Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Sick Sick Six: Your Six Most Important Body Parts, in Songs

A long time ago, I was in a science class. Actually, it was a long long long long bitch-ass long x 10000 long/10000 long ago? What? I just rendered the number to zero? Whatever, anyways it was a long time ago. The teacher was trying to teach us about our anatomy and some guy named Gray. I fell asleep, knocked my head against the table and woke up a genius and black-belt in karate. Many years later, I found out that it was some series about hot chicks and dumb ass doctors. I am glad I did not know that then otherwise I would never be as smart and kick-ass as I am today.

Anyways, lesson of the day - I have recently learned that some body parts are more important than others, so I have decided to list down your six most important ones:

Fist are essential for only one thing and one thing alone - punching. Yup. I eat with my feet and caress Emmanuelle's hair with my torso.
Antony and the Johnsons - Fistful of Love (from The Lake EP) [BUY]

What point is there in this world, if your bum is not big? Because of my big bum, I can fart more. Yeah that's the only reason.
The Raveonettes - Seductress of Bums (from Pretty in Black) [BUY]

Moustaches are seriously sexy. Any woman that tells you otherwise has obviously not had one themselves. And a woman that has not had a moustache themselves is really not a woman because they could be a man. I am so theological sometimes.
Sparks - Moustache (from The Ultimate Collection) [BUY]

When I was 12, I developed wings. So I flew up to the sky to see the heavens. I ran out of oxygen. I passed out and fell into a chicken farm. Doctor said I have brain damage. End of story.
Sunset Rubdown - Winged/Wicked Things (from Random Spirit Lover) [BUY]

I love my horns because they keep me horny.
Wonderlick - Devil Horns (from Wonderlick) [BUY]

A tail is like jewelery for a big bum. You can't have a big bum and not have a big tail to go with it. It's like having sex without the sex, chicken without the chicken, Angelina Jolie without Angelina Jolie ... etc
New Bomb Turks - Tail Crush (from Pissing Out the Poison) [BUY]

Yeah anyways those are your essential kick ass body parts. Every one of them is crucial in ensuring that I maintain my slick, Katana-blade swinging facade. What, you don't have some of these body parts? Dude, what the hell? I pity you man. And as a gesture of my pity, I have inserted a picture of myself in full glory. Don't get floored. Or if you do, get one of them cushions pronto cause here it comes ...

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