Ahoy, 2009

It's 2009. Let's make it fine. Yarrr.

Dent May - Love Song 2009 (from The Good Feeling Music of Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele) [BUY]

New Pipettes will do 80s dance

Why am I always the last to find out?

The Pipettes have a new lineup. RiotBecki and Rosay have packed up, left the band and ticked the requisite we're-still-best-friends-forever checkbox. The new Pipettes is supposed to be more 80s dance.

Bollocks.

I think they're alone now. My kisses were wasted on them. Gwenno, why did you stay? I love you. I guess it's not love (it's just a feeling). Sigh. Just be yourself baby. It hurts to see you dance so well.

I guess we know who ran off with the milkman.

The Pipettes - In The Bleak Midwinter

Free download of Slipknot's new song for next 24 hours

No time to waste, so we'll get right to it. We gotta be efficient. Gotta be snappy. Get to the point. Yep. Short. Succinct. Uh huh, no room for excess words.

You've got 24 hours — no, now just over 19 — to download — wait, I think it's more like 18 and 56 minutes and 45.3 seconds — Slipknot's new song 'All Hope Is Gone' from the album of the same name. Have I said that we don't want to waste your time? Well we really don't. Seriously, it's the last thing we wanna do. Ok, maybe the second last, next to making you think that llamas are better than okapis. Because they really aren't, you know. We hope you don't believe that one bit. That would be a major travesty if you did, and we always endeavour to prevent our faithful, time-sapped readers from wasting time on frighteningly important matters like that.

So you alright on the llama front? Cool. Wouldn't want to waste your time. Have I said that? Good. Wouldn't want to repeat myself either. That would be bad. That would be bad.

To download the song, click here.

Slipknot - My Plague (from Iowa) [BUY]

Euro 2008: Dutcho Destructo

There are some things in life, you just can't imagine happening.

The 3-0 mauling the Dutch gave the Italians last night at Euro 2008 ranks second in a list of things I couldn't have imagined happening. I would've sooner imagined Dutch coach Marco Van Basten doing a Swan Lake routine, complete with twirls with a Timmy Thomas track blaring in the background than this. Or Italy coach Roberto Donadoni breaking out the karaoke machines for some Carpenters loving at half time. Or me bedding six catwalk models with Starflyer 59 serenading us in the background. Oh, wait, already done that.

Ah, what's the first you say? This. So much so that I just leaped off the roof of a 39-floor building just to prove that it isn't real. Yep, I'm still talking. Thank God, it wasn't real. Hey, is that blood I see. Oh, why is everything turning dark? I wonder what is ... (silence).

Editors - Orange Crush (REM cover) (from Blood single) [BUY]

It's International Hug A Musician Day

Indeed, it is International Hug A Musician Day. C'mere, Leslie. I give really good ones.

Placebo - Hug Bubble (from Teenage Angst single) [BUY]

The Macarena-zation of hip-hop

Salon's Paul Kix laments the dorkifying process that hip-hop has undergone. In his words, "We are witnessing nothing less than the Macarena-zation of a genre". He goes on to blame Soulja Boy for pioneering the demise, which he attributes to the two-pronged attack of infantile lyrics and corny, music exec-driven dance moves that even politicians can imitate.

Unfortunately, Kix, in his impassioned indictment against his beloved's hideous state, forgot to mention one key factor in its degradation: the hair has become normal. It's truly depressing, if you think about it. I mean, my Busta Rhymes dreadlocks used to get the honeys honking before they rounded the corner. My Snoop horns once won me an audition to appear on the hit reality program "Body Implants You Should Never Let Your Child Know About" (check out UPN for reruns). But now? Heck, I'm starved for role models. I can't even get a spot as the backrow balcony audience of Last Comic Standing. And no one believes my crop top is a tribute to Fat Joe. So Paul Kix, word man. I feel ya. Damn you, hip-hop.

To read the article, click here.

Nas (featuring will.i.am) - Hip-Hop Is Dead (from Hip-Hop Is Dead) [BUY]

In the papers today...

Thai activist Chotisak Oonsoong is being charged with insulting Thailand's king by refusing to stand up when the country's national anthem was played at the start of a movie (as is practiced in Thailand). What the cops didn't know was that he wasn't really sitting down; he had simply lapsed into a coma upon discovering he was about to watch Norbit.
This story reminds me of: Radiohead - The National Anthem (from I Might Be Wrong: Live Recordings)

Health organisations are calling for the end of sex education programs that only promote abstinence till marriage. The reported rationale is that such programs aren't any better at discouraging premarital sex. The real reason, of course, is that they deny teenagers the chance to make condom balloons.
This story reminds me of: Neutral Milk Hotel - Song Against Sex (from On Avery Island)

Hard Rock Cafe has just launched its first theme park in South Carolina. Ingeniously christened Hard Rock Park, some highlights include a Led Zeppelin rollercoaster, a 'Born In The USA' section and a 10,000 seat amphetheatre. Nevertheless, early reports aren't good; sources say kids are crying at the sight of the Mick Jagger plush toy.
This story reminds me of: Belle & Sebastian - The Rollercoaster Ride (from The Boy with the Arab Strap)

Ronnie Khoo releases music video

Pete Teo embraces the races

Pete Teo has set out to heal his country, one pretty Pan-Asian at a time. This Malaysian singer-songwriter has put on his Bob Geldof hat and embarked on a inter-artiste song project involving people of various colours and creeds. He's got artistes like Ning Baizura, Awie, Jacklyn Victor, Melina William and Attilia to sing snippets, and he's doing a video too, directed by Yasmin Ahmad and starring, among others, Tony Fernandes, Shebby Singh and Maya Karin. The end product will be released as a free download (the song, not the pretty Pan-Asians).

Well done, Pete. Let's see: singer-songwriter, actor, writer, racial harmoniser, Geldofer—pretty soon, you'll need a new wardrobe for the many hats you're wearing. Because everyone knows you must have a hat for everything you do. Like me. I just picked up raccoon bombing last week, and so I bought a hat yesterday. It's tangerine, with purple polka dots. Cost me just three bucks, and 15 raccoon rectums. Good stuff comes cheap, y'all.

Pete Teo - Who For You? (from Television)

Bear Garden gives away a song a month

June Somsiri Sangkaew, aka Bear Garden, must have ended 2007 with an epiphany. How else to explain her decision to give away 11 songs in 11 months in 2008? Yeah, this electropop bassorita and co-founder of Thailand's Panda Records is letting us netty peeps download one track a month (this month's lolly ain't out, but u can get the March song below).

On second thoughts, maybe she wasn't struck by an epiphany. Maybe she's just wired like that. Why, anything cute and chirpy is bound to be generous. For instance, have you met Ricardo, my salamander? Dude never fails to share his flies with his brothers and sisters. Even lets me have a nibble or two to go with my fried rice. Now, you can dispute the "cute" side of Ricardo, and argue that having 18 operations on his voice box to give him that requisite chirp isn't exactly natural, and say that blablablablablblabla... oh shush. Stop peeing on someone's charity, people. God bless his heart.

To find out more, click here.

Bear Garden - เรือลำน้อย (Full Ahead A Little Ship) (Internet single)

Groove Armada join Bacardi

Groove Armada might have just out-Radioheaded Radiohead. In this mondo-cool era of scorning the big record label, these dance daddies have signed up with Bacardi for a four-track EP and a deal that allows the company to use the duo's songs for promo shindigs.

Bacardi? All I gotta say is that when you got rum rompers funding your ass, it's no wonder you'd only record a four-track EP. Smashin', y'all.

To read more, click here.

Groove Armada - If Everybody Looked the Same (from Vertigo)

Sunburst Festival release timetable

Some statements sound plain weird. 'Malaysia's premiere music festival' would be one of those phrases, right up there with 'Pantsy's smallest bicep', or 'Pantsy's finest body part'. Like, ain't redundancy just so irritatingly, annoyingly, gallingly pissing off? Sheesh.

But ah well. When short on options...

Malaysia's premiere music festival, Sunburst KL International Music Festival, has released their timetable. Come March 15th, in the grand tradition of festivals that are bound to frustrate with a slew of clashing acts, attendees will be forced to choose between:

• George Clinton, Bittersweet and Love Me Butch
• The Roots and Meet Uncle Hussain
• John Legend and Hujan
• Y2K and the candy floss stand.
  

Sigh. Some decisions are so tough to make. Thank God for the easier ones.

To view the timetable, click here.

George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic - Atomic Dog (from Computer Games)
The Roots - Next Movement (from Things Fall Apart)
Meet Uncle Hussain - La La La Kerjalah (from Kami: Music Inspired By Kami The TV Series)
Raul Midon - Sunshine (from State Of Mind)

The SIGIT release new single online

Indonesia's The SIGIT have gotta be stoked. They've got region-wide buzz, a chubby slot at this year's SxSW fest, and a sophomore album coming up. And so they so what all stoked bands do: Buy a bus, hire 14 strippers and play Texas Hold 'Em all the way from Ankara to Istanbul, while munching on roast dingo.

Or, they give stuff for free. Yawn yawn. Man, someone needs to hire me as their PR agent. Fame, fortune and fur on your testicles awaits.

To download 'The Party', click here.

The SIGIT - The Party

Jimmy Eat World Live in Singapore?

Don't quote us on this but papers have been pushed and agents contacted apparently and the bird on the wire singing that ELO disco song is chirping in an awful falsetto that plans are underway to get Jimmy Eat World's Arizona-roasted butts over to this region for some weepy guitar-loving.

We think that the 'don't quote us on this' term is one of the most brilliant things ever created by mankind besides deep fried vegetables and American Dad. Like every time us Pirates feel the need to collectively fart out random rumors such as this one, we can do so with no remorse should it not come to past. Like I can say, "Don't quote me but I think Jessica Alba farted during the wedding scene in Fantastic Four." Or we could day," Don't quote me seriously, but I think U2 is going to be playing at my 31st birthday barbeque next week. A huge party? Not at all, just ten fellas. Yeah they are doing small shows these days but hey, don't quote me on that." Or how about,"Don't quote me on this but Amy Winehouse is actually a man."

Err ...

Jimmy Eat World - Carry You (from Chase This Light)

Coolio is back

Hold ye horses. This is the comeback to rule all comebacks. Who am I buzzing about? Led Zeppelin? Nah. MBV? Pay dirt. The Police? Jesus and Mary Chain? The Verve?

Not eeeeven. I'm talking about Coolio. Yes, all 67,000 braids of him have been bundled into a brohawk ("a mohawk for a brotha", he says), and he who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death has come to realise that it just needed a little sprucin' up with some cashmere sofas and a lava lamp.

And so he's back. What's he hitting back with, you may ask? Not an album, or a tour, or a single, or a label, or a porn video, or a chain of weed-laced cupcakes. Nuthin' even remotely as macho as what this rapchap has: A cooking show. Cookin with Coolio, word. On the menu are yummies like Tricked out Tilapia and Finger Lickin', Rib Stickin', Fall-Off-the-Bone-and-Into-Your-Mouth Chicken.

The finest show online, mark my words. Dude's even got a new record coming up called Steal Hear. Hot damn, the guy hasn't lost touch.

To watch, click here.

Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise (from Gangsta's Paradise)

Butterfingers release new video

After four and a half years, Malaysia's icons of mod rock Butterfingers return with '1000 Tahun (Aku Mahu Hidup)', the first released song (firmly translated as '1000 Years (I Want to Live)') from their upcoming sixth studio album Kembali (again solidly translated to Return). And after all the anxiety I went through to the point of shaving my neighbour's poodle, smelling my rabbit's armpits, and cross-breeding my calculator with my Spongebob mug, the payoff is...

Underwhelming.

Aaaaaiiiii... dunno. I mean, the guitar warbles and reverbed twangs are neat and all. And yes, I smell a sister to 'The Chemistry (Between Us)'s riff somewhere in the chorus. But the nostalgic fart I am, I still like my Emmett channelling Kurt and my Loque replicating Cobain and my Loco reimagining Mr Courtney Love and my Kadak building on Dave Grohl's ex-frontman. Yeah, I love variety.

Ah well. There's supposedly a new song coming out every month till the album's release in August. Let's wait and see. Meanwhile, endure the video, which is about as VMA-worthy as your uncle's family reunion, "wave to the camera!", "say something even though you've got nine sausages in your mouth!" clip. Like, watch out, BAFTAs.

Butterfingers - Taman Tasik Perdana (from Selamat Tinggal Dunia)

In the papers today...

Polaroid has pretty much closed shop. The purveyors of all snaps quaint and rustic had actually stopped producing cams about 18 months ago, and last Friday they officially shut down two plants in Boston, laying off 150 people in the process. Someone remind me to pay a visit to the museum in 2058.

This story reminds me of: Jessie & Layla - Rusty Old Camera (from Kinetic)

Hong Kong celebrity Edison Chen recently sent his laptop for repairs, without remembering to remove over 1,000 pictures of him and his exes (which include some of HK's film darlings). The result? Sales of Edison Chen's laptop model went up 437%! (Like, duh.)

This story reminds me of: Hujan - Aku Scandal (from Check Check Rock Rock)

Amsterdam is making a move to close down its Red Light District. As part of concerted efforts to clean its global image, the most famed spot in that Dutch tourist capital might soon be home to galleries, boutiques and cafes. As long as they don't turn Ajax Football Club into some Teletubby studio, they can scrap all the hooker joints they want.

This story reminds me of: Travis - New Amsterdam (from The Boy With No Name)

Time spotlights five Asian up-and-comers

Time magazine has highlighted five Asian acts to watch for 2008. Making the cut are Singapore's chicktronica The Analog Girl, Japanese experimentalist Cornelius, Chinese punkers P.K. 14, Indonesia's synth-poppers Goodnight Electric and Phillipines jazz-hop outfit The Out Of Body Special.

It's a respectable list, no doubt. But then again, the reps all hail from those usual suspects, with none from the Middle East or some other less 'indie' nation. Which means they totally ignored the Siamese crocodiles of Cambodia, whose mating calls resemble an Arcade Fire b-side. They also overlooked the morning wails of the Eld deer of Laos. And they forgot to sample sounds from the cicada in my backyard, all of who auditioned for Polyphonic Spree but were denied entry because their surnames were not DeLaughter (alas, they're from the Abidin clan). Such nepotism, sheesh.

To read more, click here.

The Analog Girl - Hello Machina (from Sometime Next Galaxy EP)
The Out Of Body Special - Soundcheck (from Is Love)
P.K. 14 - What Kind Of Wind Is Blowing (from White Paper)
Goodnight Electric - Psychic Girl (from Love and Turbo Action)
Cornelius - Cue (from Gum EP)

Pop Shuvit 's Chemical Romance

Malaysian band Pop Shuvit has been tagged to be the standing opening band for the rest of emo gods My Chemical Romance's Asian tour.

The band will be in Manila next Friday and Hong Kong the week after to provide support. The 2+2=4 reasoning here is that either Gerard Way and co loved the band to bits when they opened for them at the KL show or that Pop Shuvit are really 12-legged mind controlling slimy aliens from the planet Ktuk'ng.

It's seriously not exactly rocket science to deduce that it's definitely the latter. Why? Because Ktuk'ng aliens are everywhere. And they can morph themselves into anyone. The last known celebrity that was one was Kenny G. How do I know? The hair, damnit, the hair. Guess who else is as well? Yeps, Michael Bolton. Macy Gray? Uhuh. That monster from Ultraman Taro? Most certainly.

Oh, what did you say? Why doesn't Pop Shuvit have the hair? How the hell should I know? Do I look like a Ktuk'ng to you?

Pop Shuvit - Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (from Amped and Dangerous)

I want to be a Youtube superstar too

I heard a stupendously hilarious story today.

I heard that the guitarist for legendary hairy rock band Journey stumbled upon a clip of a Filipino pub singer singing the Journey song 'Faithfully' and offered him a spot as their new singer. Just like that. From dingy half-empty pubs to a recording studio in the States and a possible tour after.

It is funny because it's completely false.

I mean if that were the case, then someone would have checked out the Youtube clip of me tossing a grenade across a golf course and offered me a role in the GI Joe movie. Or Buffy would have scoped out that video of me taking out some vampires and offered me to be her Buffer. Or Van Halen would've checked out that clip of me in spandex and practicing jumps and offered me a spot as their new singer as well.

It's just silly to think someone can just become famous overnight because of some clip. Ha ha, seriously it's silly. Come on.

Oh, his name is Arnel Pineda by the way. Apparently, this is the clip that sold him.



Journey - Faithfully (from Frontiers)