Arctic MonkeysBigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts (from I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor single)
(Domino Records)
Dear Pirates,
I am 16 and still in school. I met A in art class and we immediately fell in love. We would do our homework together and spend many afternoons laughing. But recently, she met B and I've lost my sweetheart. B is tall, muscular, good-looking and he plays basketball for the national under 18s. I want to kill myself because I just can't fight with B. I can't even reach his head cos he's that huge. Please tell me why I should still live.
Specky
Dear Specky,
Why should you live? Life has obviously dealt you a cruel blow and there comes a time in every teenage boy's life when he realises that some guys are just bigger and better than him. Guys like me, for instance. When I was your age, I stole many girls from losers too. I remember this girl called Helena, oh boy was she hot. We used to make out in the girls toilet. Oh yeah. And she had these nice lips. Best I'd ever kissed, and I was already 14 by then. She was dating a chess player when we met. He was a nerd. Perhaps just like you, Specky. But I! I was athletic. Charming. So debonair, Specky. So confident. So... what's that word... triumphant! Yeah! That's what I am. A triumphant man. Yeah... it's so nice to be a beautiful man.
Pirate
Arctic Monkeys - Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts
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