lean In

The Concretes – In Colour

I’m a sucker for sugar.
The Concretes – Your Call

The Postmarks – The Postmarks

See above.
Postmarks – Weather the Weather

Jeniferever – Choose a Bright Morning

Someone told me the beef from Ikea’s Swedish meatballs actually comes from Jinjang. I’ve since sold my family, bought three cows and moved there. Gotta go where the goods are at, y’all.
Jeniferever – Alvik

Fratellis – Costello Music

Scotland needs to qualify for the next World Cup. That way, I too can pretend to sing ‘Chelsea Dagger’ like a bona fide kilt-wearing haggis muncher.
Fratellis – Flathead

Caroline – Murmurs

The next time a silky-haired, doll-faced Jappy-American girl in a green baby doll dress performs and giggles while fiddling with a laptop and referring to “bitch” as “the B-word”, call me. I still staple my butt cheeks as punishment for missing it the first time around.
Caroline – I’ll Leave My Heart Behind

Sway – This Is My Demo

Who the heck rhymes “vagina” with “spectacles”? Mr Safo must have seen one of those Britney shots deemed TNSFWorPorSorAFT.
Sway – Hype Boys

Monday, December 24, 2007

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Strokes
Room on Fire

Price: RM10.00

I've been christened many things in this existence.

Master chef. award-winning gardener, fastest neighbourhood cyclist, best looking guy in my school's chess club, sharpest bazooka launcher, top orc killer, jet pilot extraordinaire, strongest five year old, ugliest son-of-a-gun in skinny jeans, most opinionated in college, most spins on a Katana blade, dated the most super models and the least likely to succeed as a Ninja Turtle.

But this, this is the sound of the 'saviours of rock & roll'.

Never had that one before. Won't be for awhile anyways, since I am currently working on getting the 'furthest grenade throw' accolade.

The Strokes - 12:51 (from Room on Fire)

2007 List Wrap Up: 8 Top Albums with Crap Covers

Ugly album covers are aplenty. But ugly covers for albums that are actually good listens? Now that’s a true test of your aural fortitude.

Common – Finding Forever

Oh, so that's what a Jedi with make up look like!
Common – Forever Begins

Pinback – Autumn of the Seraphs

It totally makes sense. I mean, why bother with pencil doodles when Pantera's gargoyle needs a job?
Pinback – Barnes

Black Lips – Good Bad Not Evil

Seriously, right at the edge of those orange shorts, that's at least the corner of a left testicle.
The Black Lips – It Feels Alright

Meshell Ndegeocello – The World Has Made Me the Man of My Dreams

Shelly! Great to have ya back! How's the Amazon? Oh wow, you brought home an album! How nice. So anyways, we're throwing a simple do at our place this Christmas, and we're wonde... whoa, is that five hands coming out of your chest???
Meshell Ndegeocello – The Sloganeer: Paradise

Cassius – 15 Again

In the right corner: Sylvester Stallone's 9-year-old nephew, Boris! He drinks testosterone milkshake every morning, ladies and gents! And his opponent, in the left corner: the remnants of Ava Gardner's wax mould! Ready? FIGHT!!!
Cassius (featuring Pharell) – Eye Water

Manu Chao – La Radiolina

At least now I know who stole my 108-piece Luna colour pencil set.
Manu Chao – A Cosa

Gogol Bordello – Super Taranta!

This is what happens when you take An Inconvenient Truth too literally.
Gogol Bordello - Alcohol

Super Furry Animals – Hey Venus!

This is what happens when you don’t watch it at all.
Super Furry Animals – Battersea Odyssey

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Carol for the Week: Silent Night

Seriously, this song has issues. Show me a newborn infant that is tender and mild. Better still, show me how the heck all can ever be calm or bright when you got Oh Young and Restless One pissing on your new duvet and squealing in your ear while you attempt to shake a bottle of powdered milk at 4.35am, because mummy said it's your turn.

Want a silent night? Rear a cactus.

Sinead O'Connor - Silent Night (from Fred Claus soundtrack)
You could drop the pin and pop the silence, but Sinead's Enya-tinged version might make you wanna stick 'em in those teary pupils instead.

Delirious? - Silent Night (Internet-only single)
Brit CCM act bulge the carol's canon with their own blues-inflected offering.

Boyz II Men - Silent Night (from Christmas Interpretations)
Airy accapellas that would quienten the drunkest of neighbours.

Melys - Tawel Nos (Silent Night) (from It's a Cool, Cool Christmas)
Sung in Welsh, with a waltz undertone no less, the Melys speak in tongues of angels. How do I know? My angel Braith Bronwyn translated. I trust him.

Bright Eyes - Silent Night (from A Christmas Album)
Pedal steel shimmers and a dark pool of bubbling toms make Conor Oberst's evening not just silent, but deathly.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Mosaic Calendar Released

Mosaic has just released its official calendar and I am glad to announce folks, that Broken Social Scene has been penned in for a performance on March 9th.

Yeah, yeah I heard about the commotion when it wasn't confirmed. Mass looting on the streets, green aliens flooding shopping malls asking for a cool-aid drink called 'Gomaguinga' and me stepping out of my house to grab my paper.

What did you say? What has me stepping out of my house got anything to do with Broken Social Scene? What Broken Social Scene? I tend to forget everything else when I am talking about myself. It's called focus. I learned it in ninja school.

To take a look at the full calendar, click here.

Broken Social Scene - 7/4 Shoreline (from Broken Social Scene)

Top 8 Albums of 2007: Pantsy's Picks

The Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet Ribbon

Radiohead - In Rainbows

For three years, my goldfish were watching videotapes, my partridge was building a house of cards, and I was assembling a 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle in the nude. Then, on 10th October, it all suddenly made sense.
Radiohead - Nude

The Wordless Nod to My Hourglass Bod

Justice -

No seriously, I work hard on my figure. Even if I didn't have fuzzy fiestas like this to workout to, I have my anteater Andy, who just released his 12th exercise video, "Andy's Awesome Aerobics". What, you think these pecs came from eBay?
Justice - Phantom

Humanitarian Peace Prize for 55 and Over

Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full

When I'm 55, I too want to be a knight, pick up soul and twiddle with synths. Oh, and have a trusty steed named Bruce.
Paul McCartney - See Your Sunshine

The IinternatIional Vowel Day Ambassadors

Biirdie - Catherine Avenue

Ii passed EnglIish. SerIiously. Ii was even appoIinted the representatIive of WorcestershIire. The deal is, they send me three crates of sauce each month, and Ii represent them Iin councIil meetIings. So faIir.
Biirdie - Petals

The 12th-minute Injury Time Game Winner

Lupe Fiasco - The Cool

Score tied. Second-year upstart strips off the tracks. Straps the boots. Flosses. Scores. Crowd cheers. Game over.
Lupe Fiasco - Hi-Definition

The 'And Is The New The' Award

Angus & Julia Stone - A Book Like This

Ahh yes; Aussie siblings turning fairytales into folk opuses. How timeless. Just like how I used to play "fry the feline" with my brother. Those were fun days.
Angus & Julia Stone - Soldier

The Immortal Elixir for the Comatose

Sigur Ros - Hvarf/Heim

My possum's wife passed away last year. For 10 months, he slept for 12 hours, and watched Desperate Housewives for 11 more (the other hour was spent massaging me). But ever since hearing this, the furry freak now can't stop humping my knees. At least my skin is smooth.
Sigur Ros - Hafsol

The OMG You Mean There's Another Canadian State Making Brill Music Trophy

Small Sins - Mood Swings

So one morning in Geography class, Mr Moorthy said, "And so, Toronto is Canada's largest city...". Immediately, I interrupted him, pulled out my Pitchfork-approved world map, and fought with the bugger for two hours, insisting every Canadian city was named Montreal. Then the bastard showed me the CN Tower, and played me 'Drunk E-Mails'. I fainted and died (thank God for CPR).
Small Sins - Drunk E-Mails

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Top 8 Albums of 2007: Genusfrog's Picks

The Charlton Heston Grand Prix

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Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

Keep the grandness dial between 8 and 10, put a theocentric angle on proceedings and that's how you win the Charlton Heston Grand Prix. What? Why Charlton Heston? Because he's the man, that's why! Charlton Heston can wipe out a whole tribe with his index finger. He can scale mountains with his legs tied up. He's Moses, man. He keeps the cars running and all that shit.

Arcade Fire - Intervention

The Official Year End Coitus Choice

The Raveonettes - Lust Lust Lust

A boy. A girl. Interweaving. In harmony. One takes the lead. The other follows. Noise. Lots and lots of noise. A thumping beat. A drone. Gorgeous voices. And a twang. If you plan to have uncontrollably wild coitus for 40.5 minutes anytime this year, do yourself a favour. Put this record on.

The Raveonettes - Lust

The 'Lucky's Got Nothing To Do With It (But Being A Hot Blonde Does)' Award

Lucky Soul - The Great Unwanted

The other day, I was at the market buying prosciutto from Pappa Gambotto. And he was telling me that I may have a great writer's job, drive an authentic 1968 Volvo, be able to run 15km before breakfast everyday, and be adored by the local critical press, but all that means nothing if you lack two things: being able to sleep in the arms of a gorgeous woman and being able to go home to a real Italian meal. I told him, "Pappa Gambotto, the prosciutto is for my girlfriend. She's staying over tonight". You're a lucky soul, he said.

Lucky Soul - My Brittle Heart

The Drunken Singer Special Mention

The View - Hats Off To The Buskers

Ok, so maybe Kyle Falconer doesn't sound like he's entirely drunk. But once, I met a philosopher who asked me this question, "is the presence of something necessarily the same as the absence of nothing?". I told him I'd think about it and get back to him. I like to tell this story whenever I run out of relevant things to say.

The View - Wasted Little DJ's

The More is More Award

Polyphonic Spree - Fragile Army

Look, if the soup doesn't taste right, add more salt, add more pepper, and add more chives, lime leaves, mango, pork broth, honey, mushroom stock, lychee, rosemary, cinnamon, garlic and lemon zest. If it still doesn't taste right, run away.

Polyphonic Spree - (Section 22) Running Away

The Old is Gold Award

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The Good The Bad & The Queen - The Good The Bad & The Queen

One day, I will grow old, have a big beard, wear reading glasses, have a really gruff voice and still have perky teenage girls waiting outside my door for so much as a sniff of the air I breathe. You know why? Cos I'm Charlton Heston's son.

The Good The Bad & The Queen - 80s Life

The 'Token Social-Commentary Album That Earns Credibility For Critic' Award

Stars - In Our Bedroom After The War

I have a friend who gives out awards for the best wars of the year. He gives out titles like Best Bloody War, Best Intelligence War, Best New Conflict, and the big prize - War of the Year. I asked him what he thought next year's candidate would be. He gave me this look and then said "None. Next year we'll have peace".

The 'I Haven't Finished Downloading Their Album But It's Already Bloody Awesome' Prize

The Films - Don't Dance Rattlesnake

How does a band with a barely functioning official website and a nearly impossible band name to google make a dent in the internet-driven music listening market? The answer is pivotal to understanding why they are receiving the aforementioned prize. Yes, they don't make a dent. They just make a big bloody gaping hole about the size of Arkansas.

The Films - Belt Loops

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Top 8 Albums of 2007: The Geek's Picks

The 'We Don't Need Looks' Award

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Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

To succeed in life, you need to have looks. No, seriously it's true, don't let those stuffy activists fool you. But if you look like a camel's ass on a plate of spaghetti bolognaise, then the least you can do is get yourself a hot chick. No one understands this better than me. Heeyaaarrrr.
Arcade Fire - Windowstill

The Shy Guy of the Year

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Boy in Static - Violet

I used to be really shy when I was young. Until I realized that there were tons of girls lining up to get my autograph, even though I had nothing to my name that was worth signing.
Boy in Static - Without Grace

The Customary 'Have to' Entry

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Radiohead - In Rainbows

There are some things in life, you just have to do, like eating caviar, or shagging an international super model or indulging in a Godzilla box-set binge. Without them, life would just plain suck. And I know that based on this, many people's life seriously sucks but at this juncture, I would just like to say that mine doesn't. Peace, love and Petra y'all.
Radiohead - Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

The Recovered Emo Kid of the Year

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Maritime - Heresy and the Hotel Choir

Why do people make it so complicated sometimes? Me? I prefer to keep it super simple - L.A.D.Y. Yeah that's my secret to life. Love All Der Youthfulgirls. Did I mention I am a bit of a genius when it comes to acronyms?
Maritime - Be Unhappy

The 'We Just Added a Chick to the Band So We Look A Whole Lot Cooler' Award

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The Clientele - God Save the Clientele

There's nothing that feels better than having a hot chick draped over your arms. I know it's been more than awhile since I have experienced not having one but if I can recall, it wasn't very nice. So these days I compensate by having three. One on the left, one on the right and one I piggy-back. You know, just to show how strong I really am.
The Clientele - No Dreams Last Night

The Sweetened Chocolate Candy Fudge of the Year

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Fields - Everything Last Winter

Have you ever eaten a sweetened chocolate candy fudge? I make a seriously decent one, because after all, I am quite a master chef. The recipe is simple. Just take a bag of sugar and stick it into an oven. Yeah that's it. Yes, yes, with the bag of course. Adds a nice to latex-texture to the fudge. Seriously plastic and sweet.
Fields - You Don't Need This Song (To Fix Your Broken Heart)

The Honorary Smithsonian Dead-weight Champion

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The Twilight Sad - Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters

With song titles such as 'That Summer, At Home I Had Become the Invisible Boy' these Glaswegians know their Morrissey. Much like how I know mine as well, which is why I once wrote a song called 'Chicken Breasts Have Gas'. No one's picked it up for distribution yet, but I have high hopes for it, particularly in the poultry industry. Yeah heck I know it's not complimentary to them but it's supposed to be ironic, or something. I don't know, some pot smoker with an afro that's always wasted on my couch told me that one morning. I've always had accurate feelings about people I can trust and I have a good feeling about this one. Peace.
The Twilight Sad - Last Year's Rain Didn't Fall Quite So Hard

The Asian/Caucassion Fusion Dish of the Year
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Blonde Redhead - 23

I hate fusion food. You know, those little meat cubes in the middle of a large plate or soup that comes in test-tubes. Hello, did someone leave their stomach in Saturn? Me? I prefer a cow myself. No, no, not a figure of speech. Like a whole cow. Oh, how do I keep my shape then? People have told me I have seriously good genes. Maybe it's because of that.
Blonde Redhead - Dr. Strangeluv
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