Mosaic Music fest 2011, w/ The National, 65daysofstatic, Joanna Newsom and Tortoise

It seems like the Mosaic Music Festival has become an annual rite of passage for indie fans in these parts. As such, with March's edition coming around, and The National, Tortoise, Joanna Newsom, 65daysofstatic and Jamie Liddell among the chaps coming down, I thought it would only be right to offer the definitive 12-step journey towards preparing your heart, soul and mind for this annual rite of passage. Please follow each one dilligently, and by the time March arrives, you will be swimming in Indie Zen for the entire week.

Step 1: Buy a choo choo train.
Step 2: Eat the choo choo train.
Step 3: Poo out the choo choo train.
Step 4: Smell the pooed out choo choo train.
Step 5-11: Faint.
Step 12: Ride the choo choo train to Mosaic Music Fest.

See the full schedule here. Tickets go on sale 9 December.

The National - Terrible Love (from High Violet)

Laneway hits Singapore: Jan 29, 2011

Ready for war?

It's been awhile since the full Pirates family have gone on a road trip together so this fest provides a chance for us to. Not just Genusfrog and Pantsy (we just took one recently up a hill behind my house to shoot us some mutant kangaroos) but the rest of the family you don't see or hear from. There's Mamasan Watermelon Pulsar, the lady that's part woman, part tractor. No like seriously, she's got them giant wheels on her behind. Huuuuge ones. Oh what? They are not wheels? Then what the heck are they?! Oh ...

Sorry was distracted, yes and there's Gogleboth Hungary. Nothing much to say about him except he's from Hungary and he's always hungry. There's also Largeass Buffaloon, offspring of a union between a buffalo and a baloon. Yeps, people, a damn miracle child. Who else ... ? Oh yeah and there's John Smith. He's an accountant. Nice guy, likes chocolate.

Check out the full lineup and details here

Beach House - Childhood (from Beach House)

ZOMG, now Laneway is moving to Singapore in Feb 2010? This is bloody nonsense

Soldier: I can't keep them at bay anymore captain

Captain: You have to do it lad, if not they will invade and eat all your 'nasi lemak' and claim it as theirs

Soldier: But sir, it's a losing battle. We are outnumbered. All we have so far is some Pearl Jam rumor that smells like fart just about now.

Captain: What are you talking about son, we're in the middle of a war here, and you talk about fart? By the way, mine smells like peas and burned rubber.

Soldier: Mine smells like pork lard and lime.

Captain: Okay back to the battle, what do you reckon this new witchery they have is?

Soldier: It's some Australian festival sir. Fairly huge. Once featured Broken Social Scene and Feist in its lineup. This year's include Echo and the Bunnymen, Mercury Prize nominee Florence and the Machine and even The xx.

Captain: The xx ... is that porn son? How can you think of porn at a time like this. By the way, I like Asians.

Soldier: What Asians sir? You mean Asian porn?

Captain: No, Asian men.

Soldier: But I'm Asian sir ...

Captain: ... (hehe)

More info here

Florence and the Machine - The Girl With 1 Eye (from Lungs)
The xx - Fantasy (from xx)

Playground Festival: Those boys from Scotland have confirmed

So apparently, there's this dance music festival happening in Jakarta in November and that they've already signed up Franz Ferdinand as headliners. Wait a dang minute, aren't they a rock band? Yeah heck they are, they play guitars. And anyone that plays a guitar is automatically rock. Yes, including the Bee Gees.

Anyways, everything's dance music these days. Like just the other day, I was taking out the thrash and I accidentally tumble over a few thrash cans outside the house and from nowhere some sleazy agent named Devon jumps out from behind a bush and says I have a future as a DJ. So I said sure. Next thing I know I'm in some club where the girls keep shedding clothes per-minute for some reason and I am ejecting and playing CDs every 5 minutes. Is this DJ-ing? Cause if it is then I sure as heck am a dang good DJ, dawg.

Details:

Date: 14th November 2009 (Saturday)
Venue: Pantai Carnaval, Ancol, Jakarta
Current Line up: Franz Ferdinand (UK), Chicane (UK), Mixhell (BR), The Thrillseekers (UK), Johan Gielen (NL), 3D Disco (UK), Drum Connection (DE) and more to be announced

Franz Ferdinand - Missing You (from Michael single)

Emowa ... errr ... Soundwave Festival 2010

I used to be an emo kid.

What that entails is that I would sit around and cry when someone snatched my ice cream in school and routinely wet my bed when I have dreams. What most people don't know is that I wet my bed because they were dreams of Rachel (yeah I was in love with her then too, before she became famous and before I've seen her, because I am well ... a prophet). Wet dreams ha ha, get it? Wet ... never mind.

Here's the emo-tastic (old and new) lineup of the fest:

Faith No More, Jane's Addiction, My Chemical Romance, AFI, Paramore, Him, Alexisonfire, Taking Back Sunday, Trivium, Sunny Day Real Estate, Eagles of Death Metal, The Get Up Kids, Reel Big Fish, Meshuggah, All Time Low, A Day To Remember, It Dies Today, Escape The Fate, Clutch, Anti Flag, Isis, Gallows, A Wilhelm Scream, Theweakerthans, Emarosa, Anvil, The Devil Wears Prada, Comeback Kid, The Almost, Dance Gavin Dance, Four Year Strong, You Me At Six, White Chapel, The Aquabats, Rolo Tomassi, Baroness, RX Bandits, Maximum The Hormone, The Creepshow

Sunny Day Real Estate - The Ocean (from The Rising Tide)
The Get Up Kids - Don't Hate Me (from Four Minute Mile)

Music Terminals Festival 2009: Citizens of Ice Cream and Nao to share stage with Placebo, Tricky and Radio Dept

Ah it's nice to see how some things grow. Like how one moment two obscure Malaysian bands are playing dingy drink holes in Cheras and next thing you know they're sharing the stage with the likes of Placebo, Tricky, Radio Dept, Frente!, Chicks On Speed and more in some Taipei music festival.

Like how I once bought a pet turtle, fed it some pork ribs, gave it some tender loving care and attention and I looked at my backyard the other day and it's become like this:

Shit. What am I going to tell my dad now?

More info here (on the fest, not the turtle)

Placebo - This Picture (from Sleeping With Ghosts)
Citizens of Ice Cream - Last Emperor (from The End EP)

Baybeats 2009 lineup announced

So as we scooped earlier, Anberlin and 1/4 of Fountains of Wayne aka Chris Collingwood are showing up for this year's Baybeats. Which makes us about as excited as the thought of letting a monkey shave our pubes with a cleaver.

And so anyways, the official lineup is out, and it turns out our scoop was right. But then just as our pants were making its way down to our shins, we thought oh why not, lets have a second look. And hey, believe it or not, there are some semi-bright spots. There's The Philippines' Taken By Cars, Malaysia's Love Me Butch, Thailand's Tabasco and Hong Kong's Velvette Vendetta, plus a few "OMG they're not emo" Singapore reps courtesy of Great Spy Experiment and The Marilyns. So upon careful analysis, we've decided to call off the chimps, put away the cleaver, and...

Oh, damn it. There's Estranged. And West Grand Boulevard. Hey Bubbles, can you fetch some towels on the way here? Thanks, ape face.

To see the full lineup, visit www.baybeats.com.sg.

Velvette Vendetta - Night Before The Snow Storm (from The Underground #1 Something Alternative)
Taken By Cars - A Weeknight Memoir (In High Definition) (from Endings Of a New Kind)

Sunfart unveils its final lineup

Us Pirates have gotten it right again, by damn it. Cause mega fat Korn and the sultry Erykah Badu will be propping up the Sunfart music festival this year as co-headliners.

Makes us almost wonder if anything we say will come true. So as such I am hereby declaring that I will be getting laid by three super ultra beta hot chicks in the next five-minutes and Pantsy will crap in his pants in the next three. Peace.

Go here to check out the full lineup.

Erykah Badu - Soldier (from New Amerykah Part One (4th World War))

Sunfart: Blue Skyes are a coming

So like the Sunfart idiots have confirmed a couple of other acts apparently and they aren't exactly of the Coldplay stadium-destroying variety but hey, who's keeping scores anyway? I stopped after I struck a home run and nailed the cheerleader. Baseball? Who? Me? I was talking about making out. What's 'sports'?

Anyway, apparently ex-Morcheeba singer Skye Edwards is one of those that are confirmed tagged to perform at the crap fest. The other is this accapella group called Naturall7. No pictures or songs for that one less you get herpes or something.

Skye - Love Show (from Mind How You Go)

Sunburst/fart: Psst psst ... so this is what we heard

So what we've heard is that the Sunfart jokes are trying to secure three more acts to make up the final lineup for the fest, which at the moment consists of basically Pharrell's fart residue, and that two out of the three could well be mega huge Green Day and mega fat Korn. Rumor has it that Jonathan Davies has requested a whole roasted cow in his tech rider.

We also heard the third act could well be a gay elephant singing Tom Jones songs. We cannot properly confirm this at the moment.

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends (from American Idiot)

Cold Play

So anyway, we're here to tell you that our ultra reliable and meat-loving source has just informed us that it is confirmed, Coldplay will not be making an appearance at Sunburst music festival.

The onus is out on the reason but apparently it's a toss up between money 'difficulties' and Coldplay's asking price sky-rocketing after their Grammy sweep. Me, I'm thinking cause Chris Martin hates food. Probably why he's headed to our neighbours instead. Either that or he is gay. I have no either why this is relevant to anything but I just felt it had to be said.

Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost (from Parachutes)

Sunburst: Lupe Fiasco wants to come (but...)

You're probably wondering why in revealing that Lupe Fiasco is rumoured to be the latest addition to Malaysia's Sunburst Festival in March, I'm using a picture of his back.

Well let me tell you. It's basically because he d... hey shut up! Smarty aardvark! Oh, so because you also know that Lupe doesn't usually do festivals sponsored by beer companies, hence he's unlikely to come for this one, and so you think I'm using the photo as some kinda symbolism. Oh, you're like soooooo smart. Soooooo.

Ok sorry, I got distracted there by some putz. Yeah I know, it is seriously pissing off when someone distracts you just as you're trying to explain something, isn't it? I mean, especially when you're such a fully focused person who never gets distracted on his own. Like, I especially hate it when I'm in the middle of something, and then suddenly some person makes a comment that is totally unrelated, and then I have to correct the person, and then buy 16,000 MiG aircrafts so I can blast a 2-mile deep crater in that place he once called a house, before returning t...what!!!! There are only 15,343 MiGs in the world? How the heck am I supposed to do anything? Oh gosh, this life sucks. Yeah, a bit like the coffee at the corner shop near my office. Yeah actually that sucks a little more. Yeah. Good thing I'm so focused.

Lupe Fiasco - Go Go Gadget Flow (from The Cool)

UPDATE: Sunburst: N.E.R.D, Foo Fighters and Erykah Badu added (plus Katy Perry?)

Update: Continuing from Pantsy's arseface rant, we want to just add that Coldplay has apparently signed on the dotted line and it's just 1/3 of N.E.R.D's that coming. There have also been talks of Prodigy as well as 311, who are about as relevant as my four-year old farts these days. Tickets went on sale yesterday for RM140.00 (early bird price). But yeah, you heard me right, no lineup has been announced. So unless you're me (the whole Jedi mind-reading thing), it's going to be a huge risk to buy one now. Lineup will be announced on Feb 6. If you need to know who's playing, call me*

*terms and conditions apply (mainly you have to be a hot chick. if you're not, then err ... ignore this message because it will self destruct in about five seconds, seriously. Go away. Boo)

[Note: The arsefaces at Blogger took down our original post (without prior notification). They cited some copyright dingaling as the reason, but we know the real truth: they're just scared of our overall undisputed awesomeness to fart better than them. Can't blame them. Arsefaces.]

When I was 6 years old, my ship captain, Captain Farty, took time off from skewering British Navy testicles over the bonfire to teach me the importance of making intelligent predictions about life based on the highly complex world of probabilities.

And so, years later, I would just like to take a short moment to share my utmost thanks to the man for equipping me with such priceless tools. Because of him, I learnt that the odds of a meteor landing on your house are 182,138,880,000,000 to 1, and that the chances of dying from heart disease are 1 in 3. And because I learnt such important lessons, today my house has a 90-foot thick, meteor-proof concrete roof, and I eat nothing but bacon fat and whipped cream. Because I'm a good student.

So anyways, having lived my whole successful life by these principles, I owe it to the world to share my priceless secrets, in hope that someone in the world will one day experience the kind of abundant living that I now experience (seriously, concrete roofs are the shizznit). And so as a proof of my prowess, I will now calculate the probability that N.E.R.D., Foo Fighters, Erykah Badu and Katy Perry will be coming for Malaysia's Sunburst Festival. Better yet, I will now calculate the probability that the line-up for Sunburst, based on all the utterly accurate bits of info we've received over the last few months will look like this:

Coldplay
Foo Fighters
N.E.R.D
Kings of Leon
Paramore
Snow Patrol
Erykah Badu
Katy Perry

Ok, you ready? Computing devices all on? Ok here we go.

Bzzzzzzzz.... Whrrrrrrr... Doooooot...

The odds of the above line-up coming is 1 in 5,005,564. Exactly the same odds as the odds of dying from contact with hot tap water. You know what that means right? Yup, donate 2 million dollars to the International Prevention from Death By Hot Tap Water Society, and start sending up-yours postcards to Coachella, Glastonbury and V Fest. Congrats, mate. You are halfway to becoming the master of probabilities. Thank you, Captain Farty, for enriching our lives.

Foo Fighters - Erase/Replace (from Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace)

Sunburst: And now Coldplay are coming!

Wow, guess what we just found out? No, it's not that Pantsy has hamster-phobia, although that is true. What? No, it's not that my mother has a crush on Josh Groban, although that is also true.

But we've found out that whiny-rock kings Coldplay is the latest name attached to this Sunburst thing. Now all we need is a bra-wearing chicken choir and Sarah Wayne Callies with nothing on but a Gibson SG and we can die a peaceful death.

Coldplay - Fix You (live) (from X&Y) [BUY]

Sunburst: Paramore are coming to town!

So apparently that incredibly popular band with the orange-haired munchkin and her far-too-skinny cohorts are set to headline Malaysia's premier music festival (yeah go cry in a corner Rock the World) Sunburst. This culminated with the fact that the Kings of Leon and Snow Patrol rumor has not quite died yet can only mean one thing - that either Sunburts looks set to kick old farts Mosaic Music Festival out of the nursing home or that we are yet again talking in between our tasty farts.

Personally I would go with the latter if I were you. Unless it proves to be true, in which case you owe me something. And that something (if you happen to be a hot chick) is merely to just thrown one o' them knickers of yours at Genusfrog. He hates that. Alternately if you're a guy, then you can get us a rack of barbecued pork ribs. Then we're square. Or round, depending on how many racks you bring us.

Paramore - Oh Star (from All We Know Is Failing (Japan Bonus Track)) [BUY]

Mosaic 2009 - The Jesus and Mary Chain confirmed?

Update: You heard the lady in the comments box, looks like we're a bag of hot air again. Which is still better than being many things in this world. Like The Big Show's Y-fronts for example.

Rejoice ye lovers of old indie. Yes, you, the one with the Stout in hand and a piece of pork belly on a fork in the other. Not to mention you sir, the one with an issue of Playboy with Zsa Zsa Gabor on the cover in your hand. Or you with that jumbo-sized bottle of Vitalis. Rejoice, rejoice.

Why? Because the equally old band Jesus and Mary Chain will be making a stop in Singapore to headline the annual Mosaic Music Festival that is likely to happen around March 2009. While official promos are not quite out there yet, our sources can readily confirm that they are on the bill.

And in a separate statement, the organizers would like you to know that the target age group for the festival is not 98. And that they are well aware that it's 2008 and not 1978. And that they acknowledge the existence of the Internet. Not to mention they are well aware of good new music that's released after 1978 such as Skid Row and Poison.

Jesus and Mary Chain - Sometimes Always (featuring Hope Sandoval) (from Stoned & Dethroned) [BUY]

Elysian Fields: Greek Gods, Singapore islands and err ... hot blondes

Our top notch hot-arsed spy from a country with a name we can't quite pronounce has clued us in to the fact that there's a cool-ass festival brewing on an island up in Singapore with a working title Elysian Fields and is set to feature, among others, Lucky Soul and British electro-soul singer Jamie Lidell.

You know. I figure the people that come up with these festival titles are quite a hoot. What next? 'Rocking with Ranch Sauce'? 'The War of Troy'? They all have pretty bad names. Except for this one that's been brewing at that blind spot between my left butt cheek and my bung hole called 'The Geek Rocks'. That's pretty much a winner. Don't believe me, ask Olivia. You know what? I will ask, "Hey dear, I was wondering ... you know? You know?"

Oh, she said yes.

Lucky Soul - I Got the Magic (from The Great Unwanted) [BUY]
Jamie Lidell - Another Day (from Jim) [BUY]

Sunburst 2009 to feature Pearl Jam and possibly RHCP?

Yes, our super ultra alien-busting, orc-chopping, chicken-boiling, pork-barbecuing informer has let us in on a secret that the organizers of the fairly successful Sunburst festival this year are planning an even bigger show next year. So how do you take it up a notch from Incubus and John Legend? Simple, Pearl Jam and possibly Red Hot Chili Peppers.

But of course, the organizers failed to turn to me for some advice on how to take it up a notch proper. I mean if you serious want to take it up a notch then all you really need to do is to just give every one who comes to the festival a rack of roasted lamb, an out-of-print Lion-O toy from the original product line and a limited edition Megan Fox rubber doll. Then it won't matter even if you got Barbra Streisand in to sing the whole of that Hoobastank album, people would still come.

What did you say? What if someone doesn't want the rack of lamb, hates toys and is not a fan of Petra? God darn-it shoot the damn thing will you!!! It's a damn alien ... arrrgghhhh ... shoot it!!! ... aim better you ninny ... oh no ... god help us, it's too late!

News update: The world has been lost. It's been 39 days since the invasion and it looks like all hope is officially gone. Earth isn't planning on mounting a proper attack anymore and appears resigned that we will be a species of slaves that will never see the juicier side of a piece of beef rib anymore. Or the juicier side of Megan Fox's rib for that matter. God help us all.

Pearl Jam - Black (from Ten) [BUY]

Fad of the Land: Mobile Phone Recharge Pod

Even though we Pirates won't be present at this year's Glastonbury (or the next, or the one after that and the 38 after that, any trannies sponsoring, we make good pavlovas), our inner altruists just can't help but ensure that all you festival-going, Pyramid Stage-fronting, mushroom-popping, Jay-Z dissing — WHO AM I KIDDING??? Bloody spoilt punks who live in that part of the world!!! Eavis, you dweeb! Why can't you ferry over a tenth of them acts this way, huh??!? — people receive premium info, straight from the bellies of us, the always forgiving, never envying, fully understanding pirates.

As such. we would like to let you know about the Recharge Pod, which might just end up being the most popular venue at this year's Glasto. Conceived by Orange mobile, the seven-metre high tent utilises wind and solar energy to generate enough power for charging around 100 mobile phones an hour. It serves as a trial for eventual large-scale usage, whereby future festival tents could be entirely powered by renewable sources.

You got that? Alright then. Go have fun, okay? Take lots of photos, okay? Meet new friends, find new bands, call mum, save the earth, okay? Okay? OKAYYYYY????

Dweeb.

Link: www.rechargepod.com

Sigur Rós - Festival (from Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust) [BUY]

Updates: Baybeats 2008: Full Lineup Announced - Aug 29 to 31

It's back.

Bigger? Perhaps not. Better? Well that is rather subjective. Bolder. In some ways yeah. The Lucksmiths aren't exactly your token Singa-worshiped emo band and My Little Airport should at least get some buy-ins from the twee brigade.

Oh it's also free, right? Yeah here's a wise lesson (and I may have said this before) - anything free is automatically good. Yep, doesn't matter if you don't want it or have no use for it, just as long as it is free, you should take it. Like somoene gave me a free baby gorrilla about 10 years ago. And sure we have our hardships (like how it slapped uncle Sunny and killed him) but I believe the ends justifies the means. That being that it was free. Yeehah.

The full schedule is out now. Go here to check it out.

Full Lineup:

The Lucksmiths, Jebediah, Joy Electric, My Little Airport, Electrico, Typecast, Silhouette, Faspitch, Force Vomit, Agrikulture, Peepshow, Caracal, The Oddfellows, Deserters, Vertical Rush, The Shine & Shine & Shine & Shine, elemental gaze, Abuse The Youth, Leeson, Anna Judge April, You and Whose Army?, The Other Side Orchestra, The Lilac Saints, Sourgrapes, The Oslo Castaways, Another Epic Story, Cardinal Avenue, Morning Utopia, Midnight Marvel.

The Lucksmiths - I Started a Joke (Bee Gees cover) (from Spring a Leak) [BUY]
Force Vomit - Siti (from Give It Up for the Trustfund Rockers)