Girl Talk in Hanoi: 15th August, 2009

Word's out that this one man mixing and remixing machine will be in Hanoi in August for some dance floor mayhem.

See that's the thing I can understand about good ol Greg. Why would he give himself a handle like that? As in one that appears so contrasting. I mean, it's not like he's a girl and from the looks of him, it doesn't look like he talks much as well, which is just about as good as me giving myself the handle 'Not Awesome' or 'Lousiest Snooker Player in Malaysia' or 'Slowest Runner This Side of the Atlantic'.

Details:

Date: 15th August 2009 (Saturday)
Venue: Gio Song Hong, Hanoi, Vietnam
Tickets: TBA (on sale at the door only)

Grizzly Bear - Knife (Girl Talk remix) (originally from Yellow House)

This Week's Track 9: Arrows of Eros

There's nothing wrong with looking like a pimp if you're Golden Silvers. Either that or if you're really a pimp. Like me.

Yep. I'm not just a piratus awesomus monumentalus, I'm also a pimp. And today, I'm gonna introduce you to my most popular tart-of-art. Her name is Pantsietta and she's from Austria. Come on Pansietta. Say hello to Mr Reader. Mr Reader wants you for the whole afternoon because he got sacked at lunchtime and he's feeling sad and he's also too embarrased to go home early and explain everything to his wife. No, it's ok, don't be shy. Actually he's more shy than you. No, don't say that about Mr Reader. I'm sure his moustache is clean. Isn't it Mr Reader? No? Oh, yeah. I see it too. Hmmm... it's okay Pansietta. Remember Mr Baseball Bat? Remember when he got friendly with you? Yeah? Maybe I'll let you choose, baby. Sorry, what? Mr Reader? Are you sure? Atta girl.

Golden Silvers - Arrows of Eros (from True Romance)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Magnet - Everything's Perfect

She's fragile and slender
And fading fast
So in a voice so tender she asks
If I could lend her a helping hand
A hand that would end her strive
Love is only for poets
And dreams are for fools
And on all beauty you'll find
Time's always cruel

If you see what I see
Then say after me
I'll fight my fright
I'll do as you ask tonight

Ever since my heart chose to choose her
I've known I would lose her
But I will excuse her
I could never refuse her anything
'Cause I'm not a poet, no
I'm just a fool
But the beauty she speaks of
Keeps her as the exception to the rule

But I see what I see
So I know what it'll be
I'll fight my fright
And I'll do as she's asked me to do tonight

And all will be forgiven
It's from love that I've been driven
And time will skip a moment
When it's perfect
And I'll kiss her lips
As she slips away

You said you'd die for me
You said you'd die for me
So why can't you live for me
Why won't you live for me

Ah not to be boasting or anything (but I am), this song's about me. Yep it is. Cause as much as I try to live my life ordinarily, I find myself failing. After all, I am perfect. Yes sir (and you the hot madam at the back) I am.

Just an example of how I am, I once took this Math test in primary school and when I got the results back, the teacher drew a perfect circle for me as my mark. It was such a nice circle and it was in red as well. I think she had the hots for me, you know, like red = hot. Shit, missed it. Damn.

Magnet - Everything's Perfect (from On Your Side)

In the papers today...

Six Premier League players have subjected themselves to HIV testing after they discovered that the groupie they all slept with discovered that she had HIV. The groupie's boyfriend fraternised with footballers but once she and the boyfriend broke up, she proceeded to sleep around with six football players, some more than once. Speculation abounds as to who the six players might be. Thankfully, the first player to make a statement was Nicklas Bendtner, who said it can't be him, because he's not actually a football player.
This story reminds me of: The Distillers - Death Sex (from Coral Fang)

The latest edition of Apple's iTunes has disabled the ability to synch the popular music player with the Palm Pre. Perviously, a Palm Pre owner could connect the much-buzzed smart phone with the computer, and it would automatically launch iTunes and allow users to drag and drop songs into the phone as per iPods and iPhones. This is no longer possible, and suggests that Apple are truly taking the competition posed by the Palm Pre seriously. It is also another natural step in Apple's ad campaign, known to industry insiders as "Dear yuppies of the world, everything we do is glorious, so worship us, you Palm-preening twats!"
This story reminds me of: The Fire Fight - Beware! Monster (from Henri)

A new study suggests that swearing actually helps to make pain more tolerable. The study, released by Keele University in England, was a result of volunteers submerging their hands in a tub of ice water for as long as possible while repeating the swear word of their choice, and then doing the same thing while repeating a more common, non-swear word. The results showed that volunteers who swore were able to keep their hands submerged longer. What the study didn't reveal, however, is that the people who weren't swearing were actually repeating "Megan Fox", and they soon realised they had better things to do with their hands.
This story reminds me of: The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart - This Love Is F***ing Right (from The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart)

Lloyd Cole: Live in Singapore - 16 Nov 2009

Nothing like kicking back, a beer in hand and watching an old fart do his thing. What's his thing? Well it can be anything you know? Stroking his beard. Watch him watch TV reruns. Hear him fart when he tries to lift something heavy. Yeah, good stuff.

Like this one time, I paid big bucks to watch some old dude eat prawn noodles. Gosh, it was such an epic show. It was four hours long. Really got my money's worth cause seriously, I've never seen anyone eat prawn noodles with as much grace, timing and general slowness since. Lovely stuff, highly recommended. Next week, I've booked myself a show watching some old dude running a 40km marathon. Apparently, it's a killer. We'll see, we'll see.

Lloyd Cole - Coattails (from Cleaning Out the Ashtrays)

M83 for Malaysia? God Help Us

So our ultra secretive, Loh Mee-loving paparazzi has given us yet another scoop on potential wars heading our way. Apparently this time, it's by a group called the M83 or something. That the same guys who brought us Explosions in the Sky (yet another militant group if that is not already obvious) might be looking to wage another war using this M83.

As it is we're already being besieged by smoky air (mild chemical warfare I heard) and now we're going to be invaded by some group named after a machine gun.

A galaxy thingy you say? So it's not a machine gun? This is worst than I thought. They could be alien then. Aliens from M83! Shit, it all makes sense now. No wonder my belly's been quivering and my butt farting non stop. Oh wait, that could be because I had Mexican beans for lunch.

Ah in any case, time to hide myself in that extremely large and pink bomb shelter with my six Megan Fox's in any case.

M83 - Coloring the Void (from Digital Shades Vol 1)

Java Rockin'Land (Aug 7, 8, and 9) First Lineup Announced: Mew, Secondhand Serenade and more

So after much huff and puff, the Java Rockin'Land festival announces its first lineup and we're are left dumbfounded by its awesomeness. I mean come on, Mr Big? You serious. I've always wanted to examine Eric Martin's boobs up close. I mean he is a woman isn't he? What? He is a man? But the hair, how the heck?

And then there is Secondhand Serenade. I mean ever since I was a boy I have always wanted to watch him. What? He is younger than me? Eh, cannot be. Then what am I doing not playing this festival the if I am older? What? Oh, my awesomeness is too large for a festival this size? Yeah yeah I know. I've seriously tried to be just normal. Failed. Ha ha (evil laughter).

Lineup (first announcement): Secondhand Serenade, Melee, Mr. Big, Mew, Renaissance Boulevard, Vertical Horizon and Motherjane (India).

Details:

Dates: 7th, 8th & 9th August 2009 (Friday, Saturday & Sunday)
Venue: Pantai Carnaval, Ancol
More info on tickets and stuff here

Secondhand Serenade - Pretend (from A Twist In My Story)
Mew - Am I Wry? No (from Frengers)

All American Rejects and Kasabian for MTV World Stage 2009

So our unusually quiet, super ultra Indo mee-powered informer has just woken up and informed us that:

a) He's been munching on far too many fish sticks,
b) He's been spending a lot of time hanging on to Oprah's ass, literally,
c) He broke his fingers playing 'squash the thumb' with his grandma, and
d) The All American Rejects and Kasabian are slated for appearances at this year's MTV World Stage 2009 (it used to be called MTV Asia Awards).

And for other news, I have just declared myself awesome for the 39th time today, 5 minutes ago. Oh wait, it's 40 now.

The All American Rejects - Your Star (from The All American Rejects)
Kasabian - Seek and Destroy (from Empire)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Stars - Elevator Love Letter

[Girl] I'm so hard for a rich girl
My heels are high, my eyes cast low
And I don't know how to love
I get too tired after mid-day, lately
I take it out on my good friends
But the worst stays in
Oh where would I begin?

[Girl] My office glows all night long,
It's a nuclear show and the stars are gone
Elevator, elevator, take me home

[Guy] I'm so hard for the rich girl
Her heels are high and my hope's so low
Cause I don't know how to love
I'll take her home after midnight
And if she likes, I'll tell her lies
Of how we'll fall in love by the morning
I don't think she'll know that I'm saying goodbye

[Girl] My office glows all night long
It's a nuclear show and the stars are gone
Elevator, elevator, take me home

[Girl] My office glows all night long
it's a nuclear show and the stars are gone
Elevator, elevator, take me home

[Girl] Don't go. Say you'll stay
Spend a lazy Sunday in my arms
I won't take anything away

[Girl] Don't go. Say you'll stay
Spend a lazy Sunday in my arms
Don't take anything away

Such a lovely song. I had a lot of fun listening to it. Except after examining the lyrics I am perplexed about something though. Why is the guy saying 'I'm so hard for the rich girl'? What does that essentially mean? Someone please explain it to me ... !!!

(Old lady walks up to me and whispers in my ears)

Ooo ... is it? I am such an innocent boy then cause ...

(Old lady whispers in my ears again)

You want to what again? Oh ... shit.

Stars - Elevator Love Letter (from Heart)

Word for the Week: Fail

Our sections are dropping like flies and it's purely because of one reason - the other two (shhh ...) are just not as awesome as me. I mean, my dad always said that if you need something done in this world, you should do it yourself and shoot the fella that's supposed to do it in the first place in the head for not doing it. But Pantsy's a friend. So instead I have decided to throw him into a pit filled with homo rhinos. Not heard from him since. Anyways, before I chucked him in, I had this conversation with him:

Geek: Dude

Pantsy: Yeah?

Geek: You're a lazy ass.

Pantsy: Yeah, I know.

Geek: You know why right? Cause you left that Word of the Week section all blank for nearly half a year now.

Pantsy: I am well aware.

Geek: Oh, in that case, you're a lazy ass ninny that wears panties too, just like Genusfrog.

Pantsy: You're right (Rhino's roaring in the background).

Geek: Oh, then you're a ninny that wears panties and eats sparrow butts for breakfast.

Pantsy: Damn straight (More rhinos roaring).

Geek: It's been nice knowing you dude.

Pantsy: Yeah it has been.

Geek: Bye.

Pantsy: Bye

*Push

(Roar)

Evergrey - Fail (from Torn Year)

Yeah man, at the end of the day it boils down to one simple thing, fail. That and the panties, which by the way, look real good on you.

Fields - If You Fail, We All Fail (from Everything Last Winter)

Yeah man, rhinos aside, because you failed, we all failed. Like I had this chick slap me the other day cause she said my blog's not cool anymore cause we don't update on time. Cock block man, cock block.

The Clash - Rudie Can't Fail (from London Calling)

If Rudie is like Pantsy then Rudie will fail, and fail, and fail again, until he is chucked into a pit filled with horny homo rhinos.

Cat Power - It's Alright to Fail (from The Hottest State)

Of course it is alright to fail. No problem. No questions asked. No hard feelings. Just a smelly pit of horny homo rhinos and a pair of pink panties. Seriously, no hard feelings.

Arch Enemy Live in Manila: October 20

Listening and looking at pictures of Swedish metal band Arch Enemy has made me somewhat confused. On one hand, the singer looks like your residential buxom blonde bombshell.

You know, the type that really should be serving you your french fires and dropping 'y'alls'? On the other hand she sounds like an amalgamation between Sauron and Gargamel.

I don't know if I should be turned on or run to the nearest hills and hide with homo Hobbits.

Arch Enemy - Blood On Our Hands (from Rise of the Tyrant)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Weezer - Susanne

Susanne, you're all that I wanted
of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child
Make me blush, drive me wild
Susanne, you're all that I wanted

When I met you I was all alone
Cold and hungry cryin' on the phone
You baked me brownies and said "don't you cry"
And gave me the coat off your back

Susanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child
Make me blush, drive me wild
Susanne, you're all that I wanted

Even Izzy, Slash and Axl Rose
When I call you put them all on hold
And say to me that you'd do anything
and all I can do is say that
I haven't much I can give you in return
Only my heart and a promise not to turn
But I'll sing to you every day and every night
Susanne, I'm your man

Susanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child
Make me blush, drive me wild
Susanne, you're all that I wanted
Of a girl
Yeah!

Okay first thing I got to address when reading the lyrics to this song is - what's the big deal with putting 3/6 of Guns 'N' Roses on hold? That's like saying 'Hey, I'm going to put Oprah on hold while I talk to you.' Or Obama. Or worst, Cristano Ronaldo. Err ... ?

Instead of 'Izzy, Slash a nd Axl Rose', I have therefore decided to change it to 'Optimus Prime, Godzilla and Gundam'. Now that's a romantic hold-list. For starters, it's not often that Godzilla picks up the phone to call anyone. Why? Cause:

a) Its hands are too large,
b) You won't be able to comprehend the loudness of its roar
c) You will die from the awesome radiotion it emits eventhough you're on the other side of the phone

So I don't know about you, but if someome put that thing on hold, I'm so marrying them.

Weezer - Susanne (from OST Mallrats)

Music Terminals Festival 2009: Citizens of Ice Cream and Nao to share stage with Placebo, Tricky and Radio Dept

Ah it's nice to see how some things grow. Like how one moment two obscure Malaysian bands are playing dingy drink holes in Cheras and next thing you know they're sharing the stage with the likes of Placebo, Tricky, Radio Dept, Frente!, Chicks On Speed and more in some Taipei music festival.

Like how I once bought a pet turtle, fed it some pork ribs, gave it some tender loving care and attention and I looked at my backyard the other day and it's become like this:

Shit. What am I going to tell my dad now?

More info here (on the fest, not the turtle)

Placebo - This Picture (from Sleeping With Ghosts)
Citizens of Ice Cream - Last Emperor (from The End EP)

Rarity on the Rarity: Popscene

Blur

Popscene

EMI/Food

Rare factor: Non-album low charting single that went out of print and almost wrecked the band but eventually became a cult classic.

Ow my head. It's not fun to wake up and discover that ninjas came into your room last night and chopped up every part of you except for your right arm. So now, while the paramedics and my neighbourhood seamstress conspire to stitch me back together, I exist purely as the right arm of Pirate Genusfrog. Which is still more fabulous than you.

Oh you never been just one part of your body before? What a life you must've lived. You really should get out more. Like this one time, I was out hunting lions with The Geek. And the lions ate him up till all he was left with was his arse. And so there we were, one full awesome man and an arse, going around with guns, shooting at lions. Man that was fun. If only I had become a right arm that afternoon. It would have looked poetic.

Blur - Popscene

B-Side of the Week: Orange Crush (REM)

Editors

Orange Crush (from the Blood single)

(Epic)

Geek: Dude ...

Genusfrog: Yeah?

Geek: First the Track 9, now this? You're a real lazy ass.

Genusfrog: Yeah, I know.

Geek: Have I told you before you're a ninny that wears panties too.

Genusfrog: Yeah you have.

Geek: What do you think about that?

Genusfrog: Damn straight I am.

Editors - Orange Crush (REM)