Unbeknownst to you, Zhang Ziyi has not been enjoying her conjugal rights with me of late. I know, I know, a man should be a man and perform his duties obediently, but it's hard to sincerely enjoy a woman, even a beautiful one, when all I can think of is Taiwanese XXL deep fried chicken. That and finding the cure for elephantitis. Oh, and Fernando Torres' thighs.
Look, Ziyi, I think I can't hack it tonight, baby. Tell you what, why don't you go pull that chicken out of the fryer, you know how I hate it when it gets too brown. Yeah, please go now. Ziyi, honey, go. Please. You're blocking the Champions League highlights.
Arctic Monkeys - Pretty Visitors (from Humbug)
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