Best of 2009: What if my Best 8 Albums of 2009 were Twitter Posts

Twitter is, like, so OMGGG. Like these albums. OMGGGG.

Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career

Type of Twitter post: last weekend's beach getaway

Sample post: "The sun is so XOXO-fun!!! Gawd, is that a lyric? It is!!! Gotta tell my honey bun sugar munchie"

Camera Obscura - James (from My Maudlin Career)

Sleeping At Last - Storyboards

Type of Twitter post: The quintessential Richard Linklater movie dissertation

Sample post: "The juggler dude in Before Sunrise signifies urban repression. Ebert, u be pwned"

Sleeping at Last - Birdcage Religion (from Storyboards)

The Antlers - Hospice

Type of Twitter post: wtfrudrinkin?

Sample post: "The monkey owns my liver. My liver lives in the river. Pee on me now"

The Antlers - Shiva (from Hospice)

The Rest - Everyone All At Once

Type of Twitter post: The post about nothing at all

Sample post: "Wow, that was so wow"

The Rest - Drinking Again (from Everyone All At Once)

Lily Allen - It's Not Me, It's You

Type of Twitter post: The post-breakup post

Sample post: "&%$# $ #$%#$^ &@%@%@% @%@ ^@^@&@@ &@@ @@#%$%#%$"

Lily Allen - Chinese (from It's Not Me, It's You)

David Bazan - Curse The Branches

Type of Twitter post: Existence is futile (but beer is not)

Sample post: "The truth called out to me this morning. I burped back"

David Bazan - In Stitches (from Curse The Branches)

Pearl Jam - Backspacer

Type of Twitter post: Pub crawling with long-lost buddies

Sample post: "@SykoSimon just downed his 54th shot and..., danggg, dude's getting a tattoo on his nipple right now! Bodacious!!!"

Pearl Jame - Amongst The Waves (from Backspacer)

Twiggy Frostbite - Through Fire

Type of Twitter post: Flue and fever galore
Sample post: "Sniff sniff. Someone hug me now, please. Ahh, Fluffy. Thanks. That's nice #ilovemysugarglider"

Twiggy Frostbite - I'm Still Here (from Through Fire)

Mono Live in Malaysia (Again): Jan 30, KLPAC

Ah there goes another one that can't quite get enough of them Nasi Lemaks. I heard sambal is a little hard to find up in Japan, and rightfully so. So what's a good old 'sambal-loving' band's supposed to do in such dire times? Come over to Malaysia again of course. And apparently this time, they are towing a string trio along for the ride, you know, for dramatic effect. That, and to cut the sashimi.

Shhh ... but I heard one of their member's name is Yoda. Rumor has it is that he's hairy, possibly green and speaks in grammatically incorrect sentences.

Details:

Date: Saturday, January 30th

Time: 8:00PM

Location:Pentas 2, KL Performing Arts Centre
Tickets: TBA

Mono - The Kidnapper Bell (from Under the Pipal Tree)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: The Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June

We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream

And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad

When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Ah Billy Corgan is a smart man. Not content with his fixation for BBB (Blonde Bombshell Bassists), he's gone on to write a whole song about him wanting to be well, him. But I see where he is going with on this one. It's a 'nothing'. He can't be him because he 'is' him. Just like how no one else can be me because I am awesomest maximus (Greek translation: Can bed 20 women at a go). Slightly different but largely the same.

Do I want to be Billy Corgan? Me? Hmm ... sure why not? Pass me the shaver ...

*Buzz*

I am Billy Corgan (said in troll-like voice). Bow unto me for I am bald, and I sing like Gollum (might even look like Gollum). Bow ... shit is that Courtney Love? This shit's too difficult for me, bye.

The Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise (from Siamese Dream)

Because Old and Wrinkled is Twinkle: The Beach Boys Live In Manila - January 27, 2010

Okay they may not look old and wrinkly here but I can assure you, this picture was taken about 5,000 years ago. Yep, just about the time dinosaurs ruled the earth (plus, minus some years here and there). If you look seriously closely in the background, you should be able to see a shadow of a T-Rex. No, not that duffy 70s rocker, the lizard. Yeah, serious, look closely.

Oh wait, that might be Brian Wilsons' hair cream.

Details:

Date: 27th January 2010 (Wednesday)
Venue: Araneta Coliseum, Manila
Prices: PhP 4020 (Patron VIP, reserved seating), PhP 3700 (Patron B, reserved seating), PhP 2960 (Lower Box, reserved seating), PhP 1900 (Upper Box A, reserved seating), PhP 850 (Upper Box B) & PhP 530 (general admission)
Tickets: On sale via TicketNet now

The Beach Boys - I Get Around (from All Summer Long)

311, Jakarta, 30 March 2010

So you know how all these forgotten 90s rock dudes are going to Indonesia right? I have finally figured out why that happens. It's because Indonesia gives cheap haircuts. For real, yo. Because when all those 90s rock dudes became forgotten, they sorta forgot a whole lotta things themselves. Like how to pee, poo or cut their hair.

That's really natural, actually. Like how our fellow Pirate Genusfrog sometimes forgets he's a pirate, and then subsequently starts forgetting other things in life that used to be so natural to him. Y'know, like brushing his turtle's teeth, putting on his eye patch or sprinkling his toe nails on his Caesar salad. Yes, all that were things he used to do on a daily basis. These days, he just sits stoning and watching My Little Pony reruns.

Poor chap. Sometimes we wonder if he needs help. Other times, we just steal his credit card.

311 - Down (from 311)

Imogen Heap, Singapore 29 March 2010

I know what you're thinking. The moment this date was announced, I was also thinking the same thing. And you know what it means when you and I think the same thing, right? Yes, you're right! You were thinking that too? Amaaazing. Ok, ok, so let's together say out loud what we're thinking, ok? Kinda like a kindy game! Goody, goody! Ok: one, two, three:

What is an imogen heap?

I know, I know. It's perplexing, really. Like, we all know what's a heap of doggy poo, right? And we all know what's a heap of french fries. Or a heap of bikinis. But a heap of imogens? That is seriously tricky.

But so yes, back to us. It's amazing how you and I are constantly thinking the same thing. Almost mystical, really. We must be somehow related. Is your surname Megatron? No? Oh, scram then. And give me back my torpedo blasters, you turd.

Venue: Esplanade Concert Hall, Singapore

Prices: $48 (student price – limited), $68, $88, $108, $128 & $148 (excluding Sistic fees). Fans of Greenhorn Productions Facebook page will be eligible for priority booking/discounts

Imogen Heap - Say Goodnight and Go (remixed by Back Ted N-Ted)

Rarity on the Rarity: Scenic World (Second Version)

Beirut
Scenic World (Second Version)
(Ba Da Bing!)
Rare factor: Little-known follow up to their smashing debut, featuring an alternate version to this album track that sounds strangely, Irish? It sounds better yes, that's what we wanted to say.

There's only two ways you can redo a song, you can either do it the same way it was done before, or you can do it the Irish way, which basically involves you dressing up in green, growing orange facial hair, trying to grab the waitresses bottoms with your left hand while swigging a mug of lager with your right and then every five seconds you say 'Aye' and sail off on a pirate ship? What do you mean pirates aren't Irish? Aren't they the same thing?

Beirut - Scenic World

Mosaic Music Festival 2010: Ooompa loompa from 12 - 21 Mar, 2010

Sigh Mosaic has just unleashed their lineup and we must say, it doeseth weteth oureth pantseth. The legendarily old Dinosaur Jr, is a wet dream for anyone that's above 32, or is interested to see Gandalf the White in person (see picture above). On top of that there's the previously reported 65daysofstatic, St. Vincent, The Go Team and Kings of Convenience. There's also Kool and the Gang but I'm saving that for my granddad.

We just want to say that we have Ne-Yo. Yup, just one, we know but hey, the man looks half asleep most of the time. No, no, it's a good thing cause he has enough rest. My grandma used to tell me that if you want to date hot chicks you need to have enough rest. Okay she may have said 'zest' instead but hey, zest, rest, what's the difference anyway? One letter? Just one stupid letter? And you think the world's going to change on that? I think not pretty boy.

Dinosaur Jr - Never Bought It (from Hand It Over)

Word for the Week: Three

That's Pantsy in the center. Yeah, had one too many hot dogs.

'Three' is a wonderful word. More importantly it's hardly a beautiful word on any week other than this week. Why? Because this week, yours truly, Geekus Largus will only be working for a grand total of three days. Which essentially means he has a four day weekend, which he will use to service his five maidens, who usually bring along their six dogs, which usually result in them biting seven of his limbs off, leaving only eight of them left, which will be used to acquire nine of them back because the extra one is really a 10-out-of-10. Any guess which limb that is?

Yep, my left scrotum.

Rilo Kiley - Three Hopeful Thoughts (from The Execution of All Things)

Lets see, what are my three hopeful thoughts for the week? 'Pork', 'Chicken' and 'Pork'. Oh, it's not all about food. The middle one's this chick named Chicken. Wears a mean feather boa that's difficult to take off. Almost feels like actual feathers. People these days.

The Lassie Foundation - Three Wheels (from Jetstreams, Three Wheels EP)

In the spirit of my three day work week, I have decided to remove one of the wheels on my car. Been brilliant, works wonders over bumps and causes the car to do a lovely back flip every corner I take. I feel like a gymnast.

Buffalo Tom - Three Easy Pieces (from Three Easy Pieces)

That's how much I am worth, yee ha! Oh what? They don't do currency with 'pieces' anymore? What year is this? 2009? Shit no kid? How old is Megan Fox these days? Wow. And to think when I first thought of her, she was but a apparition at the corner of a vision I had during, you know, that time when Robin Hood lived.

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque

She wears denim wherever she goes
Says she's gonna get some records by the Status Quo
Oh yeah ... Oh yeah ...

Still she won't be forced against her will
Says she don't do drugs but she does the pill
Oh yeah ... Oh yeah ...

I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah ...
I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah ...

Says she likes my hair 'cause it's down my back
Says she likes the group 'cause we pull in the slack
Oh yeah ... Oh yeah ...

When she's at the gig she takes her car
And she drive us home if it is in a bar
Oh yeah ... Oh yeah ...

I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah ...
I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah ...

I have a short attention span. How short? I once shot a McDs drive-thru employee because she took eight-seconds to put my pack together. Eight-bloody seconds. Do you know what I can do with eight-bloody seconds? I could kick someone's nuts.

So yeah, I don't intend on reading lyrics too much but okay lets see what this song's about. There appears to be many mentions of 'yeah'. And a mention of 'denim'. Swell, I think this is a song about a sexy girl in denim. Yeah ... (like 'yeah').

Shit, there is also a mention of Status Quo. God, I think this is a song about gays. I'm gonna go puke now.

Teenage Fanclub - The Concept (from Bandwagonesque)