Some country called England thrashed another country called Croatia for a score of 5-1 recently and they are talking smack about them winning some thing called the World Cup. Everyone knows that's pork trotters compared the amount of thrashing I do, which is everyday. In fact, I am thrashing now ...
... Yes dear, yeah, talking to my imaginary friend again. No way, she does not have bigger boobs than you. Nope. Yeah, I've put out the thrash. I'm good at it aren't I? You're so sweet.
Freshly backed scones
Yes, none of that fusion food mumbo-jumbo. Let's be all stuffy and English and we'll win that darn thing. A little jam please and that cute waiter behind the counter, or you'll get stabbed.
Arctic Monkeys - The Bakery (from Fluorescent Adolescent single)
A 'hairdryer' from their mothers
Look at David Beckham. He probably wets his pants at the sight of his mother. A colossal nag from her and he could well climb Everest in an hour. Oh wait, yeah that's right, he wets his pants when he sees more than three packs of Lays chips at the 7-11. Bad example.
Art Brut - Nag Nag Nag Nag (from It's Complicated)
The linesman drops dead
No more offsides. Imagine what a game football would be. Like basketball, only more err ... English? Ha ha ha. Just kidding I know, football isn't just played by the English. It's Brazil too right? I knew that.
Bloc Party The Marshals are Dead (from She's Hearing Voices single)
Kill the linesman
Watch him light up in flames instead. A lot like the previous entry except with more smoke. Yes, like a barbecue. Bugger, you had me at 'barb'.
Earlimart - Cigarettes and Kerosene (from Hymn and Her)
The entire world decided to suck
England vs Andorra in the finals. Rooney scores 7 and they win 11-0. Italy, Germany, Brazil, Argentina, Netherlands, Spain, France and Portugal all did not make it. Why? Cause they got scared off by the sight of Rooney's wife.
The Clientele - Somebody Changed (from God Save the Clientele)
Keep focus and don't stare at anything.
Yes Rio, the game is football. Yeah you know, your foot to the ball, that's right. I know, I know, there are a lot of busty chicks around. We'll get you one later but for now, yes kick, yes kick, that's a good boy. Yes, you may kick harder. No, not at your mother.
The Hazey Janes - Don't Look Away (from Hotel Radio)