Friday, January 30, 2009

Fad of the Land: The League Of Rock

The League of Rock. Has there been a badder, asser name for a new music initiative than this? Apparently it's like some community for people who were never in bands to spend 10 weeks of their life pretending their in a band, and they get to tour and record and...Oh, who gives a monkey's tail about what it does! It's the frakking League of Rock! Like, fugghetabout wussy names like LaLa or Pandora. It's the MF League Of MF Rock, y'all.

Huh? Whaddaya mean there's a badder assser name for another initiative! You tool! There's nothing badder or asser than a league! Oh...Yeah you got a point. A Platoon is pretty up there too. Ok, then how 'bout a... huh? Oh, a Troupe. Yeah that could work too. A Gaggle? Hmmm. The Gaggle of Rock. Dude, that's got a pretty good ring right there. You're a smart, tough cupcake, ain't ya? Come sit on my lap and read me some Beatrix Potter, why don't you.


El-P - The League Of Extraordinary Nobodies (from I'll Sleep When You're Dead)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sunburst: Lupe Fiasco wants to come (but...)

You're probably wondering why in revealing that Lupe Fiasco is rumoured to be the latest addition to Malaysia's Sunburst Festival in March, I'm using a picture of his back.

Well let me tell you. It's basically because he d... hey shut up! Smarty aardvark! Oh, so because you also know that Lupe doesn't usually do festivals sponsored by beer companies, hence he's unlikely to come for this one, and so you think I'm using the photo as some kinda symbolism. Oh, you're like soooooo smart. Soooooo.

Ok sorry, I got distracted there by some putz. Yeah I know, it is seriously pissing off when someone distracts you just as you're trying to explain something, isn't it? I mean, especially when you're such a fully focused person who never gets distracted on his own. Like, I especially hate it when I'm in the middle of something, and then suddenly some person makes a comment that is totally unrelated, and then I have to correct the person, and then buy 16,000 MiG aircrafts so I can blast a 2-mile deep crater in that place he once called a house, before returning t...what!!!! There are only 15,343 MiGs in the world? How the heck am I supposed to do anything? Oh gosh, this life sucks. Yeah, a bit like the coffee at the corner shop near my office. Yeah actually that sucks a little more. Yeah. Good thing I'm so focused.

Lupe Fiasco - Go Go Gadget Flow (from The Cool)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Gig-gles: Mogwai Live in KL - 21 January 2009

You see in this life, there is what you would call good noise and then there is bad noise. And while I wholeheartedly agree that the furiously loud clink clang that Mogwai made a couple nights ago qualifies suitably as 'good noise', the sound of me belching after a heavy meal is actually just a rung above that in the 'good noise' ladder. Let's not get into me burping the Smurf theme song or farting 'You Got the Touch' from the Transformers cartoon movie because that will literally blow your mind.

So what is bad noise? Hmm ... good question captain, let me ask Sarah. Yes dear, so what do you think is ... what did you say? Oh the sound of me talking? Ha ha, that's a good one. You are so funny dear. You know, like 'har har' funny? Now put on this corset for me okay? Yes, no talk, as usual.

Mogwai - Christmas Song (from Mogwai [EP])

Saturday, January 17, 2009

UPDATE: Sunburst: N.E.R.D, Foo Fighters and Erykah Badu added (plus Katy Perry?)

Update: Continuing from Pantsy's arseface rant, we want to just add that Coldplay has apparently signed on the dotted line and it's just 1/3 of N.E.R.D's that coming. There have also been talks of Prodigy as well as 311, who are about as relevant as my four-year old farts these days. Tickets went on sale yesterday for RM140.00 (early bird price). But yeah, you heard me right, no lineup has been announced. So unless you're me (the whole Jedi mind-reading thing), it's going to be a huge risk to buy one now. Lineup will be announced on Feb 6. If you need to know who's playing, call me*

*terms and conditions apply (mainly you have to be a hot chick. if you're not, then err ... ignore this message because it will self destruct in about five seconds, seriously. Go away. Boo)

[Note: The arsefaces at Blogger took down our original post (without prior notification). They cited some copyright dingaling as the reason, but we know the real truth: they're just scared of our overall undisputed awesomeness to fart better than them. Can't blame them. Arsefaces.]

When I was 6 years old, my ship captain, Captain Farty, took time off from skewering British Navy testicles over the bonfire to teach me the importance of making intelligent predictions about life based on the highly complex world of probabilities.

And so, years later, I would just like to take a short moment to share my utmost thanks to the man for equipping me with such priceless tools. Because of him, I learnt that the odds of a meteor landing on your house are 182,138,880,000,000 to 1, and that the chances of dying from heart disease are 1 in 3. And because I learnt such important lessons, today my house has a 90-foot thick, meteor-proof concrete roof, and I eat nothing but bacon fat and whipped cream. Because I'm a good student.

So anyways, having lived my whole successful life by these principles, I owe it to the world to share my priceless secrets, in hope that someone in the world will one day experience the kind of abundant living that I now experience (seriously, concrete roofs are the shizznit). And so as a proof of my prowess, I will now calculate the probability that N.E.R.D., Foo Fighters, Erykah Badu and Katy Perry will be coming for Malaysia's Sunburst Festival. Better yet, I will now calculate the probability that the line-up for Sunburst, based on all the utterly accurate bits of info we've received over the last few months will look like this:

Foo Fighters

Kings of Leon

Snow Patrol
Erykah Badu

Katy Perry

Ok, you ready? Computing devices all on? Ok here we go.

Bzzzzzzzz.... Whrrrrrrr... Doooooot...

The odds of the above line-up coming is 1 in 5,005,564. Exactly the same odds as the odds of dying from contact with hot tap water. You know what that means right? Yup, donate 2 million dollars to the International Prevention from Death By Hot Tap Water Society, and start sending up-yours postcards to Coachella, Glastonbury and V Fest. Congrats, mate. You are halfway to becoming the master of probabilities. Thank you, Captain Farty, for enriching our lives.

Foo Fighters - Erase/Replace (from Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Word for the Week: Little


It seems that "little" is this year's "deer", like "deer" was last year's "wolf". Huh? Band names? What band names? Of course I'm not talking about that! Doof. Didn't you read the first sentence properly? Last year, all wolves became deers. Dude! You missed that Animal Planet episode? Get a TV, man! So anyways, this year zoologists at the World Animal Nurture Kingdom Society (also known as WANKS) have advised deer owners to watch out for widespread shrinking of their deer. Shrinking to, like, really little. Like, puny. Punier than wolf. Which turned into deer. Which became little. Yeah, knew you'd get it.

Little Boots -
Meddle (from Arecibo EP) [BUY]
BBC's new belle Victoria Hesketh gets props for being savvy with something called the Tenori-on. It's got flashy blue lights and makes beats. So does my garden—it makes turneaps and pumpkeans too. Hard to tour with, though.

Little Joy - Brand New Start (from Little Joy) [BUY]
Strokes drumboy Fabrizio Moretti trades the snare for the stables. I bet he's just trying to twang his way down Nicole Kidman's skirt.

Little Birdy - Brothers (from upcoming as-yet-untitled album) [BUY]
It's good to have these Aussie mates back, all clappy and harmonica-y and stuff. Wish all my Aussie mates were like that. Especially Hugh, the lout.

Little Teeth - Oh Drag (from Child Bearing Man) [BUY]
You know what's the littlest thing about a band with screeching female vocals? Your pipi at the end of it.

Sunburst: And now Coldplay are coming!

Wow, guess what we just found out? No, it's not that Pantsy has hamster-phobia, although that is true. What? No, it's not that my mother has a crush on Josh Groban, although that is also true.

But we've found out that whiny-rock kings Coldplay is the latest name attached to this Sunburst thing. Now all we need is a bra-wearing chicken choir and Sarah Wayne Callies with nothing on but a Gibson SG and we can die a peaceful death.

Coldplay - Fix You (live) (from X&Y) [BUY]

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

In the papers today...

US President-elect Barack Obama bought his two daughters a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. Both Malia and Sasha then proceeded to spend their holidays in Hawaii, where they and daddy played bowling on the new console. Meanwhile, Washington announced today that they were renaming the White House as the Wiite House, and that visitors who wanted to tour the place would first have to beat Michelle Obama in a round of Wii Boxing.
This story reminds me of: Raconteurs - Consoler of the Lonely (from Consolers of the Lonely) [BUY]

Over a year after Polaroid announced it would no longer make its famed cameras, it has returnd with the PoGo, a digital camera with a built-in colour printer that prints out peel-off, sticky-backed photos right on the spot. The process is different from the old one, but the end product is similar to the original's grainy, washed out look. Two days after this was announced, art schools worldwide reported mass incidences of their students sucking thumbs, doodling dinosaurs and mumbling, "Look mummy, tulips!"
This story reminds me of: Massive Attack - Polaroid Girl (from Danny The Dog soundtrack) [BUY]

The Palm Pre has been voted the Best in Show winner for the recently concluded International Consumer Electronics Show (CES), which is awarded to the best overall gadget of the exhibition. The smartphone, which has been touted for its multitouch screen and excellent web browsing capabilities, is hailed as a return to form for Palm, and should offer decent competition to both the iPhone and the BlackBerry. It still lacks a sheath to keep your 50-foot sword though, which means that Optimus Prime is still the world leader in total awesomeness.
This story reminds me of: Idaho - Hearts of Palm (from Hearts of Palm) [BUY]

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sunburst: Paramore are coming to town!

So apparently that incredibly popular band with the orange-haired munchkin and her far-too-skinny cohorts are set to headline Malaysia's premier music festival (yeah go cry in a corner Rock the World) Sunburst. This culminated with the fact that the Kings of Leon and Snow Patrol rumor has not quite died yet can only mean one thing - that either Sunburts looks set to kick old farts Mosaic Music Festival out of the nursing home or that we are yet again talking in between our tasty farts.

Personally I would go with the latter if I were you. Unless it proves to be true, in which case you owe me something. And that something (if you happen to be a hot chick) is merely to just thrown one o' them knickers of yours at Genusfrog. He hates that. Alternately if you're a guy, then you can get us a rack of barbecued pork ribs. Then we're square. Or round, depending on how many racks you bring us.

Paramore - Oh Star (from All We Know Is Failing (Japan Bonus Track)) [BUY]

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Fad of the Land: Musebin

With Musebin, you can review albums in 140 letters. Hey look, I still got 66 letters! Hey, they count punctuation too! Thatsbloodyunfairman.


BMX Bandits - Elegant Lines (from Bee Stings) [BUY]

Friday, January 2, 2009

Ahoy, 2009

It's 2009. Let's make it fine. Yarrr.

Dent May - Love Song 2009 (from The Good Feeling Music of Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele) [BUY]
Web Analytics