ZOMG, now Laneway is moving to Singapore in Feb 2010? This is bloody nonsense

Soldier: I can't keep them at bay anymore captain

Captain: You have to do it lad, if not they will invade and eat all your 'nasi lemak' and claim it as theirs

Soldier: But sir, it's a losing battle. We are outnumbered. All we have so far is some Pearl Jam rumor that smells like fart just about now.

Captain: What are you talking about son, we're in the middle of a war here, and you talk about fart? By the way, mine smells like peas and burned rubber.

Soldier: Mine smells like pork lard and lime.

Captain: Okay back to the battle, what do you reckon this new witchery they have is?

Soldier: It's some Australian festival sir. Fairly huge. Once featured Broken Social Scene and Feist in its lineup. This year's include Echo and the Bunnymen, Mercury Prize nominee Florence and the Machine and even The xx.

Captain: The xx ... is that porn son? How can you think of porn at a time like this. By the way, I like Asians.

Soldier: What Asians sir? You mean Asian porn?

Captain: No, Asian men.

Soldier: But I'm Asian sir ...

Captain: ... (hehe)

More info here

Florence and the Machine - The Girl With 1 Eye (from Lungs)
The xx - Fantasy (from xx)

In the papers today...

The New Jersey Nets are renting out their players for US$25,000. In a program called 'Your Ticket to a Player', the NBA team are offering a bunch of exclusive tickets to basketball games, plus the chance to have one of their players appear for one hour at any private function of a fan. It is seen as the latest marketing effort by the team, who are trying to survive the sluggish US economy. Unfortunately, the players aren't to keen on the idea, and the day after the program was launched, they formed a protest group called the Basketballers And Lazy Loser Supporters Never Hang Out Society (aka BALLSNHOS).
This story reminds me of: Pretty and Nice - Grab Your Nets (from Blue & Blue)

This year marks the 50th anniversary of Asterix and Obelix, and in celebration, the creators have released a new book entitled The Birthday of Asterix and Obelix. It's all very touching actually, how the world has warmed up to this story of a small, ugly French chap and his whiny fat friend who managed to fight back the Italians. I mean, you'd think football is one of those sports where... Whaa... what? Not football? Huh, what do you mean it's a comic? Huh? You mean it's not the autobiography of Franck Ribéry and William Gallas? Who the heck cares then! Sheesh.
This story reminds me of: Intensive Care - Le Magicien (from Fairytales from the Island)

NASA has just launched its new rocket, called the Ares I-X rocket. The spaceship will eventually replace the space shuttle as the craft of choice for American astronauts to fly into space. It is almost 330 feet, and contains over 700 onboard censors. Yes, that's so that astronauts will be focused on flying rather than watching Strip Space Nine or Rockin' the Rocket or Fully Thrusting or ...Huh... what? Oh, not censors? What? Sensors? Why? Who the heck needs sensors on a rocket? Don't they just shoot it and it blows up everything around it and... huh? Whaddaya mean it's not that kinda rocket? So who's gonna fight Galactus then, huh? Completely no foresight. Double sheesh.
This story reminds me of: Caithlin De Marrais - Outer Space is Still Sexy (from My Magic City)

Latest rumour: Kings Of Convenience in Singapore Jan 2010

All right, another rumour! We really love our Rumour Giver Guys, they never seem to fail in providing the most accurate, up-to-date info. I mean, they might as well be employed by the UN or Facebook or something, the way they just get things done. World peace, yo.

Hey, why are you aiming that thing at me for?!? Excuse me, put that away. I'll have you know that we have very strict requirements outlined whenever it comes time to hire another Rumour Giver Guy. We conduct no less than 18 interviews, put them through 5 tests, and make sure their biceps are at least 2/3rds the size of ours.

With that in mind, it brings me great joy to introduce you the two newest hires who will be joining our workforce:

Ummhmm, meet Calvin and Charles, assigned to supply us with intricate insider knowledge all future gigs happening in and around this region. I know. I see you peeing in your pants already at the prospects. I also see you... hey, I said to put that away! Hey, stop aiming that at me! Dude, I'm warning you. No! No! No... N....


Kings Of Convenience - Me In You (from Declaration of Dependence)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs in Singapore, 12 Jan

SCENE 32 INT BATHROOM - MORNING

It's a sunny day. Mr and Mrs Yeah have just woken up and are getting ready to go to work.

MRS YEAH
(sweetly) Yeah.

MR YEAH
Yeah, Yeah?

Mrs Yeah points outside the window. The garbage is piling up on the pavement. She turns to Mr Yeah with an inquisitive look.

MR YEAH
Oh yeah...

Mrs Yeah taps on her wristwatch.

MRS YEAH
(sweetly) Yeah?

MR YEAH
(nods) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mr Yeah taps on the zipper of his pants. He turns to Mrs Yeah and gives her an inquisitive look. Mrs Yeah isn't paying attention. She is flossing.

MR YEAH
(suggestively) Yeah?

MRS YEAH
Yeah, Yeah?

Mr Yeah taps on the zipper of his pants once more. Mrs Yeah turns to look at him.

MR YEAH
(even more suggestively) Yeah?

Mrs Yeah looks down at his pants.

MRS YEAH
Oh... yeah, yeah, yeah...

Mrs Yeah grabs Mr Yeah by the pants, and suplexes him through the bathroom floor and into the basement. Mrs Yeah keeps flossing.

MR YEAH

(distant voice) Oh yeah...

FADE OUT

Date: Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: Esplanade Concert Hall, Singapore
Tickets: S$68, S$88, S$108, S$128, S$148 (excluding SISTIC charges)

Visit the Facebook event page or SISTIC website for more details.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Down Boy (from Is Is EP)

Rarity on the Rarity: I Have the Moon

Lush
I Have the Moon
(Polydor)
Rare factor: The Magnetic Fields cover on the OST for Nowhere

Let's all start claiming huge floating objects. I have the sun (ouch). I have Jupiter. I have Mars (damn dusty). I have Hitler's Zeppelin. I have Pluto (eh, the dog). I have rubby ducky. I have man boobs. Oh indeed I do. Nice.

Lush - I Have the Moon

Placebo in Indonesia: Feb 2010

There are some bands, you just feel, they like Asian food too much.

Like Placebo for example. Just look at them, you can already tell Brian loves to chow down to a nice large plate of 'Nasi Lemak Ayam'. Otherwise why would he come here so often. Never mind 'Nasi Lemak Ayam' is a Malaysian (yeah!) dish and the band has technically never been to Malaysia, I am currently prophesying that they are going to. And from what I figure, what I prophesy, tends to come true. Take Rachel for example, I prophesied that she would be by my side in 5 days and in 5 days, she was. Granted she has since turned a little pudgy on the sides and grown a full mane of chest hair, but I still have faith that it's her although most of my friends tell me she's ran away months ago and that the person I've been making out with is someone named Julio. What do they know anyway? What we have is special ...

... come here my sweet thing. Oh, you've grown a mustache too. Smoking.

Details:

Date: 16th February 2009 (Tuesday)
Venue: Istora Senayan, Jakarta

Placebo - Come Home (from Placebo)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Bright Eyes - We Are Nowhere and It's Now

If you hate the taste of wine
Why do you drink it till you're blind?
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you're right?
Why are you scared to dream of God
When it's salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on

In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we've been in between
A past and future town

We are nowhere and it's now
We are nowhere and it's now

And like a ten minute dream in the passenger's seat
While the world was flying by
I haven't been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime

I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide

I've got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I'm always lost in thought as I walk a block
To my favorite neon sign

Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on and we hum along
And I smile back at her

And my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur
She says these bars are filled with things that kill
By now you probably should have learned

Did you forget that yellow bird?
But how could you forget your yellow bird?
She took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don't know if it's true
But I keep it for good luck

I'm trying this 'head full of pesticide' thing.

I've emptied 10 cans into my head and I'm beginning to feel something. Actually, I'm feeling nothing. As in I can't feel my arms and legs. Strange, I can see them and I swear they were there a moment ago. Oh wait, I can't see them anymore. Who turned off the lights. Show yourself ...

(10 seconds late) ... I'mzzz azzz feaaliingzzzz taiyerdddzzzz ...

(another 10 seconds later) ... *thud*

(another 10 seconds after that) ... Hey, it sure is hot in here. Oh hi, how are you. Oh, what's up with the pitchfork?

Bright Eyes - We Are Nowhere and It's Now (from I'm Wide Awake and It's Morning)

Belle & Sebastian, Singapore, Jan 2010 rumours? Enough alreadyyy...

It has been offically decreed that January 2010 will be known as the International Day Of Gigging Around Splendid Singapore month (also known as DOGASS month).

Who decreed that, you're asking? Oh, dear dork face; me of course. You've obviously not seen my other decrees, have you? Like on 25 May 2003 when I anointed it as the Globally Awesome Worldwide Day In Recognising A Woman's Knees (now commonly known as GAWDIRAWK), or on 6 February 1964 when I announced the start of Rapunzel's Annual Workers Konsul Involving Greco-American Wrestling Dudes (better hailed as RAWKIGAWD). Sheesh, get with it, man. Oh well, lucky for you there's still time. Look out for my next decree, on 8 December 2009. It's called Yemen's Ultimate Underwater Search, Adventure And Konvention (aka YUUSAAK).

Belle & Sebastain - Don't Leave the Light on Baby (from Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like A Peasant)

New Release: Hujan - Mencari Konklusi

Hujan are looking for a conclusion. I am full of conclusions. So in the spirit of selfless living that my self-help guru Sensei Saki Onmai Daki (he's Turkish) has been teaching me to aspire towards, I now offer Hujan a few free conclusions:

- Turtle shells go great with leopard pants.
- Wilbur is 37 times more than Frank.
- Parking spots are best parked into when munching on alfalfa.
- This is not that. That is.

Stunning stuff, yo? Thanks, Sensei. Now tie my laces.

Track list:

1. 2nd Airwave (Malam Minggu)
2. Obsesi
3. Mencari Konklusi
4. Kau Harus Ada
5. Benci
6. Romantik
7. Sangkar Besi Di Hatiku

Pearl Jam in Malaysia next month? Take thaaaaaaaat ...

Apparently some prominent concert organizer is trying to bring the Seattle grunge gods over for a block-rocking show. Yes, a concert organizer. I know, even we are shocked why it's not an ice cream seller. Yeesh.

Nevermind that a Pearl Jam show over at this side of the causeway is unlikely to not be followed by a show at the other side of the causeway, at the moment, the buzz is all on this side. So I am going to take this opportunity to say, take that!

Oh by the way, I've since tricked Pantsy to move from those three horse gonads to a baboon's pink bottom. He thinks it's an eggplant. Say what you want, the boy loves his vegetables. A lot.

Pearl Jam - Black (from Ten)

Buzzcocks to play Bangkok on Nov 28 and Malaysia on Nov 8: There's a good porn joke in here somewhere

Look at that picture above.

That's the future face of punk rock for you. Yes, no one stays cigarette-skinny. Cause after awhile, pork lard is just too good to resist and you happen to marry a girl that, above worshiping the holy ground you walk on, also specializes in, yep, you guessed it - a pork lard dish. Then you shower one day and those lovely locks you used to be able to spike up with rebellious abandonment starts shedding. And next thing you know, you wake up one day looking like someone's Uncle Sunny.

Just want to remind everyone that I am damn punk man. Like seriously.

Details:

Malaysia

Date: 8 Nov
Venue: 1Cafe KL, 4pm.
Prices: RM50 (door sale only)

Thailand

Date: 28th November 2009 (Saturday)
Venue: Club Culture, Bangkok, Thailand
Doors: 9pm, show starts at 10pm
Prices: 650 Baht (advance/pre-sale), 800 Baht (at the door) – inclusive of 1 drink
Tickets: Available at Club Culture on Sri Ayudhaya Road, DJ Siam at Siam Square Soi 4 and The Tube on Coco Walk Ratchetewi BTS

The Buzzcocks - Soul On a Rock (from Modern)

Groan, +/- also to play Singapore: Dec 16

Bloody shit.

It's not funny okay? I know I did pinch that girl's bum during Form 1 history class, and I did lie to Pantsy about that horse gonad being an asparagus but seriously, this punishment is not equatable to the crime. It wasn't even that big a gonad. And plus, Pantsy's got a big mouth. He could easily take two of those in. What was that? He's taken in three??? Shit man, that's a miracle. A horse with three gonads.

+/- - Snowblind (from Xs On Your Eyes)

Andrew Bird Live in Singapore: Jan 26, Esplanade Concert Hall

Shit, it's another one. This is like someone taking a dump on my hands and me getting slapped in the face with those same hands after that.

On another note, some of us are seriously still quite happy with these developments. In case you must know, Pantsy still has his sexy lips around the gonads of a horse. He hasn't quite realized it's not an asparagus yet.

Andrew Bird - Imitosis (from Armchair Apocrypha)

Cat Power Live in Singapore: Jan 13, Esplanade Concert Hall

Damn our causeway neighbors.

Just when you think we've gotten a few over them (hint: Singapore mee hoon and err ... hawker food), we've gone an taken a beating in the concert department. A Green Day/Cat Power-filled 2 days down south is tempting even for someone as placid as Pantsy. He's gotten so excited, he's bitten the gonads of a horse thinking it's an asparagus.

Cat Power - Dreams (from The Greatest (Japanese version))

Green Day: Jan 14, 2010 at Singapore Indoor Stadium

Listening to Green Day's music always takes me back to this one specific hour in my life.

In that hour, I woke up, brushed my teeth, had grilled pork knuckles for breakfast (the only brekkie for me), flew to school, beat up the school bully 56 times in an hour, whisked the best looking girl in school for some smooch-a-rama at the nearest 7-Eleven, came back home on a high, got kicked in the nuts by my dad for being late, as a result I crapped my pants, I cried running into my room, I decided to be a super villain with my super powers, I walked out to tell my dad, he kicked me in the nuts again, my voice was permanently changed - the end.

I can't quite decide if I like Green Day or not.

Green Day - She (from Dookie)

Moby Live in KL? Jan 11 apparently

So we've received news from a new source (new is a big deal because our last one got shot over the Dirty Projectors) that the bald one (not the power-hungry one, the vegetable-eating one), Moby is set to grace the shores of the soon-to-be-invaded Malaysia come early 2010.

We're greeting news of this with great happiness. So happy that Genusfrog got carried away in wanting to eat vegetables that he chewed on a horse's tail instead. He's stable now in the hospital. Apparently he said it reminded him of a potato.

Moby - Dream About Me (from Hotel)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Doves
Some Cities
(Capitol)

Price: RM4.95

Hah, I finally found out, a snowden is a den in some snowy place. Much like how a hotden is a den in somewhere very hot. Or how a fastden is a den that's somewhere very fast. Or how a geekden is a den that's somewhere between the hot and heavy loving of many lovely women. Webster's definition that one.

Doves - Snowden (from Some Cities)

MXPX All Stars Live in Malaysia: Dec 11

Unlike Pantsy and Genusfrog who routinely cry at the sight of tattoos because they are supposedly so scary, I on the other hand can profess to be absolutely punk through and through. Like I am so punk, my surname should be punk. In fact, instead of The Geek, I should change my name to The Gunk, although that name would be absolutely untrue as well.

Note: The MXPX All Stars consists of MxPx lead vocalist and bassist Mike Herrera along with Kris Roe of The Ataris on guitar and Chris Wilson of The Summer Obsession on drums

Details:

Date: Dec 11 2009
Venue: Number One Cafe, KL
Tickets: TBA

MXPX - Move to Bremerton (from Life in General)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Placebo - This Picture

I hold an image of the ashtray girl
As the cigarette burns on my chest
I wrote a poem that described her world
That put my friendship to the test
And late at night
Whilst on all fours
She used to watch me kiss the floor
Whats wrong with this picture?
Whats wrong with this picture?

Farewell the ashtray girl
Forbidden snowflake
Beware this troubled world
Watch out for earthquakes
Goodbye to open sores
To broken centre floor
We know we miss her
We miss her picture

Sometimes its faded
Disintegrated
For fear of growing old
Sometimes its faded
Assassinated
For fear of growing old

Farewell the ashtray girl
Angelic fruitcake
Beware this troubled world
Control your intake
Goodbye to open sores
Goodbye and furthermore
We know we miss her
We miss her picture

Sometimes its faded
Disintegrated
For fear of growing old
Sometimes its faded
Assassinated
For fear of growing old

Hang on
Though we try
Its gone
Hang on
Though we try
Its gone

Sometimes its faded
Disintegrated
For fear of growing old
Sometimes its faded
Assassinated
For fear of growing old
Cant stop growing old ...

This is a nice picture. Which one? This one, the one I am looking at. It's nice isn't it Rachel honey? Why are you spitting at me?! Okay I know, you're not in a good mood. Must be the chains. Too tight is it?

Anyways yes this is such a good picture. What is it of? It's hard for me to explain or describe. I will try anyways. It's a picture of something majestic, and immaculate. It's a picture of someone of course. Such penetrating eyes. Eh shit, it's a mirror.

Placebo - This Picture (from Sleeping With Ghosts)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did buy

Hope of the States
Lost Riots
(Sony)

Price: RM4.95

You know how some albums are absolutely destined for mediocrity? That no matter how good the music appears to be, no one is really going to get it as such no one is going to buy and the people who like it just don't like it enough to pay money for it. This one appears to be it as I have seen this album more times in a bargain bin than I have seen it on a proper normal price rack. Which leads me to believe that this album is an analogy of what is not me.

It's a good analogy and it goes like this.

This albums is not bodacious, I am. Fin.

Hope of the States - Goodhorsehymn (from Lost Riots)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Eagles of Death Metal
Death by Sexy
(Downtown)

Price: RM4.95

What the hell? That's a band name? Or is it a description? I am confused. Why can't bands just keep names simple. Like Geekapolous the SexoGoddus. It's a mouth-full but it's simple. If this is the case, I should name my new homemade sex video 'The Geek of Hot and Heavy Loving'. Yeah baby.

Eagles of Death Metal - Don't Speak (I Came To Make A BAN) (from Death by Sexy)

Trivium to blow Indonesia away in Feb 2010

These metal jocks seem to love Asia a lot. It's either that or they've not been getting much loving in their part of the world (check out the guy on the far left, do you think he would be welcomed at some swanky French cafe? I don't think so sister).

Anyways it would seem we love them too otherwise why would they always end up here. Me, I'm a metal fan myself. Love the noise and the clank of steel. Why? Cause I grew up in a steel mill. You know, big noisy factory? What? Music you say? What the hell is that? It's metal right? Yeah, that's what I mean. Metal from a steel mill.

Details:

Date: 11th February 2010 (Thursday)
Venue: Tennis Indoor Senayan, Jakarta

More info here

Trivium - Ignition (from The Crusade)

Dirty Projectors for Asia?

So apparently the Dirty Projectors have been 'offered' to a prominent gig organizer in these parts for a show. What 'offer' exactly entails we don't really know. Except that our favorite mumbling pork-loving paparazzi has just been assassinated. So we're assuming it's big. It might have to do with nuclear energy, suicide bombers or more likely, Pantsy' fart, which we heard can send you either time traveling to 1903, increase your brain growth by 12.35% or turn you into an underfed chicken.

Dirty Projectors - After Santa Monica Boulevard (from Morning Better Last!)