One day, I was in McDonalds buying a McChicken value meal for dinner. Then, as I walked up to the counter, I was greeted with the most gorgeous cashier that history had ever known. Her hair flowed down from the peaks of Mt Zion. Her hands caressed the till like a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Her lips puckered with more volume than a Wikipedia entry on Metroid.
And her name tag read "Pimply Assia Smith".
I looked her name tag, and before she could say, "And would you like fries with that?", I walked out the restaurant, and kept walking until I reached Uranus, where I then knelt down and begged for Galactus to eat me up. Then I went home and ordered a Hawaiian pizza.
Having a piss-bad band name is like that, y'all. And so while we're not saying that all the bands listed below suck (some do, but we're sure your uber-hip ears will differentiate), we are insisting that the suckness factor coulda been dialed down a skivy had somebody checked Thesaurus.com before replying those prom night organisers.
Qings and Kueens
Whoever said that "Qi" and "Qat" are the only two words in the world that don't need a "u" after the "Q"? Scrabblenerds worldwide, please drop these chaps a thanq you note.
Qings & Kueens - We're Gonna Rock You (from Royal Sessions EP)
Ah yes, it makes complete sense that a Christian band would be dissatisfied with frequencies. Especially the bits around that 3 kilohertz bandwidth; positively demonic.
Altered Frequency - Running Back To You (from Exalt)
Sometimes, when I too feel the need to announce that I'm throbbing with attitude, I simply put a couple of badass words together. So check this latest grouping out: hamncheese. See what I mean.
Pop Shuvit - Skaters Anthem (from Take It & Shuvit)
Oh brutal life! How heavy hath thine hand come upon me, to puncture this tender scar of mine once more! May my ditties smite thee with the smitiest of smites!
Broken Scar - Down (from Midnight In St. Kilda)
Fifi my pet dragon would like to issue an official statement that not all members of his species are as red as him. Meanwhile, I have painted Fifi olive green to help prove his point. I'm supportive like that.
Dragon Red - Fade Away (from self-titled EP)
Band boy: Look ma, I can change time signatures and shred like Steve Vai!
Ma: Look son, D- on your Pun Coining 101 paper!
Band boy: Oh ermm.... Look ma, paradiddles!
Tempered Mental - Open (from The View From Here)
OMG OMG OMG!!! I'M SO FREAKING XTREME I THINK I'LL XTERMINATE ALL XCESS LETTERS FROM MY XCELLENT BAND NAME!
X-Cited Screamers - Know (from Start The Engine)