Look what I found in the bargain bin

Dappled Cities Fly
A Smile
(Smash Music)

Price: AU$7.50

I'm not a bitter man. No, really. I've forgiven the boy who broke my Snake Eyes action figure, and the girl who dropped my ice cream, and the hippopotamus who laughed when I tried to do ballet and instead peed in my pants. Yes, I'm a complete, whole adult male.

That is, until two months ago. Now, one person will never be forgiven. He or she is destined to face the wrath of my sharpened-12-times-a-day katana. He or she had better not be driving on the same road as my heat-seeking missile-armed tractor.

Who is this person? The dude who handled the timetable for Big Day Out, and found it no biggie to schedule Dappled Cities Fly on a small stage at the same time as Silverchair, who hogged the main platform, thus forcing me to watch the doinkface that is Daniel Johns in order to retain my prime spot for Bjork and Rage Against The Machine later that evening.

So... dude, you like strawberries? Eat them while you can, you dork. You're lucky I'm a better bargain hunter than I am a human tracker.

Dappled Cities Fly - Blame It On The Boys (from A Smile)

Word for the Week: Tragic

Because...

Corinne Bailey Rae's husband passed away from a drug overdose. Ain't too much to say about that except... sigh.

No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom (from Tragic Kingdom)
Someone has my copy of this. He is going to pay with his tes... oh fine, no murder talk today.

Les Savy Fav - Tragic Monsters (from Go Forth)
This razorblade suitcase could carve up a polar bear, but remains enraptured with Tim Harrington's wrists.

Tragicomedy - Never Lonely (from Songs That Won't Sell)
Malaysian pop rocker's knack for the hook makes us wonder why we didn't defy the pessimism of his debut's title.

Operator, Please - Crash Tragic (from Cement Cement EP)
Gold Coast pube punkers find time to shush, swear, squeal and snuggle, all in two minutes. No wonder I love my shy nephew so much.

Sondre Lerche - Tragic Mirror (from Phantom Punch)
This Norse narrative about the unexamined man gets all the sweet, sparse treatment it deserves.

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Coldplay
Parachutes
(Nettwerk)

Price: S$10.00

I have been meaning to own this for awhile.

Not that I am bragging or anything but yeah, pretty much whatever I plan to own, I end up owning. Like the other day, I planned to own this seriously hot chick at the mall. So I just went over to her, cuffed her hands and dragged her along to my car.

And sure, I was manhandled by some rude cops who claimed I was 'kidnapping'. How the heck can you kidnap something that's already yours? I was baffled. They sure don't make cops like they used to.

Coldplay - Trouble (from Parachutes)

B-Side of the Week - Carry On Up The Morning

Babyshambles
Carry On Up The Morning (from the You Talk single)
(Regal Records/Parlophone/EMI)

When I was a wee toddler of two, I entered a candy store and left with about 100 pounds of candy tucked inside my pants. Yeah, I was a big kid. And you know what they say about kids with big hands?

They wear big gloves.

I sold half of all that candy and made me enough money to pay my way out of toilet training school. Till today, I have no idea how to shit in a loo, but I sure know how to make money from stealing candy. And you know what they say about kids who steal candy?

They must have big hands. And you know what they say about kids with big hands.

And so my business grew and grew. And so did my girth. I'm so big today that nobody allows me into their stores anymore. In fact, nobody allows me into their towns anymore. They say I clog up the streets. Must be related to how I prematurely left toilet training school. And you know what they say about adults that shit about everywhere, don't you? You do know, don't you?

Yeah. They say nothing about them. They just don't like to talk about that kinda stuff.

Babyshambles - Carry On Up The Morning

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Ron Sexsmith - Imaginary Friends

Imaginary friends
They will always let you down
And when all the good times end
You won't be seeing them around

For they run where the action is
And they'll cross you off their list
Do you comprehend now
To imaginary friends You don't exist
No

They'll ask you where you've been
But never wait for your reply
They'll meet you when your ship comes in
But never meet you eye to eye

As all the friends who've been real and true
Wonder who you're talkin' to
One thing you can depend on Imaginary friends
They can't see you
No

You can paint them a beautiful picture
But they won't understand
You can count all your friends on the fingers
Of one scalded hand

Imaginary friends
They will always leave you hanging ...
And you won't see them again

For they've gone where the action is
And they've crossed you off their list
Do you comprehend now
Imaginary friends
They don't exist
No
Imaginary friends
They don't exist
No no no

I used to have an imaginary friend too. His name was Kundu. Kundu had beautiful smooth yellow skin and a coney head. My dad and mom tried to convince me that it was just a banana. But I refused to believe it. Cause Kundu taught me many things about life, including how to pull chicks and cheat at video games. Then about a month later, Kundu turned all black and mom proceeded to chuck him into a bin. I still wake up some nights screaming Kundu's name.

Ron Sexsmith - Imaginary Friends (from Retriever)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

The Elected
Me First
(Sub Pop)

Price: AU$5.00

You know how people have that "Everytime I walk into a shop I must buy something" syndrome? I don't have that. Heck, the only reason I bought this album was because of the pig on the cover. The porker was even embossed. It had me at "oink".

But I digress. As I was saying, I don't suffer from that syndrome. Indeed, I'm quite immune to most of life's crippling syndromes. I have no subconscious desire to reorganise my t-shirts in order of tone, or an uncontrollable urge to walk in between the lines of floor tiles, or an unexplained predilection towards animals with furry ears.

My family doctor begs to differ though. He says I have a tendency to crash my 18-wheeler into grandpas who eat lollipops while scratching their nipples. But they haven't found a term for that, so it doesn't count, I told doc. Then he pulled out a Chupa Chup and lifted his hands to his chest. His kneecaps have been lodged in my bumper for three weeks now. Still don't know what he was talking about.

The Elected - Don't Blow It (from Me First)

This Week's Track 9 - Hey Miss Cane by Devendra Banhart

The lubricant fell. One panther caught on tape is not appalling. But two can make the sky rain lime. And so the detective haunts the empty sugarcane streets. He stops by the bell. It rings. It rings for liberty and gondolas. Three roads down, a piano has fallen from the balcony. It lands on the policeman, who gets up and says a word that sounds like "Burundi", but isn't. The acorns roll down the hill. They roll like wolves in cylinder dahlias. Everyone cries. Some in joy. Some in cardboard boxes. Before them all lies the royal guard. Standing in single file, they hold aloft the wooly kitten.

Devendra Banhart - Hey Miss Cane (track 9 from Oh Me Oh My... The Way the Day Goes By The Sun Is Setting Dogs Are Dreaming Lovesongs of the Christmas Spirit)

New Release: Fever Marlene - White China

With the resurrected body of Jeff Buckley and John Lennon in tow with Michael Stipe, Thom Yorke, Bono and members from Arcade Fire, The Smiths and The Stone Roses, the bearded duo called Fever Marlene decided that the time is now right for their publicist to make that all important statement.

"They are better than The Beatles."

Hey wait a minute, isn't John also in the band now? "Yeah, even he agrees that this band is better than THAT band."

Oh, right.

Track list:

1) White China
2) Oh Berlin
3) Won't Let You Down
4) Lemon King Mahoney
5) Untitled (Chelsea)
6) How Do You Love
7) Don't Know Why I Worry So
8) My Heart (It's Harder Than a Stone)
9) Belladonna
10) Check for Pulse

Fad of the Land: Voice of McDonald's II

So you work in a company where 1.6 million other people do the same thing you do. How the heck you gonna stand out? Why, sing, by golly!

Therein lies the premise of Voice of McDonald’s II. Open to all Maccers restaurant staff, something like 3,600 people from 53 countries signed up for this in-house contest. The top 14 have been picked, and now its up to we the customers to choose the three best, who will then go to Orlando to compete for a US$25,000 first prize.

So who's the worthy winner? The German dude. Why, cos he sings awesome? Heck no. He's the champ because hands down, he's got the trippiest video. Basically, he walks around a bar with a gecko on his shoulder and a drunk caribou on the floor that chomps on an empty glass. His closest competitor would be the Russian gal, who sounds like she swallowed the German dude's gecko. They've both got serious talent. So ladies and gents, vote. May we always endeavour to make sure that our double cheeseburgers come courtesy of the world's most bored weirdos.

Link: www.mcdonalds.com/usa/voice.html

Amadou and Mariam (featuring Manu Chao) - Senegal Fast Food (from Dimanche à Bamako) [BUY]

Word for the Week: Sin

Because...

It's Easter. Easter Schmeaster? Well, Schmeaster feaster, you beaster!

Gomez - These 3 Sins (from Split The Difference)
"We don't want to harm you," insists Ian Ball. With a gooey shuffle like this? Even my cicada need not fear.

Grande - Rhythms of Sin (from Uppers, Downers, Screamers & Howlers)
Kjetil Grande teleports Yuma to Oslo. Dang those Norwegians are clever.

Small Sins - Bullet (from Mood Swings)
A slick swap from D'Arcy's usual electropop leads to this delicate doomsday ditty.

Robot Ate Me - Sin Like Holy Men (from Good World)
Awww shucks, is that you, Envy, huddling in the corner? C'mere and suck my finger.

Iggy Pop - Some Weird Sin (from Lust for Life)
Gramps needs a vice as his licence to chill. He also needs implants.

Gig-gles: Broken Social Scene Live at Mosaic Music Festival, Singapore - 9 March 2008

Photo courtesy of Esplanade, Singapore

Watching Broken Social Scene is like going on a blind date.

It's all about hoping for the best cause you never know what you are going to get. You get yourself ready by bathing in perfume and squeezing yourself into your Saturday night's best. You clean your car of the empty Livita bottles and 2-year old chicken bones. You drive out early and park at the street next to hers waiting, preparing and generally just making sure you don't shit in your pants.

Then as you clutch tightly onto your bouquet of flowers, buzz her door bell and she opens the door, you find that the 'she' you've been expecting is really a 'he'. And not only is he a 'he', he also happens to have a beard. And not just any beard, but a Biblical beard. Yeah the type that gets tangled up with your pubes. And he stinks of cheap beer and starts cussing about your mom, dad, aunt and cousin's boyfriend's sister's best friend's pet platypus. And just as you are about to cry your eyes out for being such a loser, he says 'Gojira'.

And suddenly, dating a bearded man doesn't sound so bad after all.

Broken Social Scene - Looks Just Like the Sun (from You Forgot it in People)

Gig-gles: Mum Live at Mosaic Music Festival, Singapore - 13 March 2008

Photo courtesy of Esplanade, Singapore

When I was 10, my auntie brought me to a Disney on Ice performance. I was so chuffed, I wore my Bambi costume to the show, complete with the furry white tail. But as the night progressed I discovered, to my horror, that they weren't going to reenact a single scene from that cartoon that transformed my entire perspective of animalfolk. My auntie kept trying to explain to me that Bambi wasn't a musical, that all the other Disney cartoons were just as good, that Simba is really a shorter, chubbier species of deer—no can do. That night, I went home, set fire to my costume, and vowed never to let any performer cheat me the way those Disney scoundrels did.

So, midway through Múm's gig last Thursday evening, my silent enjoyment of their quaint set was interrupted with a sudden, uncontrollable surge of vengeance. As the Icelandic bunch chirped and chortled, buoyed by some fully sick drumming, I felt possessed. At that point, an inner 10-year-old squeaked: Where were the goodies from Finally We Are No One??? Where is 'Green Grass of Tunnel'? 'Now There's That Fear Again', hello? 'We Have A Map Of The Piano', at least? Where, where, where!!!!

As the lights came on, I found my hand reaching for the Beretta that I never knew I had in my socks, and my feet dragged me towards the autograph line. At this stage, all 180 of those shrink sessions were proving futile, as the once-suppressed Bambiphile took over, fully prepared to unload pre-pubescent fury upon those who had endeavoured to rob him blind. Never again, the inner brat chanted. Do it for Bambi. Do it for B...

And then out they came. Hildur Guðnadóttir and Sigurlaug Gisladottir. The Múm gals.

Sigh. Disney rocks.

Set list:

1. Winter (What We Never Were After All)
2. Moon Pulls
3. Hestur (I was Her Horse)
4. Oh, How the Boat Drifts
5. Marmalade Fires
6. Guilty Rocks
7. Blessed Brambles
8. I'm 9 Today
9. A Little Bit, Sometimes
10. Koztryn
11. These Berries Are Eyes
12. Dancing Behind My Eyelids
13. They Made Frogs Smoke 'Til They Exploded

Encore
14. The Ghosts You Draw On My Back
15. Smell Memory

Múm - The Ghosts You Draw On My Back (from Summer Make Good)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Oasis
Don't Believe the Truth
(Sony)

Price: RM9.90

I was waiting for my trust fund agent. He was late. It was raining. And there was a KFC at the corner of my eye.

I put away my Katana blade and turned up the stereo. 20-minutes later, I was restless, so I walked down and headed into the nearest mall. I walked into the first interesting I see, which was the KFC. Nah, nothing there but fried chicken. Yeah, I know, it's pretty intuitive of me. I try my best. So I headed into the next interesting thing, which was a cute little gift shop with pinky things hanging about. What, don't you know? Pink is the new color of war. I found nothing there as well. So I dropped a grenade in there and blew it up. I was taught once about 'leaving no survivors'. I believe it was a General called Nintendo that taught me. I have based my life on that ethos ever since. I have blown up every eatery I have eaten in as well. It's a discipline. Though I am starting to wonder why the quality of food in Malaysia is deteriorating in general. Must be them aliens.

After the dust settled, I headed into the only music shop in the mall and found this. After buying the CD I blew up the shop as well.

Oasis - Let There Be Love (from Don't Believe the Truth)

This Week's Track 9 - Restless Sinner by BRMC

In my younger days, I used to be a cowboy of some repute. Yeah, those were good days. Killing innocent people, robbing banks, drinking whiskey, cheating at cards, impregnating farm girls, conning strangers, smuggling cattle, embezzling gold, extorting sheriffs, looting bars, beating up foreigners, hijacking travelers, threatening the clergy, lying to the press, burying the undertaker alive, maiming the mayor, driving out traders, destroying horse carts, massacring horses, burning up the fire station and shooting down the entire town hall with a round of 9 shots. But still, none of those sick joys come close to the pure ecstasy, the unadulterated rush of my secret, most defiling obsession.

Eating fried chicken.

Yeah, those birds really give me the chills.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Restless Sinner (track 9 from Howl)

Gig-gles: Raul Midon Live at Mosaic Music Festival, Singapore - 11 March 2008

Photo courtesy of Esplanade, Singapore

The crowd stood up. A couple of old ladies were dabbing their teary eyes with Scottex. The dude in front of me clapped harder than an final-year nanotechnology exam. Amidst the whoops and hurrahs and mummy-I-want-guitar-lessons-now, one man next to me gushed, "My goodness! I have never seen anything like that!". To which his gig buddy replied, "Yeah, he's pretty impressive aye?". And to which first dude said, "Impressive? He was pheNOMenal!"

Yeah, he pretty much was.

Set list:

1. Pick Sombody Up
2. All Because of You
3. All the Answers
4. Ain't Happened Yet
5. Suddenly
6. Sunshine
7. Why
8. Song for Sandra
9. Caminando
10. If You're Gonna Leave
11. Temberarana
12. Sittin' in the Middle
13. Expression of Love
14. State of Mind

Encore
15. Waited All My Life

Raul Midon - Song For Sandra (from A World Within A World)

New Release: B-Quartet - Tomorrow is Our Permanent Address

Naming albums after famous quotes by literary legends has gotta be the most novel thing ever. Ever. B-Quartet have clearly found the most succinct of quotes—a quotable by E.E. Cummings—to match the Thom-inflected tunes that populate their sophomore album, which is seriously gorgeous in every shape, size and sentiment. Singapore, inflate thy chest with pride.

Therefore, having been freshly inspired, my sensational new band Oscar the Boxcar have decided to go that direction for our 219th album. Previous titles have included Shred Till You're Dead and King Kong loves Ping Pong, but we thought that it was important to dumb down the immense originality to appeal to our fanatical fanclub of tapirs (they aren't very educated, the poor chaps). Hence, the new album title will be:

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Long Words Bother me

Thanks, Winnie. Stuff like that still makes me all teary.

Track list:

1. When Mathematics Fail
2. Shoebox
3. Personal Space [update 3/4/08: link changed]
4. Disp rs
5. Alphanumeric
6. Not An Inkblot
7. Stupid Luxury
8. Boutique
9. Kleptomania
10. Beautiful Crash

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Suede
Coming Up (with Bonus Live EP)
(Sony)

Price: S$6.95

I am always in the habit of upgrading the things I like.

Like this album for example. The cassette version has been sitting in my car for a good part of 2 years now. But it's not just albums. I traded in my car the other day too, for a tractor. Yeah, yeah I know it doesn't move as fast, but it's you know, bigger. And bigger is most definitely always better. Plus it has that claw thing at the back which I could use to you know, terrorize people.

Sigh, isn't life good?

Suede - The Chemistry Between Us (from Coming Up (with Bonus Live EP))

Stereophonics live in Singapore: 28th April

Wow, everyone and their aunt Helda is going to Singapore these days huh?

But Singapore better watch out with this one. Why? Cause Kelly Jones has a large mouth. Yeah that was the first thing I noticed. Sultry good looks? Nah. Throaty drawl? Not a chance. Now that mouth, that's a sure attention grabber. Here's a pic of that sucker in action.

Better hide your Honda City if you have one. I heard he swallows them whole for sport.

Ticked Prices:

SG$85 (Early Bird)
SG$95 (1st - 27th April)
SG$105 (28th April and at the door)

Tickets will be on sale soon at all Sistic outlets

For more info at the moment, visit here.

Stereophonics - Just Looking (from Performance and Cocktails)

Soapbox: Killing

Today's Soapbox was sort of brought to you by Word For The Week.

Miguel looks out the window. Suzanne stands behind him, talking. Miguel talks to her, but out of the window.

MIGUEL
I did not mean it.

SUZANNE
Don't say that! You stabbed mother six times in her neck!

MIGUEL I was confused, Suzanne! I need some space to think!

Bad Cash Quartet - Searching Is Killing Me (from Midnight Prayer) The door opens.

ROAST DUCK
Miguel! Que pagará por lo que ha hecho!

MIGUEL
Pato Asado! No puede ser que usted realmente!

Roast Duck whips out a gun and fires at Miguel. Suzanne leaps into the path of the bullet, killing her.

Aimee Mann - You Could Make A Killing (from I'm With Stupid)

Haaahahahah!!! Dog laughs. Cat beams in pride. “This is really good shit”, Dog says.
“So, this gets the go ahead?”, Cat asks.
“Does it?” Dog bellows. “It’ll be on air before next week.”

In a house across town, a mysterious intruder wipes the blood off Palm Tree’s katana sword. Another deadpan badger joke has been told.

Skip James - Hardtime Killing Floor Blues

Soapbox: Suzanne & Miguel

Today's Soapbox was brought to you by B-Side of the Week.

Weezer
Suzanne (from the Undone - The Sweater Song single)
(DGC)

Suzanne storms into the room where Miguel is lying half-naked and 2% asleep.

SUZANNE
How can I believe that you love me if you keep sleeping with my mother?

MIGUEL
Baby, I swear, it was nothing.

SUZANNE
How could you say that!

Suzanne falls into Miguel’s strong arms and weeps.

Right then, the producer snatches the page from the writer and reads the lines aloud. “Baby, I swear it was nothing?”, he exclaims. He immediately transforms into Starscream and breaks the writer’s neck. Autobots appear. And a big war ensues, blah blah blah.

Intergalactic wars are boring. Gimme afternoon tv incest. Any day.

Weezer - Suzanne

Next on Soapbox - A character returns... but who?

Soapbox: The Execution Of All Things

After a few days, Dog died of dissentry. After a few more days, Mickey Mouse died of AIDS. Rambo was never found, so Cat killed himself eventhough his companions meant nothing to him.

And there was no one left.

And so, emerge three new characters. Pigeon – a handsome bird with deadpan humour. Palm Tree – a sultry temptress with a weakness for Japanese weapons. And Sunkist – the motorcycle rebel. But guess what? Nobody liked them. So they killed them all off as well.

Rilo Kiley – The Execution Of All Things

Next on Soapbox: A latino sleeps with an older woman

Soapbox - The Tidal Wave

Today’s Soapbox was brought to you by This Week’s Track 9.

The next day, Dog, Mickey Mouse and Rambo decided that they should, after all, cross the black river. They wanted to run free in the meadows beyond. Cat eventually agreed when Dog paid him in cold cash.

And so they set out, and as they were bobbing on the choppy waters, they were hit by a tidal wave. All the creatures were sent into the water. Dog’s paternal instinct kicked in and he swam towards Mickey Mouse and brought him to the shore. Cat clung to the raft with his retractable claws but screamed in horror all the way to the other side. And Rambo? Rambo drifted away.
The moral of the story, of course, is that you should never laugh at badgers.

Postmarks – You Drift Away (track 9 from The Postmarks)

Next on Soapbox: Death on the other side.

Soapbox - The Black River

One day, Dog, Cat, Mickey Mouse, Roast Duck and Rambo were walking along a dark and murky river. Dog suggested that they cross the river, so that they could run freely in the meadows beyond. But Cat said he couldn't do it and refused to budge, insisting that life was better anyway on their side of the river.

Mickey Mouse said he would try his best, and in a melodramatic turn atypical of a Disney character, he proceeded to give a moving speech exhorting the other creatures to risk their lives for the promise of something greater. Roast Duck was undecided, but took it upon himself to test, among other things, the speed of the rushing torrent, the depth of the river, the salinity of the water and the potential risks of aquatic natural predators.

After two days, he produced a giant report outlining all the pros and cons of travelling, but he forgot to state his preference.

So Rambo ate him up. Cos he was hungry. I mean, tell me you wouldn't have done that?

Paul Weller & Graham Coxon - Black River

Next on Soapbox - The party cross the river to great peril.

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Pearl Jam - Nothingman

Once divided
Nothing left to subtract
Some words when spoken
Can't be taken back
Walks on his own
With thoughts he can't help thinking
Future's above
But in the past he's slow and sinking
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'
Cursed the day he let it go

Nothingman ...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman ...

She once believed in every story he had to tell
One day she stiffened, took the other side
Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell
One just escapes, one's left inside the well
And he who forgets will be destined to remember

Nothingman ...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman ...

Oh, she don't want him
Oh, she won't feed him after he's flown away
Oh, into the sun, ah, into the sun
Burn ... burn

Nothingman ...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman ...
Nothingman ...
Could've been something
Nothingman ...

Nopes, looks like Vedder hasn't quite lightened up yet. Let's have a joke to keep things loftier then.

Nothingman met Somethingman one day and said, 'Dude, you're like so full of it.'

Full of it, you know as in something? Get it? Get it? Man I am good. If you did not laugh or get this then my friend, I am sorry to announce that, below not being as awesome as me or Jackie Chan, you have no sense of humor. Go practice a few spinning back kicks and come back and see me.

Pearl Jam - Nothingman (from Vitalogy)

Word for the Week: Geek

Because...

The Geek's birthday is coming up. I know what you're thinking: what sort of birthday cake does a pirate like? Well, we're alternating between Leviathan Chiffon and the Tangerine Trench of Troy. But we might just scrap the whole idea and get Snow White to pop out of a rack of lamb. We're sensitive like that.

(PS. Yes, the darned beast really chomped off his head. It's a constant miracle how we can still communicate.)

Smashing Pumpkins - Geek U.S.A. (from Siamese Dream)
Once upon a time, Billy wrote the soundtrack to cybersex. Only Snow White caught on.

Jason Mraz - Geek in the Pink (from Mr A-Z)
Mr Tristan Prettyman's verbosity is certainly divisive, but at the very least, Scott Storch's shimmering beat surely unites.

Bettie Serveert - Geek (from Dust Bunnies)
Ikea should start making a range of Carol van Dyk bookshelves. Even my anaconda would buy.

Melvins - Dr. Geek (from Hostile Ambient Takeover)
Do all metalheads pronounce it as "Jeek"?

B-Side Of The Week - King Rat

Modest Mouse
King Rat (from the Dashboard single)
(Epic Records)

Sometimes, promises just don't come good. And potential is never realised. Like that time, when my kindergarten teacher told me that I would become a great educator one day. I ended up leading some lousy inter battle to push back the invading forces of Plutonian bug-eyed stork aliens.

And when I was growing up, my dad told me that he believed that one day, I would grow into a steadfast and honourable man. But I ended up spending seven years as a no-good civil rights advocate in Burundi, battling on ground zero among the downtrodden.

It hurts when you don't live up to your potential.

So when I learned that Modest Mouse's King Rat was originally the first of two tracks in a pre-We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank promo disc, and eventhough it missed the album cut, it was slated for a swanky EP release complete with a music video featuring Heath Ledger, who then had to die and potentially send the project into the refrigerator, and all it is today is a stinking b-side, I remember all those things that people told me...

Like that time my fairy godmother said that I will grow up brave and strong. Damn woman jinxed me. Now, I'm just a lowly slayer of six-headed demon frogs with four tiers of shark fangs. I hate it when those buggers retreat into water. Bloody cowards.

Modest Mouse - King Rat

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Jeff Buckley
Sketches (for My Sweetheart the Drunk)
Columbia

Price: AUD$10.00

Many things are about being appropriate. The man deserved an appropriate death and he got one. Old age and some grandsons wouldn't have been his thing.

Take me for example, I often thought it was absolutely appropriate that I talk about the wonderful entertainment value of Ultraman to my grandmother. She often stared at me blankly, like I was talking through my armpits but hey, I know deep down inside, she knew the heartbeat of her grandson. Or how I think it is absolutely appropriate that I strip down naked in the middle of town when it's a hot day. I mean, how else are you going to get some relieve? Buy a drink you say? That's for pansies. Or how I think it is absolutely appropriate for me to carry a Katana blade to a wedding party. I mean, what is a celebration without some sword fighting anyways? And plus, what if someone tries to come steal the bride on a horse, who the heck is going to behead the horseman? What did you say? I am stuck in the past? What past, isn't this being retro? You know, horses and blades? Retro right?

Jeff Buckley - Nightmares By the Sea (from Sketches (for My Sweetheart the Drunk)

New Release: The Sapiens - Vs. The Hornet

Any band that spreads their bread with a retro chunk of post-punk has no choice but to be stylish. And that's precisely what The Sapiens are. Major vogue action bursts forth from those razor black suits, right through the surge of 70s synthwork, and straight into the repressed consciousness where your closet Travolta resides. Even the Chicago Sun-Times has hailed them as "quite possibly the most stylish band in town right now."

All that makes me sad. Why can't my city call me "stylish" too? I mean, I also wear suits. Everywhere. To the park, the zoo, the the butterfly farm, the cherry orchard. So why can't I at least win my neighbourhood's fancy dress title, huh?

Oh, what's that? You're saying The Sapiens don't wear those kinda suits? Oh, you mean they were those kinda suits? As in, the whole shirt-coat-pants-shoes shindig? No wonder! I always thought my flippers and oxygen tank didn't quite have the versatility to fit any occasion. Darn it; shoulda asked grandma for clarification.

Track list:

1. Push Me
2. Void
3. Every Corner
4. Cry
5. Desperate Measures
6. Waitress, Waitress

This Week's Track 9 - Blue Would Still Be Blue by The Guillemots

Guillemots are from Scotland.

They sleep with each other, shoulder-to-shoulder. I'm not kidding. Chicks jump from ledges around them. And they love the whole discordant noise thing.

Did you also know that they all have black hair? Yeah, they do. And most of them get really pissed off over issues like pollution and oil spills.

They are also all good divers. Bet you didn't know that huh.

And watch out for them this April. Yeah. Word has it they'll be travelling till June. Apparently, when they're touring, they're quite happy to eat molluscs, marine worms and amphipods. Incredible what you can find out about your favourite species of bird these days, huh.

Oh. You thought I was talking about Guillemots the band? Oh. That'll teach you not to assume things. Presumptious twats!

The Guillemots - Blue Would Still Be Blue (from Through The Windowpane)

Let's get lyrical, lyrical: Pelle Carlberg - I Love You, You Imbecile

I love the way you talk
I love the way you stalk
me with your mobile phone
I love the way you smile
The way you're juvenile
I love the way you moan

I can live with vanity and puns
and the morning temper runs
I can live with all your downsides
I can live with ...

All I want, all I need
All I want is you
I can live with all the stupid things you do.

I love the way you dress
the way you make a mess
and that you're always late
I love the way you smell
and I can always tell
when you exaggerate

I can live with vanity and puns
and the morning temper runs
I can live with all your downsides
I can live with you...

All I want, all I need
All I want, all I need
All I want, all I need

All I want is you
I can live with all the stupid things you do.

This song is quite possibly the most beautiful and honest love song ever written. Only because it highlighted to me that all the women I ever loved in my life were imbeciles. I mean, when a song can do that, it is nothing but beautiful. Cause romance is silly and stupid. So the bigger the imbecile, the better the romance. Get it? Get it? My mom always said I had the gift of the gap.

What you mean it's gab? I thought it was all about how far you can leap across the gap between buildings? And boy can I leap.

Pelle Carlberg - I Love You, You Imbecile (from In a Nutshell)

New Release: flica - windvane & window

I am a veritable genius when it comes to interpreting album art. Like, take Euseng Seto, aka flica. The debut of this Malaysian ambient act (and one half of Muxu) contains 10 tracks, each one entitled with a lowercase letter. On the cover sits a single, dainty leaf, and the artiste name and album title, written in size 0.0234 font. The inside front cover is adorned by a bunch of credits, written in size someone-fetch-my-Hubble-space-telescope font. There is no CD sleeve.

So, channelling all that info through my impeccable inner sanctum of art history, I have concluded that:

• flica likes pandas
• there is a submarine submerged off the coast of Costa Rica that is currently throwing a party for 345 playmates, and
• my grandmother knows kung fu.
  

Seriously, stuff like that just screams out to me. Instantly. You can call me prof.

Track list:

1. f
2. g
3. h
4. i [update 6/3/08: removed on request]
5. j
6. k
7. l
8. m
9. l (Akira Kosemura remix)
10. i (Haruka Nakamura remix)

Look what I found in the bargain bin

Joseph Arthur
Come to Where I'm From
(EMI)

Price: RM10.00

Listening to this album reminds me of the time when I used to write a lot of songs.

And you might be thinking, 'how dang many is a lot anyway?' About 10 songs a day, yeah. Not saying it was easy but it was something that was always natural to me. How did the songs usually come about? Some of them started with a word. Yeah, like 'cutlet' for example. I once had a power ballad called 'Cutlet'. Then sometimes, it starts with a single pick of an open guitar string. No, no, not a chord. Yeah you just pick up the guitar and pick one of its strings. Yes, that right, easy ain't it? Where does it go from there? Oh, nowhere, that's basically the song. I am a fan of minimalism.

Joseph Arthur - In the Sun (from Come to Where I'm From)