Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Word for the week: Elect


Everyone's doing it. Or doing battle after it. And for totally good reason too; like, have you seen the buffet spreads at those candidate victory parties? Like hell I'd wanna miss out!

The Replacements - Election Day (from All For Nothing/Nothing For All)
Location: Manchester, England
Candidates: Napoleon, Nelson Mandela and David Palmer from 24.
Result: No winner. Finnegan's was offering bottomless beers and bargirls at 16 quid flat rate the night before. Priorities, people.

The Elected - Did Me Good (from Sun, Sun, Sun)
Location: Wisconson, USA
Candidates: Conor Oberst's grandson versus the neighbourhood barber.
Result: The grandson, whose drunken tales of depression cajole the barber into strangling himself with a guitar string.

Cold War Kids - Electioneering (from Stereogum Presents... OKX: A Tribute To OK Computer)
Location: Edmonton, Canada
Candidates: The grizzly bear versus the elk.
Result: The elk by 2 votes to 1. The rest of the town's 670,000 eligible voters throw themselves into the boundless chasm between them and the ballot box.

Eskimo Joe - Election (from Girl)
Location: Bratislava, Slovakia
Candidates: Liam Gallagher, Noel Gallagher.
Result: Nullified votes, because during primary caucuses both end up duking it out for the rights to keep Patsy Kensit's bra strap. Oh wait; turns out they were just duking it out for the heck of it.

Alice Cooper - Elected (from Billion Dollar Babies)
Location: Bombay, India
Candidates: Johnny Rotten, Bozo the clown, 436 taxi drivers and a cow.
Result: The cow, thanks to a strong final push by the United Brutalised Bovines of Bombay.

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