Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Sick Sick Six: ways the Nokia X6 can help a pirate be more piratey

So recently, I was given a new phone, The Nokia X6, as part of the phone's pre-launch. And after subjecting it to hours of utter rigorous, super-strenuous product testing, I have come to six conclusions about why this phone is almost as good as Pirate Genusfrog's farts. Cos like, those are utterly excellent too, y'know. I have a jar of it every night before bed. That, and two cucumbers.

1. The battery can give 35 hours of music listening time
How that helps: As someone who can keep going on forever, I know what it's like. Yes, she tells me I can keep going. Her too. Them also. Oh him too? Oh,... HIM? Heheh. That's ok. We're talking about golf, right?
Beach House - Some Things Last A Long Time (from Devotion)

2. The mondo giant headphones
How that helps: Anything mondo giant is automatically 65% more helpful. Like my mondo giant French maid. She climbs walls and cleans drainpipes. Seriously helpful.
Urbandub - Fallen On Deaf Ears (from Influence)

3. It comes with unlimited music downloads of songs that you can keep forever
How that helps: You been to a Japanese buffet right? The kind where all food might be shite, but you can have 68,000 scoops of green tea ice cream and then declare the Japanese buffet is the most value for money shindig since your subscription to Pigeon Hunters Monthly? Same idea.
The Ropes - Love Is A Chain Store (from Love Is A Chain Store)

4. The camera has Carl-Zeiss optics autofocus
How that helps: Dude, haven't you heard? Anything that has a foreign-sounding name is nothing but awesome. Oh btw, meet my son: Zwgewiski Iradisko Lim. His first words are "sexay daday".
The Hidden Cameras - The Little Bit (from Origin: Orphan)

5. The GPS maps and all that other web browsing stuff
How that helps: I don't know, actually. Cos I like, never get lost and all. When I turn left, I mean to go left. Even when the steakhouse is right, I go left. It is the steakhouse that must go left.
Mono - Follow The Map (from Hymn To The Immortal Wind)

6. The touchscreen
How that helps: I like touching. Yes, I do it to everything and everyone I meet. They like it when I touch too. They especially li... Oh, what are those two cops doing in front of my house? Hey, that looks like Mrs Rogers there with them. Hmm, I did meet her at the supermarket yesterday...
Cult With No Name - Hands, Two Touch (from Careful What You Wish For)

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