Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Sick Sick Six: Six Complains You Never Knew About from Superheroes

So like most of you would have watched Watchmen (get it? get it?) by now. You know, the one where we sat through 2.5 hours of groaning from a bunch of superheroes. Which opened us up to the possibility that perhaps Superman bitches about waxing, or that Robin has had enough of Batman spanking his ass or that Wonder Woman has trouble finding lingerie that does not tear. So we thought we should compile a list of top 6 complains that superheroes have when doning the cap and underwear.

Turning Old-ass

Because unlike Brad Pitt, superheroes do have the potential to turn into an old-ass.
65daysofstatic - When We Were Younger and Better (from The Destruction of Small Ideas)

Those Damn Flying Vermin

And you think just because you have some fancy ring or a magic cape that means you don't have to endure traffic jams? Think again dude. It's either you're bumper to bumper with a bald eagle or crashing into a pack of sparrows. Personally I prefer ostriches, cause they have long sexy legs. What? What the hell kind of bird does not fly anyway? What did you say? Kuku bird? Oh.
Arthur and Yu - There Are Too Many Birds (from In Camera)

Being Ass-wipe Compared To Your More Popular Partner

Do you know Aqualad? That's what I thought. Do you think he is happy about that? Probably not. Shit man, that rhymed. Okay I quit, off to be the next Sylvia Plath but only better looking. Yeeha!
Morrissey - We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful (from Your Arsenal)

Working Over Christmas

Don't let the joyous looks on the left fool you, if you look real closely, Santa's got a gun aimed at Batman and Superman's about to block the shot but not before Wonder Woman strips. Why? Because having a strip is always better than not having one. I think Plato said that, or maybe his gardener. Doesn't matter.
Long Winters - Sometimes You Have To Work On Christmas (Sometimes) (from Peace On Earth)

Packing It All In

So you think Robin loves taking orders from Batman? Or Superman loves being a no-shag zone? Think again. Superheroes bitch about quitting all the time. Just the other day Metamorpho bitched to me about how he can't pull chicks cause he's ugly. So I told him hell yeah, he is and the ninny cried and quit. Or how I told Super Girl she has a wrestler's ass and she cried and quit too.
Adele - That's It, I Quit, I'm Moving On (from Chasing Pavements single)

No Sleep

The truth is, Batman has not slept since the 70s. I mean, have you ever seen a shot of him in sunlight? That's what I thought. I mean, just the other day he was complaining about how he's never shagged on the beach during sunset before. I mean geez, how can anyone not have done that yet?
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Can't Ever Sleep (from Sound on Sound)

No comments:

Web Analytics