Soapbox: Killing

Today's Soapbox was sort of brought to you by Word For The Week.

Miguel looks out the window. Suzanne stands behind him, talking. Miguel talks to her, but out of the window.

MIGUEL
I did not mean it.

SUZANNE
Don't say that! You stabbed mother six times in her neck!

MIGUEL I was confused, Suzanne! I need some space to think!

Bad Cash Quartet - Searching Is Killing Me (from Midnight Prayer) The door opens.

ROAST DUCK
Miguel! Que pagará por lo que ha hecho!

MIGUEL
Pato Asado! No puede ser que usted realmente!

Roast Duck whips out a gun and fires at Miguel. Suzanne leaps into the path of the bullet, killing her.

Aimee Mann - You Could Make A Killing (from I'm With Stupid)

Haaahahahah!!! Dog laughs. Cat beams in pride. “This is really good shit”, Dog says.
“So, this gets the go ahead?”, Cat asks.
“Does it?” Dog bellows. “It’ll be on air before next week.”

In a house across town, a mysterious intruder wipes the blood off Palm Tree’s katana sword. Another deadpan badger joke has been told.

Skip James - Hardtime Killing Floor Blues

Soapbox: Suzanne & Miguel

Today's Soapbox was brought to you by B-Side of the Week.

Weezer
Suzanne (from the Undone - The Sweater Song single)
(DGC)

Suzanne storms into the room where Miguel is lying half-naked and 2% asleep.

SUZANNE
How can I believe that you love me if you keep sleeping with my mother?

MIGUEL
Baby, I swear, it was nothing.

SUZANNE
How could you say that!

Suzanne falls into Miguel’s strong arms and weeps.

Right then, the producer snatches the page from the writer and reads the lines aloud. “Baby, I swear it was nothing?”, he exclaims. He immediately transforms into Starscream and breaks the writer’s neck. Autobots appear. And a big war ensues, blah blah blah.

Intergalactic wars are boring. Gimme afternoon tv incest. Any day.

Weezer - Suzanne

Next on Soapbox - A character returns... but who?

Soapbox: The Execution Of All Things

After a few days, Dog died of dissentry. After a few more days, Mickey Mouse died of AIDS. Rambo was never found, so Cat killed himself eventhough his companions meant nothing to him.

And there was no one left.

And so, emerge three new characters. Pigeon – a handsome bird with deadpan humour. Palm Tree – a sultry temptress with a weakness for Japanese weapons. And Sunkist – the motorcycle rebel. But guess what? Nobody liked them. So they killed them all off as well.

Rilo Kiley – The Execution Of All Things

Next on Soapbox: A latino sleeps with an older woman

Soapbox - The Tidal Wave

Today’s Soapbox was brought to you by This Week’s Track 9.

The next day, Dog, Mickey Mouse and Rambo decided that they should, after all, cross the black river. They wanted to run free in the meadows beyond. Cat eventually agreed when Dog paid him in cold cash.

And so they set out, and as they were bobbing on the choppy waters, they were hit by a tidal wave. All the creatures were sent into the water. Dog’s paternal instinct kicked in and he swam towards Mickey Mouse and brought him to the shore. Cat clung to the raft with his retractable claws but screamed in horror all the way to the other side. And Rambo? Rambo drifted away.
The moral of the story, of course, is that you should never laugh at badgers.

Postmarks – You Drift Away (track 9 from The Postmarks)

Next on Soapbox: Death on the other side.

Soapbox - The Black River

One day, Dog, Cat, Mickey Mouse, Roast Duck and Rambo were walking along a dark and murky river. Dog suggested that they cross the river, so that they could run freely in the meadows beyond. But Cat said he couldn't do it and refused to budge, insisting that life was better anyway on their side of the river.

Mickey Mouse said he would try his best, and in a melodramatic turn atypical of a Disney character, he proceeded to give a moving speech exhorting the other creatures to risk their lives for the promise of something greater. Roast Duck was undecided, but took it upon himself to test, among other things, the speed of the rushing torrent, the depth of the river, the salinity of the water and the potential risks of aquatic natural predators.

After two days, he produced a giant report outlining all the pros and cons of travelling, but he forgot to state his preference.

So Rambo ate him up. Cos he was hungry. I mean, tell me you wouldn't have done that?

Paul Weller & Graham Coxon - Black River

Next on Soapbox - The party cross the river to great peril.