Baybeats 2007: Saturday - Observation Deck - Reza Salleh and Warren Chan

One day, Romeo and Teddy Bear die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, St Peter tells them, "Only one of you can go in. To enter heaven, you have to play me a 30-minute set as a singer-songwriter".

Without delay, Romeo whips out an acoustic guitar and starts plucking. He sways his hips from side-to-side, stares longingly into St Peter's eyes and starts singing a whole bunch of vaginally-lubricating numbers. When he finishes, the crowd that has gathered around the Pearly Gates rip into applause and cheer.

Then St Peter turns to Teddy Bear and says, "It's your turn, Teddy".

So Teddy Bear, defying the rules of singer-songwriterism, pulls out a giant red Ibanez Artcore, plugs it into the nearest amp and starts singing like a nervous child, his awkward eyes evading every stare. In between songs, he tells everyone that his playing is bad because he's scared. When he finishes, the crowd clap respectfully.

St Peter looks at the both of them and immediately says "Teddy Bear, welcome to heaven." And so the Pearly Gates open and Teddy Bear walks in happily.

Then Romeo, jaw dropping, asks St Peter, "How come I didn't get into heaven? My plucking was technically challenging, my stage presence was alluring, my diction has improved by leaps and bounds and I connected with the crowd! They loved me!"

To which St Peter said...

(errr... what's the punchline oredi ah? shit. i forgot the punchline)

Ratings:
Reza Salleh - 5.4
Warren Chan - 7.9

Reza Salleh - A Relic Is What I Live In (from Voices From Next Door compilation)
Warren Chan - Dear Derelict (from Ferns' On Botany)