Carol of the Week: Oh Little Town of Bethlehem

To who it might concern,

Re: Clarification of misconceptions about Bethlehem that have arisen as a result of the carol 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem'

We, the Bethlehem Association Redeeming False Yaps And Silly Slanders (also known as BARFYASS), would like to expressedly clarify the following misconceptions about Bethelem that have been established in popular culture as a result of the carol 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem':

1. Bethlehem is not little. We have our own Starbucks, a Dunkin Donuts joint and at least 15 traffic lights. We upgraded our status to 'marginally below medium-sized but hardly miniscule' in 1967. So kindly do not refer to us as 'little'.

2. Bethlehem is not a town. We applied for 'city' status in 1986. Our application remains in discussion for the past 22 years because the committee is still debating on whether our Starbucks can be considered 'city'-worthy since they don't serve Malibu Dream (they're called Tipsy in Tel Aviv here). You may refer to us as a a 'tity'. A 'town' is far too degrading.

3. We would like to dispute the usage of "oh" as a precedent to Bethlehem. It is so unholy. Please remove it.

4. With the above information, we would like to propose an amended title to the carol in question. The new title we suggest is 'Marginally Below Medium-sized but Hardly Miniscule Tity'.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
Chekdaryme ben Hafsa
Chairperson, BARFYASS

Belle & Sebastian - O Little Town of Bethlehem (from Peel Christmas Party) [BUY]
B&S go spazz on jazz, and turn that little Jewish town into a shopping mall singalong.

Bright Eyes - Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (from A Christmas Album) [BUY]
You have to think that if anyone could keep twanging even as Bethlehem gets laid waste by a combination of Godzilla and Donkey Kong, it would be this dude.

Sarah McLachlan - O Little Town of Bethlehem (from Wintersong) [BUY]
If Lilith Fair ever reformed and toured Israel, expect them ladies to come back with recipes of dates and cloven-hoofed casserole.

Innocence Mission - Little Town of Bethlehem (from The Innocence Mission Christmas) [BUY]
At least someone got the memo about "Oh".