British Sea Power conquering our shores finally?

The word on the street, the air and the space-behind-my-mom's-house-where-I-occasionally-crap-in is that British Sea Power may be heading to this side of the world for shows in KL, Singapore and Bandung. Now you can of course choose not to believe me just like how I once believed that the band members were not a marauding pack of blood-thirsty devil hounds.

Then I saw the picture above.

Believe people, believe.

British Sea Power - Stunde Null (from Valhalla Dancehall)

Gig-gles: Jimmy Eat World, Singapore, 1 April 2011

(Courtesy of Obvious Girl)

So while Jimmy Eat World were performing 'Sweetness' to end their Singapore show, an epiphany suddenly hit me: I know what Jimmy wanted us to sing back to him. The secret lies in the third "whoa-oh". That particular one has some striking vocal similarities to the mating call of a parakeet, which I know because I have a parakeet named Peter, who I treat with incredible love and kindness.

So anyways, after careful, delicate consultation with Peter my pet parakeet, I managed to get him to confess what it actually means, and so I would like to finally share with the world exactly what he wrote down. It is:

I'll tell you anything! Please stop stabbing that fork down my throat!

Hmmm, that does seem like a strange thing that Jimmy wants us to sing back. But I trust Peter. And he trusts me. See? Right now he's pointing that fork at me. He must be wanting to feed me! Such a good parakeet. Now just poke that piece of fried chicken won't you, and then bring the fork back up to my mou... stabbbb... thudddd.... squawkkk you, you dunce!

Set list:

1. Bleed American
2. A Praise Chorus
3. My Best Theory
4. Coffee And Cigarettes
5. Your New Aesthetic
6. Let It Happen
7. Futures
8. Big Casino
9. Dizzy
10. Action Needs An Audience
11. Pain
12. Get It Faster
13. 23
14. Evidence
15. For Me This Is Heaven
16. Hear You Me
17. Work
18. Blister
19. Goodbye Sky Harbor

Encore:
20. Invented
21. The Middle
22. Sweetness

Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me (from Bleed American)

Bob Dylan Live in Singapore: Timbre: Rock & Roots on April 15 & 16

There are no longer many things in life you can guarantee. I mean, I could guarantee you that I will still be typing this post three seconds from now but then again I could well be kidnapped by a grizzly bear from my suburban home and taken back to its cave up in the mountains so that I can fix its TV and sing him Cliff Richard songs. It's a long shot but anything's possible.

But, I can more or less guarantee that Bob Dylan no longer looks like the picture above. It's probably been awhile since he looked like the picture above. In fact, when Bob Dylan last looked like the picture above, I was still a chicken and on my way to evolving into a ferret. It would be a good 6,000 years before I started walking on two legs.

For more info, go here

Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone (live) (from The Very Best of MTV Unplugged)

Elvis Costello Live in Singapore: March 7

Some day, I want to be like Elvis Costello. You know, earn the respect of his fellow professionals, be regarded as one of the foremost forward-thinking individual of his generation and still look cool when everything starts going south (you know, your bojangles). And he did not do it by writing a bunch of timeless songs, putting together a bunch of classic albums, collaborating with some of the greatest musical legends of all time and managing to make the name 'Elvis' his own. He did it by the power of his glasses. What? No, no, I assure you it's the glasses. Have you ever stared into the damn thing? It's like you're being sucked into purgatory or something, the 7th hell. 'She'? She devil more like. Brrr ...

Details:

Date: 7th March 2011 (Monday)
Venue: Grand Theater, Marina Bay Sands, Singapore
Prices: S$210 (A Reserve), S$170 (B Reserve), S$140 (C Reserve), S$110 (D Reserve), S$90 (E Reserve)
Tickets: On sale via Sistic

Elvis Costello - Poisoned Rose (from King of America)

Mosaic Music fest 2011, w/ The National, 65daysofstatic, Joanna Newsom and Tortoise

It seems like the Mosaic Music Festival has become an annual rite of passage for indie fans in these parts. As such, with March's edition coming around, and The National, Tortoise, Joanna Newsom, 65daysofstatic and Jamie Liddell among the chaps coming down, I thought it would only be right to offer the definitive 12-step journey towards preparing your heart, soul and mind for this annual rite of passage. Please follow each one dilligently, and by the time March arrives, you will be swimming in Indie Zen for the entire week.

Step 1: Buy a choo choo train.
Step 2: Eat the choo choo train.
Step 3: Poo out the choo choo train.
Step 4: Smell the pooed out choo choo train.
Step 5-11: Faint.
Step 12: Ride the choo choo train to Mosaic Music Fest.

See the full schedule here. Tickets go on sale 9 December.

The National - Terrible Love (from High Violet)

IRON MAIDEN IN SINGAPORE (AND POSSIBLY MALAYSIA) - FEB 2011

Update: We've caught news from Ally our pet alligator that Iron Maiden may be heading this way as well. If this news turns out to be true, I plan to run naked around Bintang Walk on Feb 14 to remind everyone just what love is all about.

There is no better way to celebrate the conclusion of Chinese New Year than at an Iron Maiden concert. Why? Because in the midst of stuffing yourself silly, watching a Jackie Chan movie and OD-ing on peanuts, there's nothing like an iron maiden to bring you back down to earth. My dad used to remind me about how I should learn to wash dishes better by putting me into an iron maiden. It's quite nice. A little ticklish at times. Although one time, I think I lost an arm, and another time, I had my whole face ripped off. But hey, I'm still around and kicking. Oh wait, looks like I lost a leg too.

Iron Maiden - Heaven Can Wait (from Somewhere in Time)

Details

When: 15th February 2011

Where: Singapore Indoor Stadium

Tickets: $178, $148, $128 and $98. Sistic booking fee applies.

Pre‐Sale tickets for Iron Maiden Fan Club Members go on sale on Monday, November 8, 2010.

Public sales open the following day on Tuesday, November 9, 2010. To purchase tickets call Sistic at (+65) 6348‐5555 or book online at www.sistic.com.sg.

Laneway hits Singapore: Jan 29, 2011

Ready for war?

It's been awhile since the full Pirates family have gone on a road trip together so this fest provides a chance for us to. Not just Genusfrog and Pantsy (we just took one recently up a hill behind my house to shoot us some mutant kangaroos) but the rest of the family you don't see or hear from. There's Mamasan Watermelon Pulsar, the lady that's part woman, part tractor. No like seriously, she's got them giant wheels on her behind. Huuuuge ones. Oh what? They are not wheels? Then what the heck are they?! Oh ...

Sorry was distracted, yes and there's Gogleboth Hungary. Nothing much to say about him except he's from Hungary and he's always hungry. There's also Largeass Buffaloon, offspring of a union between a buffalo and a baloon. Yeps, people, a damn miracle child. Who else ... ? Oh yeah and there's John Smith. He's an accountant. Nice guy, likes chocolate.

Check out the full lineup and details here

Beach House - Childhood (from Beach House)

Gig-gles: The Flaming Lips, Singapore, 11 Nov 2010

I hate it when bands use stage gimmicks.

So while watching the Flaming Lips, I was really thankful that they didn't use any. I love how Wayne Coyne rolled out into the crowd in a giant bubble because my mummy told me that rolling out in giant bubbles helps to improve blood circulation by 16%. Or when Wayne was carried by a dude in a grizzly bear, it was precisely in line with the recent article published by the esteemed Journal of Very Beary Beahaviour which said that riding on grizzly bears once a day will keep the apple away. Or when Wayne put on these giant rubber hands and shot laser lights from them, it reminded me of when I was six and I discovered my own hands can shoot laser lights, and so I had dinner with Cyclops and he told me how to make a laser light visor for my hands, which I use to this day, except when petting my dog ChakaKhan, who loves laser lights more than she loves Puppy Chow.

Set list:

1. The Fear

2. Worm Mountain

3. Silver Trembling Hands

4. She Don't Use Jelly

5. The Sparrow Looks Up At The Machine

6. In The Morning of the Magicians

7. I Can Be A Frog

8. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1

9. See the Leaves

10. Laser Hands

11. The Ego's Last Stand

12. Pompeii Am Götterdämmerung

13. Sagittarius Silver Announcement

14. The WAND

Encore:

15. The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

Encore 2:

16. Do You Realize??

The Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly (from Transmissions from the Satellite Heart)

Asobi Seksu Live in Singapore: Nov 27

Ah the prospect of this show excites me. I mean like seriously excites me. Unnaturally excites me. Any show dubbed 'playful sex' in Japanese is a show I want to go to. Never mind what it is about. Elephant on stilts? Sexy. Music? Yeah, it's absolute music to my eyes. Yep eyes, not ears. Why listen to playful sex when you can watch it? Why indeed.

Asobi Seksu - New Years (from Citrus)

Potential soon-to-be-true rumor or me just farting as usual: The Raveonettes Live in Singapore

Our sources tells us that Danish noise/garage rockers The Raveonettes may be making a stop at the land of Kimba. The source in question is the same one that dropped the Flaming Lips one on us so we're thinking it's pretty solid. Never mind that it's basically a Jennifer Love Hewitt poster on the side of a dilapidated hawker centre speaking to me in Liam Neeson's voice and calling me 'baby'.

My mom taught me to trust all things, especially the bosom of a beautiful woman and the voice of Aslan.

The Raveonettes - Here Comes Mary (from Pretty in Black)

The Flaming Lips in Singapore in November?

Today, our pet durian told us that the word on the tree is that the Flaming Lips will be dropping by Singapore in November.

I know, I know. The above statement is so completely mindblowing, right? Yes indeed. Our awesomeness has just been magnified by the simple fact we own a pet durian. We actually own a pet papaya and two pet mangosteens too, but they don't tell us much besides what they had for dinner. But our pet durian, on the other hand. Now she's a trooper. The other da...

Eh, sorry? Oh hi, pet papaya. What did you want to tell us?

Pet Papaya: I had mangosteen for dinner.

Oh, you did! Clever fruit. Here, have another one.

Pet Papaya: Can I have dessert later?

Oh sure you can! What were you thinking of having?

Pet Papaya: Durian cake.

Great idea! I'll bake one up right now.

Pet Papaya: You rock. Nice nail polish by the way.

Thanks man. They're durian flavoured.

Pet Papaya: Oh really. Mmmm nice smell...

The Flaming Lips - Powerless (from Embryonic)

Gig-gles: Smashing Pumpkins, Singapore, 5 Aug 2010

After 15 years, I have finally figured out the baddest ass thing about Billy Corgan.

It's not the way he snarls through 'Zero', or the way he twinkles the opening lines of 'Today', or the way he always hires the hottest bassist in town who is not my pet puffin (Who is seriously hottest bassist in town. Like, have you seen her slap and pop? Hotdang sexy, man).

No, it's the way he wears his pants. And the way he tucks in a striped shirt into those pants. Seeing that just makes me want to set fire to Greek temples.

And so, in glorious tribute to my eternal prince of darkness, I have now pledged to wear all my pants just like Billy. So here we go,... tug tug... ummhmm, getting there... ripppp... ooo, that's trendy... whatachaaaa... oh sorry, my katana leg got in the way there. Okay, I'm set! Baddest sugar daddy in town, ready to kachinggg!

(Mum's voice): "Honey? I made some fluffy crumpets for you to take to work! And I just don't forget to call home before lunch okay? Love you, bunnybuns!"

"Okay mummy!"

Kachingggg!

Set list:

1. Astral Planes
2. Ava Adore
3. Today
4. A Song for a Son
5. Eye
6. As Rome Burns
7. Bullet With Butterfly Wings
8. United States
9. Disarm
10. 1979
11. Stand Inside Your Love
12. Tarantula
13. Love is the Sweetest Thing
14. Cherub Rock
15. Zero
16. That's the Way (My Love Is)
17. Tonight, Tonight

Smashing Pumpkins - That's the Way (My Love Is) (from Zeitgeist)

Gig-gles: Andrew Bird Live in Singapore

Better late than never, that's my motto. Some might say this gig review may have come a tad too late but I maintain that it's right on time. Because the wonderful show that this Chicago native threw together will forever be relevant, from his brilliant ability to sample the crap out of everything right down to his ability to whistle like like me (when I catch the eye of a 'fit bird')

Oh yeah, back to the 'on time' bit. Yup, it's totally on time. See unlike losers like Genusfrog, I actually prefer to catch a bus three days after I'm supposed to catch it and eat cheese cake four years after it's expired. I can then call it 'blue cheese' cake. Oh wait, it looks kind of green. Or is it purple? Hmm ... might be a tinge of navy blue in there somewhere. Ooo ... the Navy! Guns ...

Andrew Bird - Simple X (from Armchair Apocrypha)

Gig-gles: Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Singapore, 12 Jan 2010

So you must be wondering: the Yeah Yeah Yeahs played last Tuesday. And yet this blog post about the gig only comes out a week later. What's the deal?

To set the record straight, I must give an adequate explanation for the long delay. It has nothing to do with the giant balloon eyeballs at the gig, or the fact that everyone was standing on their chairs and armrests for the whole 90 mins, or that Karen O passed the mic around the front row of fans for them to singalong to 'Cheated Hearts', or the acoustic version of 'Maps', or that Karen O tried to swallow her mic, or that Karen O was spewing water, or that Karen O was an Indian headdress, or Karen O wearing a leather studded jacket, or that I got hold of the set list at the end.

No, the delay has got nothing to do with any of the above. So what's the official reason? It's because I just am. Uhuh. Just am. I know, totally explains everything. You should am too.

Set list:
1. Runaway
2. Phenomena
3. Pin
4. Black Tongue
5. Dull Life
6. Zero
7. Miles Away
8. Heads Will Roll
9. Skeletons
10. Hysteric
11. Gold Lion
12. Cheated Hearts
13. Y Control

Encore:
14. Maps (Acoustic)
15. Turn Into
16. Date With The Night

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Date With The Night (from Fever To Tell)

Imogen Heap, Singapore 29 March 2010

I know what you're thinking. The moment this date was announced, I was also thinking the same thing. And you know what it means when you and I think the same thing, right? Yes, you're right! You were thinking that too? Amaaazing. Ok, ok, so let's together say out loud what we're thinking, ok? Kinda like a kindy game! Goody, goody! Ok: one, two, three:

What is an imogen heap?

I know, I know. It's perplexing, really. Like, we all know what's a heap of doggy poo, right? And we all know what's a heap of french fries. Or a heap of bikinis. But a heap of imogens? That is seriously tricky.

But so yes, back to us. It's amazing how you and I are constantly thinking the same thing. Almost mystical, really. We must be somehow related. Is your surname Megatron? No? Oh, scram then. And give me back my torpedo blasters, you turd.

Venue: Esplanade Concert Hall, Singapore

Prices: $48 (student price – limited), $68, $88, $108, $128 & $148 (excluding Sistic fees). Fans of Greenhorn Productions Facebook page will be eligible for priority booking/discounts

Imogen Heap - Say Goodnight and Go (remixed by Back Ted N-Ted)

Mosaic Music Festival 2010: Ooompa loompa from 12 - 21 Mar, 2010

Sigh Mosaic has just unleashed their lineup and we must say, it doeseth weteth oureth pantseth. The legendarily old Dinosaur Jr, is a wet dream for anyone that's above 32, or is interested to see Gandalf the White in person (see picture above). On top of that there's the previously reported 65daysofstatic, St. Vincent, The Go Team and Kings of Convenience. There's also Kool and the Gang but I'm saving that for my granddad.

We just want to say that we have Ne-Yo. Yup, just one, we know but hey, the man looks half asleep most of the time. No, no, it's a good thing cause he has enough rest. My grandma used to tell me that if you want to date hot chicks you need to have enough rest. Okay she may have said 'zest' instead but hey, zest, rest, what's the difference anyway? One letter? Just one stupid letter? And you think the world's going to change on that? I think not pretty boy.

Dinosaur Jr - Never Bought It (from Hand It Over)

The Killers Live in Singapore: Jan 24, Indoor Stadium

Soldier: Captain, we're completely surrounded and there appears to be no more backup on the way. Looks like this is it.

Captain: Ah this could well be our final swansong lad. How are you feeling about it?

Soldier: I want to pee.

Captain: Well what are you waiting for, no one should wait to empty your bladder. Do it over there by the bush.

Soldier: But I need a toilet sir. And you mustn't look.

Captain: That's nonsense son do you think I would be interested in looking at you? You who appears to be wearing some well cut pants and a package that's peeking out front? Why would I?

Soldier: Sir, that's not me, that's Brandon Flowers, the super assassin they've sent our way to finish us off.

Captain: Oh sorry, was distracted by a gumball wrapper on the ground. Ah yes, what do you want of us ye harbinger of death?

Brandon: I'm Mr Brightside.

Captain: What on earth are you on about son. If you want to kill us go ahead, if not state your purpose.

Brandon: Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.

Captain: Ah that would be this soldier here then.

Soldier: But sir, I'm just an hetero Asian man. I'm not your girlfriend.

Captain: Ah what nonsense, he's just shy, go on ahead, take him. And yes, take his rifle too, and his sexy boxers. On second thought, hold it, I'll keep the boxers.

Note: Tickets from $128 to $168 go on sale Nov 23 at Sistic outlets

The Killers - Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll (from Hot Fuss)

65daysofstatic live in Singapore: March 13, 2010, Esplanade

Yay! We have a new informer (after the last one choked on a burrito and fell off a cliff). Say hello to Hornbill. She carries a large horn and she likes settling our bills. Our kind of girl.

Anyways, Hornbill has just informed us that post-rock-core-metal-steel-mill band 65daysofstatic is slated for a date in this region around March. She has also informed us that she is just dying to pay a bill for us, so we've decided to point her towards the electric company to pay for our power bill. After all, maintaining 325 women and 300 vibrators can be quite expensive from an electrical perspective. Oh, the 25? We hired them to run around the compound and shout 'Cowabunga'. We thought it would be funny.

65daysofstatic - Don't Go Down to Sorrow (from The Destruction of Small Ideas)

ZOMG, now Laneway is moving to Singapore in Feb 2010? This is bloody nonsense

Soldier: I can't keep them at bay anymore captain

Captain: You have to do it lad, if not they will invade and eat all your 'nasi lemak' and claim it as theirs

Soldier: But sir, it's a losing battle. We are outnumbered. All we have so far is some Pearl Jam rumor that smells like fart just about now.

Captain: What are you talking about son, we're in the middle of a war here, and you talk about fart? By the way, mine smells like peas and burned rubber.

Soldier: Mine smells like pork lard and lime.

Captain: Okay back to the battle, what do you reckon this new witchery they have is?

Soldier: It's some Australian festival sir. Fairly huge. Once featured Broken Social Scene and Feist in its lineup. This year's include Echo and the Bunnymen, Mercury Prize nominee Florence and the Machine and even The xx.

Captain: The xx ... is that porn son? How can you think of porn at a time like this. By the way, I like Asians.

Soldier: What Asians sir? You mean Asian porn?

Captain: No, Asian men.

Soldier: But I'm Asian sir ...

Captain: ... (hehe)

More info here

Florence and the Machine - The Girl With 1 Eye (from Lungs)
The xx - Fantasy (from xx)

Latest rumour: Kings Of Convenience in Singapore Jan 2010

All right, another rumour! We really love our Rumour Giver Guys, they never seem to fail in providing the most accurate, up-to-date info. I mean, they might as well be employed by the UN or Facebook or something, the way they just get things done. World peace, yo.

Hey, why are you aiming that thing at me for?!? Excuse me, put that away. I'll have you know that we have very strict requirements outlined whenever it comes time to hire another Rumour Giver Guy. We conduct no less than 18 interviews, put them through 5 tests, and make sure their biceps are at least 2/3rds the size of ours.

With that in mind, it brings me great joy to introduce you the two newest hires who will be joining our workforce:

Ummhmm, meet Calvin and Charles, assigned to supply us with intricate insider knowledge all future gigs happening in and around this region. I know. I see you peeing in your pants already at the prospects. I also see you... hey, I said to put that away! Hey, stop aiming that at me! Dude, I'm warning you. No! No! No... N....


Kings Of Convenience - Me In You (from Declaration of Dependence)