Mae are on the wae to Bandung, 26 Julae

There once was a band named Mae
Rock 'n roll, they only wanted to plae
So they bought some guitars
And ate some cheetahs
And that's why in school, you must stae

Visit www.myspace.com/mae for ticketing info and other updates.

Mae - Just Let Go (from Singularity)

Phoenix is coming ... run! French band Phoenix set to take Jakarta on a flight on August 1

I don't know about you guys, but if I were you, I would stay away from Jakarta on 1 August, especially the Hockey Rink. Apparently the Phoenix is scheduled to appear there. Don't know what Phoenix is? No, it's not the well-likable French indie pop band. What the hell. Here's a shot of Phoenix.

The thing eats planets apparently. And I know, it looks like a hot chick and all but I can assure you that even I dare not snog her. And I've snogged many, many things during my time. Including my kitchen cabinet. It was just begging me for it.

Phoenix - One Time Too Many (from It's Never Been Like That)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Soul Asylum - Promises Broken

Streets are filled with broken glass
You get buried by the past
Give me just a little taste
Lay this mess to waste
Take me home

My mind is racing take me home
My body's achin' so alone
I'll make you want to stay with me
Befriended by the enemy
One more time

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

Looking outside from my window sill
Throw another coin in the wishing well
You'll never find what you're looking for
Fifteen miles
Your dim light shines from so far away
Your sad smile
Is all I see when I say

That every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

From the hotel satellite
Don't look like you're living right
Here's a deal you can't refuse
You ain't got as much to lose

Can you tell your troubles to
Someone who won't laugh at you
Its all right
And as I watch you walk away
Hope a part of you would stay
Its all right

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

Ah here's a number for my lumbering championship-winning heart. I always make promises I cannot keep. It's not something I am proud of, but I do have a habit of doing it.

Like that time when I promised some chick that I would go out on a date with her. Eh, I did go out with her. Or that time when I promised the Fundarians that I would save their planet from the Nofundarians. Eh, Wait, I also did it in the end. Or how about that time when I promised Megan that I would stay at home and ba da boom her all day. Oh, I did it too.

Shit man, looks like I keep my promises after all.

Soul Asylum - Promises Broken (from Let Your Dim Light Shine)

In the papers today...

A new fossil discovered in Germany might prove to be the latest "missing link" in the evolution process of humans. The 47-milion-year-old fossil, called a Darwinius massilae but nicknamed "Ida", is one of the most intact fossils ever found--so intact that her last meal of fruit, seeds and leaves can still be found in her stomach. Which actually kinda disqualifies her already, since the real "missing link" woulda at least had some pork knuckles lodged somewhere in those intestines.
This story reminds me of: Mirah - Bones And Skin (from (a)spera)

A new search engine has been released, called Wolfram Alpha. However, the website doesn't tout itself as a search engine, but more of a "computational knowledge engine", whereby it tries to give you answers to your search queries, rather than a list of links that contain the answers. Some of the things it can calculate are the box office takings of movies and the projected calories burnt after any given exercise. Some of the things it still can't calculate are the population of pink porcupines in Papua New Guinea (18,349) or the overall awesomeness of Lebron James (equivalent to 76 pink porcupines). Meaning, I rock more.
This story reminds me of: Speech Debelle - Searching (from Searching 7")

Danish director Lars von Trier's new film Antichrist has stirred up massive controversy at the ongoing Cannes Film Festival. The film is about a grieving husband and wife who try to take a consoling weekend trip into the woods, but who end up causing each other more pain. It includes scenes of genital mutilation, including one where a plank whacks a penis. Apparently von Trier has tried to defend that scene, saying, "At any one time, there must only be one wood."
This story reminds me of: Bon Iver - Woods (from Blood Bank)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Rainer Maria - Rise

Sometimes, Offer more than talking.
Say, "I like you very much."
Say, what when cut grows over,
Pink and white?
Carnations,
Skinny daisies.

Devise
A way of saving your words.
Say nothing, if it's forced.

For each inch cut,
The roots grow ten
Where we can't see them.

I'm laying in the soil,
Is it time for me to rise?
I've pulled up my stakes again.
Is there someone who can take me in

If there's one topic that is shit-crap difficult to find in a song, it's gardening. But like my dad always said, you wait long enough, and one comes along.

But hey, I waited so bloody long that I actually wrote one before, but it never took off. It was called 'Manure Under My Nails'. Had a good beat to it too. But some suit told me that I may have to change some of the lyrics 'around a little'. So I did. I renamed it 'Nails in the Manure'. He threw a cup of fresh orange on me for that. Prick.

Rainer Maria - Rise (from Look Now, Look Again)

Baybeats 2009: Rumors and farts of Anberlin and one of Wayne's fountains

So it's that time of the year. When we start eating a little more pork ribs, reading a little more lad mags and start crapping more than once a day. Why? Eh, shit, I forgot why I started writing that line but I know it's for something seriously unimportant and idiotic.

Oh yes that's right, Baybeats rumors. Rumor has it that Anberlin and Chris Collingwood (1/4 of Fountains of Wayne) have been tagged for this year's edition as headliners. Is it just me or are these Baybeats headliners getting more farty every year. At this rate, we might as well have the bassist of Stiltskin to do a 'come-out-of-my-backwatered-American-town show for next year's edition as well. Or we could have just me. Oh wait, that's quite awesome so they better not.

Anberlin - Uncanny (from Cities)

Word for the Week: Ten

Because...

Pantsy is on a ten-day all-expense-paid company trip slash Locals-N-Tourist-Snogging excursion to the Dominican Republic. What will he do there for ten days? Day 1: Boring company sessions. Day 2: Snog Japanese uncle. Day 3: Boring company sessions. Day 4: Snog topless Kiwi auntie. Day 5: Snog Caribbean auntie. Day 6: Snog Caribbean grandmother. Day 7: Eat ferrets. Day 8: Feed the monkeys. Day 9: Start a coup. Day 10: Snog a Caribbean three-headed she-trout with fat lips.

Eisley - Ten Cent Blues (from The Baby Sessions)

This chirpy schoolgirl home recording reminds you that blues is for losers and yodelling is sexy. Because my El-Salvadoran sifu always said that there's nothing in this world quite like a compromised Alpine girl.

Postmarks - Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (from By The Numbers)

For all of two point five minutes, Postmarks forget who they are, pick up sombreros, drink lots of tequila, grow moustaches, ride horses, eat cactus, trade in contraband and meet Pantsy somewhere in Mexico snogging a Mexican man who looks like Eric Estrada. 

Missy Higgins - Ten Days (from The Sound of White)

Aussie piano femoballadry that would make Pantsy break into a sneer. Unbeknownst to him, there's a big mamma in Honduras spinning this record this very moment. In less than ten days, Pantsy will have snogged her.

The Stone Roses - Ten Storey Love Song (from Second Coming)

Nothing like a collossal monument of exaggerated sentiment for our laziest pirate to wake up to and realise that the dream is over and he has to return to our pirate ship, where the chicks are hot and boring. 

The Unhappy Sufjan Stevens Fans Campaign: #3 Filomena

Filomena

Fishers Indiana

Hello. My name is Filomena and I come from Fishers Indiana. I know, I know, my name rhymes with "Milo does not taste anything like Ribena". I'll have you know that was not the express wish of my mother when she named me. But that's beside the point. The point is that I want Sufjan Stevens to do an album about my home state, Indiana. We're just next to Illinois and they've already got one. Also, I also want to neck with Sufjan Stevens. Yes, if you look really closely, you might see that I've got two necks. I had it surgically done like that so that my head only turns a total of 10 degrees left and right. The lack of oscillatoric options is a small price to pay for the increased surface area for necking, not to mention having incredible possibilities in wearing both standard collared tops and plunging necklines at the same time. Oh what's that? Why am I hiding a bloody knife behind me? What bloody knife? Oh this bloody knife! Yeah. That's for the third neck. Surgical stuff. 

Sufjan Stevens - Siamese Twins (from A Sun Came Up)

Trail of Dead will be decimating Bangkok on 21 May

First we had a band named after the sound of a machine gun and now we have a band named after a bold declaration to kick butt. This completely confirms my suspicion that Asians kick more ass, as such only the bands with kick ass names are allowed to play in these parts.

Why Asians are more kick ass? I have a theory, it's because we know 'kung-fu'. Serious. All Asians are put through 'kung-fu' school when they reach 14, yours truly included. I mastered the 'karate chop', going to the top of the class in 'Karate Chop 101'.

And since then I've gone on to master the 'Chicken Chop', usually grilled crispy and with brown sauce.

... And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead - Crowning of a Heart (from The Secret of Elena's Tomb)

Ratatat is coming to KL - May 28

Ratatat are quite possibly the coolest act in the world. If they wanted to, they probably could be cooler than John Lennon. If they really wanted to, they probably could be cooler than Win Butler. If they really really wanted to, they probably could be cooler than Barack Obama. If they seriously really really really wanted to to, they could easily be cooler than Godzilla (it would be close but they could well be cooler)

Music? What the hell is that? No, they're cool cause they are named after the sound my machine gun makes, which my friends, is the sound of love. In that I held it to Megan's head and told her to marry me. We've been married ever since. True story.

Ratatat - Wildcat (from Classics)

B-Side of the Week - Going Down

The Stone Roses

Going Down (from the Made Of Stone single)

(Silvertone)

This morning, for some inexplicable reason, I started to feel nostalgic. 

So I called my grandson over and started to tell him stories about his family. How his great, great grandfather came from China by boat, how his great grandfather returned to the motherland as a scholar, how the cultural revolution broke his heart so, and how his grandfather became a red guard to rebel against his frugal father, and how his grandfather's four sons all became red giant water lizards to rebel against their father, and how these four giant water lizards terrorised Tokyo's greater subeterranea while everyone thought Godzilla was the real threat, and how one day a flight attendant crawled into the sewer to hide from Godzilla, and how one of the lizards, upon meeting this flight attendant, decided to jump her from behind because she looked so hot in her Japan Air uniform, and how in the next four minutes, that flight attendant became his grandmother. 

Ah, such good days.

The Stone Roses - Going Down

Mew Live in Bandung, Indonesia - 4th August, 2009

Dear Mr. Frengers

I just want to say I liked your first album a lot (it's the first right?). I believe it's a self titled album named after yourself Mew Frengers. Anyways, it has nice guitars, some ball-busting vocals and quite possibly the most lovely song ever written ('Symmetry').

Anyways I heard that you will be playing in Bandung in August so I was just wondering if you would mind making a stop over to this side of the continent as well. Yeah, that's M-A-L-A-Y-S-I-A. It would seriously mean a lot to us. And yes there are a lot of people who seriously love you, even though you're named after a Pokemon character.

Yours truly,

The Geek

Mew - Am I Wry? No (from Frengers)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Twilight Sad
Fourteen Autumns Fifteen Winters
(Fat Cat)

Price: RM10.00

Are my eyes deceiving me? Could it really be going for that price? I honestly cannot believe this would be true. It's like a dream. An unbelievable dream, with sexy centerfold posters and melted butter. Okay maybe a little better than that. Yeah, I just have to rub my eyes another time just to be sure I am not seeing things (rub).

It is true.

BBQ chicken wings for only 0.99 cents.

Yum.

The Twilight Sad - Cold Days from the Birdhouse (from Fourteen Autumns Fifteen Winters)

The Unhappy Sufjan Stevens Fans Campaign: #2 Edgar

Edgar

Lakecreek, Oregon

Hello. My name is Edgar and I am half octopus. Listen, I don't want to hear anyone sniggering alrite. My mum told me from young that I should be proud to be half-octopus, because she's proud to be the kind of woman who has sex with squids. I just wanna come out here and say that I wish Sufjan Stevens would release an album for my home state of Oregon. It is the home of such a wonderful slice of American life. Take my aunt for instance. She's been married to a cardboard cutout of Lorenzo Lamas since 1988 and has sired four lovely... why are you laughing? Hey, you. Yeah, what's so funny? No, I happen to think he's very good looking. Of course I watched Falcon Crest. What? No, you stupidhead. The Carringtons were from Dynasty. Anyways, so yeah. I was saying. Oregon is a neat place. 

Sufjan Stevens - Black Hawk War, or, How To Destroy An Entire Civilisation (from Illinoise)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Pete Yorn
musicforthemorningafter
(Columbia)

Price: RM3.00

Let's play a game. The rules are simple. It's basically based on one question - what can you buy with RM3.00? The person that comes up with the most kick-ass thing, wins.

Okay let's have it. Oh, a packet of fruit you say? What? Oh, Jude Law's chest hair. How about you? A strawberry-flavored lolly. Right, right. Oh me? A packet of T-Rex flavored chips. I win?? Are you serious? Thankyouthankyou.

I want to thank my lovely wife Megan, who some may say might be held against her will but that's just a definition problem. I want to thank also ... eh, yeah that's it.

Pete Yorn - Just Another (from musicforthemorningafter)

The Unhappy Sufjan Stevens Fans Campaign: #1 Horacio

Horacio

Polk, Nebraska

Hi. My name is Horacio. If you think I look ordinary, it's because you've failed to realise that I have feet growing where my hands should be. So you think this sounds fun? Well, it isn't. It's hard to caress women when you're anatomically confused, and nobody cheers when I do handstands. And really, all I want in this world is to caress women. Like, lots of women. You know, like, you get what I mean. Lots and lots of them. And I also want Sufjan Stevens to release an album about the state that I call home. Stop making me wait you jerk. The doctors say that I can only caress women normally once Sufjan Stevens releases an album called Nebraska. I'm not young anymore, Mr Stevens. So please. The next time you pick up your damn guitar, think of me and how much I long to have a woman in my legs. 

Sufjan Stevens - Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing (live from the Knitting Factory)

The Sick Sick Six: The Geek's 6 Favorite Wives

So I've been around the block before. And by around the block I mean I've been married 168,907 times. Which is about 168,906 times more than the average person. Bigger number = bigger man. Anyways, I've taken some time out of my cosmic-saving duties to highlight 6 women that have enriched my life like no one has before. With their solid bodies, unbelievably good features and long flowing hair. They need not speak. In fact, it was better that they did not. Actually I forbade them to.

Megan Fox

She's made out on Bumblebee before. That fact alone is enough for me to marry her and make babies. Actually come to think of it, let's skip the marrying bit and just make babies. And while we're at it, let's remove the babies. Yeah, real slow, yeah yes perfect.
Megan Palmer - Tomorrows (from Forget Me Not)




Olivia Wilde

I had this doctor 'thing' once. No no not that I wanted to be a doctor. Although, it gave me the opportunity to 'examine' chicks. So I did the next best thing - i started examining a chick doctor. And then my life was complete.
Olivia Tremor Control - Jumping Fences (from Dusk at Cubist Castle)

AJ Cook

I know a good FBI agent when I see one. They usually have long blonde hair, tight hips and insanely hot features. Ability to hold a gun? Ooo yeah.
AJ Draper and the Forces of Nature - Stars Are Blind (Paris Hilton) (from Mix 14)





Sarah Wayne Callies

As you can see, I truly like doctors. I respect them for their intellect, their willingness to heal society and their hot bods. Yeah baby, come poke me with one o' em needles. Yup just like that.
Sarah Shannon - City Morning Song (from City Morning Song)





Emmanuelle Chriqui

There was a time when I was into women with names I can't pronounce, so that was when Emmanuelle came into my life. But I soon learned how to pronounce her name so I cheated on her and moved on to Carylynxn Aprovinacichowlr, who incidentally broke my back and transported me to an alternate dimension where camels lived on beer and Rosie O'Donnell was some super model. Turns out Carylnxn was an alien.
Emmanuelle Seigner - Je Prie Pour Nous (from Backstage)

Petra Nemcova

Ah my first love. She was so special to me. For all of 47 hours, and then I got bored. Then James Blunt appeared. And I said, "Be my guest".
Petra Hayden - Don't Stop Believing (from Guilt By Association)

B-side of the Week - I'm Just Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail

Richard Hawley

I'm Just Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail (from the Born Under A Bad Sign single)

(Mute)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is I'm Just Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail. It's from the Born Under a Bad Sign single. What? Oh, you don't know that record? It's from Richard Hawley. I think it's like his sixth or seventh single. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have assumed. Richard Hawley is the former guitarist of Pulp. Yeah. Ha? What's Pulp? Oh... errr... well, Pulp was this band that had been around since the 1980s but came to mainstream prominence during the mid-90s when they rode the crest of the Britpop wave on the back of their album A Different... ah? Oh sorry. What's Britpop? Well, Britpop... errr... was like, this musical movement that happened in Britain from the early 90s that's characterised by revissionist... wait. Yeah, sorry what was that? What's Britain? Oh Britain is this like country. Well, not really a country, but Britain is made up of four countries, England, Scotland, Wales and.... yes? You got another question? What's a country? Errr.... a country is like a sovereign piece of land, you know, with it's own government. What? What's a piece of land? Well... errrr...... land is like, the stuff under your feet. No, it's not like asadi slippers. No. No. This is a B-side. You know? CD? Music? Rock n Roll? What? Oh lord no. That's next door! This is Pirates of the Bargain Bin. Bargain. Yeah. Next door. I think you only start at four o'clock. Yeah. No, it's ok. That's fine. Have a good session. 

Bastards.

Richard Hawley - I'm Just Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail

B-side of the Week - Vicar In A Tutu

The Smiths

Vicar In A Tutu (from the Panic single)

(Rough Trade)

I've been doing a bit of research recently about animal rearing laws in French Guyana and I found this in the Transportation, Farm & War Animal Tax & Duties Act 1971:

"Section 1091P(2)(a)

The acquiring of the following beasts is not exempt from GST if the acquiring is for private purposes and for the purposes of dairy produce, meat, and farming labour:

(a) long-haired Mexican cows

(b) short-haired Mexican cows

(c) goats

(d) white sheep

(e) black sheep

(f) buffalo

(g) Anggora rabbits

(h) dwarf rabbits

(i) ferrets

(j) uruk hai

(k) ducks, and

(l) geese."

Did you see that? Did you see that? I know, I can barely believe my eyes! Ducks! How will I ever set up my duck farm in French Guyana now that I've to pay GST for selling them for the purposes of farming labour? Rubbish! Useless country! I hate! I hate!

The Smiths - Vicar In A Tutu

Gig-gles: Oasis Live in Singapore - 5th April, 2009

So us Pirates were there, watching Liam NOT talk to Noel, watching Liam pinch Gem's butt, watching Andy Bell's ability to not move at all, watching in horror as Noel walked around in his white pants, watching Gem trying to to do a Who, watching as my hands reached over and grope the girl's butt in front of me (learning from Liam), watching that huge Indian guy in front of me swing his arm at me, watching them bright lights ...

*Thud*

Waking up in a hospital, watching a guy that has lost his legs limp pass me, watching that geeky looking doctor trying to chat up some hot patient, watching people watching other people, watching my tray of food and trying to will it to become a stack of pork ribs, watching them hot nurses, pinching them hot nurse's butt, watching as the nurse stabs my eyes with a syringe, watching them bright lights ...

*Thud*

Yup, that's what Oasis did for me.

Oasis - Live Forever (from Definitely Maybe)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Yuna - Deeper Conversation

Is your favourite colour blue?
And do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer space?
I'm learning you Is your skin as tan as mine?

Does your hair flow side ways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
Now I'm learning you

And if you don’t mind can you tell me all your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I’ve let my guard down for you
And in time you will too
Deeper conversation with me
Deeper conversation

Does your name rhyme with mine?

Finally a song about a topic that's close to my heart. I have about had it with the world's inability to have deep conversation with me. Everyone just wants to talk about politics, world peace, thermodynamics, Judaism etc. I mean come on. Where can a guy go to to get someone to have a deep and complex conversation about the ergonomic curves on Megan Fox's body, or the dexterity and texture of deep fried chicken wings.

I mean come on, is that too much to ask? For the world to keep up with me? Okay maybe it is.

Yuna - Deeper Conversation (from Yuna EP)

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: Hujan

Okay because I'm about as lazy as Genusfrog. (Well he is lazier of course. He crapped in his pants today because he was too lazy to walk to the toilet), I've decided that this is going to be the last Sunfart post. Only cause there is not much else to say other than there were hot chicks in bikinis, smelly bald guys in shorts and an ultra fat Korn at the end.

'Hujan' means 'rain' in Bahasa, and apparently the band's supporters are called 'Raingers', which is about as brilliant a pun as I've ever seen. As such I have decided to name the followers of my band The Tracys, 'DICK Tracys'. I have no idea why 'dick' is in caps but it just seems more powerful that way. Stronger.

Hujan - Ah Moi Chantek (from 1, 2, 3, Go?)

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: They Will Kill Us All

So they were fairly decent. How can we convince you they were? Simple, Pantsy stood out in the scorching afternoon sun to watch their whole set. And I know you must be thinking two things. Firstly, how scorching was it? And secondly, what's the big deal with Pantsy getting some sun?

Well my friends, let me just say that firstly, it was real hot. So hot that even my buff, Bruce Wayne-like body got a minor tan just below my second from left pack on my 28 pack torso. Secondly, the sun is like Kryptonite to the vermin. As such ever since then, we've isolated him into a fridge just below the pork nuggets, which is why he has not blogged in awhile.

Rating: 6.1

They Will Kill Us All - Curtains (from Secret Episodes)

The Non-Smelly Ones at Sunfart 2009: Nidji

Indonesian band Nidji was handed the insurmountable task of erasing the sonic rape that Malaysian band Estranged put us through the set before, which in case you were wondering how severe that means, it's a little like trying to defeat Godzilla and King Kong with a plastic spoon and two nappies. They managed to, by depolying matching jackets, speeches about world peace, shades at 8pm in the night and confetti cannons, which says a lot about:

a) the size of Nidji's eraser, and
b) the sonic raping abilities of Estranged.

Rating: 8.8

Nidji - Sudah (from Breakthru')

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Jens Lekman - Black Cab

Oh no, God damn
I missed the last tram
I killed the party again
God damn, God damn

I want to sleep in my bed
I want to clean up my head
Don't want to look this dead
Don't want to feel this dread

I killed the party again
I ruined it for my friends
"Well, you're so silent, Jens"
Well, maybe I am, maybe I am

Now at the central station
No time for being patient
I feel like going home
But at the same time, I don't

Black Cab

And I've heard all those stories
About the black cabs and the way they drive
That if you take a ride with them
You might not come back alive

They might be psycho killers
But tonight I really don't care
So I say turn up the music
Take me home or take me anywhere

Black cab

You don't know anything
So don't ask me questions
You don't know anything
So don't ask me any questions
You don't know anything
So don't ask me questions

Just turn the music up
And keep your mouth shut

So there are many theories on what exactly a Black Cab is. Is it some commentary on racial polarisation? You know, that thing between black and white polar bears? Or maybe it is some commentary on cabbie issues? Or perhaps some commentary on Queen Latifah? Shit man, this one's quite possible.

But calm down everyone, I know for a fact it is none of the above. It is in actual fact and ode to Pantsy's butt hole. One part of the name refers to color of it, the other on its attitude. Yeeha!

Jens Lekman - Black Cab (from Oh, You're So Silent Jens)

Fad of the Land: Muziic Player

Those computer software inventing dudes are so smart. Man, they're just so smart. I think every dude who events something computery is just so smart. So hmmm... let's find out about the dude who invented Muziic, a downloadable computer application which allows users to stream songs straight from YouTube (minus the video) and where organise those songs into an iTunes-like interface. Oh look, it was invented by best frieds Mark Nelson and David Nelson! Smart friends! Even smarter. Oh look again, they're actually father and son! Smart and sweet! More charming than farming. Oh would you look at that! The son is just 15 years old. Aww shucks, that's just so...

15 YEARS OLD???

You know, one of these days, I'm going to scold my grandma for buying me Thomas the Tank Engine instead of that "How to be a freakin' child prodigy and make yuppies feel like drinking their own pee" book. Seriously, I coulda finished it in 14 seconds. Maybe 16 if you count the booger breaks.

Link: www.muziic.com

Meursault - Lament For A Teenage Millionaire (from Pissing On Bonfires/Kissing With Tongues)

This Week's Track 9: Further Seems Forever - Wearing Thin

And so we've left this column untouched for close to a year now.

The reason is cause Genusfrog is a lazy ass. And so I had a deep 1-1 talk with him a moment ago. Cause I like to shoot it straight. No behind the back bullshit and it went like this:

Geek: Dude

Genusfrog: Yeah?

Geek: You're a lazy ass.

Genusfrog: Yeah, I know.

Geek: Oh, in that case, you're a ninny that wears panties too.

Genusfrog: You're right.

Geek: Oh, then you're a ninny that wears panties and eats sparrow butts for breakfast.

Genusfrog: Damn straight

Further Seems Forever - Wearing Thin (track 9 from The Moon is Down)

The Sick Sick Six: Six Complains You Never Knew About from Superheroes

So like most of you would have watched Watchmen (get it? get it?) by now. You know, the one where we sat through 2.5 hours of groaning from a bunch of superheroes. Which opened us up to the possibility that perhaps Superman bitches about waxing, or that Robin has had enough of Batman spanking his ass or that Wonder Woman has trouble finding lingerie that does not tear. So we thought we should compile a list of top 6 complains that superheroes have when doning the cap and underwear.

Turning Old-ass

Because unlike Brad Pitt, superheroes do have the potential to turn into an old-ass.
65daysofstatic - When We Were Younger and Better (from The Destruction of Small Ideas)

Those Damn Flying Vermin

And you think just because you have some fancy ring or a magic cape that means you don't have to endure traffic jams? Think again dude. It's either you're bumper to bumper with a bald eagle or crashing into a pack of sparrows. Personally I prefer ostriches, cause they have long sexy legs. What? What the hell kind of bird does not fly anyway? What did you say? Kuku bird? Oh.
Arthur and Yu - There Are Too Many Birds (from In Camera)

Being Ass-wipe Compared To Your More Popular Partner

Do you know Aqualad? That's what I thought. Do you think he is happy about that? Probably not. Shit man, that rhymed. Okay I quit, off to be the next Sylvia Plath but only better looking. Yeeha!
Morrissey - We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful (from Your Arsenal)


Working Over Christmas

Don't let the joyous looks on the left fool you, if you look real closely, Santa's got a gun aimed at Batman and Superman's about to block the shot but not before Wonder Woman strips. Why? Because having a strip is always better than not having one. I think Plato said that, or maybe his gardener. Doesn't matter.
Long Winters - Sometimes You Have To Work On Christmas (Sometimes) (from Peace On Earth)



Packing It All In

So you think Robin loves taking orders from Batman? Or Superman loves being a no-shag zone? Think again. Superheroes bitch about quitting all the time. Just the other day Metamorpho bitched to me about how he can't pull chicks cause he's ugly. So I told him hell yeah, he is and the ninny cried and quit. Or how I told Super Girl she has a wrestler's ass and she cried and quit too.
Adele - That's It, I Quit, I'm Moving On (from Chasing Pavements single)

No Sleep

The truth is, Batman has not slept since the 70s. I mean, have you ever seen a shot of him in sunlight? That's what I thought. I mean, just the other day he was complaining about how he's never shagged on the beach during sunset before. I mean geez, how can anyone not have done that yet?
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Can't Ever Sleep (from Sound on Sound)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Anthony and the Johnsons - Bird Gehrl

I am a bird girl now
I've got my heart
Here in my hands now
I've been searching
For my wings some time
I'm gonna be born
Into soon the sky
'Cause I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls go to heaven
I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls can fly
Bird girls can fly

Wow, people can literally write about anything these days. Slap a few metaphors together about a female bird and there you have it, a class A song. No need for big lyrics about saving the world, curing cancer or banging hot chicks. Just sing about wanting to be a chick (chick = bird + Anthony = chick, get it get it?) and bang, worldwide phenomenon.

So in the spirit of this brilliant simplicity, I have written a song called 'Rhino Bhoy'. There are tons of references to gorging and ultra rhino piss action. I am expecting a cover from Dylan himself, or at the very least, Azmyl Yunor.

Anthony and the Johnsons - Bird Gehrl (from I Am A Bird Now)

Nine Inch Nails in Singapore, 10 August

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch.

Now, in order to help you understand the gravity of the previous statement, it's important that you identify the key word. If you're a fair-minded chap like most chaps, you've probably narrowed down the list to a few key possibilities:

• "Having"
• "Nine Inch Nails"
• "in this part of the world"
• "is a"
• 'real"
  
• "catch"

And the answer issssss... . Oh you sordid soul, you. You mean you didn't realise the significance of .? Then you're sordidly sordid. I m-m-mean, think of what might happen if the sentence read:

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch!

or

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch?

or

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch,

or

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch(

or

Having Nine Inch Nails in this part of the world is a real catch"

I know! The earth-shattering implications would be too much for Dr Manhattan to contain. Good thing I'm as good in punctuation as Watchmen are in groping naked superheroines{-; Like Dr Manhattan walking around with his muscly dangling testicles" I am completely, confident in my ability to know whe:never a sentence. needs a comma ]or a full stop or a bracket

Check out tour.nin.com for more info.

Nine Inch Nails - Eraser (from The Downward Spiral)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Matthew Sweet
100% Fun
(Volcano)

Price: RM 18.00

Sigh, that's disappointing.

You think you've struck the equivalent of geeky gold when you found a copy of a favorite of yours from your gen-x teen years in some dilapidated box in some bazaar, only to find that when inspected closely, the CD was fairly scratched so buying it was going to be slightly risky.

In a way, it's a lot like ordering pork ribs only to find you've been given a chicken pie with extra peas. Or booking a flight but told that you would have to take a bus instead. Or taking a hot chick home only to find out after the wig came off that she looks like this.

What the hell do you mean that's a guy? No way. I would cut my gonads off if it was. What did you say? Are you serious? Oh bloody hell. Okay pass me the knife.

Matthew Sweet - Sick of Myself (from 100% Fun)

Oasis Playing Singapore 5 April

Blahblahblah, so my pet llama kept asking me, "ooOoOoo, like duude, why are you so oOooOOo, so like sad dude?", and so I told him that my Oasis post got taken down by that guy who works for support at blogger, you know the guy who makes passionate love to cracks in brick walls? And my pet llama was all "ooOOoOo, dude, he must be small. Or those walls, dude, they need a plastering, ooOoo. What did you write in the piece that was so offensive dude?"

"Nothing man. Just that Oasis are playing in Singapore on April 5, that tickets go on Sistic tomorrow, and some stuff about three-legged women selling six-eyed children by the roadside in Shanghai."

"ooOOoOo. Those are cute ass dude."

"I know. They got like little eyes on their feet. I love that.

"Well, that post is gone now. I composed it right into blogger. I'm never gonna do that again. Or that brickwall-loving guy's gonna keep ripping down my posts."

"Dude, isn't he like the guy who also makes love to like wire mesh fences?"

"Yeap, that's him."

"Vile, dude. OoOooOo, isn't he also the guy who makes love to daisies? I mean not like my sister and all but the actual flow-"

"Yes, pet llama, that's him. The blogger employee who humps, among many things, gebra daisies. You've IDed him, now can we talk about something-"

"OoOOo, isn't he also the one who makes love to like, wooly alpacan herbivors?"

"Pet llama, that's you. Actually, can you get all your girlfriends to leave in the morning by jumping down the window? It's really not on to have them walking all over the place wearing your underwear".

"Touchy, dude. Like, OooOoo."

Oasis - Let's All Make Believe (from Hindu Times single) 

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: The Gaslight Anthem - High Lonesom

So the ambulances came
They took your pulse and packed up your things
And the papers read
Some boys forget what the heart it brings
And the pounding in the street
Was your heart in four four time
And the taste of defeat
Was was never too far from your mind

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

So gravity came
And stole the temple that the schoolboys praised
And the crowd shuffled in
You're getting drinks for the same boys
Who once bought you everything
And the patter on the bar
Was just this one time
The patter on the bar
Was just this one night
Only to get by

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

There were Southern accents
On the radio
As I drove home
And at night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
It's a pretty good song
Maybe you know the rest
Maybe you know the rest

And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
Always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis
And in my head there's all these classic cars
And outlaw cowboy bands
I always kinda sorta wish I'm someone else

When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
They made a high and lonesome sound
When our boots they hit the ground
Down from the clouds
They made a high and lonesome sound

It's nice to know that some bands are culturally clued in. Like how this track from this Springs-teen band drops/quotes a popular line from that Counting Crows song during the chorus.

Not that I seriously need more accolades (just won one for "Most Notes Played On An Air Guitar In Front Of A Mirror In Nothing But My Ding Dongs'. Been gunning for that one for awhile now). Anyway I have taken the liberty to write a song that contains some cultural references. Hope you enjoy it. Here goes:

Hit me baby one more time
Cause she's so lucky
Hit me baby one more time
I was born to make you happy

Ooops I did it again
Cause I'm stronger
Ooops I did it again
Cause you're a womanizer

The Gaslight Anthem - High Lonesom (from The '59 Sound)

Faux B-Side of the Week: Avalanche, Oh Avalanche!

Gregory & The Hawk
Avalanche, Oh Avalanche! (from the Boats And Birds EP)
(FatCat Records)

I have a friend who has a van, and in that van there's a cd player. And inside that cd player, there's a girl. And inside that girl, there's another girl. Now let's assume that the inner girl eats porridge every Tuesday and mackerel on alternate Monday nights, and there are five Mondays in March 2009. Let's also assume that the outer girl likes to dance the polka but is disallowed from doing so on odd-numbered dates by her oppressive step-father. Suppose also that the van is travelling at 90km per hour on the Lebuhraya Utara Selatan back and forth from Nilai to Batu Pahat for 30 days starting 15th February 2009.

1. On what day and date do the two girls intersect while respectively eating mackerel and dancing the polka?

2. What is the nearest small town to this occurance?

What, you have no clue?

Bah. My two-year-old figured this one out. Huh? Of course not, what do you mean kids? No, I've got no kids. What, the two-year-old? That's not a kid. That's a supercomputer. You don't talk about your computers like that? My lord, you're indeed a depraved species.

Gregory & The Hawk - Avalanche, Oh Avalanche!