Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Yuna - Deeper Conversation

Is your favourite colour blue?
And do you always tell the truth?

Do you believe in outer space?

I'm learning you Is your skin as tan as mine?

Does your hair flow side ways?

Did someone took a portion of your heart?
Now I'm learning you

And if you don’t mind can you tell me all your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I’ve let my guard down for you
And in time you will too
Deeper conversation with me
Deeper conversation

Does your name rhyme with mine?

Finally a song about a topic that's close to my heart. I have about had it with the world's inability to have deep conversation with me. Everyone just wants to talk about politics, world peace, thermodynamics, Judaism etc. I mean come on. Where can a guy go to to get someone to have a deep and complex conversation about the ergonomic curves on Megan Fox's body, or the dexterity and texture of deep fried chicken wings.

I mean come on, is that too much to ask? For the world to keep up with me? Okay maybe it is.

Yuna - Deeper Conversation (from Yuna EP)

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: Hujan

Okay because I'm about as lazy as Genusfrog. (Well he is lazier of course. He crapped in his pants today because he was too lazy to walk to the toilet), I've decided that this is going to be the last Sunfart post. Only cause there is not much else to say other than there were hot chicks in bikinis, smelly bald guys in shorts and an ultra fat Korn at the end.

'Hujan' means 'rain' in Bahasa, and apparently the band's supporters are called 'Raingers', which is about as brilliant a pun as I've ever seen. As such I have decided to name the followers of my band The Tracys, 'DICK Tracys'. I have no idea why 'dick' is in caps but it just seems more powerful that way. Stronger.

Hujan - Ah Moi Chantek (from 1, 2, 3, Go?)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: They Will Kill Us All

So they were fairly decent. How can we convince you they were? Simple, Pantsy stood out in the scorching afternoon sun to watch their whole set. And I know you must be thinking two things. Firstly, how scorching was it? And secondly, what's the big deal with Pantsy getting some sun?

Well my friends, let me just say that firstly, it was real hot. So hot that even my buff, Bruce Wayne-like body got a minor tan just below my second from left pack on my 28 pack torso. Secondly, the sun is like Kryptonite to the vermin. As such ever since then, we've isolated him into a fridge just below the pork nuggets, which is why he has not blogged in awhile.

Rating: 6.1

They Will Kill Us All - Curtains (from Secret Episodes)

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: Nidji

Indonesian band Nidji was handed the insurmountable task of erasing the sonic rape that Malaysian band Estranged put us through the set before, which in case you were wondering how severe that means, it's a little like trying to defeat Godzilla and King Kong with a plastic spoon and two nappies. They managed to, by depolying matching jackets, speeches about world peace, shades at 8pm in the night and confetti cannons, which says a lot about:

a) the size of Nidji's eraser, and
b) the sonic raping abilities of Estranged.

Rating: 8.8

Nidji - Sudah (from Breakthru')

Friday, March 20, 2009

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Jens Lekman - Black Cab

Oh no, God damn
I missed the last tram
I killed the party again
God damn, God damn

I want to sleep in my bed
I want to clean up my head
Don't want to look this dead
Don't want to feel this dread

I killed the party again
I ruined it for my friends
"Well, you're so silent, Jens"
Well, maybe I am, maybe I am

Now at the central station
No time for being patient
I feel like going home
But at the same time, I don't

Black Cab

And I've heard all those stories
About the black cabs and the way they drive
That if you take a ride with them
You might not come back alive

They might be psycho killers
But tonight I really don't care
So I say turn up the music
Take me home or take me anywhere

Black cab

You don't know anything
So don't ask me questions
You don't know anything
So don't ask me any questions
You don't know anything
So don't ask me questions

Just turn the music up
And keep your mouth shut

So there are many theories on what exactly a Black Cab is. Is it some commentary on racial polarisation? You know, that thing between black and white polar bears? Or maybe it is some commentary on cabbie issues? Or perhaps some commentary on Queen Latifah? Shit man, this one's quite possible.

But calm down everyone, I know for a fact it is none of the above. It is in actual fact and ode to Pantsy's butt hole. One part of the name refers to color of it, the other on its attitude. Yeeha!

Jens Lekman - Black Cab (from Oh, You're So Silent Jens)

Fad of the Land: Muziic Player

Those computer software inventing dudes are so smart. Man, they're just so smart. I think every dude who events something computery is just so smart. So hmmm... let's find out about the dude who invented Muziic, a downloadable computer application which allows users to stream songs straight from YouTube (minus the video) and where organise those songs into an iTunes-like interface. Oh look, it was invented by best frieds Mark Nelson and David Nelson! Smart friends! Even smarter. Oh look again, they're actually father and son! Smart and sweet! More charming than farming. Oh would you look at that! The son is just 15 years old. Aww shucks, that's just so...


You know, one of these days, I'm going to scold my grandma for buying me Thomas the Tank Engine instead of that "How to be a freakin' child prodigy and make yuppies feel like drinking their own pee" book. Seriously, I coulda finished it in 14 seconds. Maybe 16 if you count the booger breaks.

Link: www.muziic.com

Meursault - Lament For A Teenage Millionaire (from Pissing On Bonfires/Kissing With Tongues)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

This Week's Track 9: Further Seems Forever - Wearing Thin

And so we've left this column untouched for close to a year now.

The reason is cause Genusfrog is a lazy ass. And so I had a deep 1-1 talk with him a moment ago. Cause I like to shoot it straight. No behind the back bullshit and it went like this:

Geek: Dude

Genusfrog: Yeah?

Geek: You're a lazy ass.

Genusfrog: Yeah, I know.

Geek: Oh, in that case, you're a ninny that wears panties too.

Genusfrog: You're right.

Geek: Oh, then you're a ninny that wears panties and eats sparrow butts for breakfast.

Genusfrog: Damn straight

Further Seems Forever - Wearing Thin (track 9 from The Moon is Down)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Sick Sick Six: Six Complains You Never Knew About from Superheroes

So like most of you would have watched Watchmen (get it? get it?) by now. You know, the one where we sat through 2.5 hours of groaning from a bunch of superheroes. Which opened us up to the possibility that perhaps Superman bitches about waxing, or that Robin has had enough of Batman spanking his ass or that Wonder Woman has trouble finding lingerie that does not tear. So we thought we should compile a list of top 6 complains that superheroes have when doning the cap and underwear.

Turning Old-ass

Because unlike Brad Pitt, superheroes do have the potential to turn into an old-ass.
65daysofstatic - When We Were Younger and Better (from The Destruction of Small Ideas)

Those Damn Flying Vermin

And you think just because you have some fancy ring or a magic cape that means you don't have to endure traffic jams? Think again dude. It's either you're bumper to bumper with a bald eagle or crashing into a pack of sparrows. Personally I prefer ostriches, cause they have long sexy legs. What? What the hell kind of bird does not fly anyway? What did you say? Kuku bird? Oh.
Arthur and Yu - There Are Too Many Birds (from In Camera)

Being Ass-wipe Compared To Your More Popular Partner

Do you know Aqualad? That's what I thought. Do you think he is happy about that? Probably not. Shit man, that rhymed. Okay I quit, off to be the next Sylvia Plath but only better looking. Yeeha!
Morrissey - We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful (from Your Arsenal)

Working Over Christmas

Don't let the joyous looks on the left fool you, if you look real closely, Santa's got a gun aimed at Batman and Superman's about to block the shot but not before Wonder Woman strips. Why? Because having a strip is always better than not having one. I think Plato said that, or maybe his gardener. Doesn't matter.
Long Winters - Sometimes You Have To Work On Christmas (Sometimes) (from Peace On Earth)

Packing It All In

So you think Robin loves taking orders from Batman? Or Superman loves being a no-shag zone? Think again. Superheroes bitch about quitting all the time. Just the other day Metamorpho bitched to me about how he can't pull chicks cause he's ugly. So I told him hell yeah, he is and the ninny cried and quit. Or how I told Super Girl she has a wrestler's ass and she cried and quit too.
Adele - That's It, I Quit, I'm Moving On (from Chasing Pavements single)

No Sleep

The truth is, Batman has not slept since the 70s. I mean, have you ever seen a shot of him in sunlight? That's what I thought. I mean, just the other day he was complaining about how he's never shagged on the beach during sunset before. I mean geez, how can anyone not have done that yet?
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Can't Ever Sleep (from Sound on Sound)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Anthony and the Johnsons - Bird Gehrl

I am a bird girl now
I've got my heart
Here in my hands now
I've been searching
For my wings some time
I'm gonna be born
Into soon the sky
'Cause I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls go to heaven
I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls can fly
Bird girls can fly

Wow, people can literally write about anything these days. Slap a few metaphors together about a female bird and there you have it, a class A song. No need for big lyrics about saving the world, curing cancer or banging hot chicks. Just sing about wanting to be a chick (chick = bird + Anthony = chick, get it get it?) and bang, worldwide phenomenon.

So in the spirit of this brilliant simplicity, I have written a song called 'Rhino Bhoy'. There are tons of references to gorging and ultra rhino piss action. I am expecting a cover from Dylan himself, or at the very least, Azmyl Yunor.

Anthony and the Johnsons - Bird Gehrl (from I Am A Bird Now)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Nine Inch Nails in Singapore, 10 August

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch.

Now, in order to help you understand the gravity of the previous statement, it's important that you identify the key word. If you're a fair-minded chap like most chaps, you've probably narrowed down the list to a few key possibilities:
  • "Having"
  • "Nine Inch Nails"
  • "in this part of the world"
  • "is a"
  • 'real"
  • "catch"
And the answer issssss... . Oh you sordid soul, you. You mean you didn't realise the significance of .? Then you're sordidly sordid. I m-m-mean, think of what might happen if the sentence read:
Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch!
Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch?
Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch,
Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch(
Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch"
I know! The earth-shattering implications would be too much for Dr Manhattan to contain. Good thing I'm as good in punctuation as Watchmen are in groping naked superheroines{-; Like Dr Manhattan walking around with his muscly dangling testicles" I am completely, confident in my ability to know whe:never a sentence. needs a comma ]or a full stop or a bracket

Check out tour.nin.com for more info.

Nine Inch Nails - Eraser (from The Downward Spiral)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Matthew Sweet
100% Fun

Price: RM 18.00

Sigh, that's disappointing.

You think you've struck the equivalent of geeky gold when you found a copy of a favorite of yours from your gen-x teen years in some dilapidated box in some bazaar, only to find that when inspected closely, the CD was fairly scratched so buying it was going to be slightly risky.

In a way, it's a lot like ordering pork ribs only to find you've been given a chicken pie with extra peas. Or booking a flight but told that you would have to take a bus instead. Or taking a hot chick home only to find out after the wig came off that she looks like this.

What the hell do you mean that's a guy? No way. I would cut my gonads off if it was. What did you say? Are you serious? Oh bloody hell. Okay pass me the knife.

Matthew Sweet - Sick of Myself (from 100% Fun)

Friday, March 6, 2009

Oasis Playing Singapore 5 April

Blahblahblah, so my pet llama kept asking me, "ooOoOoo, like duude, why are you so oOooOOo, so like sad dude?", and so I told him that my Oasis post got taken down by that guy who works for support at blogger, you know the guy who makes passionate love to cracks in brick walls? And my pet llama was all "ooOOoOo, dude, he must be small. Or those walls, dude, they need a plastering, ooOoo. What did you write in the piece that was so offensive dude?"

"Nothing man. Just that Oasis are playing in Singapore on April 5, that tickets go on Sistic tomorrow, and some stuff about three-legged women selling six-eyed children by the roadside in Shanghai."

"ooOOoOo. Those are cute ass dude."

"I know. They got like little eyes on their feet. I love that.

"Well, that post is gone now. I composed it right into blogger. I'm never gonna do that again. Or that brickwall-loving guy's gonna keep ripping down my posts."

"Dude, isn't he like the guy who also makes love to like wire mesh fences?"

"Yeap, that's him."

"Vile, dude. OoOooOo, isn't he also the guy who makes love to daisies? I mean not like my sister and all but the actual flow-"

"Yes, pet llama, that's him. The blogger employee who humps, among many things, gebra daisies. You've IDed him, now can we talk about something-"

"OoOOo, isn't he also the one who makes love to like, wooly alpacan herbivors?"

"Pet llama, that's you. Actually, can you get all your girlfriends to leave in the morning by jumping down the window? It's really not on to have them walking all over the place wearing your underwear".

"Touchy, dude. Like, OooOoo."

Oasis - Let's All Make Believe (from Hindu Times single) 

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: The Gaslight Anthem - High Lonesom

So the ambulances came
They took your pulse and packed up your things
And the papers read
Some boys forget what the heart it brings
And the pounding in the street
Was your heart in four four time
And the taste of defeat
Was was never too far from your mind

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

So gravity came
And stole the temple that the schoolboys praised
And the crowd shuffled in
You're getting drinks for the same boys
Who once bought you everything
And the patter on the bar
Was just this one time
The patter on the bar
Was just this one night
Only to get by

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

There were Southern accents
On the radio

As I drove home
And at night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
It's a pretty good song
Maybe you know the rest
Maybe you know the rest

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
Always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
Down from the clouds
They made a high and lonesome sound

It's nice to know that some bands are culturally clued in. Like how this track from this Springs-teen band drops/quotes a popular line from that Counting Crows song during the chorus.

Not that I seriously need more accolades (just won one for "Most Notes Played On An Air Guitar In Front Of A Mirror In Nothing But My Ding Dongs'. Been gunning for that one for awhile now). Anyway I have taken the liberty to write a song that contains some cultural references. Hope you enjoy it. Here goes:

Hit me baby one more time
Cause she's so lucky
Hit me baby one more time
I was born to make you happy

Ooops I did it again
Cause I'm stronger
Ooops I did it again
Cause you're a womanizer

The Gaslight Anthem - High Lonesom (from The '59 Sound)

Monday, March 2, 2009

Faux B-Side of the Week: Avalanche, Oh Avalanche!

Gregory & The Hawk
Avalanche, Oh Avalanche! (from the Boats And Birds EP)
(FatCat Records)

I have a friend who has a van, and in that van there's a cd player. And inside that cd player, there's a girl. And inside that girl, there's another girl. Now let's assume that the inner girl eats porridge every Tuesday and mackerel on alternate Monday nights, and there are five Mondays in March 2009. Let's also assume that the outer girl likes to dance the polka but is disallowed from doing so on odd-numbered dates by her oppressive step-father. Suppose also that the van is travelling at 90km per hour on the Lebuhraya Utara Selatan back and forth from Nilai to Batu Pahat for 30 days starting 15th February 2009.

1. On what day and date do the two girls intersect while respectively eating mackerel and dancing the polka?

2. What is the nearest small town to this occurance?

What, you have no clue?

Bah. My two-year-old figured this one out. Huh? Of course not, what do you mean kids? No, I've got no kids. What, the two-year-old? That's not a kid. That's a supercomputer. You don't talk about your computers like that? My lord, you're indeed a depraved species.

Gregory & The Hawk - Avalanche, Oh Avalanche!
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