Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Geek's Top 8 Albums of 2008 by Order of Importance of Things on a KFC Dinner Plate

To some this could have been the golden year for music, to me, it's about as eventful as a rhino's arse. Wait, then again, aren't rhinos the ones who piss through their asses? Okay, they're cool. Then it's about as eventful as Donny Osmond's right butt cheek.

So in order to spice it up a little, I have decided to bring food in the picture. Yes, ye denizens of plain-dome, I hereby declare to you that if you need to spice up your love-life/marriage/career, there's no better way to do it than starting a food fight. Wife not giving you the 'biz'? Just chuck a roasted drumstick her way. Husband forgetting your birthday? Fling a plate of beef nachos at his eyes. Boss not giving you a raise? Just pour a bowl of Szechuan beef noodles down her blouse. Yeah!

Anyways, yes, a dinner plate. Which is way better than a snack plate? Why? Cause it has an extra piece of chicken and more is always ... better.

1. The Plate

Glasvegas - Glasvegas [BUY]
The most important thing about the dinner plate is the plate. Uncultured louts may try to sell it as being the chicken but as a person that has consumed about 1549 plates in his lifetime, I can safely say it's all about the plate. Because without the plate, we would be eating the chicken off the table and that my friend, is not a dinner plate. That's a dinner table.
Glasvegas - Polmont on My Mind

2. The Flag-like Thing

British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music? [BUY]
This could be decidedly an Asian thing, but our dinner plates come with one of them little flag-things. It's not yet been determined if the thing is actually a flag or a colorful toothpick, what is certain is that it's completely communistic. Why? Because communists like to fly flags, just like how aliens like to pilot UFOs. It's a natural thing, you know.
British Sea Power - Waving Flags

3. The Bun

The Teenagers - Reality Check [BUY]
Ah, where would the snack plate be without its bun? One of the only reasons why I would be willing to eat in KFC is because I can shang-hai one of them buns off my bird's plate. People may call me cheap, but I like to think I am smart. Why? Because I have two buns when you only have one, and the person with more buns is definitely smarter. Although I have no idea why.
The Teenagers - Starlett Johansson

4. The Mashed Potato

The Little Ones - Morning Tide [BUY]
Without the brilliant mashed potato and it's iconic brown sauce, your snack plates would be as dry as the Sahara. Think about that for a moment. Yeah, sand, snakes, sand and sexy belly dancers. Crap, why the heck do we need mashed potatoes again?
The Little Ones - Morning Tide

5. The First Piece of Chicken

Los Campesinos - Hold On Now, Youngster [BUY]
Ah, so we come to the reason why Colonel Sanders stopped being a kickass army dude that fires cannons to some smiley idiot that fries chickens for a living - the chicken. Except I can see no real reason why anyone would want to give up cannon-firing just to fry some chickens. So as a tribute to the Colonel, I am going to fry me some cannons tonight. Yum.
Los Campesinos - Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks

6. The Coleslaw

I'm From Barcelona - Who Killed Harry Houdini? [BUY]
This is only here because a long time ago, mama Sanders told the Colonel that he has got to eat his veggies. Which is a shame because if his mama told him otherwise, we could have a plasma rifle with every dinner plate.
I'm From Barcelona - Ophelia

7. The Second Piece of Chicken

Attic Lights - Friday Night Lights

The second piece of chicken usually gets in just when you're about full from eating the bun, mashed potato, the first piece of chicken and if you're me, the plate. Yes, I routinely eat the plate as well. Just to have a bit of that holistic experience thing.
Attic Lights - Never Get Sick of the Sea

8. The Third Piece of Chicken

Cure - 4:13 Dream [BUY]
The third piece of chicken in a dinner plate is like having an affair. You know you shouldn't have it, but yet it's difficult to resist. Except that it's oilier and you only get part of the bird.
Cure - Only One


Step Cousins said...

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Starlett Johansson (The Teenagers Cover) - The Step Cousins


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