B-Side of the Week - We Were Lovers

Bloc Party
We Were Lovers (from the The Prayer single)
(Wichita)

I used to be called The Sphynx. Yeah, those were the days when I travelled across Egypt, hunting for the great liquid onyx of Akhenaten. I eventually found it, and sold it for twelve diamond mines in Burundi.

Before that, I was called The Scimitar. Back then, I traversed the Arabian plains for the elusive tahr goat. I eventually found it, and donated it's prized sphincter towards the eventual discovery of the cure for sleep apnea.

And when I was even younger, they called me The Great Vegan Son Of Kangkung Belacan Minus The Belacan. Those were the days where I... well... umm.... I just kinda didn't eat meat and stuff. Look, it made me a strong man aight? Try fending off Egyptian girls in excavation gear!

As for this b-side? It used to be called Into The Blue and Cells Shaped Like Stars. True story. Bloc Party played it live prior to releasing last year's album before they finally decided it was shit. Just like kangkung belacan minus the belacan. Blergh.

Bloc Party - We Were Lovers

Word for the Week: Kitty

Because...

A couple of 'em were humping under my car last night. It went something like "Rrreeeerrrr, rwarwararawrawrawrwrrrr (five second pause) mwoar, mwoar, mwoar (two second pause) eeeeereeerererrrrrrr rwawwwwwaaarrr (three second pause) mwoar mwoar mwoar mwoar mwoaaaaaaar (silence)." I can totally relate.

Jaga Jazzist - Kitty Wu (from The Stix)
At this year's prom, the sax sports an olive skirt, the vibraphone dons glass slippers, and the drum samplers spike the punch bowl, and then gulp it all down.

Kitty Donohoe - There Are No Words (single)
9/11 odes are aplenty; 9/11 odes that don't trade strength for schmaltz are a-few, and a-welcome.

Lil' Kim - Kitty Box (from The Naked Truth)
Kimberly Jones wants to hand you a free pass into Badabing's strippers dressing room. You don't want to stop her.

Lou Barlow - The Ballad Of Daykitty (from Emoh)
Mr Sebadoh closed his last solo record with this ditty to his kitty. I bet the furface still scratched his sofa.

Kitty Hawk - Some Kind Of Monster (from upcoming album)
With an aura this morbid, I'm convinced these DC folk rockers musta gotten a whiff of Hilary's campaign corpse.

Presidents Of The United States Of America - Kitty (from Presidents Of The United States Of America)
This kinda politics, I like.

Sunburst Festival release timetable

Some statements sound plain weird. 'Malaysia's premiere music festival' would be one of those phrases, right up there with 'Pantsy's smallest bicep', or 'Pantsy's finest body part'. Like, ain't redundancy just so irritatingly, annoyingly, gallingly pissing off? Sheesh.

But ah well. When short on options...

Malaysia's premiere music festival, Sunburst KL International Music Festival, has released their timetable. Come March 15th, in the grand tradition of festivals that are bound to frustrate with a slew of clashing acts, attendees will be forced to choose between:

• George Clinton, Bittersweet and Love Me Butch
• The Roots and Meet Uncle Hussain
• John Legend and Hujan
• Y2K and the candy floss stand.
  

Sigh. Some decisions are so tough to make. Thank God for the easier ones.

To view the timetable, click here.

George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic - Atomic Dog (from Computer Games)
The Roots - Next Movement (from Things Fall Apart)
Meet Uncle Hussain - La La La Kerjalah (from Kami: Music Inspired By Kami The TV Series)
Raul Midon - Sunshine (from State Of Mind)

Fad of the Land: Song Tapper

A while ago, we blogged about Midomi, that Stanford-invented site that allows people to hum a song into their computer and get that ever-elusive title. It was novel, but imperfect. Besides not responding entirely positively to lung-busting, wall-quivering baritones like mine, it also requires you to actually have a mic, and a somewhat-secluded space to conduct your song quest. NVSFW, sadly.

Behold, Song Tapper. It solves all of the above issues by utilising whatever you've got in front of you, literally. Thinking of a song but don't know the words or title? Tap the rhythm on your spacebar, and you get a pile of possibile suggestions that run the gamut of genres. Check out each one, hear some samples, and, by golly, pretty soon your dilemma is resolved.

Alas, only one question matters: does it survive my rigorous, Uber-Brainiac Scientists Monthly-approved test? Let's see. It interpreted my 'Joy to the World' as Dixie Chicks 'Not Ready To Make Nice', and my tap-perfect rendition of 'Ba Ba Black Sheep' became Cypress Hill's 'Boom Biddy Bye Bye'. So an outright failure? Well, I'll forgive it for now. After all, it is universally acknowledged that only the finest members of the International Dialogue of Intelligent, Otherworldly Terrapins (otherwise known as IDIOTs) are capable of deciphering the complex, polyrhythmic, paradiddlic strokes I frequently unleash on my keyboard. Heck, I'm so darn fast, my Num Lock key has my index fingerprint embossed on it. Spy agencies worldwide, beware. Yo ass is mine.

Link: www.songtapper.com

Division Day - Tap-tap, Click-click (from Beartrap Island) [BUY]

Sonic Youth Live in Malaysia?

Well grab yourselves a photon rocket launcher and blast me to B-movie purgatory - is it true?

We are not quite sure. But things are hardly ever sure around Pirate central anyways. The only thing we are categorically sure of is that Mos Burger makes the damn best burgers on the planet, pork sausages are better than chicken sausages and (this by Pantsy's request) soup is glorified boiled water.

And sure, many people would say that all we seem to want to talk about is food, but what is there to our existence anyways besides food? Love? Overrated and impractical. Sex? Too easily available. Now, a dripping and juicy BBQ rib, now that's the answer to the mystery of the universe there my ignorant friends.

PS: That picture above finally confirmed my suspicions on why Thurston Moore still can still look good in a damn tight tee at the age of 49. He's an alien. They all are. Slimy buggers.

Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot (from Daydream Nation)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Regina Spektor
Soviet Kitsch (with bonus DVD)
(Sire Records)

Price: AU$15

'Tis but thy price tag that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a bargain.
What's bargain? it is nor smelly CD rack, nor CD store's air-conditioning,
Nor oily-haired shopkeeper, nor 14 miles of cobweb on the ceiling, nor any other part
Belonging to a folksy chick. O, be some other price!
What's in a price tag? that which we call a bargain
By any other price tag would feel as cheap;
So Regina would, were he not Regina call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which she owes
Without that price tag. Regina, doff thy price tag (and thy album cover designer),
And for that price tag which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Regina Spektor - Carbon Monoxide (from Soviet Kitsch)

This Week's Track 9 - Your Algebra by The Shins

When I was in school, I was famous for five things.

The first was kicking other boys in the nuts. Yeah. I did that a lot. I mostly did it whenever they didn't stand in the canteen queue for me while I went and stole other peoples' homework.

The second thing I was famous for was stealing other peoples' homework. Whenever they made mistakes in their homework and we ended up with the same mistake and both got called to the teachers' room, he'd dob on me and I would catch the fella after school and make him eat marbles.

The third thing I was famous for in school was making other kids eat marbles. For the next three days, I would go to the toilets and listen to them suffer while they shat.

The fourth thing I was famous for in school was shitting. Yes, I would shit just about anywhere I liked, and while it irked the teachers, I've always believed that my algebra teacher secretly liked it.

How do I know this? Cos I used to catch her talking to my shit. We had an affair. Yeah, I was famous for that too.

The Shins - Your Algebra (from Oh, Inverted World!)

The SIGIT release new single online

Indonesia's The SIGIT have gotta be stoked. They've got region-wide buzz, a chubby slot at this year's SxSW fest, and a sophomore album coming up. And so they so what all stoked bands do: Buy a bus, hire 14 strippers and play Texas Hold 'Em all the way from Ankara to Istanbul, while munching on roast dingo.

Or, they give stuff for free. Yawn yawn. Man, someone needs to hire me as their PR agent. Fame, fortune and fur on your testicles awaits.

To download 'The Party', click here.

The SIGIT - The Party

New Release: Hanne Hukkelberg - Rykestrasse 68

You know why we're still calling an album released in 2006 as a new release? It's not because it's being re-released in the States in March. It's not because it's by a doll-faced Norwegian pixie who has the voice of a siren. And it's not because she's got a song called 'The Pirate', and the mere thought of her has got my shipmates carting the rum onto our sloop and plotting the route to those rocky Greek isles, convinced that "Hanne Hukkelberg" is a thinly veiled anagram for "Persephone", and that any impending shipwreck is inconsequential in the light of seeing her croon us into eternal damnation.

So you wanna know why? You really wanna know why? Huh, punk???

Ummm. For all of the above reasons. Sue me.

1. Berlin
2. A Cheater's Armoury
3. The Pirate
4. Fourteen
5. The North Wind
6. Obelix
7. Break My Body
8. Ticking bomb
9. Pynt

Gig-gles: Explosions in the Sky Live - February 19, 2008

Picture is courtesy of Obvious Girl, defender of all things literal and dummied.

Have you seen Alien: Resurrection?

Yeah, it's the fourth part of the Alien franchise where gnarly aliens with acid for blood duke it out with Sigourney Weaver for the title of 'Old Queen Bitch of the Universe'. I mean everyone knows it all started with Alien and the best one was Aliens but everyone also knows that Alien: Resurrection wasn't the most unfortunate one as well. It had bigger guns, a brood of badass mercenaries and even a cool-as-f**k underwater scene. But it just wasn't as good as the first two.

For a long time, Explosions in the Sky (EITS) was like Alien: Resurrection to me.

Sure they had a guitarist with a cool name, a brilliant album to their credit and more movements and complexity than a Meg Ryan movie but I was always more of a Mogwai kid. 'Helicon 1' was always the summit of post-rock for me. But even so, I have to say watching EITS live, about four feet away from where I was standing, was at worst, a transcending experience of twinkling layers of picking folding on top of one another, before more often than not, detonating into a cacophonous swirl of fuzz and euphoria. 'The Only Moment We Were Alone' probably has a stake in my personal 'The Best Song I've Watched Live' category.

So now I am a Gremlin kid instead. Why? Cause I ate a cheese cake after the show and took a shower.

Snarl.

Explosions in the Sky - Catastrophe and Cure (Four Tet Remix) (from All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone (Limited 2-disc Edition))

Word for the Week: Stomach

Because...

I've had diarrhoea for the past couple of days, a possible by-product of some Monday night lobster & crab pasta. So I went four times Tuesday, six times yesterday, and once (so far) today. Went where, you ask? Uzbekistan of course. Who doesn't already know that people with diarrhoea instantly go to Uzbekistan. They have budget flights going at two cupcakes a seat, with the option to upgrade to business class for the price of an additional marzipan. Next time you have the urge to purge, make the trip to that glorious nation. Helps heaps.

Broken Social Scene - Stomach Song (from Feel Good Lost)
The way this one floats on cool seas, you suspect the lads' stomachs have never known tumult. Or lobster & crab pasta.

Ben + Vesper - The Stomach (from All This Could Kill You)
Hubby and wife wobble and whistle their way through the boulevard of weary, never-to-be-fulfilled whims.

T-Pain featuring Tay Dizm - Yo Stomach (from Epiphany)
Mr Vocoder spins an ode to his honey's six pack, "because there's nuthin else to bust a nut on." I agree, dude; I like always open cashews with my navel.

Stereolab - Stomach Worm (from Peng!)
At last, a bona fide churner that I can relate to. Ooo boy, time to go again.

Jimmy Eat World Live in Singapore?

Don't quote us on this but papers have been pushed and agents contacted apparently and the bird on the wire singing that ELO disco song is chirping in an awful falsetto that plans are underway to get Jimmy Eat World's Arizona-roasted butts over to this region for some weepy guitar-loving.

We think that the 'don't quote us on this' term is one of the most brilliant things ever created by mankind besides deep fried vegetables and American Dad. Like every time us Pirates feel the need to collectively fart out random rumors such as this one, we can do so with no remorse should it not come to past. Like I can say, "Don't quote me but I think Jessica Alba farted during the wedding scene in Fantastic Four." Or we could day," Don't quote me seriously, but I think U2 is going to be playing at my 31st birthday barbeque next week. A huge party? Not at all, just ten fellas. Yeah they are doing small shows these days but hey, don't quote me on that." Or how about,"Don't quote me on this but Amy Winehouse is actually a man."

Err ...

Jimmy Eat World - Carry You (from Chase This Light)

This Week's Track 9 - The Crane Wife 1 & 2 by The Decemberists

I knew a guy once who, when asked what the Decemberists sound like, answered, "the sound a tortoise makes when another tortoise crawls up it's ass". "You have to help both tortoises by exciting the first and motivating the second", he said. "When the second one crawls till it's about two-thirds into the first tortoise's ass, the first tortoise will produce a deafening wail. That wail sounds exactly like Decemberists". For that, I stabbed this guy with a butter knife, right in his neck.

I also knew a guy who, when asked what the Decemberists sound like, answered, "the sound of a cow makes when a still-born calf comes out of it's ass". What the hell? He proceded to bring me to the edge of his farm, where the cows were lowing freely. We stopped by a giant bovine woman and he proceded to climb on it, squeezing its stomach till, sure enough, a still-born calf began emerging from its ass. I told him to knock it off, but he wouldn't stop. And just as the dead calf fell on the floor, the cow made a terrible sounding yelp. That, he said was what Decemberists sound like. For that, I hacked off his arms with a steel pipe.

Because there's no room for inaccuracy when it comes to describing the Decemberists. You know what Decemberists really sound like? I'll tell you. The sound a crane makes when a fish swims into its ass. What? You never heard a crane when a fish swims into it's ass? Oh boy, what a wasted life. It's beautiful. Here, listen to this.

The Decemberists - The Crane Wife 1 & 2

New Release: Cyanide Valentine - The Three Sides of the Cyanide Valentine

"Nooooooooo!" she exclaimed.

My mother was petrified. In all my 22 months of existence, I had never seen her so petrified before. I mean, there was this one time I picked up my brother's 3-foot long samurai sword because my Sgt Slaughter action figure needed a new weapon ever since I stuffed his plastic AK47 into my gerbil's butt (critter wasn't exercising). So my mum was chopping vegtables, and saw me pick it up, and said, "Son, please watch the vase. And you do like capsicums, right love?" I nodded.

But somehow, it was different this time. She had the look to melt a thousand pigeons. And it was fascinating. I stared at her. Looked at the ball of shit in my hand. Looked back at her.

"No rose?" I said.

Nooo!" she reiterated. In one precise swoop, she scooped up the ball and replaced it with a copy of The Cyanide Valentine's debut.

"Now son, this is a rose. One of the sweetest roses you will have this year. Okay?"

I looked at the disc. It didn't seem as gooey, but other than that I couldn't really tell the difference between this and the ball I had in my hand a moment ago. The cover was merely a paler shade of green. The band's name wasn't too distant either. And the song titles were pretty similar too. But I trusted her. So I popped this into my player, picked up my copy of Curious George Smells His Own Bum, and went to bed. As always, mother was right.

To download The Three Sides of the Cyanide Valentine for free, click here.

Track list:

1. MegaFauna
2. The Supervillains
3. Nosferatu
4. Neon Skyhustler
5. Neanderthals
6. Nice and Horrorshow
7. Sugar Coma
8. Amphetamina
9. Ghosts of Boston
10. The Sweetest Season
11. Milk In The Gutter
12. The Reprise

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Pavement
Brighten The Corners
(Matador)

Price: US$6.99

We Asians are proud of our chilli sauces. More proud than we are of our karate chops, our ping-pong proficiency or our universally acknowledged ability to climb down the trees on which our houses are perched.

Anyways, so I was bragging to my buddies the other day how there is no chilli in the world that can match Indian chilli. So one day, a buddy brought back a bottle of hot sauce from the States, and he passed it to another buddy of mine. That buddy then invited me over for dinner and presented me with that aforenamed sauce, called the Widow. "You should only take one drop," her husband warned. The bottle label reiterated that. One drop? One drop my Asian ass! Sure, I smiled. Why don't you and your wussy tongue take one drop, and I'll help myself to a dollop to go with my pork ribs and pota...

Sonofagun. It's been three weeks, and the sauce is still humping my tonsils.

So anyways, after that experience, I've decided to retract all declarations made about Asian chilli. I shall now move on to a new one: Asian bargain bins are the best in the world.

(another buddy comes back from San Francisco with Brighten the Corners, just for me)

Dammit. Ok fine, our treehouses totally rock, kapeesh?

Pavement - Date With Ikea (from Brighten the Corners)

Coolio is back

Hold ye horses. This is the comeback to rule all comebacks. Who am I buzzing about? Led Zeppelin? Nah. MBV? Pay dirt. The Police? Jesus and Mary Chain? The Verve?

Not eeeeven. I'm talking about Coolio. Yes, all 67,000 braids of him have been bundled into a brohawk ("a mohawk for a brotha", he says), and he who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death has come to realise that it just needed a little sprucin' up with some cashmere sofas and a lava lamp.

And so he's back. What's he hitting back with, you may ask? Not an album, or a tour, or a single, or a label, or a porn video, or a chain of weed-laced cupcakes. Nuthin' even remotely as macho as what this rapchap has: A cooking show. Cookin with Coolio, word. On the menu are yummies like Tricked out Tilapia and Finger Lickin', Rib Stickin', Fall-Off-the-Bone-and-Into-Your-Mouth Chicken.

The finest show online, mark my words. Dude's even got a new record coming up called Steal Hear. Hot damn, the guy hasn't lost touch.

To watch, click here.

Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise (from Gangsta's Paradise)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Delgados
Hate
(Mantra)

Price: AUD$10.00

Yes I know, it isn't exactly that cheap. But hey, it's a great album, we found ourselves in a record store at the ass crack of Melbourne and so I thought, why not?

But yeah, nothing is cheap these days. I remember a time when I was in school and I we used to be able to get snack food and chocolates for free. Yup, totally free. And no, they aren't the shrunken sampled packs as well. How? It's easy, I just pick it up from the shelve, stuff it into my pants and walk out like my grandfather owned the store.

And sure, some people may term that as 'stealing' but I prefer to think of it as 'borrowing first until I have enough money to pay for it (probably never)'. Yes folks, it's just jargons. So yeah, don't stop yourself from getting that new Mercedes. Just get into it and drive it out of the damn showroom. And you who's been dying to buy that million-dollar apartment? Just break the damn locks and go live there. And you ... (interrupted by Petra)

"Yes dear? Oh, you want to take that $200,000.00 dress? No dear, that wouldn't be nice because it would be stealing. Oh that X-Box 360? Yeah that one's okay. Just slowly lift it off the shelve, yeah that's right. Good girl. Come give it to daddy."

The Delgados - Woke from Dreaming (from Hate)

Butterfingers release new video

After four and a half years, Malaysia's icons of mod rock Butterfingers return with '1000 Tahun (Aku Mahu Hidup)', the first released song (firmly translated as '1000 Years (I Want to Live)') from their upcoming sixth studio album Kembali (again solidly translated to Return). And after all the anxiety I went through to the point of shaving my neighbour's poodle, smelling my rabbit's armpits, and cross-breeding my calculator with my Spongebob mug, the payoff is...

Underwhelming.

Aaaaaiiiii... dunno. I mean, the guitar warbles and reverbed twangs are neat and all. And yes, I smell a sister to 'The Chemistry (Between Us)'s riff somewhere in the chorus. But the nostalgic fart I am, I still like my Emmett channelling Kurt and my Loque replicating Cobain and my Loco reimagining Mr Courtney Love and my Kadak building on Dave Grohl's ex-frontman. Yeah, I love variety.

Ah well. There's supposedly a new song coming out every month till the album's release in August. Let's wait and see. Meanwhile, endure the video, which is about as VMA-worthy as your uncle's family reunion, "wave to the camera!", "say something even though you've got nine sausages in your mouth!" clip. Like, watch out, BAFTAs.

Butterfingers - Taman Tasik Perdana (from Selamat Tinggal Dunia)

Word for the week: Dissolve

Because...

My country's parliament was dissolved, signaling the beginning of a refreshingly brief election process that will end on 8th March. What's that you say, just a few weeks of nominating and campaigning? Hmm let's see... the alternative might be being subject to nine months of of piss-ugly placards, bitchy slanging ads and trite slogans. Nah. I like my democracy with hot water. Just nice.

Massive Attack - Dissolved Girl (from Mezzanine)
Massive Attack would like to apologise for turning your wet dream into a dry hump. Emphasis on dry.

Thievery Corporation - Gentle Dissolve (from The Cosmic Game)
The duo's 2005 album closer trickles in uninvited, spurring subliminal desires in you to buy a koi pond waterbed.

DissolvedIn - Egocentric (from Proudly Dressed EP)
Heck, Reading should just sell that football club and invest their quid in a new town darling, i.e., this spellbinding synth-pop punk union.

Elvis Costello - Dissolve (from When I was Cruel)
I think the kind of dissolution Elvis envisioned here involves hydrochloric acid, human skin and Sigourney Weaver in white panties.

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Jaga Jazzist
What We Must (Limited 2-Disc Edition)
(Ninja Tune)

Price: AUD$12.00

This is really a lot like heading out to a chicken buffet meal, watch as a medium-sized tray of grilled chicken (not fried mind you) is brought out and about 1000 people descent upon it and grab as many pieces of chicken as they can, only to find that when you head out to the tray to look wishfully, that there is a still a large juicy drumstick sitting at the center of the tray.

And if you are wondering why there are a thousand people in a chicken buffet restaurant then you must really ask yourself THE question - who are the ones protecting you from all those alien invasions? And what do you think they eat? I rest my case.

Jaga Jazzist - Oslo Skyline (from What We Must)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Hot Toddies - HTML

HTML is not hard to spell,
When I'm with you, when I'm with you
Binary code is just ones and ohs
I thought you knew

You are so swell, just like DSL
You touched my modem, you touched my modem.
We went to the bop, my heart gigaflopped
When I saw your...

W W W, whoa-oa-oa
dot com

I typed OMG, should be you and me
You wrote LOL, wrote LOL
My browser froze right down to my toes,
I said go to hell.

I should have seen, I'm only 15
And you're 32, you're 32
You don't love me, I went and asked Jeeves
He told me it's true, told me it's...

W W W, whoa-oa-oa
dot com

Last night while you were offline,
I googled your name
And I found out that you're a 40 year old intertube salesman from Ohio!
WTF?! I thought you were the one for me
But you're just a major loser
And now I will always be... lonely girl 15.

W W W, whoa-oa-oa
dot com

Do I need to explain why this song needs an entry? To explain this would be for me to explain the theory and matter behind the existence of the universe and the foundations of transcending spirituality. Oh you still need me to anyway? Hot chicks. Yeah that's it. As soon as you have that, everything makes more sense.

The Hot Toddies - HTML (from Smell the Mitten)

In the papers today...

Polaroid has pretty much closed shop. The purveyors of all snaps quaint and rustic had actually stopped producing cams about 18 months ago, and last Friday they officially shut down two plants in Boston, laying off 150 people in the process. Someone remind me to pay a visit to the museum in 2058.

This story reminds me of: Jessie & Layla - Rusty Old Camera (from Kinetic)

Hong Kong celebrity Edison Chen recently sent his laptop for repairs, without remembering to remove over 1,000 pictures of him and his exes (which include some of HK's film darlings). The result? Sales of Edison Chen's laptop model went up 437%! (Like, duh.)

This story reminds me of: Hujan - Aku Scandal (from Check Check Rock Rock)

Amsterdam is making a move to close down its Red Light District. As part of concerted efforts to clean its global image, the most famed spot in that Dutch tourist capital might soon be home to galleries, boutiques and cafes. As long as they don't turn Ajax Football Club into some Teletubby studio, they can scrap all the hooker joints they want.

This story reminds me of: Travis - New Amsterdam (from The Boy With No Name)

New Release: Mind The Gap Volume 1

Kudos to Mind the Gap. This six-month old gig organising collective have made it their mission to evangelise this region with the gospel of Thai indie, beginning with a bunch of weekly gigs featuring the ocean of unspotted acts around Bangkok, and coupling that with regular nationwide gallivants to the nether regions of their great Siamese kindgom.

And in true adherence to the holy tome of how to promote your ditties, they've come out with a compilation. Judging from some MySpace listens, this bundle has got that 1970s CBGB punk feel to it (right down to that grimy ode-to-London-tube cover). Its fi is lower than a joke about amputees, but barks like the cedars of Lebanon. No, make that the oaks of Kathmandu. Actually, more like the firs of Bratislava. Oh wait, it's closer to a tiger's testicles. Yeah, that's about right. You ain't ever gonna find something as solid.

Track list:

1. Cuckoo! - As What You Want
2. Tabasco - Stop It
3. Tender Preys - Steak Man
4. Mhee Noi - Wat Panthip
5. Zero Hero - Rich
6. Revenge Of The Cybermen - The Beast
7. Naked - Turn On The Radio
8. The Standards - Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?
9. Samurai Loud - This Nite
10. Happy Buddha - Mun Ma Noi Jai Jing Jing
11. Caramel Camel - Money Takes Control
12. Super Dr K - Love This For The Money

Fad of the land: Spin goes digital

Any non-whiz will tell ya that music mag sales aren't exactly racking up the platinums. So while Paste tried to counter the trend last year by offering a free 12-month subscription, Spin has made their own venture into freebie-topia by putting their entire magazine online for the next 12 months. Amping up the "wow" factor, the paperless version features links to band sites, videos, audio samples and even sponsor homepages.

Very cutting edge indeed. The idea of course, not the mag, which is about as cutting edge as my two-month-old niece's milk teeth. But yes, such an avant garde idea has got me thinking: when would be the right time for my magazine Mongoose Monthly to go digital? I've already had 1,800 letters from overworked mongooses worldwide, asking for an online equivalent to their favourite hunting guide. Like, check this letter out:

"Dear guru guy,

I dig your rag. Totally, dude, I do. But the other day, a king cobra doozied up to my nest the other day, right in the middle of my mid-afternoon romp with Darla. I remembered your September issue had a section on brewing the gnarliest cobra stew, so I turned over to pick up my copy of Mongoose Monthly, only to find out that snake face had already chomped it up! Good thing my Magnum .357 was loaded. In the end, we had to roast the scaly prick. My kids are tired of roast, dude. If you go digital, my family won't have to suffer like this anymore! Totally, consider it. My Blackberry's already prepped for yo momma's latest recipe.

Yours truly,
Gilbert"

Link: digital.spin.com/spin

Mika Miko - Oh, Head Spin! (from C.Y.S.L.A.B.F.) [BUY]

Happy Chinese New Year

So when those festivities marketing type people go about marketing their festivities, they usually pick the prettiest, most unique entities to represent their particular event to the world. Same goes with Chinese New Year. It's usually a toss between the elegant dragon, the quaint cherry blossoms or the ponytailed brat with 18 pineapple tarts in his mouth.

But for us? It's all 'bout the mandarin orange. The ordinary, unacknowledged, unadorned fruit that will never make the cover of any travel brochure, but which will never be found absent at any family reunion.

Long live the orange. We feel ya, oh stringy one.

Clipse - Chinese New Year (from Hell Hath No Fury)

Paramore Live in KL?

I am not sure how this could possibly be news to anyone other than to a selected few people I know that reside at the belly of the city, but there's a karaoke singer in Penang that has been singing about female-fronted emo band putting up a show here in our backyard, soon.

While I normally never trust anything related to karaoke, this particular singer could burp Godzilla's roar when I asked her to after buying her a beer. If the significance of this is clueless to you, it means that we should just dismiss our world leaders and unite as one country under her. Because seriously, who needs leadership skills when you can roar like the king of lizards?

Paramore - Franklin (from All We Know is Falling)

Word for the Week: Rat

Because...

It's the Year of the Rat. No, it's not International Olivier Martinez Year. Nor are we commemorating the Black Death (unless you're into celebrating the 674th anniversaries of events). It's just one of those Chinese zodiac calendar things. Y'know: food, family, firecrackers, ferrets doing the limbo on your drunk grandma's coffee table, Friar Tuck dripping wax on the Seven Dwarfs' eyebrows while Snow White folds samosas. Boring, tradional stuff, really.

Pearl Jam - Rat (from USA 1994 LIVE)
If Eddie is right, then humans suck more than rats. In which case, my implanted whiskers are lookin' mighty fine now.

Modest Mouse - I Came As A Rat (from The Moon and Antarctica)
Oh I get it! A band with "mouse" in its name was once another like-furred rodent! Just like how Stone Temple Pilots were once powderpuff firemen right?

The Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap (from Tonic For The Troops)
Man, these band-song title associations have gotta stop.

Mogwai - Ratts of the Capital (from Happy Songs for Happy People)
You gotta treat this nine-minuter like a teenager: let him give the silent treatment, because nothing so inherently propulsive can shut up for long.

Outkast - Rats & Roaches (single)
Andre 3000 can't decide which critter he digs more. I vouch for 'em kookarachas; they fit into the samosas better.

Badly Drawn Boy - Year Of The Rat (from One Plus One Is One)
So Damon, ummm... the gongs, yeah I see the cultural reference. The kiddy choir? Sure, why not. But the music box? Did Chairman Mao have a little red one by his bedside that cranked Kylie 24-7?

New Release: Intensive Care - All the People Hear With Me EP

So we're a little behind with all the new, good stuff that's been crowding our mailbox over the past month. I blame it on the rising price of linear low density polyethylene. What, you mean you don't know how that matters in the global scheme of things? You're so lucky. Stuff like that affects me deeply, man. Haven't slept for 16 minut...

Zzzzzzzz

Whaa... Oh yes, new, good stuff. Thought I'd start with one of the better ones, the sophomore EP of these lo-fi loving, genre blending Canadians. Yeah, where else? Long live Montreal, and whatever freakin' pills they're adding to those beef bagels. I've already placed my first order of eight bagels. I might end up looking like a fat arse, but I'll also have that Song of the Year Grammy locked up for at least two decades. And nuthin' else matters, y'all.

Track list:

1. Sirenhorses
2. Memorandom

Radio Dept. live in Bangkok this weekend

I am distraught.

No it's not because my dad bought a karaoke machine. Not because Toho closed down. Not because they've banned chicken drumsticks. Nope as well.

I am distraught because I just found out that one of this geek's fav Swedish bedroom popsters Radio Dept. will be playing Bangkok this coming weekend and I have no tickets for the show. Then again, I have no plane tickets as well. And neither is my luggage packed. In fact, I have a UFC appointment this weekend on Saturday and a battlefield altercation with The Gogla monsters on the planet Dumbdra on Sunday. Radio Dept Schmradio Dept.

I am the king of the world.

For more info, go here.

The Radio Dept. - Worst Taste in Music (from Pet Grief)

We're back from Big Day Out (and a few days around)

We're back. Burnt. Bloated. And buzzing with a new site design. Methinks it needs a tagline, but I'm not that clever to come up with one. I mean, my neuroscience professor seems to disagree, as do my 2,148 oncology students who handstiched a "welcome back" doormat for me and organised a city-wide parade in my honour. But seriously, I'm no genius.

Ok coming up, Big Day Out reports, bargain bin finds and more site tweaks. Feel free to suggest anything you'd like to see. (Yes, that's talking to all twenty-two hundred million, six hundred and ninety seven thousand, three hundred and eleven people that read this blog every day. You're so special.)

New Buffalo - Come Back (from The Last Beautiful Day)