New Release: SevenCollar T-Shirt - The Great Battle

Battler 1: Maaaate. Checkit out yo.

Battler 2: What?

Battler 1: My new t-shirt. Amazing shitzuz, ain't it?

Battler 2: What's amazing?

Battler 1: Dude! Look at how many collars I got!

Battler 2: Huh?

Battler 1: Hey waddlefoot. Can't you count? One, two, seven! Seven collars, dude! Seventh to tha heaventh!

Battler 2: Ummm.

Battler 1: Plasterdunce! Wassup, beeeyotch! I will whoop yo wussy tush! You evah seen a shirt with seven collars? Evah? Evah?

Battler 2: Man.

Battler 1: Man! Got that right, man! Man is I. I AM THA MAN!

Battler 2: Think I'm gonna watch My Little Pony now.

Battler 1: Oh really?

Battler 2: Yeah. Wanna join?

Battler 1: Hot damn. Let me get my rabbit slippers.

Battler 2: Sure beeyotch.

Track list:

1. TET Offensive
2. Lucky You
3. Wild Child (Here For You)
4. Fragile
5. Fibres
6. The Foreigner
7. December
8. A Dissapearing Act
9. Exiled
10. Lights

New Release: Hujan - Mencari Konklusi

Hujan are looking for a conclusion. I am full of conclusions. So in the spirit of selfless living that my self-help guru Sensei Saki Onmai Daki (he's Turkish) has been teaching me to aspire towards, I now offer Hujan a few free conclusions:

- Turtle shells go great with leopard pants.
- Wilbur is 37 times more than Frank.
- Parking spots are best parked into when munching on alfalfa.
- This is not that. That is.

Stunning stuff, yo? Thanks, Sensei. Now tie my laces.

Track list:

1. 2nd Airwave (Malam Minggu)
2. Obsesi
3. Mencari Konklusi
4. Kau Harus Ada
5. Benci
6. Romantik
7. Sangkar Besi Di Hatiku

New Release: The Rest - Everyone All At Once

You know how everyone's in search of the next Arcade Fire? And you know how the next brilliant, unheralded Canadian band that puts out the next gobstopping album teeming with lilypads of frog-in-throat tunes will always be hailed as the next Arcade Fire? And you know how if justice reigns in the world, The Rest just might be the next Arcade Fire?

I totally feel it. And so, whenever I hear someone ask me for my thoughts on the next Arcade Fire, that in-bred spirit of selflessness and generosity automatically triggers within, and I have no choice but to become the exemplary helper that I can't help being, and subsequently lead them to the nearest shopping mall, and then to one of the passageways, and then haul in elephants to block all the exits, and then call my pet arsonist to come over and torch the mall. Because I too want people to discover the next Arcade Fire. I'm kind like that. I can't help it.

Track list:

1. Coughing Blood
2. Modern Time Travel (necessities)
3. Sheep In Wolves' Clothing
4. Phonetically, Phonetically
5. Apples & Allergies
6. Drinking Again
7. Blossom Babies Part Two
8. Walk on Water (auspicious beginnings)
9. The Lady Vanishes
10. Everything All At Once

New release: Electrico - We Satellites

A band losing a guitarist ain't that big a deal. It's not even that medium a deal, really. I mean, as Electrico demonstrate, you can lose one guitarist and still burp out a decent third album by sticking to the tried and true. And if you need that second guitarist to occupy that sonic vacuum during live shows, you can always flick on that random dial function and buzz a mate of a mate of a mate to shimmy forth. And if that doesn't work, there's always your Guitar Hero-addicted nephew.

But you know what would be a huge loss? If a band lost its aquarium cleaner. Like hell that wouldn't matter! Oh, now you're just emphasising your massive ignorance. Name me five bands that don't have aquarium cleaners? You can't, could you? Oh silly, you actually think that dude who hits the drums like, only hits the drums? Yeah sure. And so of course you believe that those things he hits drums with are actually called drumsticks. Such a naive twat. You've obviously never examined them closely. Obviously.

Track Listing:

1. Zero
2. Save Our Souls
3. Shadow
4. Faces
5. Soul Not Science
6. Hail To The Friends
7. The Slaves And The Digits
8. Travel On The Sun
9. We Satellites
10. Liberation
11. Aura

New release: Sore - Ports of Lima

Indonesia's Sore hail from a country where bands flaunt their Adidas affiliations like Kirsten Dunst flaunts dimples. Where more bands flaunt their American indie label releases like Kirsten Dunst flaunts dimples. Where even more bands flaunt their flowing teatime skirts like Kirsten Dunst flaunts dimples.

So how does a band stand out? For starters, releasing a second album ain't to shabby a move. Having the shortest, most pronounceable moniker has also gotta help for sure. And getting pre-sophy hype from Time mag has gotta be worth at least two cupcakes, since debut Centralismo was christened as one of the 'Five Asian Albums Worth Buying'. Which is a huge deal, in case you were wondering; Asians buying albums is about as common a phenomenon as Asians not eating rice. Unless you're me of course; I only drink cow stomach shakes. My mum thinks I'm Greek.

But no, when you look at the facts, all that just ain't gonna cut it. Sore seriously only have one option: chop off Kirsten Dunst's head. Heck, you heard me right: buy an axe, extract the dimples, and then stitch it back onto her bod. No really, that works. Like recently when I needed to do a business class presentation, and I was second last in a class of 227. So I crept out, bought a flight to Toluca Lake, California, did the slice and dice, flew back, and made it just in time for my turn. Aced that talk. Still got the 'best presenter' cert, hanging next to Kirstin Dunst's head. Yeah, just couldn't let it go. Her mum's totally cool with it.

Track Listing:

1. Apatis Ria
2. Bogor Biru
3. Come By Sanjuro
4. Essensimo
5. Freiman
6. In 1997 The Bullet was Shy
7. Senyum Dari Selatan
8. Setengah Lima

New Release - Forbiddenculture - Return of the Savior

Excellent.

Finally, an album that celebrates the incomparable art of lobbing off orc heads. An album that shows everyone that horse-riding isn't just reserved for stuffy rich ninnies. An album that re-christens Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli as the Marvelous 3. An album that proclaims that having a long beard ala Peter Jackson, is darn sexy. An album that toasts to the fact that despite being more than a few stones overweight, Liv Tyler is one hot mama elf. An album that salutes the greatest gay love story ever told.

Ladies and gentlemen, an album about the third and greatest Lord of the Rings movie, Return of the Savior.

What did you say? What Return of the King? Elvis?

1) Holy 9 Days
2) Idiotic Chromosome
3) What's Left Behind is Left Behind
4) Counting Lives
5) Open Your Eyes
6) Life as War
7) Food Chain
8) Values of Life
9) Take My Wisdom, Lord!
10) Return of the Savior

New Release: Plainsunset - Plainsunset

So they broke up, formed splinter groups, realized it wasn't quite working out, wept as a group, made up, reformed, wrote new songs and recorded this album.

For those of you that do not reside in Singapore or some regions of Malaysia, the news that Singa-punk heroes Plainsunset have not only reformed but have released a new album might be as much news to you as your dad farting again. But hey, to the selected few, these guys are heroes.

Which sorta brings me back to the time, about five years ago when I was a bit of a hero. I was walking along the path to my home when I encountered a five year old neighborhood kid being preyed upon by a drool-dripping rabid pitbull in attack mode. I could see the fear in the kid's eyes, and the blood-lust in the mutt's. So I ran and ran and ran until I reached my home and locked the doors. I felt like a hero because someone very wise once told me that a hero lives to fight another day. Then again I could have been the one who said that. The kid? Don't know what happened to him. Someone mentioned something about him being mauled to death by a dog. I wonder what happened.

Track listing:

1. Johari Window
2. Interference
3. De Oppresso Liber
4. Children
5. Eyeliner
6. Song of Achilles
7. River Song
8. Postcards From Paradise
9. Sweetest Nothings
10. Greatest Days

New Release: Alan Wilkis - Babies Dream Big

Doing a genre-hopping ode to a particular era of music is always going to be a difficult endeavour. So kudos to the chaps who actually succeed, like Alan Wilkis. The potential for aimlessness is massive, but Wilkis steers a steady ship, frequently conjuring up the spirits of yesteryear to inhabit his confluence of snaps, sizzles and croons. Imitatio Princei, if you must.

So what can we learn from Alan Wilkis? That it pays to grow up in Brooklyn. Take my good buddy Clarence, for example. He moved there 18 years ago, and immediately started a family with the cornershop guy's daughter. The day his first son was born, he got paid. Every year, when the boy celebrated his birthday, Clarence got a cheque mailed to his house. Eventually he got a hang of the system, and started throwing birthdays every six months, then every month, then eventually progressed to having one every 4 hours 29 minutes. It's tiring stuff, but he never stops getting paid. He just bought his third fighter jet, the lucky punk.

So yeah, once again listen up: It pays to grow up in Brooklyn. I think I'm finally getting a hang of this whole "figure of speech" business.

Track listing:

1. Burnin'
2. It's Been Great
3. I'm Famous [BUY]
4. Milk and Cookies
5. In My Dreams
6. Babyland at Dusk
7. I Wanna Know
8. I Love The Way
9. Stage Select
10. Girls On Bikes
11. Bad Mamma Jamma
12. Astronaut (Would You Be One?)

New Release: The Cobalt Season - Fragile Iconoclast

So I was hiking one day with a friend, when he suddenly turned to me and asked, "What's the difference between indie and Christian indie?" I stopped, turned to him and looked puzzled. He outlined the evolution of the subgenre from its Keith Green/Leigh Nash roots, through the Sufjan-Innocence Mission peaks and up to today, where the likes of The Cobalt Season could incorporate the lushest strains of modern indie into their bible belt twang.

I still stared at him, puzzled. Sensing my bewilderment, he moved on to discuss the thematic variances and subtle similarities of Christian indie. He explained how tunes laced with angst and trepidation were usually neutralised within minutes via the boulevards of redemption.

I continued to look at him, still puzzled. After a while, he realised he wasn't getting through, so he asked me why I was looking at him puzzled. To which I replied, "Is that a cicada drinking cafe latte in your nostrils?"

Puzzling stuff. I'm still stumped.

Track list:

1. Coming of Age
2. Water Rising
3. You Might Not Know You’re Home ’til You’ve Landed
4. You & I
5. Time Will Tell
6. Tick Tock
7. Disappear

New Release: Jerome Kugan - Songs for a Shadow

I used to have a shadow friend. And you must be thinking, 'what a sad kid, to have not only an imaginary friend (Kundu) but to have also a shadow friend as well'. I can assure you, there's nothing sad about it. It's because I had so many friends that I decided that I should eat lunches on my own, watch movies on my own, not date ever and talk to my shadow friend.

Ah yes my shadow friend. Such soul mates we were. She (actually I have no idea if it was a he or a she but hey, would you rather your shadow friend be closer to Jack Black or Olivia Wilde? That's what I thought) would always follow whatever I did. It was almost as if she had telepathy or something. It was really quite freaky. Then I started to fall in love with her. I bought her flowers, chocolates, 1kg of choice pork cuts etc. But she rejected me. She would always stare blankly while I waited for a reaction. But then she continued to follow me around, mostly in the night. I can't understand women sometimes, such lovely but confused creatures. She is still following me around until this day, I am not sure what she wants anymore.

Track list:

1) I Like
2) Tomas
3) This Excellent Love
4) The Miracle
5) Flowers
6) Song for the Service Industry
7) Lightfalls
8) Mother
9) A Shadow
10) The Magic Word
11) The Little Cat Song

New Release: Fever Marlene - White China

With the resurrected body of Jeff Buckley and John Lennon in tow with Michael Stipe, Thom Yorke, Bono and members from Arcade Fire, The Smiths and The Stone Roses, the bearded duo called Fever Marlene decided that the time is now right for their publicist to make that all important statement.

"They are better than The Beatles."

Hey wait a minute, isn't John also in the band now? "Yeah, even he agrees that this band is better than THAT band."

Oh, right.

Track list:

1) White China
2) Oh Berlin
3) Won't Let You Down
4) Lemon King Mahoney
5) Untitled (Chelsea)
6) How Do You Love
7) Don't Know Why I Worry So
8) My Heart (It's Harder Than a Stone)
9) Belladonna
10) Check for Pulse

New Release: B-Quartet - Tomorrow is Our Permanent Address

Naming albums after famous quotes by literary legends has gotta be the most novel thing ever. Ever. B-Quartet have clearly found the most succinct of quotes—a quotable by E.E. Cummings—to match the Thom-inflected tunes that populate their sophomore album, which is seriously gorgeous in every shape, size and sentiment. Singapore, inflate thy chest with pride.

Therefore, having been freshly inspired, my sensational new band Oscar the Boxcar have decided to go that direction for our 219th album. Previous titles have included Shred Till You're Dead and King Kong loves Ping Pong, but we thought that it was important to dumb down the immense originality to appeal to our fanatical fanclub of tapirs (they aren't very educated, the poor chaps). Hence, the new album title will be:

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Long Words Bother me

Thanks, Winnie. Stuff like that still makes me all teary.

Track list:

1. When Mathematics Fail
2. Shoebox
3. Personal Space [update 3/4/08: link changed]
4. Disp rs
5. Alphanumeric
6. Not An Inkblot
7. Stupid Luxury
8. Boutique
9. Kleptomania
10. Beautiful Crash

New Release: The Sapiens - Vs. The Hornet

Any band that spreads their bread with a retro chunk of post-punk has no choice but to be stylish. And that's precisely what The Sapiens are. Major vogue action bursts forth from those razor black suits, right through the surge of 70s synthwork, and straight into the repressed consciousness where your closet Travolta resides. Even the Chicago Sun-Times has hailed them as "quite possibly the most stylish band in town right now."

All that makes me sad. Why can't my city call me "stylish" too? I mean, I also wear suits. Everywhere. To the park, the zoo, the the butterfly farm, the cherry orchard. So why can't I at least win my neighbourhood's fancy dress title, huh?

Oh, what's that? You're saying The Sapiens don't wear those kinda suits? Oh, you mean they were those kinda suits? As in, the whole shirt-coat-pants-shoes shindig? No wonder! I always thought my flippers and oxygen tank didn't quite have the versatility to fit any occasion. Darn it; shoulda asked grandma for clarification.

Track list:

1. Push Me
2. Void
3. Every Corner
4. Cry
5. Desperate Measures
6. Waitress, Waitress

New Release: flica - windvane & window

I am a veritable genius when it comes to interpreting album art. Like, take Euseng Seto, aka flica. The debut of this Malaysian ambient act (and one half of Muxu) contains 10 tracks, each one entitled with a lowercase letter. On the cover sits a single, dainty leaf, and the artiste name and album title, written in size 0.0234 font. The inside front cover is adorned by a bunch of credits, written in size someone-fetch-my-Hubble-space-telescope font. There is no CD sleeve.

So, channelling all that info through my impeccable inner sanctum of art history, I have concluded that:

• flica likes pandas
• there is a submarine submerged off the coast of Costa Rica that is currently throwing a party for 345 playmates, and
• my grandmother knows kung fu.
  

Seriously, stuff like that just screams out to me. Instantly. You can call me prof.

Track list:

1. f
2. g
3. h
4. i [update 6/3/08: removed on request]
5. j
6. k
7. l
8. m
9. l (Akira Kosemura remix)
10. i (Haruka Nakamura remix)

New Release: Hanne Hukkelberg - Rykestrasse 68

You know why we're still calling an album released in 2006 as a new release? It's not because it's being re-released in the States in March. It's not because it's by a doll-faced Norwegian pixie who has the voice of a siren. And it's not because she's got a song called 'The Pirate', and the mere thought of her has got my shipmates carting the rum onto our sloop and plotting the route to those rocky Greek isles, convinced that "Hanne Hukkelberg" is a thinly veiled anagram for "Persephone", and that any impending shipwreck is inconsequential in the light of seeing her croon us into eternal damnation.

So you wanna know why? You really wanna know why? Huh, punk???

Ummm. For all of the above reasons. Sue me.

1. Berlin
2. A Cheater's Armoury
3. The Pirate
4. Fourteen
5. The North Wind
6. Obelix
7. Break My Body
8. Ticking bomb
9. Pynt

New Release: Cyanide Valentine - The Three Sides of the Cyanide Valentine

"Nooooooooo!" she exclaimed.

My mother was petrified. In all my 22 months of existence, I had never seen her so petrified before. I mean, there was this one time I picked up my brother's 3-foot long samurai sword because my Sgt Slaughter action figure needed a new weapon ever since I stuffed his plastic AK47 into my gerbil's butt (critter wasn't exercising). So my mum was chopping vegtables, and saw me pick it up, and said, "Son, please watch the vase. And you do like capsicums, right love?" I nodded.

But somehow, it was different this time. She had the look to melt a thousand pigeons. And it was fascinating. I stared at her. Looked at the ball of shit in my hand. Looked back at her.

"No rose?" I said.

Nooo!" she reiterated. In one precise swoop, she scooped up the ball and replaced it with a copy of The Cyanide Valentine's debut.

"Now son, this is a rose. One of the sweetest roses you will have this year. Okay?"

I looked at the disc. It didn't seem as gooey, but other than that I couldn't really tell the difference between this and the ball I had in my hand a moment ago. The cover was merely a paler shade of green. The band's name wasn't too distant either. And the song titles were pretty similar too. But I trusted her. So I popped this into my player, picked up my copy of Curious George Smells His Own Bum, and went to bed. As always, mother was right.

To download The Three Sides of the Cyanide Valentine for free, click here.

Track list:

1. MegaFauna
2. The Supervillains
3. Nosferatu
4. Neon Skyhustler
5. Neanderthals
6. Nice and Horrorshow
7. Sugar Coma
8. Amphetamina
9. Ghosts of Boston
10. The Sweetest Season
11. Milk In The Gutter
12. The Reprise

New Release: Mind The Gap Volume 1

Kudos to Mind the Gap. This six-month old gig organising collective have made it their mission to evangelise this region with the gospel of Thai indie, beginning with a bunch of weekly gigs featuring the ocean of unspotted acts around Bangkok, and coupling that with regular nationwide gallivants to the nether regions of their great Siamese kindgom.

And in true adherence to the holy tome of how to promote your ditties, they've come out with a compilation. Judging from some MySpace listens, this bundle has got that 1970s CBGB punk feel to it (right down to that grimy ode-to-London-tube cover). Its fi is lower than a joke about amputees, but barks like the cedars of Lebanon. No, make that the oaks of Kathmandu. Actually, more like the firs of Bratislava. Oh wait, it's closer to a tiger's testicles. Yeah, that's about right. You ain't ever gonna find something as solid.

Track list:

1. Cuckoo! - As What You Want
2. Tabasco - Stop It
3. Tender Preys - Steak Man
4. Mhee Noi - Wat Panthip
5. Zero Hero - Rich
6. Revenge Of The Cybermen - The Beast
7. Naked - Turn On The Radio
8. The Standards - Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?
9. Samurai Loud - This Nite
10. Happy Buddha - Mun Ma Noi Jai Jing Jing
11. Caramel Camel - Money Takes Control
12. Super Dr K - Love This For The Money

New Release: Intensive Care - All the People Hear With Me EP

So we're a little behind with all the new, good stuff that's been crowding our mailbox over the past month. I blame it on the rising price of linear low density polyethylene. What, you mean you don't know how that matters in the global scheme of things? You're so lucky. Stuff like that affects me deeply, man. Haven't slept for 16 minut...

Zzzzzzzz

Whaa... Oh yes, new, good stuff. Thought I'd start with one of the better ones, the sophomore EP of these lo-fi loving, genre blending Canadians. Yeah, where else? Long live Montreal, and whatever freakin' pills they're adding to those beef bagels. I've already placed my first order of eight bagels. I might end up looking like a fat arse, but I'll also have that Song of the Year Grammy locked up for at least two decades. And nuthin' else matters, y'all.

Track list:

1. Sirenhorses
2. Memorandom

New Release: The Analog Girl - Sometime Next Galaxy

You know what is more attractive than a slimy Bambalotypus mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it? A female slimy Bambalotypus mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it.

You know what is more attractive than a female slimy Bambalotypus mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it? Marc Anthony mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it.

You know what is more attractive than Marc Anthony mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it? Mumm-Ra mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it.

You know what is more attractive than Mumm-Ra mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it? Me mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it.

You know what is more attractive than me mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it? Cute Singaporean chick The Analog Girl mucking around a laptop, making blips and blots into a cohesive melody line and breathing vocals all over it.

'Nuff said. Heeyah.

Bambalotypus: a rare species of galactical parasite that preys only on Japanese girls in mini skirts and idiots who mix up Bryan Adams and Ryan Adams; Bambi with eight arms.
Track list:

1. April
2. Hello Machina
3. I Know You'll Forget
4. Superfly
5. Tramp
6. Unspecial
7. Skylight Boulevard

New Release: Ash Nair - Chameleon

When I was 6-years-old, I had my first experience of a real dillemma. I was sitting on our new living room sofa, which was the softest, cushiest thing in the world. The ceiling fan was turning around languidly above me, and I had a bowl of coconut candy on my lap. Everything was smackdrool. And I should not have wanted anything else.

But outside, the sunshine was golden and the sky was a spanking blue. Birds zipped across the sky, tweeting in midflight and squirrells scampered across the lawn, carrying acorns and walnuts. A group of amber-haired flower girls danced around a tree, with their ribbonny skirts flutterring around their ankles.

Candy or sunshine? At six, that was my dillemma.

In the end, I dragged the sofa to the edge of the doorway and watched the girls and squirrels and birds while stuffing my face with coconut candy. I'll never know what it was like to completely deny the lure of the outdoors and bask in the lazy idyll of my sofa and candy. Nor will I ever know what it was like to completely deny the indoors and run unfetterred into the splendid garden.

Ash Nair's debut album is like that afternoon. One foot for himself, one foot for the public. One eye on his cd collection and another eye on the radio. One hand in his pocket and the other one giving a peace sign.

Well, as far as peace signs go, The Stage and A Day After Tomorrow are the 1815 Treaty of Paris. Peace.

Track list:

1. Jangan Tinggal Ku
2. Runaway
3. Crazy
4. The Stage
5. A Day Before Tomorrow
6. Splinters
7. Wish You Well
8. Long Way Home
9. Journey's End
10. Rindu