Tuesday, August 12, 2008

B-Side of the Week - Falling Down

Falling Down (Chemical Brothers Remix) (From the The Shock Of Lightning single)
(Big Brother)

Ahh... what are the odds of this week's b-side being some breaking new b-side from a yet-to-break single from Oasis? I ran down to my local bookmaker and asked them, and they gave me a 1-100,000,000 odd.

Blimey, that's about the same odds that they're giving me to score six back-to-back dates with the entire starting Russian women's volleyball team on the eve of their gold-medal game. That's also about the same oods they're offering for me to wrestle a bear and give it a suplex from the top turnbuckle while remembering all the words to Tom Jones' Delilah. And that's about the same odds as me discovering a cure for Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva on a budget of RM5.50 per month while doing night shifts for both 7 Eleven and my neighbourhood Shell station. Or about the same odds they're giving for me to break into twenty houses in five different suburbs at the same time and stealing, from the respective 20 houses, one tv, one dvd player without RCA cables, a DVD of Wong Kar-Wai's Fallen Angels with English subtitles, RCA cables from another house, and the entire Beatles catalogue, one album from each house, and make a getaway within 200 seconds.

So there I stood at my local bookie, staring down and all those bets, and all I had was five dollars. So I did the only rational thing - I spent it on wantan mee.

But on my way home, I met the entire Russian women's volleyball team and we had dinner, sitting back-to-back. Then we went to 7 Eleven for slurpees and I ended up helping my buddy there from 9 to 10. Five minutes later, I was in a ring with a grizzly bear, suplexing him from the floor, the first rope, the second rope, the top rope and all four turnbuckles. Lousy bear refused to sing along to Delilah. I trudged down to the chemist later, scraped off the bear blood mixed with Genusfrog skin cells from my fingernails and within twenty seconds the Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva virus came out negative in the test tube. Two hours later, I stopped for gas and ended up at Shell doing the 2am to 3am turn. By 5.02am, I had successfully multiplied myself into 21 different Genusfrogs and proceeded to move into five different suburbs, whereupon I orchestrated a simultaneous 20-house burglary that yielded me a plasma tv, a dvd player, rca cables, Wong Kar-Wai's Fallen Angels in King James English subtitles and the entire Beatles catalogue downloaded from internet connections in 16 different houses. We were out before 5.04am.

It's six in the morning now. I got nothing to do so here's the Chemical Brothers remix of the new Oasis album track Falling Down. It's a b-side off the upcoming single of The Shock Of The Lightning.

Now I know what you're thinking. If I'd placed a dollar on each of those bets, I'd have five hundred million now. You stupid moron. You have no clue how good that wantan mee was.

Oasis - Falling Down (Chemical Brothers Remix) [BUY]

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