Wednesday, February 20, 2008

This Week's Track 9 - The Crane Wife 1 & 2 by The Decemberists

I knew a guy once who, when asked what the Decemberists sound like, answered, "the sound a tortoise makes when another tortoise crawls up it's ass". "You have to help both tortoises by exciting the first and motivating the second", he said. "When the second one crawls till it's about two-thirds into the first tortoise's ass, the first tortoise will produce a deafening wail. That wail sounds exactly like Decemberists". For that, I stabbed this guy with a butter knife, right in his neck.

I also knew a guy who, when asked what the Decemberists sound like, answered, "the sound of a cow makes when a still-born calf comes out of it's ass". What the hell? He proceded to bring me to the edge of his farm, where the cows were lowing freely. We stopped by a giant bovine woman and he proceded to climb on it, squeezing its stomach till, sure enough, a still-born calf began emerging from its ass. I told him to knock it off, but he wouldn't stop. And just as the dead calf fell on the floor, the cow made a terrible sounding yelp. That, he said was what Decemberists sound like. For that, I hacked off his arms with a steel pipe.

Because there's no room for inaccuracy when it comes to describing the Decemberists. You know what Decemberists really sound like? I'll tell you. The sound a crane makes when a fish swims into its ass. What? You never heard a crane when a fish swims into it's ass? Oh boy, what a wasted life. It's beautiful. Here, listen to this.

The Decemberists - The Crane Wife 1 & 2

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