Friday, August 29, 2008

B-Side of the Week - Song #9

Sunny Day Real Estate
Song #9 (from the Thief, Steal Me A Peach single)
(One Day I Stopped Breathing)

Steal A Peach in 15 Simple Steps
by Genusfrog

Step 1: Want a peach. You gotta want it, my friends.
Step 2: Locate it. No peach, no theft.
Step 3: Mount tree. Yes, you have to climb the damn thing.
Step 4: Pluck it.
Step 5: Descend tree. The theft is not really complete till you exit the premise.
Step 6: Send to lab. You need to know if it's a peach before you can say you've stolen "a peach".
Step 7: Go to the Caribbean with Ana Ivanovic.
Step 8: Climb the Andes with Ana Ivanovic.
Step 9: Surf in Hawaii with Ana Ivanovic.
Step 10: Return home and call the lab.
Step 11: Determine authenticity of "peach".
Step 12: Put in papers to officiate theft of said peach.
Step 13: Go to Kazakhstan prairies with Ana Ivanovic.
Step 14: Trek Moroccan dustlands with Ana Ivanovic.
Step 15: Stop for a drink and eat peach with Ana Ivanovic.

Sunny Day Real Estate - Song #9

Thursday, August 28, 2008

In the papers today...

Beginning yesterday, Malaysians who have pirated versions of Windows XP Professional installed in their computer will have their screens going black every 60 minutes. This is likely to affect roughly three million of the 8.6 million Win XP Pro users in the country, and is an extension of the continual struggle by authorities to clamp down on piracy in the region. Nevertheless, early reports suggest the strategy may have to be tweaked; representatives from the Campaign Against Racist Computer Usage have insisted that the authorities offer options of white, yellow and albino screens as well.
This story reminds me of: My Vitriol - Windows and Walls (from Finelines) [BUY]

The much fawned-over t-shirt company Threadless has announced they are selling most shirts on their site at $12, down from a usual $17 to $20. The discount is part of their back to school sale, and will surely appeal to those who faithfully pledge their fashion allegiance to this hipster brand. Nevertheless, in an effort to compete, American Apparel also announced they are selling their models at a discount of 10 kilograms lighter. Expect furious buying.
This story reminds me of: Tim Fite - More Clothes (from Fair Ain't Fair) [BUY]

Facebook has been forced to remove the popular game Scrabulous from all of its sites globally. Facing a lawsuit from Matell Inc, the parent company of Scrabble, the only country where the game can still be played is India, where the developers of Scrabulous live. Concurrently, Air Asia reports that the 1,000,000 free flights it was giving away have all been snapped up, with 93.4% of them headed towards Bangalore. Tony Fernandes has also put in orders for extra in-flight servings of chapati.
This story reminds me of: Wilco - Box Full of Letters (from A.M.) [BUY]

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fad of the Land: Shazam

You know, I can never quite figure out why people are so preoccupied with figuring out the name of songs. Take Shazam, for example. It's probably the most buzzed iPhone application around right now, because it allows people to hold up their iPhone to any song being played anywhere, and in a few seconds it will be instantly identified, with bonus links to purchase it in iTunes or share it to buddies via email.

Yes, that's so mondo gizmo and blah, but what's the fun in finding out the actual name of the song? It just reeks of unoriginality, I tell you. Everyone should follow my example. Like, when I was eight, I heard this song about running across streets with no names, sung by this Irish-sounding bunch that seemed to have a fetish for delayed guitars. Remembering the timeless advice my kindy teacher gave about never listening to what anyone said about you, I gave the band a name, and have stuck with it ever since, ignoring the repeated urges by my family members that the band go by a different name. What do they know? So anyways, when you got the time, go check out Pussy on the Wussy Wearing Stussy. They got another song where the guy can't decide whether to live with or without some chick. I called it "Go Buy a Tamagotchi, You Twit". It's so good.

Beastie Boys - Shazam! (from To The 5 Boroughs) [BUY]

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Stubbs the Zombie Soundtrack
(Shout Factory)

What an ingenious idea! Get a bunch of hip and happening bands like The Raveonettes, Death Cab for Cutie and The Flaming Lips and get them to sing those lovely evergreen oldies. Brilliant.

As such I am readying a few projects in the pipeline of similar nature as well. The first one I have up is Morbid Angel Sings Dion. We got a killer version of 'I Love You' for that one. That will be followed up by Mogwai plays Il Divo. And if all goes well, then The Sex Pistols does Jay Chou. I expect to make a million in my first month, 20 hot babes in my second and a space shuttle by the third. Basically the world will be mine. Cause all you need to conquer the world is a space shuttle. That 'higher ground advantage' thing that they taught me in military school.

Death Cab for Cutie - Earth Angel (from Stubbs the Zombie Soundtrack) [BUY]

Word for the Week: Pause


Genusfrog and myself are taking a week's break from shooting a film. It's nothing to do with scheduling, actually; it's mainly because we ran out of bullets. I mean, heck, anyone knows that shooting films requires a six-barreled shotgun, eight tanks and 5,000 AK-47s. at the very least. You didn't know that? You putz. Go to film school.

Cass McCombs - Pregnant Pause (from Dropping the Writ) [BUY]
If you own a stable, its best to evict your prized mare and make room for this nestling, plaintively picked popper. Unless your mare also picks up the harmonica.

This Poison - Poised Over The Pause Button (from Cd86: 48 Tracks from the Birth of Indie Pop)
So apparently, while contemplating whether to hit the pause button, indie poppers are prone to don floral skirts and shake maracas. No wonder their DVD players stuff up so quickly.

Couch - Alle Auf Pause (from Profane) [BUY]
Who said post-rock is always scrawny and wussy? Done German-style, it's most buff and ultra-efficient, tqvm. Jonsi should start eating schnitzels.

Stereolab - Pause (from Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements) [BUY]
Delicate whispers, quaint pads and then, abruptly, a mash of atonal feedback; Stereolab sure know how to reenact conversations with girlfriends.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Death Cab for Cutie, 12th August, The Esplanade, Singapore

Picture courtesy of Obvious Girl

I have been sitting here for the past seven - eight days pondering on what to write about the Death Cab show.

I could write about how I was elated that they played 'Styrofoam Plates'. I could write about how excellent Ben Gibbard's diction is that even on the rockier songs like 'New Year', every word was ringing out clear. I could also write about the idiotic girly fans who were screaming and throwing tampons on to the stage. Well, in their minds at least.

But I found little inspiration.

So instead I am just going to write about Ben Gibbard's weight loss. Goddamn. Did you see the sucker? He almost looks good looking enough for a poster these days. I heard he ate nothing but 'nothing'. Yeah, you know? That brand of potatoes called 'Nothing'. You buy a box and it comes with a dozen 'nothings' inside. And therefore you have 'nothing' to cook. Then miraclously, you start losing weight after eating about 20 meals of 'nothing'. Seriously amazing stuff.

Death Cab for Cutie - Photobooth (from Forbidden Love EP) [BUY]

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Word for the Week: Shooting

Yep, Genusfrog and Pantsy are away this whole week cause they are shooting.

While I would have loathed saying anything about it if they were out shooting alien gazoombas with XL-sized phaser cannons, saving tons of hot chicks by swinging in with two hand-helds or even at the very least, taking pot shots at chickens with pea shooters, thakfully I have the distinct pleasure of saying that they are just away for a bore-ass film shoot. Yup, no bang bang. Unless it's against a vending machine because it swallowed their change.

Wesley Willis - I'm Shooting Out Your Lights
The grand ol court jester of soul unloads one on your favorite lamp. Better listen to this one closely or the cat and the Snoopy collection gets it next.

Destroyer - Shooting Rockets (from the Desk of Night's Ape) (from Trouble in Dreams) [BUY]
99 out of 100 times, I can't quite get what Dan Bejar is about. Then it becomes painfully clear here - it's because he sings about monkeys while I am more occupied with being human and dating hot chicks.

A Static Lullaby - The Shooting Star that Destroyed Us (from ... And Don't Forget to Breathe) [BUY]
Emocore jocks add a little muscle and moustache to them shooting stars. While we're at it, why not add some fangs and leathery wings? Heck, you better run cause this shooting star wants to eat you for lunch and possibly supper tonight.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Strangest Things

Price: AUD$5.00

I believe somewhere up there, in a galaxy far far far far far away, like at least 1, 764 865 miles away from where Jar-Jar lives, someone loves me.

How else do you explain the fact that I have been painfully trying to find an active download source for this album for a year now and I stumbled upon two copies in a beaten down Sydney record store going for the price of a convenience store sandwich? If that is not love, I don't know what is. Heck that's even more love than Petra in red lingerie, or roasted pork trotters with barbecue sauce or the full Ultraman series on DVD. Okay, maybe the trotters is a little closer to lust.

Longwave - All Sewn Up (from The Strangest Things) [BUY]

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You into the Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide

That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the 'No's' on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the 'No's' on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the 'No's' on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Not the least because I just watched the band a few days ago so I am still rather buzzed about them, certainly not least because watching Ben Gibbard serenade the crowd with this song with just one guitar and some of the most lovelorn words ever written is about the most sob-worthy scene I have seen at a concert and certainly not because it's an ode to a love that's dying.

But because he is willing to 'follow her into the dark'. Yeesh, have you ever seen what's in the dark? In my room it's usually half-eaten rice boxes with week-old chicken/cabbage stew. I don't know about you, but that's bloody romantic.

Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You into the Dark (from Plans) [BUY]

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

B-Side of the Week - Falling Down

Falling Down (Chemical Brothers Remix) (From the The Shock Of Lightning single)
(Big Brother)

Ahh... what are the odds of this week's b-side being some breaking new b-side from a yet-to-break single from Oasis? I ran down to my local bookmaker and asked them, and they gave me a 1-100,000,000 odd.

Blimey, that's about the same odds that they're giving me to score six back-to-back dates with the entire starting Russian women's volleyball team on the eve of their gold-medal game. That's also about the same oods they're offering for me to wrestle a bear and give it a suplex from the top turnbuckle while remembering all the words to Tom Jones' Delilah. And that's about the same odds as me discovering a cure for Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva on a budget of RM5.50 per month while doing night shifts for both 7 Eleven and my neighbourhood Shell station. Or about the same odds they're giving for me to break into twenty houses in five different suburbs at the same time and stealing, from the respective 20 houses, one tv, one dvd player without RCA cables, a DVD of Wong Kar-Wai's Fallen Angels with English subtitles, RCA cables from another house, and the entire Beatles catalogue, one album from each house, and make a getaway within 200 seconds.

So there I stood at my local bookie, staring down and all those bets, and all I had was five dollars. So I did the only rational thing - I spent it on wantan mee.

But on my way home, I met the entire Russian women's volleyball team and we had dinner, sitting back-to-back. Then we went to 7 Eleven for slurpees and I ended up helping my buddy there from 9 to 10. Five minutes later, I was in a ring with a grizzly bear, suplexing him from the floor, the first rope, the second rope, the top rope and all four turnbuckles. Lousy bear refused to sing along to Delilah. I trudged down to the chemist later, scraped off the bear blood mixed with Genusfrog skin cells from my fingernails and within twenty seconds the Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva virus came out negative in the test tube. Two hours later, I stopped for gas and ended up at Shell doing the 2am to 3am turn. By 5.02am, I had successfully multiplied myself into 21 different Genusfrogs and proceeded to move into five different suburbs, whereupon I orchestrated a simultaneous 20-house burglary that yielded me a plasma tv, a dvd player, rca cables, Wong Kar-Wai's Fallen Angels in King James English subtitles and the entire Beatles catalogue downloaded from internet connections in 16 different houses. We were out before 5.04am.

It's six in the morning now. I got nothing to do so here's the Chemical Brothers remix of the new Oasis album track Falling Down. It's a b-side off the upcoming single of The Shock Of The Lightning.

Now I know what you're thinking. If I'd placed a dollar on each of those bets, I'd have five hundred million now. You stupid moron. You have no clue how good that wantan mee was.

Oasis - Falling Down (Chemical Brothers Remix) [BUY]

Monday, August 11, 2008

Elysian Fields: Greek Gods, Singapore islands and err ... hot blondes

Our top notch hot-arsed spy from a country with a name we can't quite pronounce has clued us in to the fact that there's a cool-ass festival brewing on an island up in Singapore with a working title Elysian Fields and is set to feature, among others, Lucky Soul and British electro-soul singer Jamie Lidell.

You know. I figure the people that come up with these festival titles are quite a hoot. What next? 'Rocking with Ranch Sauce'? 'The War of Troy'? They all have pretty bad names. Except for this one that's been brewing at that blind spot between my left butt cheek and my bung hole called 'The Geek Rocks'. That's pretty much a winner. Don't believe me, ask Olivia. You know what? I will ask, "Hey dear, I was wondering ... you know? You know?"

Oh, she said yes.

Lucky Soul - I Got the Magic (from The Great Unwanted) [BUY]
Jamie Lidell - Another Day (from Jim) [BUY]

Friday, August 8, 2008

Word for the week: Olympics


Oh gee. I don't know. Let's see. Give me 88 minutes to tackle this nasty beast.

88 minutes later...

Y'know what's nastier than this beast? The beast's momma. And y'know what's nastier than the beast's momma? Turnip juice. That one needs like a whole century.

Go Antigua and Barbuda.

The Hives - Dead Quote Olympics (from Tyrannosaurus Hives) [BUY]
Sounds like: Swimming's 50 metre freestyle. The only thing more ferocious is a rapping monkey. And when you get a 50 metre freestyle-swimming, rapping monkey? Even DMX don't bite so hard.

The Winter Olympics - Dancing at the Speedway
Sounds like: Cycling's team sprint. Overlapping bikers wiggle and shake their rumps on a track you thought only existed in Manga. And with those body squishing suits, you might as well be watching Animax.

Orange Juice - Moscow Olympics (from The Glasgow School) [BUY]
Sounds like: 120kg Greco Roman wrestling. No, not because of the grunts and pseudo-gay undertones, but because anything involving two 120kg men has got to kick butt. Or at least grope.

Arty Album Art: Damien Jurado and Gathered in Song - I Break Chairs

Design by Jesse LeDoux

Rockers break chairs.

Damien Jurado wanted to rock.

So Damien Jurado breaks chairs.

Go Lithuania.

Damien Jurado & Gathered in Song - Lose My Head (from I Break Chairs) [BUY]

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Ocean Colour Scene
Moseley Shoals

Price: AUD$3.00

I once knew a guy named Moseley.

He always claimed he could not get a date because of his name. That it implied that he either sat around and did nothing all day or that he was a Christian (cause all odd names are usually biblical). He always said he wanted my name. Which I can understand. Cause when you have a name like Deathcon Barbarical Zorc, the chicks just can't resist it. That and the fact that I pay them 1000 bucks an hour to pay attention.

Ocean Colour Scene - The Circle (from Moseley Shoals) [BUY]

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Camera Obscura in Malaysia and Singapore in October

Yes I know, we've talked about this a lot. Like seriously a lot. To the point that when I go to the neighborhood coffee shop and I turn to my dear Olivia and say, "Honey can you bring out the camera from the bag?', someone will pick up a shotgun and shoot me in the leg.

But apparently it is happening. Malaysia on October 31st at Ruums and Singapore the 29th at Esplanade. The dates are even up on their Myspace page. So it is more confirmed than my status of 'guru of awesomeness'. It feels good to finally be justified. And I have two prosthetic legs to show for it. It's nice to know you can still be a martyr in this day and age and have a hot chick as well.

Camera Obscura - Alaska (from If Looks Could Kill single) [BUY]

The Polyphonic Spree: 29th July, Metro Theatre, Sydney

Watching The Polyphonic Spree is a bit like experiencing a religious encounter and a John Woo movie at the same time. And I say this with little prejudice seeing as I am neither an incredibly religious person nor am I a fan of John Woo. But I am a fan of his movies. Gotcha! I know, my mom always said I had a way with words. Like how I once told a girl she was 'fat'. Yeah, that's it. I was being honest. She put me through about five tables and 6 chairs that day. Mahogany ones too.

Anyways back to my award winning analogy. Yes, there is the bit where the band sonically picks up a big-ass gun (we are not sure what model/made but it's seriously big), turns around in slow motion, rolls on the floor in slow motion, turns their head in slow motion, cocks the gun in slow motion, fart in slow motion, spins their buttocks to assume a firing position in slow motion, takes two seconds to dig their nose in slow motion before aching their hips to one side and firing about 54,678 987 rounds into your ordinary body. And just as you are about to die like a useless 5 buck and hour extra, a dove flies by, in slow motion and you see a light, and maybe a day and some bearded guys in robes.

And before you know it, you find yourself rising up, in a pile of blood and bile and you feel no pain. Because these bearded guys have got you propped up and you feel a peace. It might be the peace brought on by a 23-piece indie orchestra but it's a peace nonetheless. And no, it has nothing to do with the dove.

Oh yeah The John Steel Singers played as well and they were seriously great. Not John Woo great but definitely a Tsui Hark.

They played a lot of great songs that day but I am going to post a song that I wish they had played.

The Polyphonic Spree - Watch us Explode (Justify) (from The Fragile Army) [BUY]

Friday, August 1, 2008

B-Side of the Week - Nine Years

The Black Angels
Nine Years (from the The First Vietnamese War single)
(Light In The Attic Records)

The Black Angels are supposedly a psychedelic rock band from Austin Texas. Right. That's before you read the next ten sentences on their Wikipedia entry, which gradually reveals to you that they toured for two years with The Black Keys and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, and their debut LP is likened to the noise made by Canadian indie rockers Black Mountain, who after a bit of investigation, is discovered to be associated with Vancouver outfit Black Halos.

Having fed all this into my stupendous brain, it seems plainly clear then that The Black Angels aren't in fact a psychedelic rock band from Austin Texas, but a three-headed she-wolf with the body of a tortoise, a species all too common in North American suburbs but, in my 9-years-at-National Geographic opinion, also all too often mistaken for psychedelic rock bands. But this one's a beauty. Just look at the way those wolf heads snap at each other. Ah, the joys of nature.

The Black Angels - Nine Years [BUY]

Sick Sick Six: Spanish Cities

I'll do a series on Czech cities soon. Promise. Just gotta convince Bono to write a song called "České Budějovice". I even faxed him verse one. A total megahit.

Population: 195,769
Claim to fame: Bulls. No, not those horned types that run cobbled streets and gore cobbleheads. I'm talking about those ball-bouncing Chicago types. Yup, Jordan's middle name is Fernando.
Pelle Carlberg - Pamplona (from In a Nutshell) [BUY]

Population: 810,064
Claim to fame: Paella. A mash of rice, seafood and saffron, cooked in a large flat pan, served hot and sticky. Goes really well with gored Spaniard. Or peach.
The Decemberists - O Valencia (from The Crane Wife) [BUY]

Population: 354,145
Claim to fame: Guggenheim Museum. Apparently there is also art inside it, but who the heck wants to do anything other than stare at a silver swath of metal.
Sun Kil Moon - Tonight In Bilbao (from April) [BUY]

Population: 294,772
Claim to fame: Fish. Well, generally all things sea-related from this city get their 15 minutes, but the great finned ones are particularly special. They know kung-fu.
Minotaur Shock - Vigo Bay (from Maritime) [BUY]

Population: 1,605,602
Claim to fame: Antoni Gaudi. Architect freakodinnaire. Heck, the whole city was awarded some medal for contribution to architecture. Even the cockroaches can lay concrete.
I'm From Barcelona - Barcelona Loves You (from Let Me Introduce My Friends) [BUY]

Population: 3,228,359
Claim to fame: The chips. Forget about the museums, football, bullfighting, history, modernity, etc. the chips rule. Don't trust me? Then you got trust issues. Go forgive your mum.
Jeff Tweedy - New Madrid
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