Thursday, February 5, 2009

Word for the Week: Chinese


It's Chinese New Year. Oh, look at you wiki. Yes, you with the blue eyes and dimples. Let me tell you the next five things you're going to do. First, after your wikiing, you will read that this year, Chinese New Year fell last Monday 26th January. Second, you will scratch your sweaty crotch wondering why the heck it's still Chinese New Year. Third, you will then scroll down the Wiki page and read that Chinese New Year lasts 15 days. Fourth, you will stop scratching your sweaty crotch, and start smelling your pinky. Fifthly, you will Come back to this site feeling all culturally that, and proceed to deduce that since we are now in the 11th day of Chinese New Year, it is still Chinese New Year, and hence a post like this makes complete sense.

Dumb twat. It's Chinese New Year because on this day 34,045 weeks ago, Emperor Ham Mai Tai discovered the Awesome Angular Armpit maneuver, and pulled it off on 234,566 meerkats. They then bought him a Mogu pillow. That's totally deserving of restarting any year. You and your Wiki. Sheesh. Go swallow some chopsticks.

Grey Anne - Chinese New Year (from Facts n Figurines)
As per her stage name, Anne Adams puts some musky tints on the season's red overload.

Devendra Banhart - Chinese Children (from Cripple Crow)
"If I lived in China, I'd have some Chinese children," says Devendra. And then they'd wish their mummy was Natalie, and refer to you as "Devendla". So think twice, dude.

Clem Snide - Chinese Baby (from The Ghost of Fashion)
Eef Barzelay thinks that Chinese babies say "Boo hoo" when they cry. Oh please; when I cried I said... wait, what did I say again? Oh yes that's right, I never cried. I just snapped necks.

Blur - Chinese Bombs (from Blur)
Can't wait for July.

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