Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

Black Kids
Partie Traumatic
(Almost Gold)

Price: AUD$9.99

This album makes me happy when I listen to it. That saying, many things do make me happy as well, besides this album. Shooting chipmunks off trees with an AK47 is one. Drnking a jug of beer with a thin straw is another. Dropping TVs from the 47th floor and trying to hit people below is a big one. But the thing that makes me the happiest is flying around town using my recently grown wings. Yeah, like actual bird's wings. Just came on one day, after I ate 457 buffalo wings in one sitting. I am currently trying to eat M16s in the hopes of growing one on my back. I am at 38 now, and I can see a little trigger peeping through.

Black Kids - Hurricane Jane (from Partie Traumatic)

MGMT Live in Malaysia: March 2011

Part of our undeniable charm as Pirates is that we know that we cannot always be number one to everything. Like this piece of news. We know it's at least 4 days old. But hey, in the end, we want you to recognize that old news can be good news if it's delivered right and with a new angle. What's our angle for the day? Genusfrog is currently naked and singing 'Close to You'. Why that is so? We don't know. What has this got to do with MGMT? Nothing. Yeah, that's about it.

MGMT - Youth (from Oracular Spectacular)

Look what I found in the bargain bin but did not buy

The Teenagers
Reality Check
(XL)

Price: AUD$9.99

Ah, this album reminds me of when I was a teenager. Yes, I was once a teenager, believe it or not. It was during the summit of the Roman empire. I was a Centurion and I had basically 2 duties, feed the lions and wash the Emperor's butt. Apparently, I was damn good at the second thing, so much so that they promoted me to 'nuts polisher'.

The Teenagers - Streets of Paris (from Reality Check)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Grandaddy
Just Like the Fambly Cat
(V2)

Price: AUD$9.99

This one helps me more or less complete my collection of their discography. In some ways, buying this album was like fitting in the last piece of a 10,000 piece jigsaw. Or touching up the final empty patch of a wall you are painting. Or eating the last morsel of meat from a pork leg. Or finally settling on the right nipple shade for the Adriana Lima fembot you are constructing.

Ah, the pleasures of completion.

Grandaddy - This is How it Always Starts (from Just Like the Fambly Cat)

IRON MAIDEN IN SINGAPORE (AND POSSIBLY MALAYSIA) - FEB 2011

Update: We've caught news from Ally our pet alligator that Iron Maiden may be heading this way as well. If this news turns out to be true, I plan to run naked around Bintang Walk on Feb 14 to remind everyone just what love is all about.

There is no better way to celebrate the conclusion of Chinese New Year than at an Iron Maiden concert. Why? Because in the midst of stuffing yourself silly, watching a Jackie Chan movie and OD-ing on peanuts, there's nothing like an iron maiden to bring you back down to earth. My dad used to remind me about how I should learn to wash dishes better by putting me into an iron maiden. It's quite nice. A little ticklish at times. Although one time, I think I lost an arm, and another time, I had my whole face ripped off. But hey, I'm still around and kicking. Oh wait, looks like I lost a leg too.

Iron Maiden - Heaven Can Wait (from Somewhere in Time)

Details

When: 15th February 2011

Where: Singapore Indoor Stadium

Tickets: $178, $148, $128 and $98. Sistic booking fee applies.

Pre‐Sale tickets for Iron Maiden Fan Club Members go on sale on Monday, November 8, 2010.

Public sales open the following day on Tuesday, November 9, 2010. To purchase tickets call Sistic at (+65) 6348‐5555 or book online at www.sistic.com.sg.

The Whitest Boy Alive: Live in Malaysia in Q1 2011?

Hey we've been doing pretty well with our rumors in recent times. So I guess it's time to give our lovely papparazzi a big bonus. I know, I know, we've not quite revealed who it is but we can assure you, it knows what it's talking about.

Why 'it'? Oh ha ha ha, you thought our clairvoyant rumor monger is a person? No no, it's our pet alligator Ally. Yeah, she can be a little cranky at times but we figure with this new piece of news, she deserves to be fed our neighbour ...

What was that? Damn it I am trying to write a post here. What did you say? He's screaming? Well of course he would, he's being eaten. Okay okay, I'll come by with a baseball bat.

Yeesh ... do I have to do everything?

The Whitest Boy Alive - Figures (from Dreams)

Deftones in Southeast Asia, Feb 2011

I want to clear the air, and tell everyone out there precisely why there are so many acts coming around Southeast Asia in the first quarter of 2011. It has nothing to do with it being summer in Australia, which is in conjunction with festival season. Nor does it have anything to do with tax breaks on entertainment, or any funny-money-jingo-lingo business like that.

The reason there are so many acts in the first quarter is because our fried chicken is the best in the world. No seriously, it is. It is made with 24 kidneys of an extinct panda, plus the testicle of an endangered tapir. How do I know? Because I created it myself. Ummhmm, managed to find the last of 'em dorky cubs in my backyard last week, and skewered the chap with a... oh, hey! Did I say panda? Noooo, I meant ponda. Oh err, no. I meant pendrive. Yeah, 24 kidneys of an extinct pendrive. Nice pendrive. Here, have a bamboo shoot.

Dates:

Indonesia
When: 8th February 2011
Where: Senayan Tennis Indoor Stadium, Jakarta
Tickets: On sale 27th November

Philippines
12th February 2011
World Trade Centre, Manila
Tickets on sale December 1st

Malaysia
14th February 2011
Venue TBA
Tickets TBA


Thailand
15th February 2011
Thunderdome, Bangkok
Tickets on sale Nov 27th

Singapore
16th February 2011
Singapore Indoor Stadium
Tickets on-sale Dec 1st

Deftones - Diamond Eyes (from Diamond Eyes)

Laneway hits Singapore: Jan 29, 2011

Ready for war?

It's been awhile since the full Pirates family have gone on a road trip together so this fest provides a chance for us to. Not just Genusfrog and Pantsy (we just took one recently up a hill behind my house to shoot us some mutant kangaroos) but the rest of the family you don't see or hear from. There's Mamasan Watermelon Pulsar, the lady that's part woman, part tractor. No like seriously, she's got them giant wheels on her behind. Huuuuge ones. Oh what? They are not wheels? Then what the heck are they?! Oh ...

Sorry was distracted, yes and there's Gogleboth Hungary. Nothing much to say about him except he's from Hungary and he's always hungry. There's also Largeass Buffaloon, offspring of a union between a buffalo and a baloon. Yeps, people, a damn miracle child. Who else ... ? Oh yeah and there's John Smith. He's an accountant. Nice guy, likes chocolate.

Check out the full lineup and details here

Beach House - Childhood (from Beach House)

Gig-gles: The Flaming Lips, Singapore, 11 Nov 2010

I hate it when bands use stage gimmicks.

So while watching the Flaming Lips, I was really thankful that they didn't use any. I love how Wayne Coyne rolled out into the crowd in a giant bubble because my mummy told me that rolling out in giant bubbles helps to improve blood circulation by 16%. Or when Wayne was carried by a dude in a grizzly bear, it was precisely in line with the recent article published by the esteemed Journal of Very Beary Beahaviour which said that riding on grizzly bears once a day will keep the apple away. Or when Wayne put on these giant rubber hands and shot laser lights from them, it reminded me of when I was six and I discovered my own hands can shoot laser lights, and so I had dinner with Cyclops and he told me how to make a laser light visor for my hands, which I use to this day, except when petting my dog ChakaKhan, who loves laser lights more than she loves Puppy Chow.

Set list:

1. The Fear

2. Worm Mountain

3. Silver Trembling Hands

4. She Don't Use Jelly

5. The Sparrow Looks Up At The Machine

6. In The Morning of the Magicians

7. I Can Be A Frog

8. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1

9. See the Leaves

10. Laser Hands

11. The Ego's Last Stand

12. Pompeii Am Götterdämmerung

13. Sagittarius Silver Announcement

14. The WAND

Encore:

15. The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

Encore 2:

16. Do You Realize??

The Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly (from Transmissions from the Satellite Heart)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Jamie T
Kings & Queens
(Virgin)

Price: RM9.90

I love my British accent. It's so darn authentic. I am also really proud to have students such as Jamie Carragher and the Korean Clock Lady. Anyways, I'm offering a new yearend package for you. For onlt $3,999 a month, you can take 5 lessons a month from me, where I will demonstrate to you precisely how to speak like a fine English gentleman. An because I'm such a heroic do-gooder, I have decided to throw in a free class teaching you how to make scones. Please call 1-800-ICanHaz to sign up.

Jamie T - Spider's Web (from Kings & Queens)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Foals
Antidotes
(Transgressive)

Price: RM9.90

So this CD appears in the bargain bin one evening. And so I'm staring at the CD, and then I stare at the mouth of the dude on the cover. And I realise that the dude is actually a zombie. And then I turn around, and realise I'm not in a record store, but a zombie den. And there is a whole army of zombies rushing towards me. And then I realise that this is not a CD, but a ninja star. And then I realise my name is not Pantsy, but Milla Jovovich. And then I notice just how smoking hot I am. And then I drop the ninja star and pick up the induction cooker. And then I cook the zombies some lamb curry. The end.

Foals - Heavy Water (from Antidotes)

In the papers today...

The Large Hadron Collider created a mini-Big Bang this week, signalling a significant breakthrough. The giant particle accelerator successfully smashed together a bunch of lead ions, creating a burst of heat that was a million times hotter than the sun. Scientists were thrilled, and inside sources say that after this collision happened, they quickly rushed into the room to find out what had been left behind. To their delight, they found a naked Keanu Reeves sucking his thumb.

This story reminds me of: Honeymoon Stitch - Day of the Lords (from A Means to an End: The Music of Joy Division)

A British teacher who moonlighted as a prostitute has been allowed to continue teaching as well as continue her side business. Diane Hutton, a 54-year-old who taught general studies to GCSE and A-level students, also ran a website called 'Seductive Selina'. However, the judge decided that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing, since her website didn't show her face. "Besides," he added, "The picture on the site is totally not her booty. Her real booty has two moles on the left cheek, and this one only ha... oh. Not guilty."

This story reminds me of: Belle & Sebastian - Calculating Bimbo (from Belle & Sebastian Write About Love)

Calvin Klein has produced a pair of 3D sunglasses. Called ck3D, the sunglasses can be used indoors and outdoors. When asked by journalists at a press conference why someone would need 3D sunnies outdoors, a spokesperson for Calvin Klein simply motioned for Bambi to come to the podium. Bambi then walked up to the mic, and said, "Wearing ck3D will enable you to see more of me. Which will enable you to see much better the moments when my mum gets shot to bits by ALL YOU BLOODTHIRSTY SCUMS, DIEEEEEEE!" Bambi then pee-ed on everyone.

This story reminds me of: A-Trak - Ray Ban Vision (feat. CyHi Da Prynce) (single)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Loney, Dear
Dear John
(Polyvinyl)

Price: RM9.90

Dear John,

It has become apparent to me that you do not like my pumpkin pie. This really hurts, you know. When I served it to you last night, the first thing you did was throw it. And then you had the gall to tell me that it was because 15 masked men were climbing through the windows. And then when the masked men were rushing at us with their katanas, you had double the nerve to tell me to pick up the carving knife. And what, cut you another slice? You ungrateful cream puff.

Anyways, I have decided to give you another chance. So tonight I'm making lychee pudding. If you care enough for our friendship, you will drop by with an empty stomach and an apologetic face, and you will wolf down my lychee pudding in 16 seconds. I still believe in us.

Yours truly,
Frufru

Ps. I found a couple of arms and a kidney on my living room floor. If they are yours, please bring a doggy bag.

Loney, Dear - Dear John (from Dear John)