Soldier: Captain, we're completely surrounded and there appears to be no more backup on the way. Looks like this is it.
Captain: Ah this could well be our final swansong lad. How are you feeling about it?
Soldier: I want to pee.
Captain: Well what are you waiting for, no one should wait to empty your bladder. Do it over there by the bush.
Soldier: But I need a toilet sir. And you mustn't look.
Captain: That's nonsense son do you think I would be interested in looking at you? You who appears to be wearing some well cut pants and a package that's peeking out front? Why would I?
Soldier: Sir, that's not me, that's Brandon Flowers, the super assassin they've sent our way to finish us off.
Captain: Oh sorry, was distracted by a gumball wrapper on the ground. Ah yes, what do you want of us ye harbinger of death?
Brandon: I'm Mr Brightside.
Captain: What on earth are you on about son. If you want to kill us go ahead, if not state your purpose.
Brandon: Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.
Captain: Ah that would be this soldier here then.
Soldier: But sir, I'm just an hetero Asian man. I'm not your girlfriend.
Captain: Ah what nonsense, he's just shy, go on ahead, take him. And yes, take his rifle too, and his sexy boxers. On second thought, hold it, I'll keep the boxers.
Note: Tickets from $128 to $168 go on sale Nov 23 at Sistic outlets