It has become apparent to me that you do not like my pumpkin pie. This really hurts, you know. When I served it to you last night, the first thing you did was throw it. And then you had the gall to tell me that it was because 15 masked men were climbing through the windows. And then when the masked men were rushing at us with their katanas, you had double the nerve to tell me to pick up the carving knife. And what, cut you another slice? You ungrateful cream puff.
Anyways, I have decided to give you another chance. So tonight I'm making lychee pudding. If you care enough for our friendship, you will drop by with an empty stomach and an apologetic face, and you will wolf down my lychee pudding in 16 seconds. I still believe in us.
Ps. I found a couple of arms and a kidney on my living room floor. If they are yours, please bring a doggy bag.
Loney, Dear - Dear John (from Dear John)