Paramore Live in Manila: March 9, 2010

Yes I know what some of you are thinking. Things like:

• "Malaysia has nicer food and cops with tight clothing! Come here instead"
• "Singapore has better public transport and no landed property! Come here instead"
• "We have a red light district in Thailand and lots of pork! Come here instead"

Me, I'm just thinking two things:

• "Haley, blue is definitely not your color. Skin color is. So lose that top", and
• "I think the guy right at the back in the picture above just had an epiphany about being Superman"

Paramore - That's What You Get (from Riot!)

In the papers today...

News Corp and Microsoft's search engine Bing are reported to be ganging up on Google. News Corp is in the process of creating a new code whereby search engines have to pay to access articles from News Corp's affiliated publications like The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post. Microsoft are willing to pay, and thus articles would appear on their search engine Bing. Analysts say that this spells doom for News Corp. It's not because nobody will bother switching search engines just for a few bits of news available anywhere. It's because when you think about it, Rupert + Bing = Rubing. And that's very... shuddurgggh.
This story reminds me of: Tika and the Dissidents - Venus Envy (from The Headless Songstress)

The Large Hadron Collider has just restarted. The $10 billion, 17-mile long particle accelerator that was launched earlier this year had to be shut down numerous times, including a recent incident that was caused by a bird dropping a piece of bread in the machine. Once spinning, the particle accelerator will continue it's search of Higgs' bosom. Scientists are hoping to discov... wha...? Not bosom? Oh, Boson? Is that like a very macho bison? Like, who the heck want's to find Higgs very macho bison? And what's Higgs gonna do while his bosom is missing? Sheesh. Finding bosoms is totally worth US$10 billion.
This story reminds me of: Lake Heartbeat - Pipedream (from Trust In Numbers)

Fossils of an ancient species of super-crocodiles have been discovered. The fossils are said to belong to a type of crocolide that was 40 feet long, weighed eight tons and fed on dinosaurs. They walked on legs, and could run really fast. Scientists have so far assigned them nicknames like BoarCroc, RatCroc, PancakeCroc, DuckCroc and DogCroc. The creatures are ss....pffft.... sorry. Let me continue. Scientists are t-t-trr-yyeeehee... pardon me. No, nothing funny at all. Ummhrmmm. The PancakeCrokkkekeekekekeee... oh huh? No, no, everything's just great. Jussst ggreabwahahahaHAHAHAHA.
This story reminds me of: Say Hi To Your Mum - These Fangs (from Impeccable Blahs)

New Release: SevenCollar T-Shirt - The Great Battle

Battler 1: Maaaate. Checkit out yo.

Battler 2: What?

Battler 1: My new t-shirt. Amazing shitzuz, ain't it?

Battler 2: What's amazing?

Battler 1: Dude! Look at how many collars I got!

Battler 2: Huh?

Battler 1: Hey waddlefoot. Can't you count? One, two, seven! Seven collars, dude! Seventh to tha heaventh!

Battler 2: Ummm.

Battler 1: Plasterdunce! Wassup, beeeyotch! I will whoop yo wussy tush! You evah seen a shirt with seven collars? Evah? Evah?

Battler 2: Man.

Battler 1: Man! Got that right, man! Man is I. I AM THA MAN!

Battler 2: Think I'm gonna watch My Little Pony now.

Battler 1: Oh really?

Battler 2: Yeah. Wanna join?

Battler 1: Hot damn. Let me get my rabbit slippers.

Battler 2: Sure beeyotch.

Track list:

1. TET Offensive
2. Lucky You
3. Wild Child (Here For You)
4. Fragile
5. Fibres
6. The Foreigner
7. December
8. A Dissapearing Act
9. Exiled
10. Lights

British Sea Power heading to these shores?

So apparently, the rumor around town (or if I was honest, the lips of our dead informer that's just returned as a sexy bikini zombie) is that someone's trying to shop the Brighton-based quartet around these shores.

I would be extremely interested to catch them in concert to learn:

1) Their wall-paper peeling abilities
2) How to 'not look cool' with a cigarette, and
3) How to look like a middle-age English-woman (second from right, picture above)

British Sea Power - The Great Skua (from Do You Like Rock Music?)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Skye
Mind How You Go
(Atlantic)

Price: RM9.90

My mom always told me I should never judge a book by its cover, which is strange because I never read. See, I spent most of my developing years trying to speak Romulan to my dog (she just about had it, just needed that additional slur on the tongue). Anyways, about 20 years later, I understood what she meant. So while I would like to take momma's advice, the CD above did make it difficult.

Yes, I have taken mom's advice, as such these days, I always insist on a strip search before I go out on a date with a girl. I mean, she might look like Panthro and all on the outside but hey, you never know on the inside. Strangely, I've gotten quite a few slaps for it, even though I specified why (including the Panthro bit). Must've been the way I asked.

Skye - No Other (from Mind How You Go)

Rarity on the Rarity: Let Down

Pedro the Lion
Let Down
(Jadetree)
Rare factor: Lazy Radiohead cover on a rare limited edition tour EP? Yeah, that's what we thought.

Dave takes a rare stab at Thom Yorke's yodel on this cover that's parked at the end of a rare 'live in the studio' album. And I know what you must be thinking, why is his name Dave and not Pedro. My assumption is that Pedro is his pet lion, the one he rides around with. Which would instantly make him about 40% more He-Man than the average man. Now to just work on his hair, any hair. And maybe some of the gut. And the prophet-like facial hair. Holy cow, he's no He-Man.

Pedro the Lion - Let Down (Radiohead)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl

Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.

Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.
Can't you come back?

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.

Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.

Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window.

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

Park that car, drop that phone.
Park that car, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone.
Park that car, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone.

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.

Kevin: I'm in a mood to cheat someone
Emily: But you cheat someone everyday
Kevin: Oh I do? When was the last time I cheated?
Emily: Like 5-minutes ago, when you told Leslie that you're Superman and that she might be Lois?
Kevin: He he, that's a good one eh?
Emily: So what are you thinking of doing?
Kevin: Oh you know, write some lazy song that repeats a line about a million times and tag 'Seventeen Year-Old Girl' to the title. Should be a hit
Emily: You think that will work?
Kevin: Not sure about the song but a 'Seventeen Year-Old Girl' will always work
Emily: You mean as a hit?
Kevin: No as in just work in general
Emily: Oh ... cause you're Superman?
Kevin: You're damn right Mary Jane
Emily: You mean Lois
Kevin: The same thing

Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl (from You Forgot It In People)

The Killers Live in Singapore: Jan 24, Indoor Stadium

Soldier: Captain, we're completely surrounded and there appears to be no more backup on the way. Looks like this is it.

Captain: Ah this could well be our final swansong lad. How are you feeling about it?

Soldier: I want to pee.

Captain: Well what are you waiting for, no one should wait to empty your bladder. Do it over there by the bush.

Soldier: But I need a toilet sir. And you mustn't look.

Captain: That's nonsense son do you think I would be interested in looking at you? You who appears to be wearing some well cut pants and a package that's peeking out front? Why would I?

Soldier: Sir, that's not me, that's Brandon Flowers, the super assassin they've sent our way to finish us off.

Captain: Oh sorry, was distracted by a gumball wrapper on the ground. Ah yes, what do you want of us ye harbinger of death?

Brandon: I'm Mr Brightside.

Captain: What on earth are you on about son. If you want to kill us go ahead, if not state your purpose.

Brandon: Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.

Captain: Ah that would be this soldier here then.

Soldier: But sir, I'm just an hetero Asian man. I'm not your girlfriend.

Captain: Ah what nonsense, he's just shy, go on ahead, take him. And yes, take his rifle too, and his sexy boxers. On second thought, hold it, I'll keep the boxers.

Note: Tickets from $128 to $168 go on sale Nov 23 at Sistic outlets

The Killers - Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll (from Hot Fuss)

65daysofstatic live in Singapore: March 13, 2010, Esplanade

Yay! We have a new informer (after the last one choked on a burrito and fell off a cliff). Say hello to Hornbill. She carries a large horn and she likes settling our bills. Our kind of girl.

Anyways, Hornbill has just informed us that post-rock-core-metal-steel-mill band 65daysofstatic is slated for a date in this region around March. She has also informed us that she is just dying to pay a bill for us, so we've decided to point her towards the electric company to pay for our power bill. After all, maintaining 325 women and 300 vibrators can be quite expensive from an electrical perspective. Oh, the 25? We hired them to run around the compound and shout 'Cowabunga'. We thought it would be funny.

65daysofstatic - Don't Go Down to Sorrow (from The Destruction of Small Ideas)

The Sick Sick Six: Things To Do In The Dark

Yeah, I know: Halloween was shite. There was no candy, no costumes and no fat turd stepping on a paper bag full of poo. Just another day.

Of course I'm talking about you. Not me. I'm like a completely different breed of party animal, yo (vodkatus yumalotus, they call me). So yeah, my Halloween was so totally bodacious, like every other Friday night, except that the stripper costumes were actually compulsory (usually only the Y-strings are).

But so anyways, back to you. Yes you, the fat turd with poo-stained feet. You've got almost one whole year from now to ensure that your next Halloween ends up with mountains of candy being fed to you by three witches with pineapples for hats. Just follow my six-step money-back guarentee plan for things to do in the dark.

STEP 1 - Eye
Yes, the first thing to do is to eye. Whaddaya mean, how you do eye? Oh sheesh. C'mere, lemme show you. You just put your hands up like this, start moving west, and... Oh oops, sorry. Whozzat? Flounder! My, what nice eyes you got. Oh don't mind me. I'm just eyeing. Hey, what's that shiny pointy thing? Is that like your happy flappy flipper?

STAB!

See we're off to a good start already.
Bhuddistson - Eyes In The Dark (from SLOWDANCE Wisely and Slow, They Stumble That Dance Fast)

STEP 2 - Dance
Now that you've mastered the art of eyeing, it's time to get those other body parts moving in darkness. That's right, babeh: dance, dance, dance! So c'mon, shake those wings. Uhuh, uhuh, doosh, doosh, doo... what? You got no wings? Whaddaya mean you dance with feet? Who the cockadoodledo does that? Oh goodness. You're so going to have a shitty 31 Oct dude.
Paolo Delfino - Dance In The Dark (from In Between The Odds & Evens)

STEP 3 - Go left and right
Ok, you gotta get this one. It's real easy: while eyeing and dancing with your wings (or your feet if you got no wings, fatso), start moving left, and then right. It's important that you move left first before you move right, ok? That's good. You're not too shabby mate. Oh yeah, that reminds me, did you hear of the dude whose whole left side was blown off? Well, he's all right now.

STAB!

Flounder, stop it!
Julian Casablancas - Left Right In The Dark (from Phrazes For The Young)

STEP 4 - Look for diamonds
So while I go hunting for my eye, you keep yourself occupied by looking for diamonds. Well of course they come out better in the dark. What, you think Leonardo DiCaprio goes diamond hunting with sunnies or sumthin? Huh? Wha...? Oh. Umm. Well keep looking!
Mystery Jets - Diamonds In The Dark (from Making Dens)

STEP 5 - Get even
Oh look, diamonds! Go get it! What? Why you squealing like that? Oh, sorry. Chainsaws and diamonds all look the same in the dark. Here, have a mint.
Company of Thieves - Even In The Dark (from Ordinary Riches)

STEP 6 - Just be
Ah ok, I can see now. Well look at you! All pro-looking and stuff. Righto then, one last step: you just gotta be in the dark. Just be. No, don't even scratch. Heck no, don't even sneeze! Matter of fact, don't even breathe. Yeah, just follow after me. Just be in the dark. Just bbb... the... jjjuss... hey, is that Flounderrr...

THUD
The Whigs - In The Dark (from In The Dark)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Wilco - She's a Jar

She's a jar
With a heavy lid
My pop quiz kid
A sleepy kisser
A pretty war
With feelings hid
She begs me not to miss her

She says forever
To light a fuse
We could use
A hand full of wheel
And a day off
And a bruised road
However you might feel
Tonight is real

When I forget how to talk, I sing
Wont you please
Bring that flash to shine
And turn my eyes red
Unless they close
When you click
And my face gets sick
Stuck
Like a question unposed

Just climb aboard
The tracks of a trains arm
In my fragile family tree
And watch me floating inches above
The people under me

Please beware the quiet front yard
I warned you
Before there were water skies
I warned you not to drive
Dry your eyes, you poor devil

Are there really ones like these?
The ones I dream
Float like leaves
And freeze to spread skeleton wings
I passed through before I knew you

I believe it's just because
Daddy's payday is not enough
Oh, I believe it's all because
Daddy's payday is not enough

Just climb aboard
The tracks of a trains arm
In my fragile family tree
And watch me floating inches above
The people under me

She's a jar
With a heavy lid
My pop quiz kid
A sleepy kisser
A pretty war
With feelings hid
You know she begs me not to hit her

Jeff Tweedy sure knows his way around words. Rather then spend time digging up lovely adjectives to call his woman, he decides to just call her a household appliance. It's brilliant. No more 'honey pie' or 'resplendent angel' anymore in this world, replaced by 'vacuum cleaner' and 'garden hose'.

I've decided that the next girl I marry, I will call her 'detergent', and the one after that can be 'washing machine', and the one after that can be 'clothes dryer'. Thematically, we should be a pretty happy family.

Wilco - She's a Jar (from Summerteeth)