New Release: Amasser - Legal Wall

Have you ever received junk mail that did good on what it said it offered? You know, as in you actually drove home that new car, won yourself that iPod or actually went out on a date with Victoria Silvstedt?

Well, ye Pirates have and no, it's not offered by Reverend Viagra or single lonely female.

Amasser, a mysterious bunch from Minnesota dropped us a line about posting some songs off their LP Legal Wall. Needless to say we were skeptical because a) it sounds like spam mail for lawyers and we are about as lawful as Sarawak Sally b) Amasser sounds like a brand of death ray guns you can pick up at Tesco, and c) who in their blazing right mind would want us to post their music?!

Ah, but ye skeptics are sorely mistaken. Not only is it not spam mail or a brand of death ray guns (although that would've been mildly cooler), Amasser sports some wonderfully tasty electro-pop on Legal Wall, with some blanketed noise-warmth to fill the gaps between the blips and the gorgeous lazy melodies peeking through. 'For Omaha' is my champagne cut with its stuttering piano lines and bittersweet melody. Larrrrvely, as the Brits would say.

The album is slated for proper release in October, but right now the band are handing out hand-made packages to people that chat them up or girls that are supremely hot. Okay I added the supremely hot girls bit myself but if you hot girls have nowhere to go after meeting Amasser, I am all here.

1) Legal Wall
2) Cranium Posse
3) Kilo Binge
4) Data Clip Rig
5) Green Like the Sky
6) For Omaha
7) The Clipperton Suite
8) Persona System
9) A Litmus Cheer
10) Moonwatcher

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Goldenboy
Blue Swan Orchestra
(B-Girl)

Price: S$2.95

One in awhile, in a distant robotic planet where they have giant sized leeches in their Koi ponds, you get blown away by a deal so bloody sensational, that you just you err ... end up in tiny little chunks.

Yes, I found this Goldenboy CD in a HMV store at the bargain corner going for S$2.95. I knew little about them, much less about this record but for that measly amount, the risk was well worth taking.

The result? A record I have bumped up to at the very least a Top 25 in my most valuable list. This is Grandaddy without the electronics. Soothing lazy pop melodies with Elliot Smith pitching in on a song or two. Absolutely, 100%, ultra gorgeous, like Petra Nemcova in a loose G.I. Joe tee, holding up an ayam penyet meal with Godzilla: Final Wars playing on the telly behind her.

Goldenboy - Wild Was the Night (Blue Swan Orchestra)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Pretty Girls Make Graves
Good Health
(Lookout)

Price: S$2.95

The used CD corner at the Grammaphone in Ngee Ann City, Singapore has always been a bit of Stamford Bridge for me. That is assuming I am say, Frank Lampard, John Terry or the guy selling hot dogs outside the stadium. And not Mess-some-more Taibi.

Before it was Golden Smog, this round it's this. Punchy melodic girly proto punk with a slight emo gaze? Everyone sing Kumbaya now in the key of D.

What, you can't reach that key? Here's some rope, tie them suckers together real tight. If that doesn't work, then you can clamp them together with a hot sandwich maker. If that too fails then you can put on a G-string and tie a ribbon around your neck. If that also surprisingly fails you can try and coach an elephant how to hold a samurai sword.

If you've tried all that and it still doesn't work then you seriously don't have to sing. Cause we would've all died laughing at you anyways.

Pretty Girls Make Graves - Speakers Push the Air (from Good Health)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Ani DiFranco
Little Plastic Castle
(Righteous Babe)

Price: S$5

Question of the day: how did he get her?

It's a pertinent question, only because Little Plastic Castle is a bit like a footballer's wife. It's got those curvaceous melodies and protest lyrics that DiFranco likes to wrap around her percussive playing, plus the added mariachi brass fills in selected spots that make it that much more responsive to touch.

But then there's the cover. It's way down there. Not like smack at the bottom (I think the latest Ice-T album is definitive Christian Karembeu), but not too far from it. I'm not the type that judges contents by their cover, but seeing this atrocity in a dusty box forced me to reconsider my worldview. Thankfully, common sense won.

Still, the cover is definitely a footballer. And I'm not talking about those tight-tee Italian Casanovas. I'd say it's closer to... him:













Ani DiFranco - Fuel (from Little Plastic Castle)

Word for the week: Ball

Because...

The English Premiere League has started. Yeah, I know it's not the only football league (soccer for all you oval pig-skin supporting types) in the world. But it's honestly the only one we're bothered about. One-third of the pirates is religiously going for Liverpool as he has for like forever. The other roots for whoever is on his fantasy football roster. And me? I'm a sport neutral by nature, but I reckon Sunderland are going to do stuff. Nasty stuff.

Anyways, here are some songs, together with the types of football games they might be best suited for. Plus, since I missed Word for the Week last week, here's me being extra generous. I'm cool like that.

White Stripes - Ball and Biscuit (from Elephant)
2 - 3. In the 2nd minute, the goalie bites the striker's balls; it's a non-stop bloodbath thereon in, with the winner coming in injury time as the teams' towelboys pummel each other.

The Observatory - Oddball (from Blank Walls)
1 - 1. In the 32nd minute, three streakers invade the pitch. They are joined by the stadium security, who see it as their coming out party.

Jack Johnson - Mudfootball (from Bushfire Fairytales)
5 - 4. Impromptu beach football match, dominated by a 12-year-old Portuguese prodigy whose monosyllabic name alone will earn him a 12 million pound contract one day.

Treeball - Favourite Enemy (from I Dream Of Eclectic Sheep)
4 - 0. The home side just spent 300 million pounds on new janitors. The visitors work as janitors.

Joe Hisaishi - Boiraa Mushi (Sootballs) (from Spirited Away soundtrack)
0 - 2. Foggy conditions prevent long ball specialists from ruining the game, and the close control balladeers step in for 90 minutes of paradise.

Interpol - Wrecking Ball (from Our Love To Admire)
1 - 1. Chockablock with sublime midfield passing and mazy dribbling. The fans are the winners.

The Dodos - The Ball (from Beware Of The Maniacs)
3 - 0. The home team scores all goals in the first 25 minutes, then lets their hyperactive 17-year-olds give the visitors a muscle-cramping runaround.

R.E.M. - Beachball (from Reveal)
2 - 2. One foul, zero yellow or red cards. Both teams exchange shirts, phone numbers and wives after the game.

The Hold Steady - Take Me Out To The Ballgame (single)
Play ball.

My Chemical Romance Live in KL?

Hear ye all ye mascara totting emo kids, there are strong rumors circulating that the hippest meanest leather-wearing emo son-of-a-goths My Chemical Romance will be making a stop in our mucky town.

Apparently the Singapore deal is done dusted and headed for the printers. but there are rumors that someone here's looking to cash in on the Black Parade. The tentative ballpark is December.

So lock your eyes here, there, down the street from your house to the nearest coffee shop, your furry imaginary friend Kundu and the hot girl selling raw fish at the market for more news on this.

My Chemical Romance - Disenchanted (from The Black Parade)

Tony Wilson: 1950 - 2007

The man, the legend, clocked out at 6.05pm on August 10th, 2007.

The mogul behind the seminal careers of Manchester heroes Joy Division and The Happy Mondays, Wilson constructed the Manc club empire, drawing largely from his experience of watching the Sex Pistols show at the Lesser Free Trade Hall.

He leaves behind his legacy as the founder of the now legendary Factory Records, the also equally legendary Hacienda club, a movie based on his life (24 Hour Party People) and tons of scathing remarks about Morrissey ('A nasty human being' who 'treats people like shit').

In bucking the trend of posting songs by either the Mondays, Joy Division or New Order, we instead bring you two songs by two rather seminal bands who were obviously a bi-product of the man's legacy.

Mr. Manchester will be missed.

Interpol - Pioneer to the Falls (from Our Love to Admire)
Primal Scream - Some Velvet Morning (from Evil Heat)

Baybeats 2007: Sunday - Aloha

Festival closers must be big. Festival closers must be loud. Festival closers must be epic. Festival closers must sell out stadiums, and albums, and their soul.

And then there's Aloha. Purveyors of the plaintive. Upholders of the underrated. Epitomes of the everyman. And fully capable of leaving you with the same feeling you'd have after walking through an orchard: satisfied by variety, guilt-free and imbued with a renewed sense that goodness is the fruit plucked only by the inquisitive.

Blessed are the brave.

Rating: 7.6

Aloha - Your Eyes (from Some Echoes)

Baybeats 2007: Sunday - They Will Kill Us All

I wanted them to kill me. Kill me good. Slash me across the chest and rip my throat out. Dump me by the road to dwell on their violence while I slowly bleed to death.

I had heard of their notoreity. A string of murders followed with larger killings. It started off with tens and twentys. Eventually, hundreds fell by their sword. I saw them kill once. They hammered an entire small room with pure fury until everyone, except I who was watching in secret, lay dead. I secretly wanted to be among the dead. I waited.

Their largest stage yet. Several hundred stood in the vicinity. I stood. Among them. Fist clenched with certain mortality on my mind. Not so certain after all.

They were weak. Lazy. Took breaks between numbers and strolled around looking bored. With every new attack they built it up from scratch. I saw them murder once, murder many, gaining a lust for blood with each kill. But here, at their promised badland, they cared less. They really cared less.

I didn't die. Got scratched on my arm and I walked out the scene unharmed. And they? They blew it.

Rating: 3.9

They Will Kill Us All - Situational Separate (unreleased demo)

Baybeats 2007: Sunday - One Buck Short

Catching One Buck Short's set was more a case of "I'm tired of waiting around" than any purposed eagerness to catch Malaysia's pop-punkers second Baybeats appearance. They closed the Powerhouse Stage, and over at the Arena, Aloha were taking a while to set up. So why not?

I mean, it's not hard to figure out that they'd predictably go all ballistic in front of a gaggle of tweens, who would predictably go all ballistic back. Still, One Buck Short are a fun watch, even if a progressively bland listen. You get scrawny lads and ladettes on each other's shoulders, and a throng of sing-a-longs and cheesy dancing. And you get a band who are wholeheartedly convinced that their brand of music is the way to go.

Also, to their credit, they're certainly getting better at what they do, as opening slots for Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte and a performance at the just-over Singfest prove. And they'll likely be around a little while longer, since there aren't many chuggy-riffed bands around this region with their kind of established fanbase. So hooray for the prolonged shelf life.

Three chords and 15 minutes later, I left.

Rating: 4.5

One Buck Short - That Day (live recording at Paul's Place, 2004)

Baybeats 2007: Sunday - Tookoo

So while waiting for some of our overawed buddies to get their CDs signed by Everyone Loves Irene, I hung around the Nokia Powerhouse stage to watch China's Tookoo. We only caught about 10 minutes (as we were rushing to get a good spot for They Will Kill Us All), but it was a decent if not too original pot. They've got the whole Maximo Park post-punk thing going on, with the requisite emo stylings that any band in this fest might be expected to have.

Wouldn't be really fair to give it a rating, I suppose. But heck, who ever said I was fair? There was this one time when this kid tripped me up during basketball in school one day. So I bought myself a Russian nuke and blasted his neighbourhood. Take that.

Rating: 5.9

Tookoo - Dance For Yourself (from Dance For Yourself EP)

Baybeats 2007: Sunday - Everybody Loves Irene

The starry-eyed boy watched as Irene, the impish girl with a bag slung over her shoulder and a plastic water bottle, walked nonchalantly onto stage.

(Is she serious? This is her entrance?)

The band was already playing. She's cute. You'll forgive her posturing. (Some say you might even love her.) She stands at the mic and cheshires so sweetly, you'd have sworn that across the bay, someone in Indonesia was receiving her smile. She welcomes the crowd. Waves a little. Like a doe-eyed doll.

Then it happens. Her eyes go square over the heads of the crowd. The languid basslines and droning keyboards turn the waterfront into a strange and empty landscape and Irene - June one moment ago - has gone all December. Her hands twitch. Her voice is heartbreaking. Her smile is six months ago and her act is cunning. Almost sharp.

This little chameloen weaves in and out of character. Strawberry Shortcake one moment, Beth Gibbons the next. The set was enthralling. The starry-eyed boy was entranced. After holding an extraodinary note on the final number, Irene picks up her sling bag and water bottle, and she walks out.

The band play on. What a way to go.

Rating: 7.0

Everybody Loves Irene - You're My Tragedy (from The Very First Thing You Must Learn About Flying Is Gravity)

Baybeats 2007: Saturday - The Lovesong

Watching The Lovesong's set isn't completely unlike watching an American Godzilla movie or a Japanese John Rambo, complete with red headbands and bomb-tipped arrows.

The sound is unmistakably At the Drive-in. Ben Tse's monologues over the angular guitars and twinkly picking bits is square within what ATDI were doing on Relationships of Command. Except you have a bunch of Asian dudes on stage pretending its sunny El Paso Texas and that they are some chicos who ran over the Mexican border a couple of years back.

But hey, you shouldn't blame someone for being good-looking, no matter how big an ass the bugger may be. If anything The Lovesong have to be saluted for copying from a good source. It looks like the ghost of cotton candy murder ala Whence He Came has been properly expunged from their gauntly bodies. All that's left is just err ... the stick.

Rating: 6.8

The Lovesong - One Becomes What One Used to Hate (from DD/MM/YYYY)

Baybeats 2007: Saturday - Urbandub

Have you ever been punched before, like square in the nose? And just after the punch makes contact with those two fragile bones in your nose and you hear it snap, a large crate that's housing a Gundam robot drops on you, smashing almost every single bone in your body, except that one bone holding your buttocks up and just as you try to call upon that bone to deliver you some dignity, the Gundam robot's rear end comes apart and falls on you, smashing that last bone as well. Have your ever felt like this at all?

Well watching Urbandub's set on Saturday felt a little like that. With a name like that I was expecting some skinny bearded dude behind a DJ console or some rastafarians with way too much hair which has seen way too little shampoo in their existence. But alas, the four piece from the Philippines strode on stage, strummed a de-tuned note and proceeded to knock the pants off the unassuming crowd gathered at the Powerhouse stage just after dinner time. Starting with the punchy emo rock monster that was 'Alert the Armoury', the band went on to play five other songs, hardly letting up for the duration of their set. With tons of soaring choruses, perfect three part harmonies and even a C.C. Deville endorsed guitar-over-shoulders swinging move, this was emo the way it was meant to be played.

What? You mean you have never seen a Gundam robot before? Isn't there one in every home? I grew up with one always around me. Either changing my nappies, boiling some soup, driving me to my prom and taking my dog for walks. I thought it was rather weird that it kept using a huge plasma cannon to stir my coffee. I mean I am pretty used to ordering it around. My friends used to say say I was a pretty tough and big kid. I have no idea what they were talking about.

Rating: 8.7

Urbandub - Frailty (from Embrace)

Baybeats 2007: Saturday - Blindside

I used to work next to a guy who swore his life on Glassjaw, Underoath and Blindside. I'd ween him on my Pearl Jam, and he'd educate me on the wonders of Christian hardcore. I'd debate that Smashing Pumpkins could grind it with the best of them, and then he'd play me 10 seconds of 'About A Burning Fire', and say how Billy Corgan's squeal on 'Zero' sounds like a pregnant shrimp compared to Christian Lindskog's alphamale wail.

So my excitement was palpable when I heard that the Swedes were scheduled to close Saturday night at the Arena Stage. And dang, what a set. I'm convinced Baybeats witnessed its largest ever mosh pit. Scenes of shirt-swinging and fist-pumping were aplenty.

Me? I was happy catching the action away from the banging bods, and humming in my head to 'Pitiful' and 'Eye Of The Storm'. Bottom line: Budding metal acts around the region who missed this need to replay those Youtube videos over and over to get a firm lesson in how to manhandle thousands. And swing a mic stand. And do a kick flip with a guitar. And yowl like you mean it.

Oh, and apparently the band went to church the next morning. Rawk.

Rating: 8.2

Blindside - The Way You Dance (from The Black Rose EP)

Baybeats 2007: Saturday - Observation Deck - Reza Salleh and Warren Chan

One day, Romeo and Teddy Bear die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, St Peter tells them, "Only one of you can go in. To enter heaven, you have to play me a 30-minute set as a singer-songwriter".

Without delay, Romeo whips out an acoustic guitar and starts plucking. He sways his hips from side-to-side, stares longingly into St Peter's eyes and starts singing a whole bunch of vaginally-lubricating numbers. When he finishes, the crowd that has gathered around the Pearly Gates rip into applause and cheer.

Then St Peter turns to Teddy Bear and says, "It's your turn, Teddy".

So Teddy Bear, defying the rules of singer-songwriterism, pulls out a giant red Ibanez Artcore, plugs it into the nearest amp and starts singing like a nervous child, his awkward eyes evading every stare. In between songs, he tells everyone that his playing is bad because he's scared. When he finishes, the crowd clap respectfully.

St Peter looks at the both of them and immediately says "Teddy Bear, welcome to heaven." And so the Pearly Gates open and Teddy Bear walks in happily.

Then Romeo, jaw dropping, asks St Peter, "How come I didn't get into heaven? My plucking was technically challenging, my stage presence was alluring, my diction has improved by leaps and bounds and I connected with the crowd! They loved me!"

To which St Peter said...

(errr... what's the punchline oredi ah? shit. i forgot the punchline)

Ratings:
Reza Salleh - 5.4
Warren Chan - 7.9

Reza Salleh - A Relic Is What I Live In (from Voices From Next Door compilation)
Warren Chan - Dear Derelict (from Ferns' On Botany)

Baybeats 2007: Friday - Azmyl Yunor & The Sigarettes

You know what's the best thing about knowing how to joget? No, it's not so you can lose 10kg in four weeks with money-back guarantee and have lots of fun doing it. The best thing about knowing how to joget is that you can joget to Azmyl Yunor & the Sigarettes - a feat accomplished by many a Singaporean on the night Malaysia's cult folkie graced the bay.

Against the backdrop of vein-popping, throat-wrenching emo types, Azmyl's country cool comes off as laid back relief, like turning the standing fan to face your direction while you lie in the grass on a warm afternoon. And in the grass, there are all these nice woody smells. And eventhough somewhere in those smells there is a lumbering scent of your serotonin's blues, the rest of the whiff conjures all the exciting freshness that makes your lungs pop and your eyes water with popsicle joy. And as you lie in the sun, the cry of a harmonica explodes in your head, like a pocket-sized orchestra. Voices sing along. Feet dance along. They don't just dance. They joget. And then, it all winds down.

You get up from the grass and turn off the fan.

Now you're one.

Rating: 7.3

Azmyl Yunor - Charity Lane (from Tenets EP)

Baybeats 2007: Friday - Utopium

So it's been four days since Baybeats concluded, and one of the bands we've been raving about most is Utopium. Unfortunately, it's not the positive kind of raving; more of the ridiculing, "Do you remember him saying that?!?" nature.

But there's a good reason for this. From the band's name to their jet black outfits to their multinational makeup (members are from France, Russia and Mexico) to their cosmic shoegaze soundscapes, everything about Utopium suggested a performance of grandiose, moonwalking proportions. But evidently, the only sign of outer space came from frontman Maxime Petrovski's monotone speaking voice. I wish I had a recording of it; it's a bit like R2D2 talking into a stand fan (we tried recreating it a couple of days later, to everyone's glee). The songs themselves were equally flatline, each one sounding like a poor man's Ride and with half the capacity to elevate beyond rote two-chord progressions. We watched them for about 15 minutes, offered our quota of snide remarks, and then headed off to watch Plainsunset.

Rating: 3.2

Utopium - Planeador (from No Memory Man)

Baybeats 2007: Friday - Stentorian

Sometimes, you need to stop talking. My momma taught me that. She also taught me to bathe twice a day, smile at bad drivers and be nice to cats. But I'm a bad learner.

I sometimes wish bands had mummies too. That way, they'd have proper oversight and receive constant advice about their blindspots. Like Stentorian, for example. They've got that kind of zipper-tight proggy-funk sound that could easily give Maroon 5 a run for their moolah, and a keen sense of melody that makes songs like 'Fly' and 'Fancy Girl' worth singing along to. But they've also got a gratingly annoying frontman who needs to stop canvasing support from the stage and making the crowd tell him that his band rocks. Plus, the band looked rather self-conscious, and seemed awkwardly incapable of occupying the Powerhouse Stage in a manner that would do justice to their stellar musicianship.

Still, I'd give them a couple more years of polishing up the nitty-gritty before passing any conclusive judgment. There's a pearl in this oyster; it just needs mummy's gentle fingers to pry it out.

Rating: 5.1

Stentorian - Contemplation (from Stentorian EP)

The pirate's nightmare

Yeah, I'll get to the whole Baybeats recap soon, but just heard some news that's too important to ignore. News that threatens the very existence of this blog, and thousands like it. News that could mean the difference between you waking up to a bright, sunny tomorrow, or a dank, torturous one.

According to NME, someone has just created a virus called W32.Deletemusic that is programmed to detect and delete all the music on your hard drive, including any attached external ones. Not only does the bastardly creator lack the brain power to come up with a better name, he or she couldn't even offer the decency of letting us keep stuff on external hard drives.

Anyways, some music industry director dude gave three tips to MP3-zens worldwide on how to avoid suffering such an ignoble fate:

1. think twice before attaching an external memory card to your computer
2. back up your music on DVD, and
   
3. make sure your anti-virus is up to date.
   

I'm offering a fourth: let's start a fund to collect enough money to hire Dog the Bounty Hunter to hunt down the idiot who created this virus, and drag him to my doorstep alive and barely breathing, so we can all take turns bashing his head with our sister's Lindsey Lohan CDs.

Grandaddy - Hewlett's Daughter (from The Sophtware Slump)