B-Side of the Week - 20 Hours

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
20 Hours (from the Berlin 7" vinyl single)
(Island)

You see, while there's a certain predictable charm in seeing something till the end, there's definitely a lot more appeal in cutting things short.

Like chomping down three quarters of a kobe beef steak only to have it yanked from your teeth and thrown away. Or like downloading an exclusive vinyl-only Black Rebel b-side only to have it stop after 1:31, and never to continue. Or like travelling for 39 days around the world only to dock one day before going full circle, buying a house there and living on the same spot till you die. Or like holding Zhang

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - 20 Hours [BUY]

Word for the Week: Record

Because...

There's been a recent resurgence on the topic of the death (or possible survival) of the independent record store. Like, America had National Record Store Day a month ago, which pledged to battle against death (or possible survival) of the independent record store. Then now, a documentary has just been released entitled I Need That Record: The Death (or Possible Survival) of the Independent Record Store, which will explore the death (or possible survival) of the independent record store. Gosh, sometimes my ability to perceive hidden messages totally blows me away.

Broken Records - Nearly Home (from upcoming album)
You know how Glasgow is the Tom Hanks of Scottish rock? Well, on the back of these seven chamber poppers, all hail Edinburgh, the country's Philip Seymour Hoffman BC (ie, Before Capote).

My Morning Jacket - Off the Record (from Z) [BUY]
Alt-twang momentarily gives way to a wash of beach pop.

armored frog - Blasted Record Effect (from Weasel on a Weathervane)
Brushes, whispers and a daydreaming piano make us wait for paradise with bated breath--and then allow us to suffocate ourselves away to a blissful demise.

Bull Moose Jackson - Big Ten Inch Record (from The R&B Hits of 1952)
Back in 1952, this was banned from radio airplay for being too risque. Here in 2008, my parakeets are still blushing. Silly boys.

This Week's Track 9 - I Don't Like You Anymore by The Last Shadow Puppets

They say that diamonds are forever.

But I knew a diamond once. She was a sweetheart, that one. Platinum hair. Sparkling eyes. Shaped like half an hourglass. And what a fun girl to be with. So lively. So arresting. So multi-faceted.

We were in love. On many days, I believed she would be the one for me forever. I told her that once, that I wanted to be her man all her life. She winked at me in the sunlight and asked me if I was cutting edge enough.

And then it all went downhill. I found out she waa synthetically fashioned in a lab.

"Why didn't you tell me?", I asked.
"I was afraid you'd stop liking me!", she said.
"Yeah? Well guess what? I don't like you anymore".

She faded.

Today, I go out with real human girls, with hands and legs and all that. On most days, I believe I made the right decision.

The Last Shadow Puppets - I Don't Like You Anymore (track 9 from The Age Of The Understatement) [BUY]

Update: Look out people, Envy could be heading over here on August 9th

Update: Yes the date and venue is confirmed. Venue will be the Esplanade Concert Hall. For more ticketing info, head on here. And RM50 to the first person that pees on the spotless wooden walls in a fit of emotional rage.
Update: Yes, apparently a date has already been set for the band's appearance in this region. Singapore is touted as the most likely destination, with a Malaysian show highly possible as well. We've been trying to strangle more information out of our informer. He keeps saying he doesn't know anymore. I think he is lying. Oh wait, it's a she apparently. Hey wait a minute, isn't that the old lady from downstairs?

Our dependable paparazzi of the high seas has caught a buzz that a certain fairly known collective in Thailand are looking to bring Japanese hardcore band Envy for a show and are looking for people to hook them up here for a date or two as well.

They prefer slender and colorful 'kawai' girls but will be willing to make an exception for extremely good looking local women as well. The girls have to own at least one studded belt or an Embrace record. If you own both, the option for marriage is immediately activated. I myself have donated my sexy cashier girl for the cause. And yes, she owns an Embrace record. Damn stupid disposable Brit-pop band.

Although it goes without saying but I feel the need to point it out anyway - guys are strictly prohibited from applying.

Unless you smell like Ian MacKaye

Envy - A Far Off Reason (from Compiled Fragments 1997-2003) [BUY]

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Gloria Record
The Gloria Record EP
(Crank)

Price: S$2.95

It's really nice to buy back something you lost.

Like this EP from The Gloria Record. It's not like I like it much to begin with but there's a sense of dignity that comes from reclaiming what you've lost.

Like the other day I was proud to reclaim back that sexy cashier from the supermarket I lost. Sure, she slapped me when I offered her money to 'be mine' again but I only see that as her effort to tease. So next time I go there, I will offer her a higher price, maybe RM10.00. Cause I am generous like that.

The Gloria Record - Grace the Snow is Here (from The Gloria Record EP) [BUY]

In the papers today...

The tiny Greek island of Lesbos is going to court to prevent a gay rights group from using the term "lesbian". Inhabitants of the land insist that only they should be called Lesbians. Sources say the gay rights group will be represented by Bert and Ernie.
This story reminds me of: Victor Bermon - View of the Islands (from Arriving At Night)

Jamacain sprinter Usain Bolt has run the second-fastest 100m sprint ever, clocking a time of 9.76 seconds at the Jamaica International Invitational. Now, Olympians have another thing to mull over, besides wondering if Tyson Gay's parents were disappointed when their son started sprinting instead of carrying on the family's boxing ring/strip club business.
This story reminds me of: Tortoise - A Simple Way to Go Faster Than Light That Does Not Work (from TNT)

WWE founder Vince McMahon is to be honoured with a lifetime achievement award at the 53rd annual Promax/BDA conference in New York. McMahon's win continues the award's recognition of those who carved an identity out of convincing people they actually existed, such as Santa Claus, Chinese Democracy and Paula Abdul's sanity.
This story reminds me of: The National - Fake Empire (from Boxer)

Word for the Week: Work

Because...

It's Labour Day. In my part of the world at least. And since it's celebrated on other dates in different parts of the world, I've got a flight to Nassau in June, Ottawa in September, Canberra in October, and Wellington at the end of that same month. Can't leave the lazy arses partyin' alone, ya know.

Nellie McKay - Work Song (from Get Away From Me)

Nellie's trademark vocal canter takes a detour through St Petersburg. I think she and Regina Spektor even caught a movie.

Yo La Tengo - Barnaby, Hardly Working (from Fakebook)

Oscillating feedback drones never sounded so melodious.

SevenCollar T-Shirt - The Works (from Drones)

While Ham hunkers down at Pat Methany's neighbourhood, Duan summons the spirit of Deftones. Whatever makes 'em happy.

Murder Mystery - Cold, Hard Workin' Man (from Are You Ready for the Heartache Cause Here it Comes)
The most twang-centric track of the debut from these New Yorkers pledges undying, blue-collar loyalty to a significant other like only Vince Gill could.

Jimmy Eat World - Work (acoustic version, from Sessions @ AOL)

Jim Adkins compares work and play to him and his prom date. Me and mine can totally not empathise; we were like Forrest Gump and quotes.

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: The Arctic Monkeys - Mardy Bum

Now then Mardy Bum
I see your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off
And out come all these words
Oh there's a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer

It's one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Well now then Mardy Bum
Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I
I thought as much
Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can't bare

Can't we laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Yeah I'm sorry I was late
Well I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
But I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don't care
Well of course I do, yeah I clearly do.

So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Still it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Having a Mardy Bum is a sad thing no? I mean, there's actually very few things in the world worst than having a Mardy Bum. Itchy Bum comes to mind but at least you can scratch that. With a Mardy Bum, you have to wash, scrub it and spray some perfume before it properly goes away.

Oh sorry, was just talking to myself. I am doing this spell quiz thing so I am like so completely immersed in it. Yeah, not to say much but yeah I'm pretty good at it. My sis says I suck, but you know, sibling rivalry and all. It's quite cute really.

The Arctic Monkeys - Mardy Bum (from Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not)

In the papers today...

A Japanese single malt whisky has been declared the world's best by Whisky Magazine. It's the first time a distiller outside Scotland has won the prize. And in other news, the International Haggis Foundation received its first shipment of 2,000 kimonos, and uncountable amounts of sake.
This story reminds me of: The Spinto Band - Japan Is An Island (from Nice And Nicely Done)

Peru is slowly reclaiming its place as the potato capital of the world. It's 10,000 hectare Potato Park is home to over 600 varieties of potatoes. This is timely, as it comes in line with the UN declaration of 2008 as the Year of the Potato. Seriously, none of that was made up.
This story reminds me of: Sia - Sweet Potato (from Colour The Small One)



Yesterday America celebrated National Cubicle Day. Celebrated? Absolutely. You mean you don't throw daily three o'clock parties at your four by four with 18 strippers, a Yo La Tengo cover band and your line manager doing the limbo? No wonder you hate your job.
This story reminds me of: Broken Social Scene - Guilty Cubicles (from Feel Good Lost)

Fad of the land: Tennent's Mutual

There are three reasons why Scottish beer is unlike any other beer in the world.

First, look at the never ending stream of musical geniuses birthed from the throes of those smoky bars. The Braithwaites and Murdochs and Kapranos of the land seem to find little trouble in spewing forth those mighty fine tunes, no doubt birthed in between hearty helpings of that most potent spirit of theirs.

Secondly, you've got Lager 2.0. Scot brand Tennent's Lager has invited fans to participate in the organisation of a music festival through its new venture, Tennent's Mutual. A £150,000 fund has been set up, and those who sign up before 30th June get to decide on all aspects of the event's logistics, including who should be in the line up, where it should be and how much tickets should be. The advisory board includes the Rolling Stones' Andrew Loog Oldham and Babyshambles' Drew McConnell, and the festival is scheduled to take place in October or November of this year.

Thirdly, people who drink it become maths whizzes. They are instantly able to work out Pi to the 12 trillionth 345 billionth 981 millionth decimal point. They can solve problems normally reserved for Yale's Algorithms 901 class with the speed and efficiency of a German police car.

Fourthly, I drink it.

Link: www.tennentsmutual.com

Albert Hammond Jr - Everyone Gets A Star (from Yours To Keep) [BUY]

This Week's Track 9 - Blue by Elastica

There are only five things you need to know about Elastica.

1. Their debut album is called Elastica.
2. Their scene is called New Wave of New Wave.
3. They've been signed to twice the number of labels as they have albums.
4. Basist Sheila Chipperfield's family runs a circus called The Chipperfield Circus Family.
5. Justine Frischmann is actually a man.

Yes. She is. The same way the three-headed wolf with crocodile skin that lives in my cellar is actually a three-headed wolf with crocodile skin. Just yesterday, I released it to run around the neighbourhood. Bloody mess it turned out to be. I had police knocking on my door asking me if I knew anything about a dead two-storied T-Rex. T-Rex? What's that, some brand of dog biscuits?

Elastica - Blue (track 9 from Elastica)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Terrorvision
Regular Urban Survivors
(EMI)

Price: S$0.50

There are some things in our existence that are so cheap, that we often don't think about whether we really want it or not. Take this album by Bradford's famous one hit wonders, going for a measly S$o.50. I mean, sure, there's only probably three decent tracks on this. But what else can I do with S$o.50 anyways?

Like a couple of years back I bought myself a pet Tyrannosaurus Rex. What? No they are not extinct. I am having to chase one off my backyard all the time. Damn pests. Anyways, it was going for pretty cheap so I thought why not. It was pretty cute when it was five months old so I named it Cutie. But now that it's fully grown, I can't quite figure out what to do with it. Occasionally I let her lose to chase the neighbours around, which is still pretty damn fun and funny. I have no idea why they seem to afraid of it. Sure, Cutie is about two stories tall and occasionally eats a cousin or two, but hey, people have to look deeper. She's pretty harmless.

Terrorvision - Perseverance (from Regular Urban Survivors)

Fad of the Land: Beemp3

I seriously like consuming things in small portions.

Which is why I like Beemp3. It's a site that aggregates from other sources, just like Hype Machine to give you a searchable database of mp3s. The beauty is that it actually provides you with the direct link so you can actually download the tracks off the site. Yeah, no more having to stride through a weepy post about a weepy blog just to get to that cool Dogs Die in Hot Cars track.

Sorry what was I saying before? That's right, yeah I do like things in small portions. Take coffee for example, while others do the conventional thing and drink it off a mug, I prefer to split them into 125 small little drop-tubes. That way, I can have 125 drops instead of one giant slosh. And some pork noodle seller once told me when I was 10 that 125 is always better than one, always. Is 125 Olivia Wildes better than one? I rest my case. The man was a genius.

Link: beemp3.com

Minipop - My Little Bee (from A New Hope) [BUY]

In the papers today...

Thai activist Chotisak Oonsoong is being charged with insulting Thailand's king by refusing to stand up when the country's national anthem was played at the start of a movie (as is practiced in Thailand). What the cops didn't know was that he wasn't really sitting down; he had simply lapsed into a coma upon discovering he was about to watch Norbit.
This story reminds me of: Radiohead - The National Anthem (from I Might Be Wrong: Live Recordings)

Health organisations are calling for the end of sex education programs that only promote abstinence till marriage. The reported rationale is that such programs aren't any better at discouraging premarital sex. The real reason, of course, is that they deny teenagers the chance to make condom balloons.
This story reminds me of: Neutral Milk Hotel - Song Against Sex (from On Avery Island)

Hard Rock Cafe has just launched its first theme park in South Carolina. Ingeniously christened Hard Rock Park, some highlights include a Led Zeppelin rollercoaster, a 'Born In The USA' section and a 10,000 seat amphetheatre. Nevertheless, early reports aren't good; sources say kids are crying at the sight of the Mick Jagger plush toy.
This story reminds me of: Belle & Sebastian - The Rollercoaster Ride (from The Boy with the Arab Strap)

B-Side of the Week - Culling The Fold

The Decemberists
Culling The Fold (from the O Valencia! single)
(Capitol Records)

I once met a boy
called Colin Meloy
err...
He walked by the yard
err... no no
He sat on the back
Of a shipbuilder's... errr... deck
With the seafarers down
In this peasantry town
You can hear our bard
Colin singing... err... nevermind
He is Colin the... hmmm.... ooh!
He walked by the yard! That's it!
You can hear our bard
As he walks down the yard!!!
Now I'm feeling so clever
More clever than ever
And travellers will hail me
And the... errr.... pirates will sail me
To be once in employ
Of Colin from Decemberists.

Ok, that was five bucks. I take IOUs.

The Decemberists - Culling The Fold

Gig-gles: Crossborders featuring Tabasco

Tabasco couldn't be more appropriate for this month's edition of Crossborders.

That's it.

What, do I have to qualify everything I say? You know, that's what I hate about this world. I'm just so sick and tired of this whole expectation to have a reason for what I say, or otherwise not say it at all. So what if I like saying things off the top of my head, huh? Who are you to demand for an explanation anyways? Who, the Pope? The Prime Minister of Madagascar? The Prince of Slovakia? Huh? Huh?

Tabasco couldn't be more appropriate for this month's edition of Crossborders because these Thai whoop-punk lads seem fully capable of instigating scenes of rambunctious hysteria, and prove that their country's love for yellow isn't also meant to describe their crimson red attitude towards rock.

Happy? Oh, shut up.

Details:

Opening Acts: The Times, Matematik
Date: Thurs, 24 April 2008
Venue: Laundry Bar, The Curve, Petaling Jaya
Time: 9.30pm
Admission: Free

Tabasco - I Luv Vodka (from Newbie Party Compilation)

Oh my dear bug-looking alien race ... Sigur Rós Live in Singapore in August?

With the luck this region has been having lately, it had to happen sooner or later. I mean, I am a firm believer in the concept that seriously, good things come to those who wait. I mean we've had a run of mediocre substitutes and pretenders but hey, we've finally stumbled upon the real deal and it feels darn good.

What? No, no I am not talking about Sigur Rós. What did you say? Them playing in Esplanade in August? What on earth's name are you talking about? What the heck is a Sigur Rós anyway? Some Hokkien dish? I was actually talking about Wendy's finally opening a chain here after over 20 years of being away.

Ah ... the life.

Sigur Rós - Olsen Olsen (from Ágætis Byrjun)

This Week's Track 9 - Transistor, No Way by Emily's Sassy Lime

Five days ago, I arrived home after work and my food processor asked me for 20 bucks. something about going out to the movies with a date. I said "blender, stuff you".

Four days ago, I woke up late. When I woke my alarm clock and asked it what happened, he asked me for asprins to nurse a splitting headache. I said "time-piece, in your dreams".

Three days ago, my memory stick refused to be read, and when I asked him if everything was okay, he said he wanted the new Jaguar XF one week upon its local release date. I told him "thumb, suck on it".

Day before yesterday, my mosquito racket broke down the door of my den, took the chainsaw and threatened me with certain mutilation if I didn't take down my newly bought Dali original, to which I said "zapper, buzz off".

And so it culminated yesterday when I was interrupted mid-dinner by my radio, who threw a plate down and said "if you don't give me a viable alternative to your gross Korean pop, i'm gonna start playing Barbra Streisand's Memory on infinite repeat!". To which I said "transistor, no way". And that jerk had the gall to start up the Babs number. good thing I smashed it to pieces before the first note.

Maybe he misunderstood me. I actually meant this song.

Emily's Sassy Lime - Transistor, No Way (track 9 from Desperate, Scared, But Social)

Sick Of It All Live in Malaysia: May 25th

Buzz ... (radio static)

Announcer:

Now I look down the harbor. All manner of boats, overloaded with fleeing population, pulling out from docks. Streets are all jammed. Noise in crowds like New Year's Eve in city. Wait a minute ... The ... the enemy is now in sight above the Palisades. Four — four great machines. First one, a tattooed bald headed mean SOB is crossing the river. I can see it from here, wading ... wading the Hudson like a drunken idiot that's had too many Snack Plates in a mosh pit.

A bulletin is handed me...

Tiger beer cans are falling all over the country. One outside of Tanjung Malim, one in Sentul ... Jinjang ... seem to be timed and spaced ... all in May to take over this country.

Now the first machine reaches the shore. He stands watching, looking over the city with a bottle of Bud in his hand. His bald, cowlish head is even with the skyscrapers. He waits for the other baldies. They rise like a line of new towers on the city's west side ...

Now they're lifting their hairy tattooed hands. This is the end now. Hair comes out ... black armpit hair, drifting over the city. People in the streets see it now. They're running towards the Klang River ... thousands of them, dropping in like rats.

Now the hair's spreading faster. It's reached Times Square. People are trying to run away from it, but it's no use.

They're falling like flies.

Sick Of It All - Step Down (from Scratch the Surface)

The seven worst Malaysian band names

One day, I was in McDonalds buying a McChicken value meal for dinner. Then, as I walked up to the counter, I was greeted with the most gorgeous cashier that history had ever known. Her hair flowed down from the peaks of Mt Zion. Her hands caressed the till like a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Her lips puckered with more volume than a Wikipedia entry on Metroid.

And her name tag read "Pimply Assia Smith".

I looked her name tag, and before she could say, "And would you like fries with that?", I walked out the restaurant, and kept walking until I reached Uranus, where I then knelt down and begged for Galactus to eat me up. Then I went home and ordered a Hawaiian pizza.

Having a piss-bad band name is like that, y'all. And so while we're not saying that all the bands listed below suck (some do, but we're sure your uber-hip ears will differentiate), we are insisting that the suckness factor coulda been dialed down a skivy had somebody checked Thesaurus.com before replying those prom night organisers.

Qings and Kueens
Whoever said that "Qi" and "Qat" are the only two words in the world that don't need a "u" after the "Q"? Scrabblenerds worldwide, please drop these chaps a thanq you note.
Qings & Kueens - We're Gonna Rock You (from Royal Sessions EP)

Altered Frequency
Ah yes, it makes complete sense that a Christian band would be dissatisfied with frequencies. Especially the bits around that 3 kilohertz bandwidth; positively demonic.
Altered Frequency - Running Back To You (from Exalt)

Pop Shuvit
Sometimes, when I too feel the need to announce that I'm throbbing with attitude, I simply put a couple of badass words together. So check this latest grouping out: hamncheese. See what I mean.
Pop Shuvit - Skaters Anthem (from Take It & Shuvit)

Broken Scar
Oh brutal life! How heavy hath thine hand come upon me, to puncture this tender scar of mine once more! May my ditties smite thee with the smitiest of smites!
Broken Scar - Down (from Midnight In St. Kilda)

Dragon Red
Fifi my pet dragon would like to issue an official statement that not all members of his species are as red as him. Meanwhile, I have painted Fifi olive green to help prove his point. I'm supportive like that.
Dragon Red - Fade Away (from self-titled EP)

Tempered Mental
Band boy: Look ma, I can change time signatures and shred like Steve Vai!
Ma: Look son, D- on your Pun Coining 101 paper!
Band boy: Oh ermm.... Look ma, paradiddles!
Tempered Mental - Open (from The View From Here)

X-Cited Screamers
OMG OMG OMG!!! I'M SO FREAKING XTREME I THINK I'LL XTERMINATE ALL XCESS LETTERS FROM MY XCELLENT BAND NAME!
X-Cited Screamers - Know (from Start The Engine)