Friday, December 31, 2010

Best of 2010: The Geek's Top 8 albums if they were Ultramen

While the rest of my kin were busy checking girls out, I was busy checking guys out in sille spacemen spandex. I know, I know how it look but hey, delayed gratification has its wonders. Namely how I just got married to January while I heard one of my old friends just got engaged to a female griphon. Not that I have a problem being a bitch to a griphon mind you, cause after all, they are pretty awesome but them claws do get to you after awhile.

1. Ultraman Zero

Bruce Springsteen - The Promise
Zero is top because he's is the baddest Ultra this side of the solar system. Why? Because he got his name from wearing one of Billy Corgan's shirts. The legend has it that Zero beat Corgan in a 'who is balder' contest. If that's not baldass I don't know what is. Eh, I mean badass.

Bruce Springsteen - Racing in the Street (from The Promise)

2. Ultraman Leo

The Arcade Fire - Suburbs
And coming in not too far away in the badass department is the man who trained Zero. And seriously, the only reason why Leo is not number 1 is because Zero has more colors on him, and more is always ... better. Yes. Like how more pork fat is better than ... yep, less pork fat.

The Arcade Fire - Half Light I (from Suburbs)

3. Ultraman Tiga

Magic Kids - Memphis
You know why 'Tiga' comes in at number 3? Do you seriously want to know why? Like isn't it obvious? Yeah, that's right, cause he's the only Ultraman with purple on him. Oh, that's not what you thought. Oh ... cause 'Tiga' is Bahasa for the number 3? What a nonsensical idea

Magic Kids - Superball (from Memphis)

4. Ultra Seven

The Drums - The Drums
Hah, I bet you thought that given my extremely powerful humor, that I would place Ultra Seven at the seventh spot, but you are wrong. I have placed him at the fourth. You want to know why? Because 4 + 3 = 7. And as my dad always said, it's the journey that counts more than the destination.

The Drums - Book of Stories (from The Drums)

5. Ultraman Dyna

The Radio Dept - Clinging to a Scheme
Ultraman Dyna surely has had to endure a lot of shit in his life. How can I know for sure? Cause he's got a chick's name. And back where the monsters are, they don't treat chick Ultragirls with much respect. Hmm ... yeah no respect.

The Radio Dept - David (from Clinging to a Scheme)

6. Ultraman Belial

Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Only one person deserves spot number 6 and that's the 'devil' Ultraman himself, Belial. How can you tell Belial is evil by just looking at him? I can't honestly. Other than the fact that he walks with a hunch, which I presume is as a result of him having a bad father that never corrected his posture. And we all know all good villains have fathers who never corrected their posture.

Kanye West - Runaway (from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy)

7. Ultraman

The National - High Violet
The original dude, the one who started the red spandex craze. One has to pay him plenty of respect, even though his eyes look like eggs, and I feel like poaching them. Or sunny side up? Or ammunition in an egg fight. Sorry what was this post about again?

The National - Sorrow (from High Violet)

8. Ultraman Taro

Beach House - Teen Dream
Beach House music = horny. Ultraman Taro = horny. Peace

Beach House - Zebra (from Teen Dream)
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