Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Sick Sick Six: The Geek's 6 Favorite Wives

So I've been around the block before. And by around the block I mean I've been married 168,907 times. Which is about 168,906 times more than the average person. Bigger number = bigger man. Anyways, I've taken some time out of my cosmic-saving duties to highlight 6 women that have enriched my life like no one has before. With their solid bodies, unbelievably good features and long flowing hair. They need not speak. In fact, it was better that they did not. Actually I forbade them to.

Megan Fox

She's made out on Bumblebee before. That fact alone is enough for me to marry her and make babies. Actually come to think of it, let's skip the marrying bit and just make babies. And while we're at it, let's remove the babies. Yeah, real slow, yeah yes perfect.
Megan Palmer - Tomorrows (from Forget Me Not)

Olivia Wilde

I had this doctor 'thing' once. No no not that I wanted to be a doctor. Although, it gave me the opportunity to 'examine' chicks. So I did the next best thing - i started examining a chick doctor. And then my life was complete.
Olivia Tremor Control - Jumping Fences (from Dusk at Cubist Castle)

AJ Cook

I know a good FBI agent when I see one. They usually have long blonde hair, tight hips and insanely hot features. Ability to hold a gun? Ooo yeah.
AJ Draper and the Forces of Nature - Stars Are Blind (Paris Hilton) (from Mix 14)

Sarah Wayne Callies

As you can see, I truly like doctors. I respect them for their intellect, their willingness to heal society and their hot bods. Yeah baby, come poke me with one o' em needles. Yup just like that.
Sarah Shannon - City Morning Song (from City Morning Song)

Emmanuelle Chriqui

There was a time when I was into women with names I can't pronounce, so that was when Emmanuelle came into my life. But I soon learned how to pronounce her name so I cheated on her and moved on to Carylynxn Aprovinacichowlr, who incidentally broke my back and transported me to an alternate dimension where camels lived on beer and Rosie O'Donnell was some super model. Turns out Carylnxn was an alien.
Emmanuelle Seigner - Je Prie Pour Nous (from Backstage)

Petra Nemcova

Ah my first love. She was so special to me. For all of 47 hours, and then I got bored. Then James Blunt appeared. And I said, "Be my guest".
Petra Hayden - Don't Stop Believing (from Guilt By Association)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Olivia Wilde and Emmanuel 'not going to bother trying to spell her last name' have been on screen lovers before. When Olivia Wilde was playing a Alex Kelly in season 2 or 3 perhaps.

Just putting that out there

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