Friday, July 25, 2008

Fad of the Land: Mucony

In case you never knew, most musicians reside in camps. No, not those "leeches sucking on your peaches" kinda camps. I'm talking about genre camps. There's the squeal metal camp, for example, whose residents boil eggs in 20 seconds. Then there's the pulpy pop camp, whose eggs are only fried wobbly 365 days a year, 1,456,893 years a lifetime. There's also the indie rock camp, who never eat their eggs but instead use them to fry their neighbours' sleeping bags, before blending that with caterpillars and sucking the resulting mix through their armpits.

And then there's the jazz and classical music camp. These chaps don't just have eggs; they have 18th century pans and 12th century stoves to cook them with. And that's where Mucony comes in. Because, oh uncultured one, Mucony is a site that offers video lessons on how to play jazz and classical music. In other words, it's only for real musicians. Only. You know how to play the choruses of Counting Crows songs? Scurry off, you farcical impostor of a musician. Jazz and classical music was birthed from the DNA of Geppetto's pee. So think of Mucony as salvation for all you unwieldy Pinocchios.

So, you ready to shift to that camp, then? Good for you. Me? Nah. I'm just dandy residing with in the sitar players camp. Yeah, the sitarguys, them champs; they eat eggs in 1,234,893 different ways. Ho yeah, long live the sitarist. Is that what they call them? Or was it the sitarer. That sounds like Cheetara. Did Cheetara play the sitar? She does sorta look like a 20-year-old Asha Bhosle. Yeah, I reckon she was totally Indian. And Mumm-Ra was Thai.


Evangelista - Smooth Jazz (from Hello Voyager) [BUY]

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